Story Title: Good and Evil
Author: ChangJessica2x5
Rating: R
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Pairing: None. Willow's thoughts.
Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy. I do however own a stake signed by James Marsters. I have included a disclaimer so you CAN"T HAVE IT!!! HAHAHA. No suing ... please.
Warnings: Angst, Death, Bad writing...lol
Author's notes: Spur of the moment thing. I admit it isn't the best piece of work I've ever done. Flames, Feedback, Death threats are all welcomed.
Thanks go to: I want to thank Minion Buck for responding to my ramble on grarglesnargle. laughs I got this idea when I was looking through all of my old stories that I wrote way back when. Buck's name made me want to read all my old Inuyasha stories which lead me to my old Buffy stories. Which lead me to a bunny. growls
Good and Evil.
Those are two words I have been intimately acquainted with for most of my life.
Once upon a time I was the ultimate good girl. I would get up every morning thinking good thoughts about everyone around me and thinking that today was a day to make things happen. I never cheated on tests. I never held a grudge against anyone, no matter how mean they acted towards me that day.
That was my ultimate good side.
My evil side didn't come till after I met Buffy and helped save the world. A lot.
It started out in all innocence. I dabbled in the dark arts to help save my friends. I did it to help save the world.
Have you ever heard the saying "The road to hell is paved with good intentions"? My intentions where very good but even that didn't change where I ended up.
I tried to destroy the world. With my magic I tried to end the suffering of everyone. My suffering over the loss of my love made me insane. To see her life drain out of her killed something inside of me so I decided that I needed to avenge it. I killed. I maimed and tortured and enjoyed it. I loved the thrill of the chase and the helplessness I saw on their faces when they were trying to figure out a way to stop the unstoppable.
This was my ultimate evil side.
I have struggled to overcome this side of me but it reminds me that it is there on a daily basis. No matter how much I deny that I am not evil I still feel the need to hurt something sometimes. I guess that is just a usual part of recovery. I have dreams sometimes at night. Dreams filled with blood. Bright red blood splattering on the ground. Sometimes the dreams are so vivid that I can smell burnt flesh and hear the internal screams of Warren. I guess that is just another part of my recovery.
I don't know if I will ever be good or evil. I am in the middle.
On good days I think of myself as a good girl. On bad days I think of myself as a bad girl.
Good and Evil. White and Black.
Yes I know those words.
I am those words.