Notes: This is a scene I cut from Part XXII (Chapter 22) of Addicted to Love. It just didn't fit into the tone of the chapter and slowed down the story too much to keep in there, but I still loved it, so here it is a stand-alone cut scene. I just think it's important, because at this point, Zuko and Suki haven't had much "couple time" together, and all of this crap keeps piling up on them, so they need to take a moment and get their bearings with each other.

"Suki?" She started a little, turning to the doorway, her hand reaching for the sword that was no longer on her hip. Zuko stopped in the bathing room door, looking as startled as she was, though he recovered quickly, holding up his hands as if she were a spooked ostrich-horse he was trying to calm. "Hey... It's okay, it's just me."

She blinked in the light of the gas lamp on the wall, pressing her lips together as she relaxed her body enough to breathe again. She felt raw and exposed, every nerve in her body in agony. Her eyes were swollen from crying and her face felt hot and tight, her nose runny.

Zuko looked equally water-logged, especially the front of his shirt, which she'd spent the better part of an hour sobbing into. Shame hit her. She knew she'd broken down, let everything slip away from her in the aftermath of Aiko's murder.

She'd been in shock. She could see it now. There were large parts of the evening that she couldn't account for. She didn't remember much about coming to the library with Zuko, dinner, the meetings with the guards or the General.

She had just been gone, lost in a sea of pain and guilt. The only thing guiding her had been Zuko. He probably thought she'd lost her mind for a minute there. Maybe she had.

"I know. I'm..."

"On edge. Me too," he said gently, coming into the bathing room. "A hot shower will help."

She looked away from him. "Are we safe here?"

"Unless there's a secret way in here that I don't know about, then yes. The door is barricaded and locked, and no one knows we're here. I can't think of anywhere safer for us to be right now."

"Okay," she said, because she needed to believe that he was right about that. She needed to get a handle on herself, to come to terms with what had happened. Crying had helped, but she needed a minute alone to collect herself. "May I have some privacy, please? I have to, um..."

Zuko's gaze flicked to the toilet the then back at her. He blushed a little, which she found charming, despite how weary she was. "Yeah. Of course. Take all the time you need. I'll be right out here if you need me."

"Thanks," she said and he gently closed the door, leaving her alone in the little bathing chamber. She made use of the facilities, though she'd mostly used her need to pee as an excuse for privacy. That done, she stripped off her uniform and started the shower.

She felt dirty, like she'd been in battle all day. Maybe it was fear sweat. She stepped into the shower and it was like being enveloped in a steamy embrace. She'd always been a big believer in the healing powers of a good hot shower to scrub away the day's nightmares, and tonight was no exception.

She washed her hair, scrubbed at her skin until it was red and raw and then stood beneath the pounding spray, her head against the slick tiles. She breathed in the steamy air, letting it marinate in her lungs, letting the minutes pass.

All she could see behind her eyelids was Aiko's broken body on the floor, and the message scrawled in blood on the wall.

You're next, whore.

Why did the Smoke Demons have a personal vendetta against her? Mai had said that she had overheard them calling her a whore on multiple occasions, long before she and Zuko had become involved. Of course that hadn't stopped the speculation surrounding them. The rumors—those fucking rumors—had circulated throughout the Kingdom, and if Sokka was to be believed, the world. She was the Earth Kingdom peasant who was warming the Fire Lord's bed. A painted-up whore.

But why, if they were looking to depose Zuko, would it matter who he was sleeping with? Was it just because she was his bodyguard and had gotten in the way of their assassination plans on multiple occasions?

The whole thing gave her headache, or maybe it was all that crying she'd done. It didn't matter. She wasn't going to find the answers tonight.

Sighing, she turned off the water and got out, wrapping up in a thick towel. One thing living in a palace had spoiled her for: the never-ending amounts of warm fluffy towels. Even an unused bathing room was fully stocked. If she ever went home to Kyoshi Island, she'd mourn doing her own laundry.

