I finally knew the horrible truth about how Russia saw me. He thought we were in a relationship. He raped me every night now. I could sometimes hear him muttering to himself. He said things about that night. That one stupid night. About how he almost had everyone. About how he had been so close he could taste it. About the feel of the many different countries to his touch. The variety. He loved the variety. He had wanted to beat it out of them until they all worked for Russia. Until they were the perfect little slaves. Just like me.
He also loved the expressions of pain on the faces of the other countries that night. Once he had made me describe them. As he touched me.
But the worst part was very new. The worst part wasn't Russia. The worst part was my fault. The worst part was that he kissed me. Why had I done it? That night? Why had I kissed Russia? We are judged on our drunken mistakes. Now he kissed me all the time. His lips were just like the rest of him – as cold as ice. The man had no body heat at all.
Every touch made me shudder. He would run his fingers along my wounds. Even while they were still open. He would lick the blood off his fingers and he would smile kindly at my pain.
He raped Estonia and Latvia more these days as well. Though he raped me the most. And he only kissed me.
"I am having a visitor today," he said to me one morning, "so make sure the house is clean." The house was always clean. If it wasn't... "And – put some sunflowers in some vases around the place," he added as an afterthought, "I want to create a good impression."
-
I sang my national anthem, 'E Mare Libertas', loudly on the way there. Russia had contacted me, as he'd said he would that night, and had invited me round to discuss certain things. I had been worried I wasn't going to hear from him at all, as he had been magicked away somewhere that night by the Britannia Angel and nobody had known what had happened to him. I asked him on the phone, and he had said he was just sent straight back home. He actually seemed like he had forgotten about it. Ah well. I grinned widely. I could soon be recognised as country. As a powerful country. As a country even more powerful than jerk England! And all I had to do was become one with Russia? I was more hopeful than I let myself believe.
Latvia answered the door.
"S-Sealand!" he squeaked, and I could hear the fear which was very prominent in his voice, "Wh-what are you doing here?"
"I'm here to see Russia! He invited me over today."
"You-you're Russia's important guest today?" he cried, then tears started running down his face. "C-c-come ins-side..." he said quietly. I smiled at him, but then his crying only got worse, so I didn't know what to do. A shadow loomed over us, and I looked up – and even further up – to see Russia.
"My, Sealand, you're even smaller than I remember!" he beamed at me.
"I won't be this small for long!"" I told him defiantly, puffing out my chest.
"No... No you won't..." he nodded, and held out his hand in greeting.
-
As the boy shook Russia's hand, I saw that Russia was nt wearing the gloves that he often did. The kid's hand must be freezing. I realised a second later that the boy's hand was too cold for him to move it at all, and Russia wouldn't let go the handshake until the boy did. If this continued for any longer, I feared that such a small hand could even get frostbite, so I grabbed Russia's hand and held it close to me, the best way of breaking the handshake that I could think of. Russia slapped me hard across the face and I staggered. I heard the boy gasp.
Seeing the look of shock on the boy's face, Russia tried to turn this to his advantage.
"Once you become one with me," he said, "you will be able to do that to England. Whenever you want." This boy was going to become one with Russia? But he was so young! He had his whole life ahead of him! He couldn't!
-
"Wh-wh-what else does bec-c-coming one with you involve?" I shivered, freezing. I slowly curled and uncurled the fingers on my right hand, the blood gradually returning to them. I was used to cold, basically living on the open sea, but this was ridiculous.
"Oh, there are just some small technicalities, all of which are necessary to become such a powerful country..." he said vaguely. "Now, come and sit down and we can sign this treaty..." I followed him and we sat down at a table which had a vase of sunflowers on it. He produced a treaty and slid it towards me. "Just sign here..." he encouraged, pointing to a dotted line and hading me a pen. I'm not stupid, though, and I wasn't about to sign a contract without reading and re-reading the whole thing beforehand. However, when I examined the paper in front of me, it was covered in strange squiggles I couldn't make head nor tail of.
