Heartache, that was the word that best described the state of Isobel Crawley. She was alive, she went about her days because there was nothing else she could do. Crying intensified the ache in her chest. Days after Matthew had been killed she felt the ache in her chest and was comforted by the fact that she would soon die. When death didn't come she realized that her pain was grief. Sheer grief!
She was familiar with grief, or at least she thought she was. She had lost her husband and her parents and had suffered greatly. She knew that losing a child was different especially one so young since you also mourned the promise of what they could have done. Compounded on this was "the family". She had wanted to see George and had been turned away.
Tonight her feet were crunching along and she found herself at the Abbey on a whim she rang the bell.
Lady Grantham was idling, she had heard the whispers about Nanny West. Yet today when she had covertly spied on them everything seemed fine. She heard the bell and since she was near the door she opened it herself. "Isobel, please come in."
"Thank you." She said softly
Cora was concerned, Isobel looked haggard. The normally unflappable woman seemed a like a husk. Carson neared and took Isobel's coat, "Would you care for a drink?" He asked. Isobel suddenly felt like an intruder, "I just wanted to know if I could see George."
Cora was more concerned, "Of course you can."
Isobel turned to Lady Grantham in confusion, "But the other day?"
Anger flared in Cora's eyes and she turned towards the staircase and Isobel followed. The stairs were traversed quickly and soon they were outside the nursery. Cora signaled for silence and Isobel obeyed. Both strained their hearing but it was not necessary for Nanny West was heard along with the children crying quietly
There, there, my precious boy, and don't let that chauffeur's daughter disturb you any more. Go back to sleep, you wicked little cross-breed.
The door burst open and Cora went to Sybbie in her crib and quickly scooped her up.
"Your ladyship I didn't see you there." The rotund woman rasped
"Obviously not." Cora replied her gaze piercing, "I want you to pack tonight and leave first thing in the morning. You are not to touch the children again."
Nanny West was trying to minimize the damage quickly donning a false smile and began rocking George more forcefully. "I was just er I was just having a game with Miss Sybbie!"
"Give me my grandson." Isobel grated out with her arms extended and George was quickly handed over.
With the children safe Cora yanked on the call cord and not long after Mrs. Hughes arrived.
"Mrs. Hughes, Nanny West will be leaving us in the morning and I was wondering if you could find her a place to sleep for the night. She is not to be left alone with the children." Cora's words were icily clear.
Isobel was surprised at the calmness in Lady Grantham's voice. However, after years of dealing with flirtatious Lords and drunk Ladies she could possibly tell the Prime Minister to piss off without him taking offense.
"I'll stay tonight." Isobel declared.
"Shall I make a room?" Mrs. Hughes asked.
Isobel turned to look at the young girl in her grandmother's arms and the small boy in her own. "No thank you, what I mean is I will stay here."
"Very well." Mrs. Hughes extended her arm in the direction of the door indicating the direction that Nanny West should go.
Despite the ugly scene Isobel felt some of her ache diminish, it hadn't been "the family" that had kept her away it had been this vile excuse for a woman. She hoped that Sybbie was young enough not to comprehend the ugliness spewing from her mouth then a sick thought struck her. "We should call Doctor Clarkson."
Cora came beside her, "What for?"
Isobel swallowed, "What if words weren't her only action?"
Cora blanched and held her granddaughter tighter.
Doctor Clarkson was ushered to the Abbey yet the reason he was there had not been disclosed. As he climbed the stairs he noted that he was going to wing containing the nursery. Upon entering he found two children and two grandmothers. Isobel quickly informed Doctor Clarkson what had transpired.
Isobel watched as Richard's face seemed to turn to stone. If that woman had touched Sybbie Branson or any child for that matter she should be dragged out and paraded through the Village in modified form of the Skimmington Ride! He forced these feelings down and he remembered that both children had exams for their weight and growth. Nothing had been untoward then. Since Sybbie was on Lady Grantham's lap knelt in front of her. He held his hands out and then flipped them so his palm was down and then up. He did this a few times until Sybbie copied his movements. As she turned her hands he could see that there was no bruising on her forearms. He gestured to Lady Grantham to move up the hem of the nightgown. As Cora complied Clarkson stood and kicked out his legs one at a time. Again he did this until Sybbie copied his movements. All of them could see there was no bruising. A quick peek at the ventral and dorsal surfaces revealed no bruising.
Sybbie clapped her hands in merriment, now this had been a game!
Clarkson stood and went to the door. George had fallen asleep and Isobel quietly set him down while Cora gently placed Sybbie down telling her she would fetch some cocoa.
In the hall Dr. Clarkson spoke calmly, "In my medical opinion she is in fine health. She hasn't been touched and before you ask we can check her records from her prior visits-there was no bruising I would've said."
Cora deflated at his words and her hand flew to her mouth. She had lost her daughter and her mind was going to nasty places as to what could have happened with her granddaughter. Isobel's hand went to her back trying to soothe.
"May I suggest cocoa for yourself with rum in it Lady Grantham?" Clarkson commanded softly.
She nodded, she could have rung for it but instead she went down to the kitchen's instead. No doubt she needed the time to compose herself. Isobel stuck her head back into the nursery and saw Sybbie playing with some toys while George slept. The sight brought forth the ache again but more intense. She returned her gaze back to Richard who was looking at her intently. Her chest felt tight, almost as if she was being squeezed by the snakes she had read about when she was young. On her next inhale her breath hitched and it captured his full attention.
"Isobel?" He asked.
She couldn't respond she for it felt as if her lungs couldn't process oxygen and parts of her body were starting to tingle as if she had immersed them in an ice bath.
"I can't feel my hands." She gasped.
Panic Attack Richard's mind supplied. He needed to get her breathing under control before she passed out. She needed to hold her breath for a longer period to slow her breathing and calm her heart. He held her now shaking hands in one of his own while his other hand went palm down on the very top of her chest right below her neck. "Slow your breathing."
She tried but couldn't, he pressed his palm more firmly she let the point of contact focus her. While she did take some slower breaths more was needed before she passed out. Richard knew that panic attacks could spiral. Anxiety causing fear which lead to more anxiety and more fear! The hand holding both of hers went to the back of her head gently anchoring in her hair and he pulled her gently to him and kissed her.
With his mouth covering hers it would force her breathing to slow.
With his palm on her chest he could feel her heart rate slow. He broke the kiss and found her eyes less clouded by fear. Richard kept his hands where they were and felt the rhythm of her chest fall into something more steady.
Both heard the footfalls on the stairs and Richard let his hands fall by his sides. Lady Grantham appeared with a mug and from her face it was a safe bet that she had had a measure of something while downstairs. She breezed by both to give her granddaughter the drink.
"May I drive you home?" Richard asked.
"No" At her answer he froze and she quickly added, "Before you arrived I had made the decision to stay here tonight."
Pride swept through him, that was his Isobel!
Cora appeared, "Please make use of whatever you wish."
Doctor Clarkson knew that this wasn't the time but from the look on Isobel's face there would be a time!
Isobel nodded to Cora before turning back toward him,"Can you come collect me in the morning Richard?"
She had just called him Richard and Lady Grantham hadn't noticed, "Yes, I have rounds at eight will seven suffice?"
"Yes." She acknowledged.
"Sleep well." He admonished before picking up his bag and navigating the stairs.