Disclaimer: Hey, guess what? I don't own Hetalia. Or Canada. Or anything, really. So there.
Enjoy, and please tell me what you think.
As Gilbert was running for his life, he came to realize a few things.
For one, it really was a terrible idea to send Arthur and Romano out together, just the two of them, and Gilbert should never do it again.
This is because they always end up fucking each other, which was all good and fun, but their ridiculous sex drive messed with the entire group's plans. On more than one occasion, Gilbert had been forced to drag the Brit and the Italian from whatever god-forsaken hole they were "busy working" in.
Or hotel room.
Or an alleyway.
Or someone's backyard.
Or even a secluded fucking road.
...Really, it didn't matter to them. As long as it was a semi-stable surface- vertical or horizontal, they weren't picky - there was a good chance the two would end up there, screwing. Which took a while. If there was a job that needed to be done in a few hours, and for some reason Romano and Arthur were stuck doing it, it simply wouldn't get done.
This job was relatively easy. They only needed to intimidate some political leader that owed money to some thieves' guild. The pay was generous, as was the time slot. Gilbert had talked it over with Kiku beforehand, and they had both reluctantly agreed the very-dynamic duo could probably handle it.
Peter was not invited to this meeting because, as the biased younger brother of Arthur, he would have ultimately forced his way into going on the mission. Gilbert, as a somewhat responsible adult with a younger brother, acted on his brotherly instincts and would leave Peter with Kiku.
Gilbert had discussed the situation with Arthur and Romano, and the two promised they'd behave. Not a thing would go wrong, they said. It would be like they were never even there.
Yeah. Fucking. Right.
Not even an hour after arriving at the relatively large village, they had been caught. They meaning Romano and Arthur. The two had been caught fucking in the chapel inside of the lord's mansion, and were immediately taken to the local prison for, as the captain of the guard said, "committing a deadly sin in a sacred place". They were to be hanged the next dawn, without a trial.
When the news reached the tavern Gilbert had chosen to stay in, the albino had hit his head on the table, and went to get Kiku and Peter from their room.
"Come on," he muttered lowly, gritting his teeth and glaring at nothing in particular, "we have to go get our stupid fuckers from getting executed."
Kiku sighed softly, "Of course. What do we need?
At the same time, Peter groaned, annoyed. "Again?"
"Get your knives, Keeks. Peter, act like Arthur and Romano are your demon-possessed cousins. Cry a little, maybe. That seems to work." Gilbert ordered, catching his own sword automatically from Kiku.
Peter mockingly saluted and rolled his eyes, while Kiku did as he was asked, and they set out.
Arthur saw the trio first.
"...Is that Gil?" He wondered out loud, squinting in the darkness from the uncomfortable bench in the cell.
"Of fucking course it is. Do you know anyone else with glowing red eyes? 'Cause I sure as hell don't." The Italian said loudly, and rolled his eyes.
"Oh, piss off, Rome. I was just wondering, you idiot." Arthur replied.
"And I was just saying. No need to insult me."
"I wouldn't say that. It was pretty insulting to me when those guards found us in the damn church, and that was entirely your fault."
"Was it? I didn't really hear you complaining. Maybe you should be louder next time, no?"
"...Shut up."
"Huh. I don't remember you saying that, either. I distinctly recall you telling me to be 'as loud as possible, stop biting your hand, and let those beautiful sou-"
"Shut the fuck up, you crazy Italian, before I make it so you will never make another noise again." Arthur cut in, embarrassed and cheeks red.
Romano laughed and ruffled the Brit's hair. "Oh, you know you love me. C'mon, let's go. Gil's waiting for us."
He stood up and went to the cell door. After examining its lock for a few seconds, he crouched down and pulled out a lock pick from his shoe, showing it to Arthur.
"Remember, young one. Always come prepared." Romano said, and put the pick into the lock. He fiddled with it momentarily, and the lock opened. Pushing the door open, he held out his hand to Arthur with a smile on his face.
However, Arthur was close to furious. "What the actual fuck. We could have gotten out hours ago?! Why didn't you do this earlier? We could have been done already!" He complained to the brunet, folding his arms over his chest.