I looked up at Russia.
"What's this?" I asked.
"That's cyrillic, da." he replied.
"I can't read it."
"Don't worry, you'll soon learn once you are one with Russia."
"But I need to know what this says!"
"It only contains what we discussed. Now do you want to be recognised as a powerful country or not?"
I reasoned with myself. Whatever it was couldn't be too bad. And surely it would all be worth it...
I signed my name on the dotted line and then Russia snatched the treaty and put it away.
"Now you are mine." he said with a horribly dark smile. I looked up at him.
"Russia?"
"You will call me Russia-san."
I didn't see why not.
"Russia-san, I have never seen snow before. Can... Can I play in the snow outside your house?"
"Of course not. If you do that you will surely die."
"B-but what's the point in it being so c-cold if I can't p-play in the snow?" My teeth chattered, and Russia laughed.
"You should not have worn shorts to my territory, da."
"I didn't realise it would b-be so c-cold!"
-
Russia turned to me.
"Lithuania, get Sealand into some suitable clothing. We don't want him freezing to death while he stays here." I nodded, took Sealand by the hand and led him upstairs.
"Stay here? What do you mean? I'm not going to stay here. Russia-san? What do you mean, stay here?" Sealand didn't stop asking all the way up the stairs, but Russia appeared not to hear him, fondling the petals of a sunflower the same way he would sometimes fondle my hair.
"What's going on?" Sealand asked me as I piled warmer clothes into his arms.
"You belong to Russia now." I told him without emotion.
"What do you mean?"
"You have to do everything he says now. Look at him when he talks to you. Keep the house clean. Cook his food perfectly. Learn cyrillic. Never, ever question him."
"What happens if I don't?" He looked so lost and confused and upset I could not look him in the eye any longer.
"Get changed." I said quietly, closing the door behind me as I left.
"What happens if I don't?"
Sealand was not adjusting well to life at Russia's house. He didn't know how to cook anything but fish or how to treat carpets. He complained about his clothes and his lack of money and the snow, about the cold, the work, the punishments, Russia, Russia, Russia.
"You are a very vocal child." Russia said to him one day.
"What's the point in being quiet" he'd replied, "These three are quiet a lot, but they will never get girlfriends if they are always like this!"
Russia's eyes flashed.
"Lithuania doesn't want a girlfriend. He already has a boyfriend." he said calmly.
"A what?" Sealand laughed, "But he's a boy!" Russia simply looked at him. Then he pulled me closer and kissed me gently on the lips, his cold, cold tongue exploring my mouth.
"Eww!" squealed the boy, "Get a room!"
Russia slowly broke off the kiss, and looked back at Sealand.
"Every room in this house is my room," he smiled, and his hand squeezed mine.
I watched in horror as the boy was punished. Russia made me go most places these days. I was rarely very far away.
Sealand screamed as the whip cracked against his back, and Russia giggled with delight and hopped from foot to foot.
"Again, again!" he cried happily, and swung it again. The small boy screamed again as new wounds were ripped open. "I like this game! Don't you like this game? Of course you do, it is fun, da! I play it with Lithuania and the others all the time!" He laughed innocently. I felt sick. This boy, he was so incredibly small... But in a way, that was good. It meant that Russia could not do to him what he did to me every night...
Russia suddenly dropped the whip.
"Lithuania and I have to go be boyfriends now," he said with a smile, "but don't think I've forgotten about you. You're still very important to me. You will continue work, da?" Sealand nodded pathetically, and I followed Russia upstairs.
"Oh, Lithuania," he said as I sat on his lap and he touched me, "what shall I do with that boy?" I thought this was rather an odd topic to discuss while he did this, but there had been stranger. "He is not getting any bigger yet, and he is very disobedient. At least this means we get to play games together. He likes the games, I know he does, or he wouldn't be so loud, da. You enjoy the games, don't you, Lithuania? It's hard to tell since you are so quiet. You do enjoy them, yes?" I didn't know what to say to this. At my silence he stopped touching me. "Lithuania? You do enjoy them? Our games? Say yes, Lithuania, it will make me very happy if you say yes."
