After the events of Countrycide
Ianto could smell the unmistakable coppery odor of blood and felt a shiver descend down his spine. The bag over his head stifled his breathing and made his face very warm. The scratchy burlap itched his nose and the cuffs that held his hands behind his back had begun to cut into his wrists. He had hoped that it was either all a dream or that he wouldn't have to wake up and find himself in this place again. The panic started to well up from inside him and he had to struggle to keep himself from running and screaming with terror. His mind went to Jack and the others and he felt the panic slowly subside. They would come for him. As long as they were alive they would come, and if they weren't… well then it didn't matter. He heard footsteps come closer to him and heard the heavy breathing of his captor. A strong arm lifted him off the floor by the back of his shirt and steadied him on his knees. He wanted to struggle, he tried so hard, but the fear paralyzed him. His captor tugged his hair back exposing his throat and Ianto could feel the cold steel of a blade press against it. He had to get out, had to escape, and with one last bit of effort gathered all of his remaining strength.
"NO!" Ianto yelled
He shot up out of bed in a cold sweat and for a moment was disoriented in the darkness. His breathing was fast, his mind was still racing, and he had to check to make sure that there was no wound on his neck where the blade had been. As his eyes adjusted to the reality around him his nerves slowly started to relax. He was in the familiar bedroom of his flat. His closet door was shut to his right as was the door that opened out into the hall. A soft light gently glowed in through the window giving everything a ghostly pale blue color, but it was all familiar, there were no monsters here. Even still he didn't feel safe, he hadn't felt safe outside of the Hub.
He reached over to the lamp on his night stand and turned it on illuminating the room. He took a deep breath and got up picked out his usual suit, dress shirt, and tie, and went into the bathroom to shower and change.
Within half an hour he was ready and in his car driving on the lonely roads toward the Hub. It was quarter till two in the morning not that it would make much difference when he got into work, he was always the first one there. He wondered how the rest of them were able to live with the fear. He knew that they had a great deal more experience in life or death situations than him, but at the same time, was there something else they had that he didn't? Was it something about him that made him susceptible… that made him… weak? He pushed the thought aside, it wasn't going to help him or any of the others if he was doubting himself.
He pulled into his usual parking spot and put the car into park. He got out and walked across the desolate parking lot to the main entrance to the Hub. Even inside the front door he felt better than he had at his apartment. Something about the Hub was so safe, and the feeling only got stronger when he went down into their main work area.
"All right lets see what I can get done." He said quietly to himself as he picked up a pile of papers and manila folders. He selected one of them and leafed through the first few pages until he found the one he was looking for. He walked over to the computer and started typing in information watching the screen intently as more information started coming back from their data bases. He was focusing so intently on the monitor that he didn't notice the man slowly walking up behind him, didn't hear the unusually light footfalls or the soft swish of his pants.
"Kind of late to be doing research." The man said.
Ianto gasped and spun around drawing his gun from inside his jacket ready to face the man in his nightmares. Instead, he was facing Captain Jack Harkness.
"Whoa, didn't mean to disturb you." Jack said putting his hands up and talking in his calmest voice.
"Sorry sir, I didn't know anyone else was here." Ianto said visibly shaken lowering the gun and setting it on the computer table next to him.
"Do you normally pull a gun on people who surprise you?" Jack asked lowering his hands studying Ianto intently.
"Well you surprised me is all." Ianto said hoping that Jack wouldn't press the matter any further. Jack seemed to understand as he stepped toward Ianto to see what he was researching. "I'm trying to catch up on all of this backup. Rift activity is on the rise." Ianto said gladly focusing back on the computer.
"Well let me know if you need anything. I'll be in the office." Jack said as he turned to leave.
Ianto sighed to himself and turned his focus back to what he was doing.
Jack looked up from his desk to find Ianto sitting at one of the tables, papers strewn about, with his chin in his hands barely able to keep his eyes open. It was apparently worse than Jack had thought it was. He gathered the paperwork on his desk and replaced it into its folder. Standing up he stretched his arms trying to see if he could get Ianto's attention, but no such luck. Ianto was asleep with his eyes open.
Jack took a step toward the office door but knocked a book off of the table so as not to have a repeat of his first attempt to sneak up on Ianto. Ianto started and immediately started pawing through the papers pretending to look for something. Jack walked out of the office toward the table where he was sitting.
"You look exhausted." Jack said putting a hand on Ianto's shoulder.
"I just haven't been sleeping well." Ianto replied still fiddling with the papers.
"Well you're not going to be much use to us if you're falling asleep when we need you." Jack said with concern. "Why don't you go and get some sleep."
"I'll be alright." Ianto said finally setting the papers down. "I've never been able to sleep on a couch anyway."
"Well, I have a bed downstairs for when I need to get some rest but need to be here. Why don't you lie down at least." Jack said.
Ianto looked up at Jack with those beautiful blue eyes. "Maybe you're right." Ianto said standing up. "Who will make coffee if I'm out?" Ianto said with a smile. Jack felt a flutter inside him and he must have let it show because a light flush spread across Ianto's cheek.
"Come on." Jack said breaking away from Ianto's eyes and gesturing for Ianto to follow him to the office.
Ianto followed behind Jack through the office and down below into the dimly lit room that Ianto knew was there, but he had never been in. It was very quiet and a single bed sat in the room.
"It's not much, but it serves its purpose." Jack said letting Ianto have a look around. "I'll just be upstairs if you need anything." Jack said as he turned to leave.
"Jack," Ianto said not turning to face him. "How do you deal with it? The amount of times you've stared death in the face. How do you let it go?" Ianto asked.
"You don't." Jack said still facing the door. "You carry it for the rest of your life. You just have to think of something that makes you feel safe and focus on that. Let it light up all of the shadows." Jack turned back to Ianto who was looking at the floor. He turned to leave again.
"Don't go." Ianto said in a tone just above a whisper. Jack turned back again but this time Ianto looked to him with those blue pleading eyes. "Please."
Jack smiled and nodded his head. He walked back to Ianto and helped him take off his jacket and folded it neatly next to the bed. Ianto sat on the edge of the bed and kicked off his shoes before he lied down. Jack climbed onto the other side and comfortingly rubbed Ianto's arm as he lied down behind him. Jack gently wrapped his arm around Ianto's mid section and pulled him in close.
"I won't go anywhere." Jack whispered.