The Seduction of Sirius Black

by MunkyGurl

Harry needs advice. Topic? “How to go about telling some one just how crazy you are for them”. He goes to Sirius, who doesn’t know that his oh-so-expert advice is about to be used on him...

1. Forming a Plan

Title: The Seduction of Sirius Black

Summary: Harry needs advice. Topic? "How to go about telling some one just how crazy you are for them". He goes to Sirius, who doesn't know that his oh-so-expert advice is about to be used on him...

Pairings: Harry/Sirius, Remus/Sirius (past), Remus/OC

Disclaimer: characters aren't mine, just borrowing them for a bit. Never fear, I promise to bring them back safe, if not mildly corrupted. Hehehe....

Chapter One: Forming a Plan

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Hey Siri, how's it- "No"...Sup? Just wanted to tell you that I think you're dead sexy! "Yeah, right"...I've been lusting after you for a while now, and I was just wondering if you fancied quick shag? "AAARRRGGGHHH!"

This was NOT working.

I threw myself into the direction of my beanbag, completely missed it, and winced as I felt my shoulder collide painfully with the floor.

"OWWWW!" Huffing angrily, I crawled the three feet to my bright red bean chair and threw my self against it properly, holding my shoulder.

/You know/ Said a nagging voice that sounded eerily like Hermione /I reckon that that was slightly less painful that that last line you just came up with/

"Shut up!" I snapped. "Who knew that this was going to be so hard?" Hard was an understatement. I had probably come up with dozens of awful lines like that (and had even taken some from sappy romance novels and films) in my quest to tell Sirius just how much I liked him. That's right folks, I had been desperately infatuated with Sirius for the better part of the last 2 years, and I had yet to tell him.

It was the summer after fourth year when I started to realize how deep my feelings for him ran. The rebirth of the dark lord prompted the ministry to give Sirius (and a bunch of other prisoners) a due trial. But of course, the ministry being the ministry, "due" didn't necessarily mean "fair", and there was no guarantee that he was going to win. It was then that I realized that I wouldn't be able to survive if Sirius was taken away from me again. This realization prompted me to explore these feelings.

Needless to say, Siri won his trial, and the court "awarded" him with a Gringotts slot (full of the old Black inheritance) all of his belongings back. Including this gorgeous brick house in Ottery St. Catchpole with the rainbow garden and the lake that he liked to go skinny-dipping in at 9:45 every Sunday morning...

I sighed as I looked out the floor length window that was next to my bag and my bookshelf. I liked this little corner. It was one of the few places in this big house that I could really sit and think, that is, with out being in danger of being attacked by a swarm of dust bunnies (they seemed to like all of the comfy squishy places).

It wasn't as if I didn't have a chance, it was common knowledge that Sirius went both ways. COMMON common knowledge. As in he'd been tagged as a VIP in nearly every club in Britain (a result of shagging the owners silly). He had managed to obtain the rep of being a bit of a man-whore. Remmie says that he's trying to compensate for something by dating people half his age, Siri told him to shut up.

And it wasn't as if I was hideous either. Id had my fair share of partners since id come out in 6th year. Id even dated Draco Malfoy for a couple of months last year before Seamus seduced him...

So there we had it; he liked guys, I was old enough by his standards, I was good looking, I lived with him for Christ sakes- /And the only thing that's stopping you from making a move is your inability to come up with a suitable pick up line, right? /

"I thought I told you to shut up?'" At that moment, two pairs of feet could be heard rushing up the stairs towards my room. The door burst open.

"Are you alright?" Sirius asked, brow creased in concern as he caught sight of the hand over my purpling shoulder.

"Sounded like you were coming through the floor," said an amused voice. I looked past the approaching Sirius to see Remus Lupin leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed, eye brow raised, tangled honey coloured curls hanging about his face and down to his neck.

"Yea, I fell. Tripped. Over my shoe." /Nice Potter, your not even wearing shoes, nor are there any around you/ But Remus didn't comment on the lack of foot wear as he simply hitched his brow higher and crossed his ankles. I stuck my tongue out at him.

I then stiffened when I felt Sirius' hand on my shoulder. Swallowing, I turned slowly to my left to find (and feel) him gently prodding at the bruise. His tongue quickly peaking out to moisten those full lips, long eye lashes batting over two deep pools of royal blue...

A tap on the nose brought me back with a start to the chuckling of Remus and Sirius' trademark smirk. "Huh?" I said dumbly. How long had I been staring?

"I said, I think you'll live" he patted me on the knee and stood up. "You hungry? Lunch is ready" He held out a hand. I wasn't ready to go down yet, but I couldn't pass up the chance to hold Sirius' hand, if only for a brief moment. I lifted my sweaty palm to his, trying to look relaxed as I stood on shaky knees.

"Yea, um, I'll be down in a sec. I need to...um, find something." Smooth I thought, averting my gaze.

"Alright, don't be too long" he said, and walked past Remus, who tossed me an odd look over his shoulder before he followed Sirius out the door.

