When I was 5 I had woken up needing the bathroom. I was on my way until I heard the sound of someone in our kitchen I thought it was a intruder. I walked slowly in the not making a sound but then I saw my mother.
I didn't know what she was doing so late at night. I stood at the door frame watching her. I watched as she hung a rope to the fan. I didn't know what it meant I thought she was just building something.
I was stupid not to know. "Mama?" I said in a quiet voice which seemed to have startled her. She turned to face me with a big warm smile. Oh I loved her smiles. She looked down at me and began to speak.
"My my Luffy what are you doing up?" I looked down at my feet knowing I wasn't aloud to be up since it was past my bed time. "I- I needed to pee." I said as I went back to stare at her. She sighed and my guilt melted away.
"Mama? What are you doing here? Why are you hanging that rope up there? You making something?" I spoke a little to loud. She glared towards Grandpas room who was asleep and we heard the loud snores again so she calmed down.
Her eyes went back to me and turned gentle again. She came and embraced me and I rested my head in her shoulder. "Shh don't want to wake grandpa now?" I shook my head no.
"That rope that is hanging up there is my savor. And it's fault for it." The warm voice turned a bit cold but I ignored it. "Yes Luffy what I'm about to do is all you fault!" It wasn't my mothers voice I heard anymore.
It was cold and rough I felt fear come over me I didn't like this. She let me go and stood once again leaving me standing still and confused. She climbed on a stool and put her head threw the hole of the rope and jumped off.
The stool fell to the ground with a loud crash. I watched in horror as I saw my mother choke and grasp for air. I can still remember that horrid smirk that stayed on her face until she died. Her body went limp and sounds went silent.
My tears streamed down my cheeks. I still didn't know what was happening but I knew she was gone and never coming back. "Ma- mama?!" I screamed as I ran towards her touching only her feet.
I continued to scream until my grandfather came in. "Luffy? Why are yo-" His voice cut short as he saw my mother hanging on the noose. He ran out of the room and grabbed the phone calling the ambulance.
I reached for mothers hand wanting to hold it like we did all the time but when I finally touched it she was cold. I swiped my hand away then hugged it starting wide eyed at her. "Mama..." I heard the door open and some people walked in pushing me away.
They took mother away and left me and grandpa alone I was still crying while he sat on a chair hands in his face.
I was scared and lonely so I got up and walked to Grandpa but he pushed me to the floor. I didn't know what was wrong but I knew it was my fault. His stare was filled with hate and anger.
"It's your fault Luffy..." The word left his mouth and I believed them. "Grandpa...?" My voice my cracked and forced. Tears started to blur my vision but I felt everything.
This is when the abuse started to happen. It was a daily thing after that. It was just grandpa's way of showing he cared about mother. A way just to let out that anger towards me because it was my own fault my mother is dead.
A 2 years later is when grandpa adopted 2 older boys. My step brothers they were three years older than me. I was 7 and they were 10 I loved them. We played together all the time but when they went to go play baseball is when grandpa abused me.
They never knew not even today. I started to hate my self but tried to ignore it. Around age 9 is were we started to drift apart. They started to hang out with kids there age at school. Since they were 12 they wanted to have more freedom.
Who was I to stop them? I can't stop them just because I'm trapped by the past. I didn't have friends the others thought I was just to annoying. So I stayed quiet.
Ace and Sabo never knew how I acted in school because they pretended not to know me there. I never had friends not even now and never will. The hate grew stronger I couldn't ignore it anymore. I got use to this life style because I knew I could never be happy when I know my mothers death is my own fault.
Age 11 is when the cutting began to happen. It helped to forget the pain of everything. Ace and Sabo never came near me anymore so I didn't come near them either it was probably better that way anyway.
When grandpa found out he only said I should cut deeper then maybe I would die. He didn't even try to stop me.
The bullying started to get worse everyday. Some kids named Zoro who had green hair and a guy named Sanji who had a swirly brow would beat me up, but I didn't mind I was to use to it because of grandpa. Kids in the class room would whisper insults at me.
I wouldn't pay attention but I knew by the little glances then whispers. I knew they were talking about how horrible I am. A orange hair girl named Nami was the worst she wouldn't hide it.
"Hey freak! Why don't you just go kill your self?!" I stared at her for a moment before looking back down at my desk. A little half broken smile I appeared on my face as I whispered out to my self. "Maybe I should...?"
