AN: Hello! This is the first installment of a collabfic by Shingle Golem and myself! It featuers our sprites on Ragnarok Online, as well as the sprites of a few other firends. Milydly slashy thus far, so be warned. Mostly innocent fluff.
It was a warm, bright day. Birds sang, leaves rustled, and gleaming sunlight shone through the branches overhead as the Deadly Smile Assassination Squad travelled through the forest to Prontera.
Mordekai, the Squad's Swordman, tilted his head back and let the sun fall on his face. Having grown up in a nomadic society, he relished the opportunity to enjoy nature on a calm day. Glancing to his left side, he saw that Poet, the Thief, appeared brooding and ill-tempered as usual. Although he felt bad for his comrade's numerous troubles, Mordekai didn't understand how anyone could be so angry all the time. Life could be hard, but dwelling on the hard parts only made them all the harder. It was best to move on.
Looking back to his right, the warrior observed that Kalmia was cheery and oblivious, as always. The attractive young Acolyte was almost skipping along, humming to herself and not paying attention to anything at all. It was a wonder she hadn't tripped and hurt herself yet. Mordekai made a mental note to gently chastise her for neglecting to be aware of her surroundings - he found her innocence charming, but he knew she could be a liability to her friends if they were to be ambushed.
Behind the three walked Sandle. He was basically an honorary member of the Squad, as his combative skills mainly revolved around smiting things to death with the largest hammer he could possibly lift. Nevertheless, he was indispensable - as their black market contact, he disposed of any items they happened to obtain and gave them a generous share of the profits. He was engaged in his usual pastime of tallying up his current funds, merchandise, potential price ranges, and profit division - all the pursuits that came with being a successful Merchant. Behind him clattered a small cart full of miscellaneous valuables - rare weapons, jewellery, and even a couple of monster eggs.
Mordekai frowned inwardly. Sandle was perhaps the only member of the Squad that he didn't trust. The Merchant travelled with them because it was in his best interests to do so, not because of any sort of loyalty or higher purpose. Still, the fighter supposed that Sandle would be no cause for worry, as long as he was kept happy with a steady supply of "found" goods.
Turning his attention back to the forest, the Swordman noted that the group had reached an open glade. He instinctively scanned the area looking for concealed threats, then forced himself to relax - they were on a well-travelled road, so it was unlikely that any monsters would take up residence nearby without being quickly driven out. Still, it was best to be cautious.
Kalmia broke the relative silence. "I'm hungry!" she complained, furrowing her brows and placing a hand on her stomach. "We haven't eaten since breakfast!"
Mordekai sighed. "It's barely time for lunch," he reminded her.
"So? This is a good place! It's nice and warm. We can have a picnic!" The Acolyte smiled happily.
"Well, we should probably-" Mordekai stopped as Kalmia completely ignored him and started to walk into the glade. He sighed again. "I'll unpack the food."
Sandle plunked down beside Kalmia and started talking about the business potential of healing magic, while Poet slunk over to a stone in the ground and sat down, saying nothing. Mordekai found that it made him strangely upset when the Thief was in one of his quiet moods. After puzzling over that for a bit, he chalked it up to paranoia and forgot about it... truth be told, his stomach was rumbling, and he didn't like to think on an empty stomach.
The Swordman slung his backpack down and opened it, and was astounded to find it empty save for what appeared to be the shed carapace of a Thief Bug. Swearing, he looked around, but saw nothing. The food had probably been stolen by the crafty insects sometime earlier in the day.
The Squad looked at him expectantly. He shuffled his feet and coughed. "Uh, I think our food's been stolen by Thief Bugs."
Sandle just frowned - he seemed to view everything, from insults to impending death, as little more than a slight setback. Kalmia, on the other hand, was apparently devastated that her picnic had been ruined - her face collapsed into an expression of tragic loss. Poet reacted with a scowl and a glare, further upsetting Kalmia and irritating Mordekai.
"Relax, Poet," said the Swordman, attempting to avert any potential conflict - such squabbles usually ended up with Kalmia in tears and Poet even more angry and sullen than usual. "We'll just gather some food from the forest. You and I can hunt for Lunatics, and Kalmia and Sandle can find some edible plants."
Poet just looked at him. "Fine."
Mordekai was struck with the weird realization that "fine" was the first thing the Thief had said to him all day. He pushed away the odd unhappiness that caused him and turned towards the woods. "Come on. This shouldn't take more than half an hour."
Kalmia jumped up, her misfortune at her picnic-less fate apparently forgotten in the excitement of having something to do. "We can pick red mushrooms! There are some good ones around here!"
Sandle pushed himself to his feet. "I know a few herbs that are good for eating, and we might be able to find an apple tree somewhere."
