Why does she have to smile like that? She thinks she knows what I'm thinking, but if she had any idea at all, that woman would run for the hills. Her face… irritates me.
God, it's like the light from heaven just bursts out of her face into a room and people feel warmer in her presence. Even me.
Miller
Mill-ar
Even her name gets on my nerves. She knows I'm talking to her, she doesn't need me to congratulate myself on knowing her first name.
It's a beautiful name, though. Ellie.
And she just calls me anything that comes to mind. Shitface, Hardass, Wanker, Knob… She must hate me. But then I catch her looking at me when she doesn't think I'm paying attention and I can see the gears turning in her head. A calm pass over her face. Maybe she doesn't hate me as much as she lets on.
Still, she gets under my skin, constantly questioning everything I do, or say. Ordering me around like I'm some sort of pet, or a child she's sent to mind.
It does make me better at my job, and she doesn't act like it's a problem. Just another day. Handing me things to hold, arguing with me, challenging me. She does bring out a better detective in me than I've ever been, so why does it piss me off so damned much?
Because she's right?
Because she's better at my job than I am?
Because I'm the reason she's so distant, even from me?
Because all I've ever done is push people away and somehow, she's managed to find a place in my heart?
Because I love her stupid smile and her nattering, her big heart, her forgiving nature, her drive and her fight. I hate that she made me love this stupid town and its stupid people, her most of all. I didn't want a home, I just wanted to finish what I started and die a lonely, heartless man. But she gave my heart back. She gave me a home. A family. Made me want to be better.
I hate that I love her so bloody much.