"Yes." I mouthed.
"What was that, Lithuania? I can't hear you if you are so quiet, da."
"YES!" I shouted, and he smiled broadly.
"Oh good." he said happily, "Everyone enjoys my games. That's why they scream so very loudly, to let me know they are enjoying them, otherwise how would I know?" He hugged me to him, tucking my head under his chin, and resumed touching me. He was so cold. I hated being in contact with him. Hated his hugs. Hated his fingers. I was freezing.
He stood my on my feet and started kissing me. Those ice-cold kisses that were my curse. He removed the last bits of my clothing and his, thrusting his long tongue so far into my mouth I had to fight not to gag. He pushed me to the bed, to the sheets which smelt of vodka and blood no matter how many times we washed them. He broke the kiss and I gasped for breath, coughing, saliva flying from my mouth. He didn't seem to notice. He knelt over me, suspended, all his weight on this arms and legs so that he could kiss me.
"What's the matter, Lithuania? Something's wrong. Normally you beg me for it. I like it when you do that, da." I did not know whether he was just being twisted or whether he actually did mistake me begging him to stop for me begging him for more. "Beg me now, Lithuania." he continued before I could say anything, "Beg me." I had no choice but to obey.
"P-please, Russia-san..." I sobbed weakly, "Please no more, please don't do it tonight, please..." He licked my lips and then spoke again.
"I like it when you do that, Lithuania. I like it a lot. Now turn over. Tonight, you will describe to me your bloodiest battle... The deaths... What they looked like..."
-
I took a shuddering breath as I tried miserably to cook some stupid Russia dish. He always had the stupidest food, made out of the most disgusting things ever. Lithuania said that jerk Russia wanted to eat before he went out. I asked why he couldn't do it, and he said that jerk Russia wanted to see him for boyfriend stuff before he left, because he would be gone for two days. I wondered what this "boyfriend stuff" was – surely they couldn't be kissing for that long? I guessed they might be reading a book together, like Finland often did with Sweden.
I missed my adoptive parents. I wished I'd told them where I was going. I'd told them where I was going. I wished a lot of things. I wished jerk Russia would eat fish for once. I wished he didn't make me drink vodka sometimes, which made me feel sick. I wished he wouldn't wake me up with an airhorn the next morning, and then get disappointed and hit me when he realised I didn't have a headache. I wished he wasn't so entertained by some stupid tap that he couldn't even get to work anyway.
Russia entered the kitchen and sat down at the table, obviously very pleased, and Lithuania trailed behind him, crying.
"Please, Russia-san..." I barely heard him; he was whispering. "No more, Russia-san..."
I ladled whatever it was I had been boiling into a bowl and gave it to Russia. He ate it all, as always, not even leaving a tiny bit.
"That was awful, Sealand. Next time, try harder, okay?" Then his eyes brightened. "Let's play a game!" He stood up and walked over to the boiling pot, and motioned for me to go over as well. "Oh, this is going to be fun!" He took my hand and plunged it into the boiling water. I screamed as I felt my own flesh cooking. "Isn't this fun?" he asked, genuinely enjoying himself as he held my arm and didn't let me take my hand out of the water. "Next time, you try harder, okay? Next time you make me a good meal. Ohh, isn't this game fun? Your screaming tells me you do, you wouldn't be creaming otherwise..."
When jerk Russia returned, my hand and half my forearm were still in bandages. This did not stop him taking this hand firmly in his and dragging me into the kitchen by it.
