(a/n Welcome to the exciting conclusion of the series. This takes place three weeks after A Face Only a Mother Could Love. I'd like to thank all my loyal reviewers. You guys gave me the fuel to keep writing this perverted series. ;). )

Chapter One

"Remember when life used to have some meaning?" Kyle asked as he and the other boys played Investigative Reports with Bill Curtis funtime game.

"Not really," Stan replied.

"You boys just never got laid," Cartman said, lying on Stan's bed. After three weeks ago, he'd essentially come to view himself as some kind of suave, seducing, playboy.

"Shut up, fatass. I got laid before you did," Kyle said. "And I still can't believe that someone actually had sex with you. What was it, a goat or something?"

Kenny practically laughed himself to death (no pun intended.)

"For your information, Kahl, I hired a prostitute for an all-night bedroom rump," Cartman grinned like a very obese feline.

"It must've took a lot of money to convince her to sleep with you. You must be broke," Kyle said.

"Kyle, please, don't start." Stan said, picking a card from the Bill Curtis fun time game.

Kyle glared at Cartman before returning to the game.

He felt a little guilty about what happened. He wanted to get it off his chest.

"You guys," Kyle said. "I have a confession to make. I screwed my mom."

"You... what?" Cartman asked.

"I didn't really lose my virginity to Bebe. I lost it to my mom."

Oh thank you Jesus, Cartman silently gave thanks.

"You sick pervert, Kahl. You freaks-"

"Stop it Cartman. I have a confession to make, too." Stan stood up. "Me and Wendy didn't really have sex. My mom caught me jacking off and ended up screwing my brains out."

Cartman was actually slightly stunned. "You didn't have sex with Wendy?"

"No dude. She's a hardcore feminist. I tried once, but she said premaritial sex was degrading to females."

For once, Cartman was glad Wendy was a no-good rug muncher.

"Mmmm mmh mmmph," Kenny confessed.

"You screwed your mom too, Kinny?" Cartman asked. He wasn't really surprised. Poor people sometimes resorted to inbreeding.

"Mmmph mmm," Kenny said.

"And your sister too?"

Cartman gave thanks to God. Finally, he could destroy that no good Jew, the pansy, and that poor piece of crap.

"You're a bunch of motherfuckers," Cartman laughed. "Haha haha haha! You fucked your moms. 'cause no one else wants to screw you. You're all a bunch of motherfuckers. Hahahaha!"

"Stop it Cartman. You probably fucked your mom too."

"Yeah right, assholes. Just wait 'til the press hears about this. About what motherfuckers you are" Cartman practically hopped all the way home, feeling giddy.

Kyle, Kenny, and Stan would be humiliated. They would never live this down.

Cartman entered his house. "Poopsiekins, is that you?"

"Yeah, mom. Going to my room."

"I've got something to tell you, sweetie."

Cartman ran into his room and jumped on his bed. Yes!

After a few seconds, he jumped down. His friends were eternally humiliated, he could have sex whenever he wanted, plus, no one would ever know about his incestuous affair.

"Poopsiekins." Liane entered the room.

"What is it, mom." Cartman said. Maybe he'd screw his mom tonight. The thought alone was turning him on right now.

"I'm pregnant."

Cartman nearly fainted.

"Motherfucker!"

(a/n Hehe, Cartman got what was coming to him. Thanks for all your support. I'm considering writing a Wendy Testaburger/ Mrs. Testaburger fic. If you have any suggestions for a pairing, feel free to pm me, or if you don't have an account, review.)