P.S. We Hate You
Summery: AU: "Dear students of the Gallagher Academy, you will each receive a pen pal from the Blackthorne Institute. Be friendly and remember, don't screw it up."-ZM, ZC, MP, CP;;based off of YOSA
Chapter 1
Dear Daddy-dearest,
How's it up there in Ecuador? Or was it Haiti? I'm not sure but I hope you didn't get an infectious disease! :)
My school is doing some kind of pen-pal/rapist program so we can get to know those creepy, STD-ridden Blackthorne kids. Is there anyway you can stop this? Attached is a direct letter from my principal on this matter.
Please don't make me talk to these people.
Your wonderful daughter,
Cameron Ann Morgan
ATTACHMENT:
Dear students of the Gallagher Academy,
You will each receive a pen pal from the Blackthorne Institute. Be friendly and remember, don't screw it up. We would very much like to end this feud with the nice students at that school. We would also like to enhance your letter writing skills.
-Principal Solomon
Dear Zachary Goode,
In case you haven't figured this out already, my name is Macey McHenry. I don't like you. Now you're probably wondering, "I don't even know this girl. How could she not like me already?"
Well it's simple.
I don't know you Zachary Goode, but I do know your best friend.
Grant.
I also know your school is a school for a bunch of trailer trash assholes. You know the kind that knock up girls and move to a different country afterwards? Yeah, that's probably you.
So I have a question for you Zachary Goode, how many babies do you currently have at the moment? It's ok if you aren't completely sure, I just want to know an estimate. Because my best friend Bex, you ever heard of her? Well, she got knocked up by that lovely friend of yours.
But it's all good because he had a 'family emergency' and had to move to Peru.
I'm just kidding! :D
No, really he didn't get to the knocking up part yet; he dumped her for some blonde chick that goes to your school. What was her name? Oh yeah, Tina Walters.
Anyway, I want to know more about you. Please answer the following:
How many siblings do you have? (if the number is in double digits, you don't have to give an exact number)
How old are you? (I already know you're in the tenth grade like me, but I'm not sure how many years you were held back.)
What are your kids' names?
How many different parents do you have?
How many tattoos do you have?
I'm sure you'd like to know a little bit about me as well. Well, my father is a politician and my mother is a lawyer. Basically, she gets paid to be stubborn.
-Macey Beastly McHenry
P.S. how old might those children be?
Dear Macey Beastly McHenry,
First off, is that really your middle name? Because if it is, it really concerns me that your parents would name you that as if they assume you would turn out to be all hairy and beast like.
Are you a beast Macey?
Secondly, I would very much appreciate it if you did not call me by my full name all the time. Calling me Zach would be more than enough, mmkay?
Thirdly, I am sorry to hear about your friend Bex. Actually, I already did hear about her from Grant before. Nice ass huh? Apparently she was quite the talker and quote "bitch" unquote. So things didn't work out between them, what can I tell you?
Oh, and things are working out quite well for Tina and Grant, thanks for asking :)
How many siblings do you have? None.
How old are you? 17. But I do know a guy who was held back 2 years if that helps.
What are your kids' names? I currently don't have any children, sorry.
How many different parents do you have? Just a bitch of a mother and an alcoholic father, thanks.
How many tattoos do you have? Do stick-ons count? Because the butterfly on my arm looks real nice.
Seriously, Beastly. What do you take me for? You know I'm a little hurt by these assumptions. I was hoping we could become friends or something.
My other good friend, Preston, got one of your friends named Cammie. Apparently she's not the nicest person to talk to. You know, you should meet my friend Preston. You two would get along real well.
Your mom's a lawyer? Well that just works out perfectly because mines a criminal. Your mom could help get my mom's ass out of jail the next time she breaks her parole. We got a deal?
I should go, my dad needs me to drive him to the bar (did I mention he lost his license because he's a registered alcoholic?)
-Your new friend,
Zach
P.S. I was 2 when my mom was 17. That counts right?
A/N: Based loosely off of The Year of Secret Assignments. But it's only going to be back and forth between Macey and Zach and Preston and Cammie. With some extra stuff now and then. And you can credit my lovely sister with the 'beastly' thing. She puts beastly in the middle of her name a lot. She's a strange one I tell ya.