Romano tried to refrain from rolling his eyes again, as to not aggravate the blonde. "I'm sorry, biondo. I just thought they might have come sooner, so I did nothing. Besides," he smirked, "I thought you might've wanted to spend some more time with me. Was I incorrect?"
Arthur glared at Romano, but still grabbed his outstretched hand and walked out of the cell.
Gilbert, Kiku, and Peter were waiting further down the hall. Gilbert was leaning against the wall, while Peter walked around aimlessly and Kiku stood still, off to the side.
Their leader scowled at the duo once they were close enough to see each other clearly.
"I was going to slap you into next week, you know. Why must you two always, always feel the need to fuck everything up?! We could've been done and outta here by now, but no! Explain yourselves!" Gilbert demanded, clenching his fists.
"Technically speaking, we didn't fuck everything up. Just each other." Romano interjected, holding up a finger.
Arthur instantly went red, and put his hands up to his temple.
Kiku choked on air and and covered his face, also blushing.
Peter laughed loudly and gave Romano a thumbs-up sign.
Gilbert tried to be stern, but the corners of his frowning lips were twitching upwards. "Seriously, you two. Can't you just keep it in your pants for one fucking job? Is it really that hard?"
The two nodded in unison, causing Peter to laugh again. Gilbert turned to the shortest blonde. "Peter, don't laugh. You shouldn't even know what sex is at your age." He said, looking at Peter disapprovingly.
Romano cut in, "He's fucking around with my younger brother, Gil. I think he's old enough."
Peter whipped his head around to stare at the brunet in horror. "H-how did you know that?" He whispered.
The Italian chuckled, and tapped the side of his head. "Magic, kid. Magic."
Arthur rolled his eyes, having recovered from the embarrassing episode. "Don't listen to him, Peter. He doesn't even have magic. Marcello told him." He explained.
Romano hit his arm, and opened his mouth to say something, but Gilbert interrupted.
"Okay. Shut up, everyone. Let's just go before someone finds us, and you all can banter on the way back. We'll just have to tell the boss some complications came up, and we'll do this one another time."
He walked towards the door. Everyone did shut up, and followed him out into the night.
As they neared the tavern, a male middle aged guard was walking in the opposite direction, and passed the group.
"Hello, people!" He called out to them happily. Romano turned his head, Arthur looked up, and the guard lost his friendly tone. His eyes got wide, and he pointed at the Italian and the Brit. "You there! Where do you think you're going, criminals?"
Romano swore under his breath and looked pointedly at the ground.
Arthur stared into the sentry's eyes and snapped his fingers. The guard froze up, and collapsed onto the ground. People had stopped to watch the scene, and the crowd was slowly growing bigger.
"Run, run, run, run!" The blonde yelled, and took off. Romano was first to follow, and everyone else started sprinting to the village gates right after.
"What the fuck, Arthur?!" Gilbert shouted over the exclamations of all the villagers. "Couldn't you just have left the man alone?"
Arthur glanced back for a second at Gilbert, and grinned wildly. "Of course not!"
Another thing Gilbert realized was that the people he surrounded himself with were absolutely fucking crazy. Maybe not Kiku as much, he was pretty calm, but as for everyone else? Fucking idiots!
However, the albino would admit- not out loud, of course -that Arthur, Romano, Kiku and Peter were some of the best people he had ever met. The five of them had been doing missions together since what seemed like forever, and they had all seen each other through thick and thin.
That didn't mean they weren't all dumbasses, though.
A few minutes later, they had made it into the woods around the village. Arthur stopped immediately, and rested against a nearby tree.
Romano stood beside him, breathing without a hitch.
Peter and Kiku caught their breath, and Gilbert rounded on Arthur. "Dammit! What the hell were you thinking back there? It would have been just fine if we kept walking, you know! Now we have to find somewhere to stay. Did you see any sort of sheltered place when we were coming here? Please enlighten me." He growled, stepping closer to the Brit.