/That went well/ "You know, I'm really getting sick of you." /Better stop looking in the mirror then/ "Grrr"

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Some time later found me pacing the bathroom down the hall from my room. I'd been in here for Merlin knows how long. /You'll turn your hands into linguini if you keep ringing them together like that/ Said Herm- the voice in my head cheekily, but I chose to ignore it. Stopping my pacing, I sat down on the edge of the tub and put my head in my hands.

Lunch had been a horrible affair. When I finally stopped fretting enough to go down stairs, it was to find the two former marauders already seated to the three-person kitchen table, a pot of chicken stew between them. They seemed to be deep in conversation; witch stopped abruptly when Siri glanced up and saw me.

"Just drop it, alright?" he said, and he looked a bit upset. Remus shrugged in what looked like frustration, and started to ladle me a bowl of stew as I sat down. Sirius kept his eyes to his bowl, trying to spear a potato with his spoon.

"Did you get lost?" Remus asked in mock concern (1) as he handed me my bowl. Siri grinned.

"Sm-thn like that" I mumbled as I picked up my spoon and shoved several bites into my mouth, willing my butterflies to clam over so that I could swallow. Sirius opened his mouth as if to comment on the broth that was running down my chin, but closed it with a slight shake of his head. After that, him and Remus slipped into a conversation about the on goings of the order, and some friend of Sirius' named Dave that Remmie met up with in a pub on Tuesday past.

I had finished my stew and was slipping in and out of their talk, wondering if they were aware that I was still here, when I chanced a quick glance at Sirius. He was a very animated talker, always gesturing with his hands...although he seemed to be moving in slow motion...where is that MUSIC coming from?

And that's when it happened.

He reached a hand up to push a stray lock of hair behind his ear, the majority of which was done up in a twist that was held with silver chopsticks. I had the strongest desire for him to pull out those cursed sticks and shake his head, for his hair to blow about like it was caught in the wind, for him to pucker those shimmery wet lips at me...

Before my mind could convey to my hand what a stupid idea it was, it had reached up and pulled out one of the sticks. Sirius looked over at me. I gaped. He reached up and pulled out the other stick, sending his blue-black hair cascading over his shoulders and down his back. I did something of a moan/whimper and he smiled.

"You like?" he asked, running his hands through it. I nodded, not trusting that my voice was up to anything more than garbling. "You can touch it if you want." He said in response to my staring.

I lifted a trembling hand slowly up to the crown of his head and dragged my fingers through the thick silk. I did it again, and he winced as my fingers caught in a tangle.

"Sorry!" I blushed, jerking my hand back.

"No harm done" he smiled, although his eyes were a bit glassy. He inclined his head toward me, urging me on. "Go on." he seemed a little breathless.

Resolving to be more careful this time, I tried again with my other hand. Hitting no snags, I drug my hand through the length of it again and again, almost massaging now. I was gaining confidence, as Sirius seemed to be thoroughly enjoying himself. He sighed in contentment, leaning into my touches. He was like a dog that was having his tummy rubbed. I thought I heard Remus chuckle from somewhere near the sink.

And that's when IT happened.

In all of the fun I was having, I had forgotten to think of my body's potential reaction to touching (almost intimately) the object of my last 30 wet dreams. I began to think about it all right, right after a particular problem...um...arose.

"OH god!" l leapt up in horror when I felt my arousal twitch painfully, and I thanked the heavens that I had chosen to wear a pair of my old Dudley- huge pants. Siri's eyes snapped open.

"What's wrong?" parental instincts kicking in again, as if I hadn't just been getting off on his head.

/How are you possibly going to get your self out of this one Potter/ "Diarrhea!" /NO! / "Yeah, that stew must have gotten to me" I said, putting my hand to my stomach for effect. I definitely heard Remus snort/giggle in the back round that time. /I hate you potter/

"Are you alright?" he asked, shooting Remus a look (he was currently holding on to the side of the counter for support, laughing so hard it was a wonder he hadn't passed of for lack of breath). He himself didn't have the slightest trace of amusement on his face, which made the situation, if possible, that much worse. He's really worried. God, he probably thinks I have some terminal illness. /Or he could be miffed that you just ragged on his famous chicken stew. From the olden days, that recipe was.../ I closed my eyes. I had forgotten how much pride Sirius took in his cooking. I groaned.

Sirius jumped up, face lined in concern. Remus collapsed. /Crap! You really know how to dig one, don't you Potter? / "Um, I'm just going to go to, um, the loo. Yea, gonna be in there for a while." I turned and raced through the hall and up the stairs, slamming the bathroom door and locking it before I slid down the length of it to land in a crumpled heap on the floor. I was perfectly content to lay here and play dead, until my cock twitched again. Might as well get rid of one of the problems I've gotten myself into. Sighing, I rolled onto my back and unbuttoned my jeans, sliding my hand past the waist band of my boxers...

