Lock's rant
(I in no way own Tim Burton a nightmare before Christmas)
Please take note this is not a serious fanfic, but rather me speaking through Lock's mouth.
Lock: Hey!
Sorry.
Ok losers, so I recently nicked Jack and Sally's computer (they do have one you know. They may be holiday folk but they've gotta keep up with the times) and I saw what you morons have dared to put on the internet. How could you? You think you're so cool, sitting there with your Microsoft word typing endless crap about me and Shock. I mean, SHOCK? REALLY? I seriously doubt that. Not only am I in the body of a six-year-old, if that doesn't scream 'TOO YOUNG' loud enough, but of all the damn people in the world, you put me with her. Some think she's my sister, some think she's just my friend (I use the term loosely) but I tell you, whatever relation she has to me, I would never go out with her. I mean, she's bossy, she's ugly, and I don't like her. Some claim I get 'Hard' over her (whatever that means) but let me tell you, she is honestly one of the most disgusting people I've ever had the misfortune to meet. Not only are her teeth horribly mangled, but her nose is so big it could pass for another country. Her 'simpering sweet voice' is also screechy and annoying (trust me; I've had to listen to it for goodness knows how long). A few have also written stories about a relationship between me and a certain Barrel. Whilst I don't think I have anything against gays or Barrel, I'm not sure he's the right person I would go for. Apart from being dumber than a box of rocks, I don't think I could get him away from his lollipop. I mean, that is a pairing that is actually realistic. There are also tales stating when we have all grown up. Those are not that bad, especially as all of them describe me as 'Hot' or 'sexy'. But about 99.99% of those also feature a Shock pairing, which, as I have already said, is NOT COOL! But anyway, never mind. I'll be busy eating candy if anybody wants to bother me with their opinion of why we are the perfect couple. G'night losers!