A/N: This idea randomly came to me last year, so I decided to go with it by typing this merry, little one-shot up at the time. So, happy Monday... But, anyway, since it's snowing where I live right now, I decided to go festive early by presenting you all with this story. Enjoy the randomness. XD

Disclaimer: I have no idea who made up the "Jingle Bells, Batman Smells" song up, probably just a bunch of first graders. So, those copyrights go to those clever little block tower builders, I guess. XP And also Death Note does not belong to me.

Jingle Bells, Batman Smells

Mello preferred Christmas over any holiday of the year, which surprised every resident at Wammy's House. He usually struck the orphans as a sardonic, bitter boy who loved pulling crude pranks and liked nothing other than chocolate and his good friend Matt. However, they were proved wrong when, on Christmas Eve, they heard a loud, off-key parody of a beloved carol.

"Jingle bells

Batman smells

Robin laid an egg

They took off in the Batmobile

And let the Joker get away, hey!"

"You're singing it wrong!" one boy whined, disgruntled that his dreams of sugarplums and candy canes disappeared when Mello's awful singing pierced the quiet of the orphanage.

"He can't sing at all, you idiot!" another girl, just as irritated, shouted across the hall.

In the mean time, Mello continued singing various versions of "Jingle Bells, Batman Smells", disregarding the harsh critique of his roommates. He did this until he reached the expansive den, where a Christmas tree protected the many gifts the children had received.

Mello's greedy blue eyes practically bulged out of his skull upon this magnificent discovery. Yes, he would open the presents early! That way, no one would...

But, what was this he was hearing now? He could have sworn he heard whining concerning horrendous singing down the hall.

"Pfft, everyone's a critic!" he scoffed under his breath as he approached the fireplace. Resolving to search for the contents of his stocking instead, he squinted at each and every stitched name, seeking for his own.

Linda...Logan...Matt...Near (Mello practically gagged on sight of this lastly mentioned name)...There was his!

His stocking, the color of springtime grass, dangled precariously near the hungry flames, but no threat came to it. He gazed longingly at it, yearning to just plunge his hand into its depths and find a Yule-time treat. Really, what was stopping him?

He had requested for a scrumptious, humongous chocolate bar this year, his only desire. Nothing would please him more than to partake in a midnight snack.

Mello inched his hand closer to the stocking, resolving to repel the nervous beating of his heart. After all, he longed for his gift more than anyone else in this godforsaken orphanage, even Matt, who wanted a Gameboy. Closer still did his hand approach the upper hem of the oversized sock...when a soft thumping of feet interrupted his act of thievery from the stocking.

Who was it? Mello ardently hoped that Near had not arrived to catch him red-handed—or worse, Roger, the caretaker of this place.

Luckily, Matt only walked to his side, rubbing one eye sleepily. The redhead had squandered the day playing video games, as usual, to the point that he had desperately needed sleep. After all, little boys had to retire to bed eventually, even at eleven o'clock at night.

Smirking at his fortune of merely having his friend beside him, Mello hissed, "Hey, Matt, I'm just getting my present. Don't tell anyone."

"Were you the one that woke me up? No offense, but you really suck at singing."

The blond boy's eyes dilated in obvious shock; he had expected this from the other children, but never Matt. He felt inevitably betrayed...for five seconds.

After those tiny amounts of time passed, he no longer cared and focused on retrieving the stocking stuffer.

He plunged his hand inside it once more (and hopefully, with no more interruptions), revealing the "treat" to Matt.

"So, what do you think?" Mello inquired, beaming with unfortunately closed eyes. "I knew I would get an awesome present. I bet it beats your Gameboy!"

"Uh...Mello..."

"Oh, I get it! My present has made you speechless. That's OK, Matt. You don't have to say anything...just admire the beauty."

"Mello..."

"What?"

"Open your eyes."

Given this instruction by Matt, Mello sensed immediately that his present had killed his moment of glory. Reluctantly, he opened his eyes merely a crack and found the worst thing possible.

A black, solid lump of coal rested upon his now quivering hands, which shivered not of childhood sorrow, but of rage.

"What the heck did I do to deserve this, huh? I mean, sure I picked on Near lots of times, but that doesn't mean I should..."

"Surprise!" Matt grinned, appearing immensely proud of his achievement. "I put the coal in there as a gag gift. It's not really what you got."

Wiping sweat away from his brow, Mello breathed a sigh of relief. "That's good...you know what? I'm not going to open my presents until tomorrow. I might get more coal."

"That was the idea... I wanted to scare you out of opening your presents too early, so you wouldn't be in trouble with Roger."

Mello grinned with the knowledge that his friend had saved him from admonishment once more. "Thanks."

"You know, that 'Batman Smells' song is kind of catchy...," Matt said and left his sentence up in the air.

Two minutes later, the two boys disturbed their roommates by another variation on the Christmas carol "Jingle Bells."

Both sang unsurprisingly off-key.

A/N: Christmas with those two troublemakers as kids. It doesn't get much better than this, folks! Please review--I've only been getting one review each for recent one-shots I've put out and that depresses me. So, even if you read, can you review? You don't even have to be on this site.

And Happy Holidays, everyone!