Harlequin was pretty sure that taking all seven of the Deadly Sins to some hot spring in the middle-of-nowhere Britannia was a bad idea. Correction: he was certain. He couldn't imagine this going any way that didn't end with several violent explosions. But when Merlin said she wanted something to happen, neither heaven nor earth—let alone an immature fairy king—could hope to slow her down. So here he was, headed straight for his doom.
"We're bringing booze for this, right, Captain?" He turned a weak and wavering smile toward the short blond.
"Well, technically I'm the one who gave the girls an all clear. If it's really gonna suck that bad for you guys, then I guess I have to say yes."
'The girls' in question were the two female members of the Seven Deadly Sins: Merlin, intimidating sorceress and near-nudist extraordinaire, and the ever-perfect Diane. They were currently bent over a table on the far side of the room, conferring over a map.
"What's got you so stressed out about this, anyway?" Meliodas continued, turning his gaze away from the two women and looking up at King instead. "You started sweating bullets the second Diane jumped on board."
"Aaaahh…. Well, you see… It's- it's nothing, really."
Lies. Thankfully, King was good at concealing his internal screaming.
In truth, every part of this situation threw him into a tizzy. The Seven Deadly Sins were planning a group trip to a hot spring/public bath. More accurately, Merlin announced thirty minutes ago that this was her plan, and Diane jumped in to support her when the rest of them seemed unenthused. So, they were going. Which meant they would all get in the water. Which meant they would have to remove their clothes. Which meant that Diane would be nude.
If it had just been the guy Sins, that was one thing. Heck, he wouldn't mind Merlin stripping either—it wasn't as if full nudity would expose much more of her than he saw on a regular basis. But Diane was a completely different situation.
Internally, he was a war zone. On the one hand, seeing her in a swimsuit, or even nude, was a ridiculously appealing prospect, maybe even one worth lethal embarrassment. On the other, the last thing he wanted was to disrespect such a wonderful woman. After all, it wasn't just her body that drew his affection and attention. Everything about who Diane was endeared him, from her cute pigtails and dazzling smile to her fiercely passionate personality. Joy emanated from every pore of her being. She was such a warm spirit; he adored her.
"Adore? Who do you adore?" Gowther's metallic echo of a voice tore through the warm glow of King's thoughts, and he was struck with the realization that he'd spoken his last thoughts aloud. Oh. Now he felt a little nauseous.
"Adore? Me? Oh, I was just thinking about how much I adore hot springs. They're very, uh, hot, you know." He felt an acute awareness that his rambling cover-up was transparent. Even someone as dense as Gowther could probably see straight through him right now. The subject needed to change, stat. "Why are you even coming, Gowther? I thought you couldn't get your armor wet—what are you intending to do if you do not get in the water with the rest of us?"
"I can read," the armor replied. "It is not cool enough for the steam to obscure my view of the pages, and Merlin suggested to me that basking in steam is beneficial for the complexion."
Ban's characteristic lazy drawl interrupted them from behind. "You know, it's kind of weird that a fat old man has such a thing for a little girl, riight? " King whirled around.
"H-hey, don't say that sort of thing! It's a lot more complicated than that, okay?" The folds of skin on his neck flushed a sweaty pink color. "Besides, you're being too patronizing of Diane. She is a member of the Seven Deadly Sins too, you know. I'd bet she could beat both of us if we fought."
"Suuuure." Ban stretched the word to several syllables long. He aimed a sidelong look at King that matched the smirk curling on his face. King's fingers twitched at his side. "You do you, buddy. She's still pretty much a teenager, 's far as I can tell."
He resisted the urge to summon Chastiefol and gore him.
He could almost hear his best friend snickering in his ear. "Want a paper bag for your breathing, Harlequin?" Helbram would tease. King flushed, even though his own mind had generated the playful jab.
"Shut up," he shot back silently.
"C'mon, aren't kings supposed to be lady-killers?"
He was so preoccupied trying to come up with a retort to imaginary-Helbram that he failed to notice Meliodas' attempts to catch his attention.
"..ing. Kiiiing. Hey, King!"
The Captain's face appeared right in front of his, no more than a foot away. King's whole body jerked away with enough force to send him nearly spilling over backwards. Meliodas raised one eyebrow, then grinned.
"You're worked up about Diane being there, aren't'cha?"
He suddenly longed for Helbram's paper bag, so he could put it over his head and hide. Since there were no such bags in reach, he did his best to conceal his tomato-colored cheeks without it.
"Wh-Wha? About Diane?"
"I wouldn't worry much about it." King forced a chuckle.
"Why would I be worried about Diane? I remember she knows how to swim from when we went to the beach and I'm sure that such a capable woman won't have any problem planning or going on a trip like this one…" The word vomit died in his throat as Meliodas gave him a knowing smile and pulled away. He turned his back to King and called to the women across the room.
"You guys picked out where we're going yet?"
Merlin and Diane exchanged glances and nodded.
"We've decided," Merlin answered. "Are you all ready to go?"
King anticipated having at least a day's worth of travel time to prepare his body and soul for their impending doom. He should've known better.
It turned out that Merlin and Diane chose their destination because it was easy to transport them to; Merlin knew the area and could create a gate for the seven of them to walk directly from the castle to the door of the spring.
He gulped. He was not ready for this. Not ready at all.
Before he knew it, he was the only Sin left on this side of the magic door. Meliodas beckoned him from the lodge's front steps.
Alright, Harlequin, you can do this, he told himself, well aware that he most certainly could not. With a deep, bracing breath, he floated through the portal.
The process of arranging their entry passed by him in an incomprehensible blur of stress and inattention. He was sure it must have taken some convincing for them to let such a motley and suspicious-looking group into the facility—then again, they were the Seven Deadly Sins. One way or another, when he snapped back to attention, he found himself drifting down the hall behind Meliodas. He didn't quite react fast enough to avoid colliding with his back when he abruptly stopped. Meliodas waved down the hall.
"See ya when we're done, Merlin! Enjoy yourself, you've earned it!" She raised her hand to give a short wave back, then disappeared through a curtain a few meters away.
Something itched at the back of King's mind. What did the Captain mean, 'See ya later'? Weren't they going to–
"Aaand this is our door!" Meliodas announced. King followed his gaze to another curtained entryway. The plaque beside the door labeled it "Men's Bath".
Men's bath.
Wait.
He tried to seem nonchalant.
"Er, Captain? Is this… Are we… These hot springs—are they co-ed?"
Meliodas turned back to him, already halfway into the dressing room. He held the curtain open so that King could see inside. He looked past Ban stripping to the steaming pools in the courtyard beyond. He squinted through the mist for any human shapes, but his first impression had been right: the spring was vacant apart from Gowther. Merlin and Diane were nowhere to be found.
"Well, yeah. That's why I told you not to worry about it, remember?"
To this day, King is proud of his effort not to scream.