A sad laugh left her. Here she was thinking about towels and Aiko was dead, her murderer free to kill again. The laugh died on her lips as she looked up into the clouded mirror over the sink. She wiped her hand across the glass, revealing her haunted blue eyes, her dripping hair turned dark by the water.

For a moment, she almost didn't recognize herself.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered, and she didn't know if she was talking to herself, or Aiko's spirit. Maybe both.

She forced her eyes away from her reflection, brushing her teeth and toweling her hair dry. She slipped on the underwear and the thin nightgown that Zuko had brought for her. She was just brushing her hair when a knock sounded on the door.

She jumped, reaching again for her sword, but it was in the other room. "Suki?"

"I...I'm almost finished."

"Okay."

Zuko was being so gentle with her. How fragile she must have seemed to him. And how unlike herself she must have been, like an alien wearing her skin. He was worried about her, when he already had too much to worry about. Things a lot bigger than she was. Shame burned in her empty stomach and she resolved to get a grip on herself. She took a steeling breath and then popped open the door.

"I'm finished," she said, looking him square in the eye, trying to project her usual level of confidence, even though she was still feeling raw and raked open. Zuko smiled a little, sadness in his eyes. "Sorry. I just... I needed a minute."

"I completely understand," he said gently, pushing his long hair out of his face. He'd had a sword across his knee, but he put it down on the cushion as he stood. "Do you need anything?"

"No," she said, taking a deep breath, the smell of old parchment filling her senses. "Thank you. For...letting me cry on your shoulder. I wasn't myself and I'm sorry. I'm...I feel better."

Zuko took her hands, folding her fingers into his. "You were in shock. My mother always said that crying helps sometimes."

"I don't know how much it helped, to be honest," she said, looking down at their conjoined hands. Zuko lifted them up to his mouth, kissing the backs of her knuckles one by one. She felt the faintest thrill go through her at the contact, at the rough scrape of his day's worth of stubble on her skin. "I'm so sorry, baby..."

A warm feeling rushed through her and she swallowed hard as he lifted his gaze and stared at her. Something in her broke again and she found herself wrapping her arms around his neck, pulling herself against his length as she crushed her mouth to his.

It was a desperate kiss, full of a million things she couldn't articulate, and edged with a manic hunger that shot through her grief like a flaming arrow. Zuko's hands landed on her shoulders and he held her there against him for a long moment, kissing her back just as hard.

Then he gently but firmly pushed her back a step, dropping the kiss with a look of regret on his face.

"Umm...I should probably go shower and shave. My beard's going on three days now," he said, deflecting the question in her eyes. Something was bothering him and it wasn't hard to guess what that was. She wasn't the only one taking Aiko's death hard. Just like she had, Zuko needed a moment to regain his equilibrium. All of that passed between them in a moment of perfect understanding.

"I think I took all the hot water," she said apologetically, but Zuko flashed her a rare grin as he headed toward the bathing room.

"S'okay. I think I need a cold shower anyway," he said lightly and then closed the door, leaving her alone in the little library. She felt bereft without his presence in the room, and only the fact that there was just the one barricaded entry stopped her from having a full on panic attack. As it was, she felt too on edge to relax, and took up both of Zuko's dual dao swords.

She loved watching him in the dojo, practicing with them, his body moving in the perfect rhythm of the kata, sinuously sliding from one position to the next. How deadly he'd looked to her, how in control.

He was a different man when he was firebending though. In control, yes, but there was a wild edge to him, a danger that wasn't cold or calculating, but hot and tempestuous, every action flowing with all the fury of a firestorm.

Both forms of fighting were so much a part of him, as different as they were. It was that duality that had fascinated her over the years, and drawn her to him. She smiled to herself, closing her eyes and then centering herself.

She slid into one of the kata she had seen him practicing, each step a familiar to her as the planes of his face. It felt good to move, to do something physical. She fell into the pattern easily, remembering the way he had moved, each step, each turn, each thrust of the swords, acting as one, as extensions of her arms.

