I do not own the song Behind Blue Eyes by The Who nor do I own anything related to CSI NY. I don't know where the idea for this story came from, I was listning to the song then started writing and couldn't stop lol. Hope you like it.
Behind Blue Eyes
No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes
But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
Behind those blue eyes lies a mountain of pain. The happiness shielding the sorrow. He should be happy, on this day of all days. But for some reason someone up there wants Daniel Messer to be sad on his wedding day.
He took a big gulp of liqueur and tried to calm his nerves. Sitting at the bar alone in Cozy's Danny drank away his sorrows. He ignored the warnings from Mac. He ignored the disappointment from Stella. And he ignored the silent plea from his fiancé, urging him to come home. In less than 24 hours, he would be gazing into the eyes of the woman he loved, in a white dress, with their whole life infront of them. A fresh new start. Too bad that she would be looking back at a disgrace of a husband with a hangover on his wedding day. Of course, this was not to be true. Lindsay thought of Danny as her world, and every breath she took she wanted it to be with Danny.
She was the one who knew him more than he even knew himself. She knew his nightmares and he knew hers. The only thing that she didn't know was why Danny was in such a mess.
Blinking back the tears, Danny finished his third glass, and brought it back down on the bar with a crash. He staggered off the stool, and left Cozy's, passing passers by who just ignored him. He might as well fade away and no one would notice.
He ignored the sound of his cell ringing in his jean pocket. The number of missed calls increased, all of them from Lindsay, who was wondering where he was. If only he knew how much she was panicking at home, lying in her empty bed, she couldn't sleep. Then he would forget about why he was upset and go chase her nightmares away, hold her tight and kiss everything better. Like a proper boyfriend would do.
Danny knew that he couldn't wipe away this day that easily though.
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free
Looking up at the night sky Danny smiled as the clouds formed, and darkened, threatening rain. Danny loved the rain. It was what we need to grow. It is something that Danny needed at that moment to wash away his memory of Louie, to wash away his clouded mind, which was preventing him from thinking. He rubbed his tired eyes and walked to the church.
Danny wasn't a religious man. But he was a passionate man, believed in faith. He also knew that someone up there was watching over him, otherwise Lindsay wouldn't have walked into his life and changed it for good. Danny knew that the church never closed. Not this church anyway. He knew the person who kept guard of it, and that person knew that Danny always came to visit the church on this day.
Entering the small humble building Danny was hit by the cold. This was unusual, considering for the past 2 years he had came on the same day, at the same time, and the weather was always bad. But the church was always warm. This night however, the coldness flew around the church as if the many ghosts buried in the graveyard. Danny closed his eyes tight and sat down at the front of the church.
He shivered. But he didn't believe that it was the cold. He believed that Louie's presence was with him. Sat next to him. Opening his eyes he turned to his left, and imagined Louie face looking back at him. But even a drunken Danny knew that was just his imagination.
No one knows what it's like
To feel these feelings
Like I do
And I blame you
For two years Danny had been strong when it came to the death of his brother. He hadn't mentioned it to anyone and had moved on, bottling it all up inside him. Now he regretted for not confiding in the people that were there for him, because now the pain was breaking his heart, and ruining things in his life. It prevented him from seeing what he had infront of him. A beautiful woman who needed and loved him. Friends and a career. But it was times like these when Danny just couldn't be happy because of this. He blamed himself for everything. He blamed his anger, and his childhood. He even blamed Louie. He couldn't explain to himself why though. He loved Louie. Perhaps he hated him for getting himself into the Tanglewood boys…the biggest mistake of all. And the consequence was the death of Louie.
"You know you shouldn't blame yourself."
Danny looked up and gulped. That voice swam around him.
"It's alright for you to sit here and blame yourself for petty things. But do you know what your girl is thinking? She's thinking that you have cold feet. Are you telling me, that Daniel Messer, mom's good son, is going to throw away all that he has because of me…the bad son?"
Danny grinned and a single warm tear rolled down his face.
"How is mom?" he choked out.
"She's worried."
"About what?" Danny looked at his brother sat next to him.
"About you, you ninny! She's thinking bout coming down here and giving you a twat round the head." Louie hit Danny in the back of his head.
Grunting Danny rubbed his head and frowned at his brother.
"She's proud of you though. We all are. Aiden especially."
No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain and woe
Can show through
Danny froze when the name Aiden left the mouth of Louie. Another regret, which lingered in his mind. If Danny had been protective and a good friend Aiden would still be alive.
"MESSER! Don't you dare blame yourself for Aiden either!" Louie voice echoed in the church.
Danny looked away and his fist clenched as the though of D.J Pratt entered his mind.
"I could have killed him. It's my fault that she was murdered." He said between clenched teeth.
"You and I both know that is a load of bull. You couldn't have done anything."
"I don't blame you."
Danny looked up as a female voice spoke. His eyes widened as Aiden sat smiling next to him. Tears rolled down her face but she still smiled.
"Aiden." Danny whispered and brought his hand up to touch her face. She reached out her hand and touched his, sending shivers down his body, forcing unshed tears to roll down his face.
"But I am angry at you." She took her hand away.
He closed his eyes shut and sighed.
"Everyone's angry at me. I'm a bad man. I hurt people." Danny said.
Aiden nodded.
"You sure do mister. I thought Lindsay had changed you."
Danny's eyes opened wide.
"She has." His voice raised in defence.
"Oh yeh, so why did you go and lie to her, break her heart and act like a complete fool."
"I was grieving!" Danny shouted, trying to unclench his fists. He stood up and tried to walk away.
