A/N: This story has Everytime by Britney Spears, which I don't own. I'm not a Britney fan, but I thought that the song was appropriate for this fic.

It was amazing how clear Paige's mind became as she sat on her bathroom floor, wishing her life away. Her boyfriend was about to be charged with statuary, she wasn't allowed to see any of her friends, and her father was sitting at the kitchen table, looking for someplace to send her. In a few, short hours; Paige's life would end. She was going to be sent away, to a place where beautiful people were never supposed to go. Rick belonged there. Dean belonged there. But not her. The captain of the Spirit Squad was not supposed to be locked away in a mental institute, forced to share her problems with someone who was paid to listen.

"Paige?" a masculine voice whispered to her.

If she closed her eyes for long enough, the cold tile and cheery yellow walls, confining Paige to her temporary refuge would disappear, and she would be real again.

She was in yoga class once more, and Matt was repositioning her arms while the other girls glared at her, enviously. Perhaps she knew that he was only her teacher, that he'd soon walk away from her to devote his attention to Heather Sinclair, or another reasonably attractive girl in the class. Perhaps she was really in the cloud of oblivion she claimed to live in. Perhaps she had tried to understand what attracted her to the grown man, and failed. Perhaps she didn't care.

She saw herself going to a mature party, where she didn't belong. She and Hazel were dressed in their cutest, most mature outfits, all in pursuit of an older guy Paige wanted to claim for herself. It was a familiar situation, but this time, Paige would be in control. She would repeat her past, trust someone she shouldn't, and drift into uncharted territory. But this time, she would be in control. Somehow, she would be in control, and prove that she was something other than what Dean had made her into.

Notice me, take my hand

Why are we, strangers when

Our love is strong

Why carry on without me?

"Paige?" her mother called from the other side of the door. "Paige, please come out! We want to help you. We're not angry. Paige…"

"You want to lock me up," Paige said matter-of-factly, as a tear streamed down her cheek. "You think I'm crazy."

"Paige," her mother protested. "I can't discuss this with you through the bathroom door."

"Precisely why I'm in here," Paige responded. It wasn't in her nature to be so avoidant, but now was definitely a good time for that approach.

Manny had witnessed Paige and Matt's first kiss. And, whether it was out of spite for her boyfriend's ex-girlfriend, or truly "concern" as the younger girl claimed, Manny had gone to the counselor, who had contacted Paige's parents. And, instead of regaining her control, Paige had, once again, become someone's victim.

"Paige. We love you. We want to get you help."

Paige leaned back against the bathroom wall. Help was the last thing she needed. Dean was supposed to help her feel good about herself. What could boost a girl's confidence more than a handsome, older boy swooning over her, when he could have anyone he wanted? She thought that dating Dean would put her on top of the world, but her plan fell in reverse. Spinner was supposed to help her heal, but he dumped her for the school slut. Matt was supposed to help her feel powerful again. That was just the remedy for someone who needed to be controlled. More help. Instead of letting a boy control her, she could let a doctor control her. And instead of having a trophy girlfriend, they would have money out of her parents' wallet.

Every time I try to fly, I fall

Without my wings, I feel so small

I guess I need you baby

Paige shut her eyes again, and found herself reliving her last get-together with Matt. He was kissing her, more passionately than he ever had before. It was making her uncomfortable, but she didn't stop him. She could have said, "No," before it was too late. But Paige had learned, a couple short years ago, how little that word really meant.

"Are you okay?" Matt asked her.

Paige nodded. "Yeah," she lied. Not that he really cared.

Sometimes, when she looked at Matt, Paige could see Dean in her mind's eye. Dean and Matt were completely different people, but she had put herself in the same situation. Too many things about her new relationship reminded her of the old one. Seeing him at a bar, where she wasn't supposed to be. Going along with his motives, oblivious to the fact that she was rendering herself helpless.

It didn't matter. She was still in control. As long as she convinced herself that she wanted this, she was still in control. And that was why she needed Matt.

And every time I see you in my dreams I see your face, it's haunting me I guess I need you baby

In the middle of her reminiscent love scene, Paige's consciousness briefly drifted into reality. She had somehow moved from the bathroom to her bed. Perhaps her parents were putting off sending her away, at least for the night. Nothing would happen until she woke up. As soon as she did, she would be sent away, her boyfriend would be arrested, and the world would blame her. The only way to avoid it was to sleep for as long as she could.