She lost herself in it, in the spin and the rhythm, remembering how Zuko had been so afraid that he didn't know how to dance, when she had watched him dancing for years. How long ago it seemed to her that he had asked her to teach him to dance. It had only been a few weeks, but it seemed like an eternity.

A smile hit her lips as she ended the movement and brought herself up, lowering the dao swords to her sides, just as the bathing room door opened. Zuko stepped out, wearing only a pair of dark red pants, which hung off his hips in a way that made her whole body ache. His chest glistened with water and his wet hair was tangled on his shoulders. He'd shaved, and his face looked invitingly smooth.

Her heart ached just looking at him.

"You okay?" he asked gently, glancing at the swords and then back at her.

"I was just practicing," she said and put them down next to the couch, in easy reach in case of... Well, just in case. "Thought it would clear my head a little."

"Did it?"

She shrugged, her back to him. "I don't know. There's a lot going on up here."

"Suki..."

It was the way he said her name, so gentle, like he knew that her nerves were like brittle glass at the moment, that broke her. She felt the lump in her throat again, the burn of tears behind her eyes. She refused to cry again. Refused to give in.

Aiko was dead, but she wasn't. She was going to make those bastards pay for what they'd done. The anger shook through her, sudden in its intensity. All-consuming.

Zuko's arms went around her waist, pulling her back against his chest. He smelled like peppermints and warm spices, such a Zuko scent that it pulled the anger from her bit by bit. Zuko pushed his face into the curve of her neck as she laced her fingers with his.

He didn't say anything, just swayed on the spot with her. Words were useless. Just being with him, like this, alone, safe in their little world, was enough for the moment. It wouldn't last, and they both knew it, but she was going to hold on to it as long as she could.

It hit her then, how new this thing was between them, but how easily it had been to transition from friends to lovers. It had only been a day, and yet it felt like months had passed. Zuko had never really held her like this, but it felt so right.

Guilt hit her then, and she thought fleetingly of Sokka, but the feeling faded into a weary acceptance. Even if she hadn't fallen in love with Zuko, she knew now that her relationship with Sokka wouldn't have lasted much longer, despite how they both felt. Time and distance had driven a wedge between them long before her feelings for Zuko had. And then there was...whatever he had done with Azula while they'd been traveling together. He'd said that they hadn't had sex, but she had the suspicion that wasn't quite the truth. It didn't really matter. He had cheated on her in all the ways that mattered, and as sad as it made her, she knew that their relationship wouldn't have survived his confession.

Even if Sokka had remained faithful, she also knew that their relationship wouldn't have survived her confession to kissing Zuko. Sokka might have forgiven her, but her feelings for Zuko had been too strong to pretend that they didn't exist any longer. She'd wanted to be with Zuko, as guilty as that had made her feel. Her heart had made the decision for her, long before her head had. They had both made mistakes...but at least they had parted as friends. She couldn't complain about that.

And now she was with Zuko, a possibility that had seemed hopeless just days ago. Not just hopeless, but something she should feel ashamed of wanting. Like she wasn't good enough to be with him.

Do you really think you're good enough for him?

The words echoed in her ears as Zuko's mouth lighted on her shoulder, pressing there with a soft weight that ran shivers down her body. She clutched his hands, chewing on her bottom lip as she remembered the girls at the ball, sneering at her.

Those girls had wanted Zuko for themselves, not because they loved the man that he was, but because of his title. Those weren't the girls he had in his arms. She was. No matter what anyone else thought, Zuko was sure of her. He loved her.

That was all that mattered.

Suki turned in his arms, pushing her face into his neck and threading her arms around his waist. Zuko folded her up in his arms, one hand pushing through her damp hair, the other on her back, rubbing slowly, soothingly. It was exactly what she needed.

"I love you, you know that, right?" she said against his shoulder.

"I love you too, baby," he said and kissed her temple as a smile crept up her lips.