"You can't run away Danny. In order to move on you're going to have to live with the fact that none of these losses are your fault." Louie and Aiden looked up at him and saw the disbelief in his eyes. They knew that they had one more back up plan to try to convince the feisty CSI.
But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free
"Danny." A little boy's voice turned Danny around with wide eyes. He froze to the spot and he didn't know what to do. The boy smiled at his friend. The smile broke Danny's heart. Ruben ran up to Danny and hugged him, Danny wrapped his arms around him and picked him up, and heard his laugh. The laugh brought more tears to Danny eyes.
"I'm sorry little buddy." He whispered into his ears.
Ruben looked behind Danny at Aiden and Louie and Louie nodded, giving Ruben the go ahead to hit Danny on the back of his head. Ruben laughed at his expression and made a little smile form on Danny's lips. Ruben was set back down and got ready to speak to Danny.
"Danny, why are you not at home with Lindsay?" Ruben asked the hard question, which Danny did not have the answers for. Danny shrugged and sat back down, hiding his face in his hand. Ruben walked up to him and patted him on his knees.
"I am not your fault. Aiden's not your fault. Louie isn't. The loss of all of us isn't your fault…but the loss of Lindsay will be. And that would be the greatest loss of all. If you don't get your act together!" Ruben looked at Danny with puppy dog eyes.
Danny laughed and brushed a strand of Ruben's hair from his face.
"You sure have matured." He smiled.
"That's because I have Aiden and Louie. And you have Lindsay." The three spirits all saw the change of expression on Danny's face.
When my fist clenches, crack it open
Before I use it and lose my cool
When I smile, tell me some bad news
Before I laugh and act like a fool
If I swallow anything evil
Put your finger down my throat
If I shiver, please give me a blanket
Keep me warm, let me wear your coat
As the rain pelted down against the painted windows, the regret…sorrow…blame all washed away from Danny's face and love showed. Ruben had broken the wall that prevented Danny from seeing that his life was truly worthwhile. Danny looked behind Ruben at the statue standing at the front of the church. Danny had his angels. Three of them had just made him realise that his best angel, needs him.
Danny wiped the tears that were left falling down his face and looked back at where Ruben was standing. He was no longer there. He quickly looked to both sides of him but Aiden and Louie had faded too. They were no longer needed, and Danny knew this.
He placed his hands over his face and tried to convince himself that what just happened was real. That his angels had come to speak to him to stop him from going mad.
He thought of Lindsay. He hadn't seen her all day. That broke his heart more than anything. The fact that normally he couldn't go one day without seeing her brown eyes and her smile that lit up the room. Her touch that made him warm inside and loved. Her sweet and caring words that circled him like notes of a good song. The way she always knew where he was, and how he was feeling without saying a word. All of these things, which made him, love her more every single day.
No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes
Danny felt a warm small hand on top of his.
"Danny."
The country accent filled his ears and his eyes opened to meet hers. The pain behind those brown eyes made Danny hold her hand tight.
"Wha…how did you know I was here?" Danny choked out.
A tear rolled down Lindsay angelic face and she shrugged.
"I just thought…because of the day….and the fact that after 6 calls you didn't answer…I knew that there was one place where Danny Messer would seek refuge." The words escaped her lips like a sad song, feeling in all the words.
Danny brought a thumb to her cheek and sent warmth through her body as he wiped her tears away. Without any more words, Danny pulled her close to his body and wrapped his arms securely around her small body. She sighed as she relaxed against his chest. He kissed the top of her head and could feel her grasp his shirt tightly. She wasn't soaking wet through because of the rain.
"I'm sorry." Danny whispered.
She shook her head and looked up, finally giving him a smile.
"Danny there is no reason on earth why you should be sorry." She brought her finger up to his face and traced his features, he closed his eyes as she gently moved along his forehead, over his eyes, down his cheek and resting on his lips. She replaced her finger with her lips, and gently kissed him. Pulling away she smiled as a smile formed on those lips, and the deep blue sea that were his eyes opened, and the pain was no longer there.
Instead, Lindsay saw that behind those blue eyes lies a mountain of love. She grabbed his hand tightly and they both looked at the front of the church. This was where Lindsay would stand opposite Danny. Her white dress giving her the angel look. Her bright smile matching everyone's in the room. But Danny's would be the largest smile. Because he would be the happiest man in the whole world and it would be because of the ring that lay on her finger…because the woman infront of him would be his forever and the love for her would grow like a daisy, a beautiful pure daisy.
Danny looked at Lindsay and knew that she was thinking the same thing as Danny. He leaned in, kissed her cheek, and held her hand tight. She smiled and looked at him with something on her mind. Without explaining why, she stood up and pulled his arm, meaning that he was to follow her. They walked out and were hit by the rain. But that was ignored. Danny grabbed her hand tightly and let her guide him. She went behind the church to three statues. Danny knew exactly who they belonged to. He sighed and they stood still infront of them.
The statue to the left belonged to Aiden. The one in the middle belonged to Ruben. The farthest to the right belonged to Louie Messer.
The rain fell down amongst the couple and the statues, but the statue's whiteness still stood out from the dullness of the weather. The pureness of them remained. Rain is just a weather that many people hate. But Danny and Lindsay knew there was more to rain. Rain uncovered truth. Rain washed away unneccsersay feelings and allowed pureness to shine through. Lindsay rested her head on Danny 's shoulder and they spent some more time just staring at the statues. Danny could tell that his angels were looking down on him, and protecting Lindsay and him.
The rain dried up…the pureness stayed…and behind his blue eyes….danny felt the love for the woman who was walking down the aisle clinging to Mac's arm. Danny smiled as the voice of his brother whispered into his ear.
"Don't mess this up."
Danny nodded, and knew that if he did, he would have more than a twat around the head.
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