"Why are you so small, da?" he asked, picking out a knife and holding it up to examine it, "You should grow more. When will you grow, Sealand? When will you grow? My boss is not happy that you are so small, he said I should have acquired a bigger country, so I told him how I almost had them all that night and he told me failure wasn't an option, da. He told me my people will die if I do not have enough resources. And I have so many people..." His expression darkened and he turned to me, the knife in his hand glinting. "How many people do you have, Sealand? Do you think that they'd miss your toes? Perhaps your ear. What about your tongue? There's something that you can do without... And it will stop you from complaining." I couldn't move for fear. "Open wide, da..." he said coming towards me. I could never outrun this giant. And the only time I'd ever fought was just against a few Dutch men, and there hadn't been any bloodshed, I really didn't know how to fight very well, having been a neutral country my whole life. I could do nothing to stop him. I had begun to cry a while ago. I thought I was stronger than this, but I wasn't, I couldn't do anything...
-
I could not let Russia cut out that boy's tongue. I just could not. I stepped in front of Russia, stood on my toes and stretched as far as I could, and managed to reach high enough to kiss him on the lips.
"Please, Russia-san... You can do anything to me. I will do whatever you want. I will beg and I will roleplay and I will describe whatever you want. I love what you do to me, I love it all, and I want you to do it now." I sobbed, fumbling with my shirt buttons. I couldn't believe I was doing this for that idiotic kid. I took off my shirt and I knelt on the floor and I clutched at his leg and I cried and I begged for him to take me. He normally wouldn't be distracted from a punishment, but I think he was so turned on he couldn't help it.
"Leave. Now." Russia snapped at the boy, "Close the door. Don't come back to this room for at least..." He checked the clock. "An hour and a half." He took out his whip from somewhere and looked down at me. "We're going to play a fun variation of this game, da. A variation I will only play with you."
-
"AAAGH! I'M ENJOYING MYSELF! I'M ENJOYING MYSELF! AAH! YOU'RE RIGHT, THIS IS FUN! OH GOD! I LIKE THIS! OH G- AAAAARGH!!!" As Lithuania's screams ran out through the house I wondered what he had wanted to do with jerk Russia. I was really confused, because he was saying that he was enjoying himself but I could hear the pain in his voice.
The doorbell rang later that day and I wearily went to answer it. I didn't think jerk Russia was expecting anyone today. My knees almost gave out when I saw who it was.
"Finland! Sweden!" I cried, giving them both half a hug with my left arm. Finland looked stricken with worry.
"So it's true, you are here... What has he done to you? Why is your arm all bandaged up? What are all these bruises? We have to get you home immediately!" Finland fretted.
"i-I can't leave, I-I signed a contract..." I told them.
"You what? How will we get you out of here? What do we do, Su-san?" Finland grabbed Sweden's arm in distress.
"... … Hm." Then Sweden walked into the house, the two of us close behind. We found jerk Russia in the main room, Lithuania sobbing by his side.
"I see we have visitors," he smiled, and stood up. "Ah, Finland... It is good to see you again..." he said, taking a step closer.
"You don't scare me, you big bully! We've come for Sealand!" Finland said defiantly.
Jerk Russia laughed.
"But Sealand's mine now. I couldn't find you a way out of that treaty even if I wanted to." he beamed.
"M'wife 'nd I want th'boy." Sweden said bluntly.
"I'm not your-"
"You make a lovely couple. Who would be even lovelier under my roof..." Russia mused. Finland paled.
"Give us Sealand back or you're going to be sorry!" he yelled.
"You'd fight me in my own territory? But Winter will be arriving soon. I wouldn't want you to freeze. " jerk Russia's said, his smile growing creepier. There was a scary flint in jerk Russia's eye, so I held Finland's hand tightly. Jerk Russia took my bandaged hand and yanked me to his side, making Finland fall over. Sweden helped him up and looked at jerk Russia, unblinking.
"… Let's n'gotiate." he grunted.
Finland and Sweden had been negotiating with jerk Russia for hours. I had continued with my work in the meantime. Liet and Estonia had tried to cheer me up, but it hadn't really worked. I had never been this upset, not even when my house caught fire. My house... I thought back to my territory, the solid steel and concrete, the bracing sea breeze, my bright flag, my name and web address painted across the surface for everyone to see... I ran the fingers of my left hand across the tattoo on my stomach. My name. I thought about my boss. I liked me boss. He would be wondering what was happening to me. I was sick of this snow. Just white, white everywhere, and no life for miles and miles around. Where was the blue, the green, where were the fish, the seagulls? I missed my seagulls. They kept me company. I missed the taste of salt and I missed me people, and, god help me, I even missed being near jerk England.