"I like it when you call me that."

"What?"

"Baby. It's cute."

"Oh...um... I didn't realize I was doing it," Zuko said as she pulled back and looked up at him. He looked a little embarrassed. "Seemed...right, I guess."

"Feels right to me too. So does this."

"I feel the same way," Zuko said and kissed her lips gently. When he pulled back, he let out a little sigh and glanced at the couch. "We should get some rest."

She nodded, dropping her arms from his waist. He caught her hand and led her to the couch. It was a wide thing, old and worn, made of a soft dove gray fabric. There were two matching pillows, and a throw blanket made of soft red cashmere. Zuko laid down on his side, head pressed to one of the pillows, his back flat against the back of the couch. He grabbed the blanket, flipped it out and laid it across himself, then held it up.

"Climb in."

Suki smiled and laid down with her back against Zuko's bare chest. Zuko put the blanket over her and she sank into the soft, warm heat, her head on his outstretched arm, her legs tangling with his. It was a tight squeeze, but they both fit. Zuko put his other hand on her waist and she caught his fingers, holding on to them.

"Comfy?" he asked, his voice vibrating through her back and his breath hot on her neck. She felt shivers run down her sides.

"Perfectly. You?"

"Never better. Never going to get tired of going to sleep with you in my arms either," he rumbled and then kissed her ear. She smiled and pushed her hips back into his, only for him to hitch in a breath at the contact. "Mmm...you keep doing that and things'll get a lot less comfy for me."

"Wouldn't want that..."

"Temptress."

"I am not," she pouted, but the smile on her lips gave her away.

"Are too," Zuko said, bending his outstretched arm to card his fingers gently through her hair. She closed her eyes, loving the sensation. "All those dinners in my room, wearing those hot little dresses... You were driving me crazy."

"I wasn't trying to do anything," she said innocently, which was an outright lie. "You didn't like my little dresses?"

Zuko's mouth trailed down her neck and back to her ear. "Loved them. Especially that one. The one with the little strands of pearls stringing across the back? Mmmm... After seeing you in that I had to beg the universe for forgiveness for thinking very wrong thoughts about my bodyguard, whom I was definitely not free to pursue."

Suki grinned, pushing her hips back into his again. He gave a small groan as it had the desired effect. "But you wanted to?"

"Every time I saw you, I wanted to tell you how I felt. And when you started looking at me the same way... It just got harder and harder."

"Poor choice of words," she said as she felt him twitch against her.

Zuko's breath played against her ear and she felt his mouth land on her neck. "Don't tempt me, Suki. I'm too exhausted to do the things I want to do with you."

She felt a hot thread go down her spine. There was a promise in his voice. The hunger—the desperation—she'd felt early hadn't gone away. One part of her knew that it was probably a reaction to her grief, but another part of her wasn't so sure. Last night and this morning had proven that. Would she ever get enough of him?

She didn't think so.

"How about in the morning then?"she offered, with a grin.

Zuko nuzzled her neck and replied, "It's a date, baby."

She curled into his body, feeling the warmth and comfort of him wreathing around her body. This was truly what she needed. Comfort, quiet and the arms of the man she loved around her. Everything else could wait until morning.

"Thank you for this. For taking care of me. For knowing what I needed," she whispered, settling down against him, snuggling into his arm. Zuko's right hand squeezed her hip and his other hand carded her hair, soothing her into slumber. How comfortable she felt here with him, as if nothing could harm either of them. She knew that was a lie though.

They weren't safe, and they wouldn't be until their enemies were dead.

"I love you," Zuko whispered into her hair as sleep stole across her consciousness and she settled gratefully into the abyss.

"SUKI!"

He came awake all at once, sitting up with a start, the sound of his shout echoing in the air. His hand came up blooming with fire, illuminating the fact that he was in a room not unfamiliar to him, though it disoriented him to find himself there. After a few moments he realized hat there were no enemies surrounding him.

