A/N: Okay, the break didn't last as long as I thought it would. Darn the luck. Anywho, this "Pieces of Faith" series are just a bunch of one-shots at random times of their lives. The timeline won't be in order as I write them, but I'll make sure to include where in the 'timeline' it would be. Mostly I wanted to write scenes from the stories that I wanted to put in, but just couldn't fit, and parts that came before the events of the 'Faith' series.
Disclaimer: I own nothing from The Covenant
Hand of Sorrow
For the power she possessed, all the magic she could wield, she could not save this one life. All she had been able to do was make it easier. But easier wasn't good enough anymore. Tomorrow, she would have to let him go. His breathing was even now as he lay on his bed, surrounded by three friends. Knowing this would be the last night she would ever hear him snuffle in his sleep was heartbreaking. Her eyelids clamped shut to keep more tears from flowing. Hadn't she cried plenty?
"Row," her husband said softly.
The past two weeks they'd taken to sleeping on the foldout couch in the living room. Ernie couldn't climb the stairs at all anymore, and Rowan didn't want him to sleep alone, even if Bubbe, Erwin, and Tippy gathered around the old German shepherd.
"It'll be okay," Reid said. He held her tighter, spoon fashion.
It would be a dark day for all of them, but Rowan the most. Ernie and she had been companions since she was five years old and she had come home from her last round of chemotherapy. Ernie had been one year old. Now, Rowan was twenty-two, Ernie sixteen; already he had lived two years past his breed's average life span. He was old, but had lived a full life.
Rowan turned around so she faced Reid's chest. "I'm not crying."
"It's okay if you want to."
"Reid?" She swallowed painfully. "What am I…what're we going to do without him?"
He didn't answer for a moment. Sometimes words weren't sufficient, but they could help. "We'll remember him. Like Bruce Lee."
Bruce Lee the ferret had passed away three years ago at the age of seven. He was diagnosed with insulinoma, had a partial pancreatectomy, but lost his life four months after the surgery. Bubbe and Ernie had been bereft. With Bubbe trailing along, Ernie had sniffed out all of Bruce Lee's hiding places, finding items the humans had not seen in months and years. Rowan cried for weeks, then went into autopilot if only for Bubbe and Ernie. She joined a grief counseling group for people who had lost their pets; Reid went to some of the meetings with her to show his support.
They adopted Tippy (a gray and white six year old tabby) about a year after Bruce Lee passed and Erwin (a three year old German shepherd) two years ago. Having the younger animals had brightened the older Bubbe and Ernie, keeping them on their toes as their movements slowed.
"I'm not sure if there's a place animals go after they die," Rowan said, "but Bruce Lee and Tyler would be waiting for him, right?"
"Definitely," he replied. "Ernie's not going to be alone."
Her jaw clenched with suppressed cries. "And he had a good life, right?"
"The best, Row." A jagged lump arose in his throat, and he choked it back.
"We all gave him that," Rowan agreed. She knew Reid was saddened by this, too, and didn't let her own sorrow overshadow that fact. She inhaled her husband's familiar scent and tried to sleep. But the sooner she would fall asleep, the sooner tomorrow would come. And Rowan wanted anything but that, if only to keep Ernie longer.
xx
The next morning was relatively subdued. They woke up, fed the kids, showered, got dressed. The veterinarian would be coming at eleven. Around ten their family began to arrive. (The adults, the Sons' parents had visited the day before.) Caleb and Judy were first. Ernie's tail wagged when he saw them. He was still laying on his orthopedic bed in the living room. For once, Rowan wasn't greeting people at the door, and they understood; she just wanted to be near Ernie. On the television, she had DVDs going featuring Ernie's greatest moments.
Within a half hour, all made it. Hunter, Gabriel, Michael, Maria and Tyler, Hope and Pogue, Pinkie and his boyfriend Laurie, and Aaron Abbot, who had brought his poodle Tootie. The chocolate toy poodle had joined the other animals gathered around the prone German shepherd. Aaron was pretty much welcome among them now. Five years had gone by, they'd grown, old hurts had been forgiven. The adoption of Tootie was a big part of the bridging of the gap.
With her family around, and the impending arrival of the vet, Rowan was beginning to panic. She excused herself, not wanting to break the somewhat forced calm of their environment.
"God, this is, like, so awful," Pinkie intoned. Laurie took his hand.
No one had to agree, they knew. Judy was sitting next to Ernie. There once was a time when she was terrified of dogs. Ernie and helped bring her out of that. His brown eyes gazed at her now, soft and thankful. Maria sniffed; Tyler's arm was around her, he was equally somber.
Hope Parry nee Lassiter couldn't suppress her sigh. She was thinking about the time when Ernie had been the make-or-break between her and her brother's relationship, five years ago. It was all dependent on Ernie's forgiveness of Justice for having threatened both he and Rowan on a winter's night.