It seem her and her group heard this and was sorta shocked. The 2 boys who beat me be hide the school everyday and a long nosed guy. Along with a girl with long black hair who read a lot.
A tall boy with a afro and a super active guy named Franky were there to. Also a little smart boy named Chopper who always tried to stop them but didn't work. He always apologize after and I would say don't worry.
"Do- don't joke about that!" The long nosed boy said and I lifted my head to him and mouthed. "Just kidding." The tall guy with an afro seemed angry by this. He hardly did anything only watched from a far so it was rare to see him take action.
"Death isn't something to joke about!" Ha I knew this all to well. It wasn't I joke I was seriously considering suicide. Before I could answer I felt a strong kick to the head sending me to the floor with my chair crashing with a loud bang.
I lied there before sitting back up grabbing the chair to place it back up firmly. "Hey what you do that for you damn blonde?! I was gonna hit him!" Both of them started to fight again.
"HA serves you right freak!" The harsh words felt like sharp needles stabbing my flesh but I stayed calm not letting a single emotion go. I looked back at them and saw the black hair girl stare down at me with pity.
This treatment went on for a few years to come until age 14 when I made my decision for death. Suicide is the only way.
I hate me. I don't hate my life I hate my self who screws it up. It's my fault for everything. My fault for mothers death. My fault grandpa abuse's me. My fault Ace and Sabo ignore me and don't like me anymore.
My fault everyone is school hates me. It's my fault that I hate my self and is unable to love my self in anyway. I deserve everything.
Were dismissed from class and I'm alone left sitting at my desk. I soon slowly get up and walk out the door only to meet up with the regular group of bullies I have to deal with but not after today.
"Hey fuckass." I'm greeted by Sanji and the rest smirk. I stare at them waiting for them to hurry up and do something to me. "What? Do I got something on my face?" I ask getting bored.
"Nothing but you just seem different." Usopp says yeah I learned all there names. A half broken smile goes on my. "Hey what are smiling at?" Zoro speaks out. I feel something break deep within me.
"Nothing I'm just happy that this will be the last time I see your faces!" I feel the excitement build up and there faces are filled with confusion. A dark chuckle started to come out of my mouth.
A smile started to actually form but not a happy smile a sick twisted smile. I love how there faces don't know what expression to express! "Awe what's wrong?" My voice has mockery in it. I put out a finger to my mouth showing a fake sympathetic expression.
There was no answer so I continued to speak. "Cat got your tongues Hello? Huh? Where's the insults? Where's the beatings?" I cock my head sideways. "Wh- what's wrong with you...?" The fucking red head says.
My smile widens when I hear her slow and hesitate voice speak out. "What's wrong? Nothing! Today is the best day of my whole fucking life!" I grip my stomach and lean down I start to laugh.
"Aahahahahahahah!? This is absolutely wonderful!" As soon as I finish my sentence my head shoots up staring at them. I slowly let go of my stomach and stand strait again. "You...you fucking freak!" Sanji starts out slow but his voice changes back to normal. I love it.
"Freak...? Yes I guess I am one. I mean since I've been told this every mother fucking day the past 4-5 years it has to be true! Okay now Nami, Usopp where are my daily insults? Zoro, Sanji where are my beatings?" My hangs gestured to come closer but none of them did.
"Huh? Hey come on." I put this fake disappointed look on my face but soon turned back into my smirk. "Scared? Well what ever bye my lovely bullies." I turned away from them and I started to walk away.
My hand waving good bye to them as I walked towards to the steps to the roof. I stopped when I heard a light voice call out form the group behind me. "
"Wh- where are you going?" It was that little short one Chopper. I turn around once again but only stared in his little eyes. Before I continued to walk away I mouth the word death. I'm now half way up the stairs.
My steps are slow but smooth. I can see the door now I'm touching the knob. I turn the knob now I feel the cool light breeze of outside. My steps are speeding up and I stare at the fence that's suppose to stop you but I climb up.
I carefully settle on the edge. I hear the door smash open so I turn around pretty quick. I see them all my bullies. They stare at me and I stare back with a smirk. Fear and confusion is clearly showing on there faces.
I raise my hand up and wave bye. I see Zoro and Sanji to start running but I'm already leaning back.
I hear a loud scream from most likely Nami when I start to fall. I feel the wind on my back before I hit the ground hard. The last thought on my mind is "Nine years alone is long but I deserved it all."
Not sure if I'm finished or not. :p I haven't posted anything for a while now so here hope you enjoy it.