Her eyes closed, and the scene returned. This time, Matt wasn't telling her that he was leaving Degrassi. He wasn't telling herthat she meant nothing to him. Instead, he had set up a candlelit dinner at his apartment, and was serving her favorite Chinese dish.

"Wow," Paige smiled. "Did you make this?" she asked, as he brought out food.

He laughed lightly. "Sure I did. Or, at least hid the takeout box."

Paige appreciated his joke, but could tell that something more important was on his mind. "Paige," he whispered. "I love you. And I always want to be with you. You know that, right?"

I make believe that you are here

It's the only way I see clear

In reality, Matt was miles from Paige, reestablishing his life in a big city somewhere, where he had little chances of running in to anyone from Degrassi. Anyone who knew what had happened. In reality, he was probably cursing Paige's existence, blaming her for everything that had happened. That was the hopeful possibility. If he blamed her, at least he was still thinking about her. It was probably too much to hope for.

What have I done

You seem to move on easy

Paige logged on to her computer, and opened her e-mail. Her heart jumped as she saw the icon at the corner of her screen, indicating that Matt had written.

Dear Paige,

It's been fun, but I'm not going to stick around and wait to get arrested because you had a crush. Face it, Paige. It was all in your head. And, if anyone asks, we were never together. I'm sorry, but I'm under a lot of pressure right now, trying to start a career and everything, and this is the last thing I need. I'm sorry.

Paige felt as if her heart was humming, rather than beating. A sense of numbness encased her entire body. I had a crush? Paige wondered bitterly. Hadn't she lied to her parents, and pretended to be spend the night at Ashley's so she could hook up with Matt? Hadn't they exchanged a kiss few feet from Degrassi's campus? Had she really imagined it all?

And every time I try to fly, I fall

Without my wings, I feel so small

I guess I need you baby

Paige crawled back into bed, and pulled the covers over her head, to return to the only place where things went her way. It was strange how, every time she dreamed, she would either see Matt or Dean. And sometimes, everyone and everything that affected her seemed to combine into one person that her mind labeled as one of the two. Matt was nothing like Dean. But sometimes, lately, it was easy to forget.

And every time I see you in my dreams

I see your face; it's haunting me

I guess I need you baby

As if in a trance, Paige crawled out of bed, and returned to the bathroom, where she locked her door and turned on the shower. As the water poured onto her body, Paige progressively turned it up. No matter how hot it became, she could barely feel it. That was when she started to shave. She had made a few cuts, by accident, but they didn't hurt much more.

I may have made it rain

Please forgive me

My weakness caused you pain

This song's my sorry

When Paige finally turned the shower off, and reached for a towel, she noticed that her skin was bright red, and her legs were bleeding. Instinctively, she opened her cabinet in search of a few band-aids. When she had covered every wound, she ran cold water over a washcloth, and ran it over her body. How could she not have felt her skin burning the way it was? And how could she sit here, bandaging her wounds, but not even care that she had caused them?

The same way she could go after an older guy who was off limits after her previous experience with Dean. Matt hadn't been a rapist, but she had let him control her, the way she had vowed never to be controlled again. She had basically let him use her, and told herself that everything he wanted was what she wanted. It was the only way she could pretend to be powerful again.

"God," she whispered, as a tear faintly crossed her cheek. "What is wrong with me?"

At night I pray

That soon your face will fade away

This might have been Paige's last glimpse of freedom, and she was using it to punish herself for needing to be punished. It was completely illogical, but somehow, in her mind, it made sense.

And every time I try to fly, I fall

Without my wings, I feel so small

I guess I need you baby

Her parents would find her, and take her away to get help. She didn't know if she was dreaming or not, but in some form of reality, her doctor looked exactly like Matt, with Spinner's hairstyle. He was smiling suggestively, and she couldn't quite make sense of who he was. He was everyone, at the same time. On closer inspection, he was smiling, with his mouth closed, and his head slightly tilted to one side. His eyes were a deep chestnut, like Hazel's. His face was completely unrecognizable, a blend of every person who ever had any affect on her. And he constantly changed. Sometimes, he had human features, and sometimes he was just a shadow. But none of this haunted her as much as his first words, directed at her.

"Hello, Spirit."

And every time I see you in my dreams,

I see your face; it's haunting me

I guess I need you baby