Reid needed a drink of water. Damn lump in his throat. He filled the glass from the tap and chugged down have the contents.
"Hey," Caleb said.
The blond turned around. "Hey." Without any prompting, he said, "I don't know what's going to happen after. You saw how she was after Bruce Lee." Then, "She started her medication again a few months ago."
Caleb was surprised at this. Rowan had spoken with her doctor and they agreed to wean her off her anti-anxiety medication four years ago. After Bruce Lee, Rowan went back on it, a very low dose, before being weaned off it again.
"Is she having more panic attacks?"
"Yeah."
Caleb knew his little sister had been through hard times. And despite her immense grief over this, she would get passed it, he knew. Even though it hurt like hell.
The doorbell rang. The two Sons looked at each other.
"I'll get it," Caleb said.
Reid went to get Rowan. She was upstairs, sitting on the bed. He knew she had heard the doorbell. Rowan met his eyes, then stood up on shaky legs. Reid took her hand and they went back downstairs in silence. He thought about that dream he had had years ago. The one where he was living a life without Rowan. The one that was too realistic for words. He remembered Ernie being put to sleep then, just at this age. Bubbe would follow a couple of years later. It was almost foretold. It was even the same doctor who'd come to the door.
"Hello, Rowan," the veterinarian, Dr. Rose, said.
"Hi," Rowan said, trying to smile, but it crashed and burned.
They entered the living room. Ernie was on the couch now. Rowan took her seat, gently lifted his head so it lay on her lap. Reid sat next to her, Bubbe on his lap so she could bend and lick Ernie's nose. The orange tabby meowed mournfully. Tippy and Erwin were nearby, feeling the impending loss. Rowan was trying not to cry, trying not to break down in a million tears.
Dr. Rose already had the syringe ready.
Everyone else stood or sat, watching. Rowan continued to pet Ernie. Bubbe's small paw softly rested on Ernie's head. His brown eyes roamed the room, at peace, content, knowing.
"Tyler and Bruce Lee will be there with you," Rowan said, voice cracking. "Okay? I know you're not afraid, you've always been brave. And you know I love you. We all do." She looked at Dr. Rose, nodded imperceptibly.
The injection took less than thirty seconds. Then Ernie's breathing stopped, then his heart. Dr. Rose double-checked, then stepped away. The two dogs in the room gave high-pitched yowls, and whimpers. Tippy meowed, Bubbe was silent. The oldest now among the animals.
Rowan kept stroking Ernie until the bag appeared on the small table. Hunter looked at her with his jade eyes, hurting for her, and just hurting. Rowan sniffed, took off Ernie's collar.
"Okay?" Hunter asked quietly.
She nodded, and Hunter lifted Ernie off the couch. Gabriel held open the bag so Ernie could be placed inside. Rowan could barely watch. Ernie wasn't afraid of the dark, but she could hardly bear to see him zipped up inside. Then she had to remind herself that Ernie wasn't even aware of what was going on. Because he was no longer conscious, and never would be again.
xx
When they got home from the actual funeral, Rowan was exhausted. She was about to feed the kids but Reid said he would do it, so she went upstairs to rest. There would not be any sleep for her, she was drained, sapped of thought. Ten minutes later Reid came upstairs, he had the mail in his hands.
"More cards," he said, setting them on her nightstand. Reid sat down.
Rowan blinked tiredly. She couldn't count how many cards Ernie had gotten. There'd been many Get Well cards, We're Thinking of You cards, You're in Our Prayers cards. Now, there were sympathy cards. Sorry for Your Loss. Ernie's last visit at the hospital and library had been two months ago, then he was just too pooped to entertain, although he still loved the outdoors.
"Did the kids eat?" she asked.
Pause, then, "No. They're all sleeping on Ernie's bed."
She seemed to accept that as inevitable. "Will you lay down with me?"
He didn't bother to answer. He kicked off his shoes, got on the bed. She moved on her side so she could lay her head on his chest. Reid squeezed her, kissed her on her head. They'd been through a lot, they would this, too. Sure, it was tough going…
"I know you're sad, too," she spoke after a while.
"Yeah."
Rowan let out a breath, tipped her head up. His eyes were red around rims, too, evidence of a short tear fest before he'd come upstairs.
"I can feel it though, Reid."
"What?"
"Ernie. He's with Tyler and Bruce Lee now. He's running, fast, like he used to." She wasn't just saying it, she really had felt something connect in the beyond. She'd felt it with Bruce Lee, too, even through her haze of grief.
It was a small comfort. Rowan concentrated on that as she held on to her husband.
Okay, so there's the first one. :) Hope it was okay. The loss of Ernie was inevitable. But he'll 'come back' when I write more one-shots.
My next full-length story in the 'Faith' series will be called "Harvesting Faith" which takes place at ages 27/28, during their procreating times. :) I might get that first chapter up soon.
Anywho, thanks for reading, and I always like to know what you think if you've got a spare moment. :D