I wrote that one-shot ages ago and accidentally found it yesterday. It's high time to publish it here.
I've always thought that Thirteen was somehow omitted in 'Wilson's Heart', that no one noticed her drama in all that hoopla with House and Amber. And she was probably even more miserable than Wilson then.
For those of you who haven't heard about those "five stages" – American psychiatrist, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, created a theory that every terminally ill patient goes through five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. And although I don't think it's always that easy, her thesis was a major breakthrough in the subject.
Well, it's probably the longest author's note I've ever written :) Okay, enough with my babbling, enjoy!
Disclaimer: Seriously? Come on, I'm a poor med student!
When it comes to such ultimate things like life or death, psychology fails miserably. It is, to say the least, way off the mark. No research, theses, laborious experiments manage to reflect human emotions.
There aren't five stages of dying. There are at most two.
At first there is disbelief, hope that maybe it is just an incredible mistake. Against the facts, against logic.
Remy stared at the test result with unseeing eyes. Red letters of the word 'HUNTINGTON'S' stood out against the rest of the text, hypnotizing her, not letting her forget about the inevitable.
From the very beginning she'd been sure that the result would be positive. According to Murphy's law, if something could go wrong, it would for sure. Honestly - why wouldn't she inherit the disease from her mother? It is so rare for people with Huntington's to have healthy children...
And yet, it does happen. Waiting for the result, she'd clung to that thought, although it was almost impossible. But she wanted to believe. Maybe someone up there wouldn't let hurt her?
She was so disappointed. Despite the subconscious certainty that the verdict - she couldn't think of it differently - would be guilty, she'd had a shadow of hope.
Well, reality was merciless.
At first there's disbelief. Then surrender takes its place.
She was doing her best to live exactly how she'd lived before the results. Maybe even more intensively - she had to try everything before it was too late. She went to parties, met her friends, worked a lot. She kept looking for true love, because it would be a pity to die without even tasting it.
Nothing changed - and yet everything changed.
That night she felt more lonely than ever. Taub came back to his wife, Cameron, Chase and Foreman had each other, even at House's bed there was Cuddy. Kutner... Kutner was doing great on his own.
Only beside her there wasn't anyone who would wait with her for the result, and then tell her the most clichéd phrase in the world: 'Everything will be all right'.
Remy wasn't afraid of death. She was afraid that she would have to face it alone. That no one would hold her hand when there was nothing else to do. That she wouldn't hear 'I'll miss you'.
That everybody would eventually forget her.
There aren't five stages of dying. There aren't even two. From the beginning till the very end there's only one thing - fear.