Arthur put his hands up. "I'm sorry, Gil. I didn't think it out. Besides, I wasn't expecting you to be angry about it. I'll think ahead more in the future." He explained calmly, not afraid of the Prussian.
Peter nodded. "He's right. It's not like you to get angry at my stupid brother for doing something stupid. He always does stuff like this, especially with Rome, but you always either go along with it or just roll your eyes or something." He mused, looking at Gilbert.
"Hai. I, too, am curious." Kiku added, "Are you alright, Gilbert-san? It has come to my attention you have been acting somewhat strange since our latest job. I do not mean to pry, but is it about your sister and Feliciano-san being together?"
Gilbert snorted. "Those two? No, it's not them. Good for them, though. Everyone already knew they'd get together. It was totally just a matter of time, right Romano?" He laughed, the anger dissipating from his system.
The Italian closed his eyes. "It was it was written in the stars." He mock swooned, making Arthur chuckle and Gilbert grin.
"Yeah, pretty much. Those two were practically eye-fucking each other since they first met. And as much as I'd love to keep yapping on about my sister's sex life, we really do need to find somewhere to go for the night. Kiku," Gilbert started, turning towards him, "do you have any idea where we are? These three have the directional sense of a fucking rock, and I didn't check."
Romano lifted a finger to protest, but shrugged and nodded, leaning back on the tree.
Kiku was silent for a minute. "Ah...we are still in Canada, Gilbert-san. Somewhere in the middle. However, I am unsure of the exact location. " He decided.
Gilbert's eyes went wide. "W-what? Canada? Are you absolutely sure, Kiku?!" He demanded, looking around at the forest.
The raven haired one blinked, taken aback by Gilbert's excited state. "Hai. Did you not remember us entering this country? It was not that long ago…"
"I'm too awesome for that," he mumbled distractedly, "did you say the middle?"
"Yes. May I ask what your plans are for shelter?"
Gilbert grinned widely. "I know someone close by, and there's no way he'll refuse us. C'mon, guys."
He started walking in a set direction, the smile still on his face. Reluctantly, his friends followed him, wondering who this was and where their Gilbert had gone.
"Where the hell are we even going? We've been walking for almost two hours now! This is boring." Romano complained loudly, throwing his head back.
Arthur scoffed and hit the Italian on the back of the head lightly. "Says the cold hearted assassin trained from birth to handle 'any situation those fuckers dare throw at me.'" He imitated Romano, smirking.
Romano glared at his lover without anger. "Fuck you."
"Oh, gladly. Whenever, and wherever."
"Seriously. Go to hell."
"I'll see you there, love."
"...I hate you so much."
"Of course. How could I forget? You're always saying it."
"We've been over this, dumbass. I don't actually mean i-"
Peter sighed loudly, interrupting the couple. "Shut up, you two. Gil obviously doesn't care what we think right now. He's way too distracted about finding this house. And we're gonna follow him no matter where he goes, because that's what we do. You two certainly aren't helping." He said, effectively stopping the complaining.
Arthur looked at his brother distastefully. "Like you never complain? Never argue? Yeah right, kid. You're always going on about how 'no one appreciates me for who I am, wahhh, nobody loves me!' You sound like an angsty teenager!"
"I am not an angsty teenager! I'm older than that!" Peter argued, crossing his arms over his chest and pouting a little.
"Oh, piss off. You're younger than me, which means I have more experience, which means I know what I'm talking about! So shut up!"
"Ugh! You're always doing this to me, you jerk! I don't care if you're older, that doesn't mean you're automatically better than me."
"I never said I was better than you, Peter. I'm just saying I have more experience, and that you're still growing! And still-growing people can be angsty."
"Yeah, well I-"
"Shut the fuck up, you guys." Gilbert ordered, rolling his eyes, "I can't concentrate with the sound of you two arguing your throats raw. Peter, Arthur's trying to be a good older brother and do what he thinks is best for you. He sucks at it, yeah, but give him some credit for trying. Arthur, Peter is older than you think. Trust me. I watched him as he was growing up. He may complain about his lack of acknowledgement, but he wasn't all that loved as a kid. So shut up about it, and be a little nicer, will you?"