"Zuko? Wha's wrong?"

It was Suki, the fear in her voice a sharp as a knife. She reached out and touched his sweaty shoulder and he jolted from the contact, looking down at her with wide eyes.

"Suki...you're okay. I...I had a nightmare," he said, letting out a breath that seemed fraught with all of his fears.

"I'm fine. I'm right here. Lay back down, baby," Suki said in her sleepy, concerned voice. He licked his lips, banished the flames, and then slowly lowered himself back down. Suki curled up around him beneath the soft blanket, rolling over to her other side to face him. She tucked her face against his chest and his arms went around her, holding her tightly as he buried himself in her hair, her familiar scent filling him, chasing the fear away.

The warning on the wall, the promise his enemies had made—to take her from him—filled his heart with a fear so deep he couldn't breathe around it. He wouldn't lose her. He refused.

Eventually sleep took him again, and the nightmares followed.

Suki woke up to the feel of a warm mouth on her neck, kissing her slowly, pulling at her skin. Little shivers raced down her sides and she shifted in the strong pair of arms that held her against a warm muscular chest.

"Mmmph...?"

"Wake up, beautiful," Zuko mumbled in her ear, one of his hands sliding up her thigh and then cupping her ass, bringing her stomach into the hard bulge of his erection. That woke her up completely and she opened her eyes with a tired, shy grin.

"Morning," she said, shifting on the couch and into his body. At some point she'd slung her leg over his hip. There wasn't much between them but his pants and her underwear. "You're up early."

"Is that a pun?" he said, flashing her a lopsided grin, which did more to her than anything else he could have done. She smiled sleepily, noting that he'd lit one of the sconces on the wall at some point.

"Maybe," she said, huffing out a soft little laugh, lifting her hand to push the long fall of his hair back. "Sleep well?"

His face darkened for a moment, and she knew without a doubt that nightmares had plagued him all night. She vaguely remembered him waking her up at one point, and soothing him back to sleep. She knew how he felt. Her dreams had been just as dark. Waking up in his arms helped though. Everything always seemed better in his arms.

"Having you here with me helped," he said softly, echoing her thoughts as he pushed her tangled hair back from her face.

"Come here," she said and then pulled him down for a long, slow kiss that was edged with that same hunger she'd felt the night before.

Zuko pulled back, both of them breathing hard. His face was flushed in the light. "Are you...?"

"I want this. I need you," she said firmly and he smiled, caressing her jaw with his thumb. Then he cupped her face, leaning over as he kissed her, his hair swinging forward to hide their faces.

His hand smoothed down her neck and then gently cupped her breast with a squeeze. A moan left her, spilling into his mouth as her hands got between them. She cupped his erection through his pants, feeling him growing harder as she rubbed at him.

Zuko's hand left her breast, traveling down her stomach. When he pushed her nightgown up, she nearly sighed in relief. His fingers slipped into her panties and she broke the kiss, letting out a soft moan at the feel of his fingertips brushing her throbbing clitoris.

Zuko shifted to the side, holding himself up on one elbow as his hand slowly moved against her, rubbing at her clit. Her hips lifted off of the couch, pleasure radiating through her from his soft, teasing touch.

He smiled at her, softly, watching her as his fingers moved down through her wet folds and dipped inside of her experimentally. She was wet already, but he drew out the moisture of her body, coating his fingers as he slipped them in and out of her.

"Mmmm..." She slipped her hands into his pants, as his thumb brushed across her clit. Zuko bit down on his lip, his gaze meeting hers for one hot moment as she stroked him from balls to tip. Then he was kissing her again.

She kissed him back, hard, her tongue darting against his, soft and hungry. All of her nerves—frayed raw by Aiko's death—seemed to calm and soothe beneath his touch. There was something so erotic, so right, about watching Zuko fingering her.

She'd needed this, needed him. Needed to feel good, even for a moment, before daylight brought new horrors to their door.

