Chocolate This, Chocolate on THAT!

By: JC Maxwell-Yuy

JC: Well, it's been quite a while.

Kira: Quite a while for what?

Heero: And here I thought the torture would stop…

Duo: It continues.

Cagalli: What are you complaining about?

Lacus: There is nothing to complain about.

Trowa: … man-sex. Lots of man-sex.

Dorothy: Tee hee.

Une: What are you, nuts? Now keep it down, or we can't watch anymore.

Yzak: JC doesn't own G Gundam, Gundam Wing, Gundam X, or Gundam Seed Destiny. Never will. But I will always be a pretty boy.

JC: … mommy's little boy.

Yzak: KISAMA!

Wufei: KISAMA!

Yzak: Gundamnit, you're so sexsay.

Wufei: KISAMA!

Yzak: Say it again!

JC: Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

It all looks so wonderful Relena-sama!" Dorothy gushed as she twirled around the pink and white lace-decorated room filled with guests.

"Thank you Dorothy. I just hope this party goes well." Relena smoothed her pink party dress with her free hand. The occupied hand was shaking nervously and spilling small drops of punch on the marble floor.

"I do too. I so really do." Dorothy agreed and turned away so the other woman would not see her gleeful smirk.

She'd quickly learned that spiking the punch was such a cliché prank that Relena would surely catch on right away and instead drugged the chocolate truffles that were placed at the start of the dessert buffet. Everyone at a Valentine's day party would be CRAZY and somewhat rude not to eat some kind of dessert, and people ALWAYS ate the small chocolates that were on the buffet table.

"Dorothy? You're not listening to me. Did you spike the punch again?" Relena asked.

"Me? Why Relena-sama, what would give you such a notion?" Dorothy feigned fake innocence before muttering, "If I did, you'd be with a man right now."

"Excuse me?" Relena glared.

"Nothing Relena-sama. Let's go greet more guests. I'm sure you haven't met them all yet." Dorothy grabbed Relena's hand and dragged her through the crowd.

"Uh oh Heero." Duo muttered as he watched Dorothy and Relena weave their way towards them like wolves approaching fat cattle.

"…" Heero chewed the suckling pig thoughtfully.

"Nee Heero? Let's go to the make-out closet… I mean bathroom before…" Duo tried again but was cut off by Relena's…

"HHHHHHHEEEEEEERRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Oh dear…" Quatre shook his head. Trowa's glass of grape juice shattered.

"Tee hee…" went Dorothy.

"That was quite a yell." Rey clutched his ears in pain. He'd been standing right next to Relena when her siren went off.

"You're not bleeding. You'll live." Yzak glared at Relena, who was already glomping Heero. Dorothy cracked her riding crop, grazing his thigh. "Watch it you crazy woman!"

"Tee hee! Make me, you dirty-dandruff boy!" Dorothy sneered, causing Yzak to break down crying.

"I'm a pretty boy. I'm a nice boy. Mommy always said so…" Yzak whimpered as Dearka helped him to the make out… bathroom… er… whatever. The one with the 'do-no-enter' sign posted on it. They quickly left that room and entered another… only to get bitch slapped out by a very angry mob of women.

"BRING BACK MY SHOES!" Raine screamed. "YOU LOOK PRETTIER THAN I DO IN THEM!"

"My make-up! My make-up! BRING IT BACK!" Yuna screeched.

"Shove it honey." Lady Une used her riding crop and black-bitch boots to send the pansy whiny man back towards the right bathroom, which he promptly ran out of screaming. "AND USE THE RIGHT RESTROOM NEXT TIME!"

"She's so violent!" sighed Domon.

"What!" Raine glared at her boyfriend.

"AH! It's an even more ugly and violent person!" Domon squeaked as both Raine and Lady Une chased Domon down.

'Things are looking up.' Dorothy thought with mirth as she observed some empty tables with stray chocolate and truffle wrappers on them.

Kira fumed silently as he popped another chocolate truffle into his mouth. Athrun was surrounded by women… and men… again. He thought the party be one of those fun things to do together… with someone he cared about.