Jerk... I re-evaluated the meaning of that word. England had abandoned me and refused to accept my existence, had taken my boss the court, but Russia was in an entirely different class... I guessed there were different levels of jerks. And jerk Russia pushed the word to its very limits.
My adoptive parents eventually left the room, looking tired and hopeless. Finland smiled at me weakly.
"We're coming back tomorrow," he promised, and Sweden put his hand on my shoulder and looked down at me, his hair casting the usual shadow over his face.
"..." I looked at him expectantly. "Best o'luck." he finally said, and led Finland out the door.
Jerk Russia trotted out of the room with a wide smile.
"Oh, Sealand, you may be worth your keep after all!" he sang, "I'm going to get the both of them, I just know it! Ha ha! Yes, yes I will! And it's all thanks to you! This calls for a celebration! Everyone into the living-room at once!" We hastened to form a line of rough height order in the main room, and jerk Russia smiled down at us as we shook violently.
"Lithuania, go to my CD collection and put on Chormy Bumer. Estonia, you will prepare the table and bring me lots of vodka. Latvia and Sealand will cook my favourite dish, pierogi. And you'll cook it well, because if you don't there'll be consequences." he beamed, and the four of us rushed off in various directions to perform these tasks.
"Uhh, Sealand?" Latvia ventured, "Have you ever tried tasting the food while you are making it, to check that it is going okay?"
"Do you think that would work? I've never done that before." I said uncertainly, but gave it a try. "Ew, yuck! This is disgusting! Latvia, get me some salt, that's what this really needs."
"That much salt in pierogi...? But you don't need to -"
"Everything needs salt! I love salt, it reminds me of the sea, of home. Everything tastes better with more salt!"
-
I turned around to find Russia standing right behind me and almost had a heart attack. He took my hand and led me to the sofa, where he sat me on his lap and started stroking my hair.
"What's this song about?" I murmured, breaking the long silence.
"A black BMW," he told me.
"I like it," I said.
"Me too." He took another swig of vodka and the silence returned. I felt awkward but he probably thought it was a comfortable silence. Despite the icy cold, the loud, very Russian music and the fact that I was being held by Russia, who could snap me like a twig at a moment's notice, I was beginning to feel sleepy. I was so tired... I had to work all the time... I rarely got a decent night's sleep... Russia's scarf made a pretty soft pillow... I... Was drifting off...
I awoke to Russia's frozen touch.
"What are you doing?" I asked in alarm.
"Massaging your shoulders," he replied, "you are very tense." Gee, I wonder why. His rough hands only made me more tense, but I nuzzled my face back into his scarf and started falling asleep again.
Estonia nervously entered the room.
"D-d-d-dinner is s-served, R-Russia-san," he stammered, and I lifted my head up.
"Oh, see what you did? You woke him up." Russia said quietly. "No matter. Let's go into the dining-room." I quickly got off his lap and he stood up.
"Why has he been acting so strangely with you recently?" Estonia whispered to me as Russia led the way.
"He-he thinks we're in a... In a-a relationship..." I sighed. Estonia didn't know what to say to that, so he just gave me a hug.
-
"I love pierogi," Russia said wit a childish smile.
"We s-served it w-with sour-cream and vo-vodka, just how you l-like it, Russia-s-san..." Lithuania trembled as jerk Russia sat down. He served jerk Russia the pierogi, and stood behind me, shaking something awful. We waited in tense silence as jerk Russia had a mouthful, frowned, then swallowed.
"This... Is very salty..." he said slowly.
"Salt is good!" I exclaimed, "I've finally cooked something in this house that tastes good!"
"No." said jerk Russia. How could that one little word make my heartbeat stop, if only for a second. "Too salty is not good, da." We watched in silence as he finished the meal.