Arthur and Peter both stared at their leader.
"Yessir." They said in unison, looking at the ground.
Kiku smiled, and Romano laughed.
After another half hour or so, the sun went down. Gilbert was still walking on, as was Peter, but the other three found it getting increasingly harder to see.
Arthur frowned, and muttered something under his breath. All of the sudden, an orb of white light appeared over their heads.
"There we go. This should help." He said proudly, a smile on his face.
"I wasn't having any trouble." Peter pointed out, confused.
"Well, we're not all spawns of -" Arthur started, but Gilbert cut him off with a loud shout. He suddenly ran forward, to a destination no one else saw.
Peter frowned, then squinted. "Are those lights?" He wondered out loud, and started jogging in the same direction Gilbert went.
The remaining blonde sighed, and sped up his pace. "Whatever. Let's go." He mumbled.
Arthur, Romano and Kiku caught up to the duo and looked up, the sight stopping them in their tracks.
In front of them was a large mansion, Even though it was still a ways ahead of them, they could still tell the place was much larger than a lot of places they had ever been to.
Gilbert was staring at the mansion with a large smile on his face, as well as a nostalgic look.
"There it is…" He said softly, "there's where we're staying."
Romano blinked, surprised. "Wow. All this time I've known you, but I didn't know you had any rich friends." He admitted.
The albino laughed quietly. "He's not really rich. Money's not exactly something he cares about. Also, he'd not my friend."
Kiku frowned. "Ah, Gilbert-san? If not your friend, then may I ask what he is to you?"
"You'll see soon."
And with that, Gilbert walked towards the mansion. The others trailed behind him a distance, wary of their new surroundings.
Gilbert bounded up the steps and knocked loudly on the large wooden doors. He looked behind him at the others at motioned them forward silently.
Soft footsteps could be heard from inside, and everyone instinctively shut up so they could hear them.
The steps paused right before the door, and a very quiet voice called out, "Yes?"
Gilbert's grin became wider, if possible. "I don't suppose you could let some weary travellers in for the night, little bird?" He called back.
They heard a sharp gasp, and a door was cracked open just enough for a slim, pale arm to reach out and grab Gilbert, pulling him inside and shutting the door.
Kiku started, and Romano put his ear up against the doors to listen. He heard nothing, and sighed through his nose.
"Dammit. What the hell is going on?" He whispered and looked at the door, as if trying to see through it.
"Beats me." Arthur replied just as quietly, and Kiku nodded.
Romano turned to the last member. "Peter? You've spent the most time with Gilbert. Do you know who lives here?"
The blonde boy smiled. "I do. I can't tell you, though. Gil told me I had to keep it a secret." He answered.
Romano nodded faintly, thinking. "Alright. I'm not going to ask who it is, but are they a threat to Gilbert or us?" He asked.
Just then, the door opened back up and Gilbert stepped back out with his hair ruffled, cheeks reddened, and a wild grin on his face.
Arthur recognized his state immediately, and laughed. "Definitely not a threat, then." The Brit decided.
"Guys," Gilbert began, "I got us a place to stay."
Translations:
hai: yes (Japanese)
biondo: blonde (Italian
Hey, everyone. Yeah, I finally got my ass into gear and made this. I have some of the rest of it planned out, but it might take a while for me to finish the next chapter.
...Right. So, if you read the summary, and the story, you'd know these guys aren't countries. They're also not humans. I gave a couple hints as to what Gilbert and Peter are, I did tell you who Romano is- he is the human one, but with benefits -and I hope you have no fucking clue as to what Kiku is. I'll tell you later.
I really hope you all enjoy this I'd also like it if you reviewed. It doesn't even have to be about the story. I've started reviewing a lot on other fics, and its actually really enjoyable. But, you don't have to, of course. I can't force you.
Think of this as a birthday present from me to you. Except, tomorrow's my birthday, and probably not yours. I decided to give myself the present of finally publishing this piece of crap.
See you soon,
The Forgotten Traveller~
(PS, if you find any mistakes, or something's not matching up, please tell me.)