Unfortunately, half the guests at the party seemed to care a lot about Athrun… a little too much. Not including his sister, of course. Lunamaria Hawke, Mia Campbell, and Allenby Biradsly were the most clingy, and he felt convinced that Shinn was secretly plotting to jump Athrun, or Cagalli… The pilot of Impulse was stealing glances at the two frequently between bites of chocolate. Shinn was a dead duck.

"Shinn…" Kira slurred and took another step forward, bumping into Noin and Zechs, who in turn bumped into Garod, who dropped his cheesecake which caused Wufei to slip and curse, his flailing arms and foul language knocking Fllay's dead, rotting corpse into Stellar, whose boobs wound up in Shinn's face.

A slap sounded. Shinn clutched his face.

"IT BURNS! IT BURNS!" The Impulse pilot writhed on the floor.

"Wonder what would happen if he was hit with Mia's UFOs." Wufei said… without thinking.

Another slap sounded. Red Haro beeped. "I CAN UNDERSTAND YOU!"

"I won't accept that!" replied Pink Haro.

Lacus swallowed her chocolate… and while Kira wasn't looking, swiped the start key for the FREEDOM and left the room with her Pink-chan following her.

"I don't know what's going on… but as long as it got me alone with you baby!" Duo exclaimed as Relena left them to go see what the commotion was about. "Heero?"

But alas…

"HEERO!" Duo's jaw dropped open. Kira had broke down crying… in Heero's very tightly spandex-clad lap.

"And my Gundam! She took the keys! As if her look alike hasn't done enough, taking my man!" Kira wailed.

"GRAVITY-DEFYING BOOBS!" Chibodee hooted as Murrue walked by with a plate of chocolates. The Archangel captain shot the offender a dirty glare, and Une pulled out her 'Just For Parties' shotgun and shot the poor fool with several ounces of estrogen.

"Excuse me." Athrun said as he pulled himself free from the clutches of Mia and the horny mobile suit mechanics. He made his way over to Cagalli, but at the last second, turned and knelt down before Quatre. "I love you."

Trowa started laughing. Really. He did. Catherine gasped. Kira's face disappeared into Heero's crotch area as he 'cried' harder. Duo's face turned scarlet and a scythe appeared. Relena couldn't decide whether this was a good thing, or if her party was flopping. Sally didn't know where to focus her camera. Dorothy twitched her eyebrow. It had begun.

It was at that moment that Noin suddenly pulled Rey aside, told him that his hair was silkier than Zechs', and that he should come with her to the bathroom.

Rey politely refused, saying that Zechs was his idol, and had the original silky hair. Fortunately for Noin, the two seemed to like each other and they disappeared under the buffet table. Sally's camera went clickclickclickclickclickclick.

As Sally went through her 5th roll of film of Zechs and Rey rolling under a table, one of the four walls of the room came crashing down.

"WHERE IS SHE? WHERE'S THAT FAKE!" Lacus' voice screeched over the FREEDOM's speaker system. "MIA CAMPBELL, YOU'RE GOING DOWN!"

"You're just JEALOUS THAT I SOUND BETTER AND HAVE BETTER ENDOWNMENTS THAN YOU!" Mia screamed back.

"What's she talking about? They look and sound the same to me." Wufei said. "Loud, prissy, and annoying."

Heero picked up Kira and headed for the bathroom in fear, followed by a jealous Duo, and Quatre brining up the rear with pie. The bathroom was then ripped out of the wall by the Heavyarms and Savior gundams, and carried off into the sunset.

"BEHOLD MY PINK ZAKU!" Mia summoned her horrendously pink MS with the word 'LOVE' painted on it, breaking down another wall. The building began to collapse, having lost 2 of it's walls and its bathrooms.

"Oh, this is so much better than what I hoped for!" Dorothy sang as rubble crashed down and people ran screaming. There was chocolate everywhere, man-sex in the bathrooms, and others terrified of her brows. Plus, there was still pie. Lots and lots of pie. "Humn… maybe I should drug the pies next year."

End