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That had been almost two hours ago. Since then, I had gotten my self off twice, opened the window, lay down in the tub, drifted off to sleep, jerked awake and banged my head on the tap, and had just ceased my pacing in favor of sitting and pitying myself. /Why don't you see if you can manage to sneak past his room to yours? Believe me, with that story you told them, they are not going to want to come looking for you in here/ "Shove off" I growled. "Stupid Lupin, laughing at me...Should feed him something that gives him the trots." I made to open the door. Slowly turning the handle, intending to look left then right before stepping out. Need I even say that that wasn't the way it turned out? I opened the door to a face full of Sirius, hair still down and tussled, fist poised as if he were just beginning to knock. He grinned.

"Hey" he said brightly.

"Hey" I deadpanned, taking a small step back. His smile vanished.

"Still feel sick? I have I potion you can take." I made a face and he chuckled slightly. "Or not. Can I come in?"

I stepped aside as he strode in, sitting Indian style against the toilet. He patted the space in front of him. I closed the door and went to sit in front of him, placing my elbows on my knees and my chin in my hands. "Lupin not joining us?" I asked with a small smile.

He smiled back. "Sorry about him, he can be such a Remus sometimes, but you gotta love him. I had to peel him off of the floor after you left, I think he's asleep now." He took in my dis-shelved state. "How did that go by the way? You should be nice and, urm, cleansed."

I looked up, mortified. "SIRIUS! "

He threw his head back and laughed, throwing up his hands in a defensive manor. "Sorry, sorry. Its just- (he looked at his watch) you've been in here for a while."

I buried my face in my hands, which started up another bout of laughter. I let out a few chuckles of my own. We settled into a comfortable silence. I looked up; Siri was picking with the floor tile, hair falling into a curtain around his face. I poked his knee and smiled shyly when he looked up.

"Something you want to talk about?" he asked, pulling an elastic from around his wrist to tie his hair up in a messy bun. This was my chance.

"Yea, actually...um, have you ever been in love?" I blurted. He looked surprised, but I could tell that he was considering the question by the way that he cocked his head.

"Hmmmm. Well, I'd like to say that I have. Although it didn't work out in the end, I'd say we were in love."

"Who was it? What happened?" I asked, momentarily forgetting my own problems.

"Oh, just some guy named Remus Lupin" he said with a smirk.

My eyes widened to the size of saucers. "You and Remmie?"

"Yup, sixth year and a little of seventh. Nothing really happened, we just, fell out of love, I guess you could say. One day we woke up and realized that the feelings just weren't there anymore, that we would be better off as friends. "He chuckled. "I remember that day. We talked, shook on it, and proceeded to shag our selves silly until dinner." He turned back to me. "Why, do you think you're in love?"

Now or never Harry. "Actually, um." I cant do it "There's just sort of this guy, that I've really liked for a longtime now. Only I'm just so sure that he would never like me back."

Something flickered in his eyes. "Have you tried talking to him?"

"Not really. I know for a fact that he's never really thought of me like that. I'm just not sure what to do to get his attention."

He considered this." There are some things that I always do when I want to make myself noticeable to someone I fancy."

"Really? Like what?"

"Well, for starters, try to develop an interest in some of the things that he likes. Say music or books or movies. Try to hang around him more, but not stalk him. Just, make yourself available. If that doesn't work, you can try to get him to physically notice you."

"How would I do that?" I was mentally writing all of this down. If this was the stuff that Siri really used to bed all of those people...

"Well, you could wear suggestive clothing around him for one. Tight leather pants maybe? Eyeliner, nail varnish, glitter. Not whorish, mind you, just something to get you noticed. And if all else fails, you could always just walk right up to him and kiss him square on the lips!"

We collapsed into a fit of giggles. "Did that help?"

I smiled, I finally had a plan. "More than you'll ever know."

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Remus Lupin stood just out side the slightly ajar door, arms folded, smirking. That was definitely an interesting conversation. If I'm right, which I know I am...this could be fun to watch. Sirius is such a moron (2), he wont get it... Must remember to keep an eye on young Potter. He thought, before he turned and walked silently back to his room.

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1- if you've noticed, I seemed to have made dear Remmy a little OOC in this story (lets just assume that Sirius has gotten over his bout of depression, and that Harry has become gay and slightly spastastic sometime over the last 2 years). It's just that I've read SO many stories where even after Harry had graduated; Remus was still the quiet modest Prof. Lupin from PoA. Not to say that I don't love that Lupin with every fiber of my being, it's just that he was a Marauder! He has to have been rebellious at some time, right? Sirius couldn't have been the only one with retorts and snappy comments. And now that life is settled and Harry is safe and Sirius is back, he should be able to play on his rebel side a bit more (at least in MY story, cause that's the way I'M writing it). Sorry 'bout that. I've gotten yelled at for not following cannon one to many times...
2- Sorry, dont mean to make sirius a clueless moron, its just, the seduction doesnt really work if he gets it right away. Have to make harry work for it! giggles

---------- Finally, I've been meaning to post this for forever. How do you like it so far? I'm not sure how many chapters yet, but it's definitely NOT over. Review? Please? Thanx! -----------------