I writhed under jerk Russia's boot, which was planted firmly on my back, pinning me to the ground.
"This game I especially enjoy," he was saying, "and although I won't be able to see your face this time, next time I will." A crying Latvia was crouching in front of me, holding a video camera.
"I'm sorry..." he breathed. Jerk Russia look my flailing leg in his hand, and, using some sort of tool which I couldn't see, started scraping back a layer of my skin.
-
Russia giggled with glee as a small boy screamed in agony from a screen in front of us. Russia had hooked the video camera up to the TV and was making me watch it with him again and again and again.
"NO" AAAH! PLEASE STOP! NO! NO! AAAAAHAAAHHH! STOP, NO, STOP! OH, AAGH, NO, PLEASE, STOP, NO, AAAAAH!" Sealand screamed himself hoarse, his face twisted in unimaginable pain as Russia removed layer after layer of skin from his leg. Russia voice could be heard in the background.
"I told you you'd like this game! I'm certainly enjoying myself. Now for the next layer... Fufufu..." I wanted to look away, but I knew he would do the same to me if I did. He was in that sort of mood. High spirits. Having fun. All part of the celebrations. I watched as tears and blood spattered again the floor around Sealand's body. As he almost choked on his saliva. As his tiny body finally could not take any more and he passed out. Silent tears streamed down my face. I shuddered as Russia's wandering hand found me and started doing things.
Sealand still had not awakened the next day. A crying Estonia answered the door. He hugged Finland tightly and sobbed,
"I'm sorry.
When they came inside, the Sealand tape was still playing in the living-room. Finland and Sweden saw it. Then they saw Russia, smiling warmly. As if anything about Russia could be warm. And an uncharacteristic darkness entered Finland's eyes. A brief madness. And he took a heavy wooden stool up from the floor. And he smashed it over Russia's head. Five times. Until he was unconscious.
Realising what he had done, Finland dropped the stool in horror. Sweden knelt down next to Russia's body and took Sealand's contract from the giant's pocket. He took out a lighter and made sure every last part of it burnt. They found Sealand's body and took it back to their house with them. I looked at Estonia and we both cried. Because we knew who would pay for this when Russia woke up.
-
I awoke suddenly and with a high-pitched scream. I just kept screaming and I didn't stop and didn't stop and didn't stop until Finland had me in his arms and I broke into crying and Finland told me that was he gone, he was gone and they would never let him get me again, never, ever, ever. Sweden gave me an awkward hug as well.
I eventually regained the use of my right arm and left leg. Now I go swimming every day. I sail a lot as well. I sit swinging my legs over the edge of my island and breathe the amazing sea air. I let my people know how important they are to me. And I eat fresh fish every day. I absolutely refuse to eat food that's been frozen.
I got a new rubber dinghy for Xmas. A HF 360 Fish Hunter that can carry all four of my people and myself at the same time. Lithuania got a book about self-confidence, Estonia some expensive software he'd been wanting for ages, and Latvia a lifetime's supply of Kleenex. Finland figured that would last him until about next Xmas. Russia didn't get anything. Finland said he would have liked coal; he would put it in his fireplace and it would have keep him warm. And I wanted him to freeze to death. That man who was already as cold as ice.
Author's Note: I think I must get some sort of sick pleasure from cruel!Russia. It's like some sort of drug. It has to be mixed with cute!Russia to be effective, but all the same, I'm kind of worried about myself. And I have to increase the dose each time to get the same kick. That is the explanation for this.
I made Sealand only good at cooking fish because that's basically their only food source. XD Most likely they get loads of other stuff shipped over, but you know. I made him love the taste of salt because he would have grown used to it, being surrounded by the sea, and would miss its absence.
Thank you to Wikipedia for teaching me about pierogi, and thank you to Roy bates for creating Sealand. I am in love with this country and the whole stupidness of the entire thing.
I am so evil to every character. How I can still love Russia to bits after this I honestly do not know.