Suki wrapped her arms around him, rolling to the side and pulling him across her body as he pulled his fingers out of her panties. He settled between her thighs, pushing her open to him. Not that she needed much help. She was as eager as he was.

Zuko pushed his hair to the side, sliding his mouth down her neck to her breasts. He pushed the tops of her nightgown down and tugged one of her nipples into his mouth, making her buck into his body.

She pushed at his pants, working them down his hips. His cock sprung free and she lost no time in wrapping her hand around it. Zuko moaned as she stroked him.

"Need you," he managed, lifting his mouth from her breasts and kissing her again. He grasped her panties, pulling back a moment later and sliding them down her hips. She lifted herself up to help him, pulling one leg out, then the other. Then he tossed them aside and sank back against her.

He nudged her opening, and then pushed in with a gentle glide that knocked her head back against the cushion. Her legs hooked on his hips, pulling him down into her as she lifted her hips, taking him in to the hilt.

"Suki..."

But she was lost already. Taunt, wound like a clock. She closed her eyes, holding him close as his hips moved against hers in a careful rhythm. The old couch creaked with each thrust and she dug her fingernails into him, molding the muscles of his back, learning the architecture of his spine. Her body coiled around his, his mouth slanting down on hers with an avarice that she matched with her own. Zuko moaned into her, thrusting harder, faster, until she was lost in the sensation, in the pleasure rolling through her.

Her hand slipped down between their bodies, rubbing at her clit. She gasped into his mouth and he pulled back, his mouth open, panting. Their gazes met, hot and burning.

Her hips lifted into each thrust, her fingers moving against her flesh until she couldn't breathe, couldn't do anything but tighten her hold on him. When she came, it was with a full-body spasm, her inner walls clamping around him.

Zuko gasped and buried his face in her neck, pumping into her as the backwash of her orgasm flooded her body, obliterating the hurt and pain. At least for a moment, and that was enough. When he came, only moments later, she felt him pull back, felt the sticky wetness trickling down her inner thigh. He panted into her neck, groaning as she took hold of his cock, pumping her fist around him, the last spurt of his seed dribbling against her fingers. His body gave a shudder and he let out a breath against her neck, a sigh of release and relief.

"I'm in trouble," he finally said, relaxing against her.

"You are? I thought you pulled out in time?" she teased him.

Zuko lifted his head, shooting her an amused smile. "I did, and that's not what I meant. I'm in trouble...because I'm never, ever going to stop wanting you."

"That's just the sex talking," she said with a little laugh.

"I wasn't talking about the sex. Well, not mostly. Just holding you all night was...incredible. I don't think I'm ever going to get used to it. I've wanted you for so long, Suki. Not just physically. I want to hold you and laugh with you and be one of those stupidly annoying and mushy couples that I used to hate. Never thought I'd want that, but I do. I want all those things with you. I don't plan on losing you. Not to my enemies. Not to the prejudices of my allies."

The shadow of reality inserted itself between them, the message on the wall, the promise their enemies had made. The army that was coming. The secrets and lies and dead friends. The rumors. The advice and obvious disapproval of his Council. All of it wanted to intrude on this quiet moment.

She wouldn't let it.

She held on to him, staring into his eyes, trying to tell him what he already knew. How quickly she'd become addicted to him, how thoroughly and utterly she had become his. She knew it was the same for him. How could she not? The way he was looking at her right now told her everything she needed to know.

"You won't lose me," she said, and she hoped she meant it. It was an oath, a foolish oath, but one she meant to keep.

Zuko kissed her again and she held onto him tightly, not wanting to let go. Dawn wasn't too far away. Soon they'd have to get up, leave this secret place and start planning their defenses. Life awaited, with all its harshness.

Sorrow hit her like a battering ram, but it didn't cripple her this time. Aiko was dead. Her murderer was still out there. Suki kissed Zuko harder. She was going to find the evil bastards and make them pay. And she'd do it by Zuko's side.

It was where she belonged.

(end)