Mordekai allowed himself a small sigh of relief. Kalmia was not crying, and Poet was not on the verge of gutting Kalmia. He considered this a minor victory. All that was left was to get some food.
Poet watched impatiently as Mordekai crept through the forest, careful not to make a sound. They had been searching for twenty minutes and there wasn't a single Lunatic in sight - unusually bad luck for this particular area.
"Why don't we just give up?" grouched the Thief. "We can go eat roots and berries and dirt like those other two damn hippies."
The cynical comment surprised Mordekai into laughing. Somehow the idea of Kalmia and Sandle smoking various herbs and sitting around a campfire was quite funny.
Poet just shot the fighter a sour look, apparently not finding his present plight humourous. "I'm hungry, damn it." The Thief made another quick scan of the area, and although he didn't see any Lunatics, he did see something that appealed to his stomach. "Hey, look what I found."
Taking a few steps, he reached down to the base of a tree and plucked a few red mushrooms from the ground. "You suckers can keep playing at being Hunters - I found my lunch."
Mordekai reached out with one hand. "Uh, don't eat those."
Poet just smirked at him. "Why? Are you hungry too? Well, too bad. I found them, and I'm going to eat them." He raised a mushroom to his lips and took a big bite out of it.
The Swordman raised his hands to his temples in disbelief. "You're supposed to cook those before you eat them!"
"So? It's not like they're poisonous."
"They make you hallucinate." Mordekai frowned at his foolish companion.
"Sounds like bull to me," replied Poet amiably. "You're going to have to do better than that. You know, these are actually pretty good." He took another bite.
The warrior shook his head, grimacing. "All right, find out the hard way. Come on, we're not going to have any luck hunting."
A few minutes later, the whole group was back at the clearing. Sandle and Kalmia had gathered a fair quantity of various mushrooms, herbs, vegetables, and tubers, and were boiling a pot of water to make vegetable stew. Mordekai glanced behind him and noted, with some concern, that Poet was visibly starting to feel the effects of the red mushrooms he had eaten.
"Uhh," announced the Thief, his face pale. "Am I supposed to feel like I'm flying."
It took the rest of the group a moment to realize that he had intended that as a question. Sandle looked at the pale pilferer with interest. "He ate the mushrooms, didn't he?"
Mordekai nodded gloomily.
"Don't worry! I studied this in the convent! I can make a remedy that will help him recover faster!" Kalmia jumped to her feet and ran into the forest to look for herbs.
"Hmm. She's pretty clueless. I think I should go keep an eye on her." Sandle stood up and followed the Acolyte.
In the meantime, Poet's knees began to buckle and a flush started to creep into his face. Alarmed, Mordekai caught hold of him and sat him down on a stone.
"Your hair is pretty," mumbled the Thief. "It's all long and shiny."
Mordekai felt his face turn red. "Uh... I think you should take a nap or something."
Poet ignored him and reached out to stroke his hair, eyes wide with drug-induced fascination. Mordekai's face reddened further as a not-entirely-unpleasant chill travelled down his spine.
"Listen," he said unconvincingly, "you're not really doing this. Well, you are doing this, but... uh... the mushrooms..."
Poet lost interest in Mordekai's hair, and started to touch his face instead. The Swordman gasped involuntarily as he felt goosebumps raising all over his body.
Why the hell am I reacting like this? he thought.
He raised his hands to try and push Poet away, but the Thief suddenly noticed his hair again and started to stroke it. Delicious chills ran through Mordekai, and before he realized it, he felt himself starting to relax. It'll keep him busy so he doesn't get into trouble, he told himself.
Poet leaned in close and started to rub his face against Mordekai's cheek. This was too much for the warrior, and he let his eyes slip closed and his mouth slip open. His breathing quickened and his heartbeat began to speed up.
It was at that exact moment that Kalmia and Sandle returned to the glade.
As they walked in to see Poet, whose face was flushed, practically cuddling Mordekai, who was visibly enjoying the attention, they both displayed standards of human behaviour that many psychologists consider very interesting. Kalmia went through a process that doctors would diagnose as "denial," her face registering blank, idiotic shock as her brain refused to process the sight before her.
Sandle, on the other hand, exhibited a much more calculated reaction. He opened his pack and reached for a camera he'd picked up in Morroc, intending to carry out a process known as "blackmail."
Mordekai opened his eyes and froze.
Poet was oblivious to all of this. He was fixated on the Swordman's face. Opening his mouth, the Thief stuck out his tongue and licked Mordekai's cheek, causing the unlucky warrior to gasp involuntarily. "Your skin tastes like sunshine," he mumbled dreamily.
Sandle raised the camera to his eye and grinned. "Say cheese!"
The next morning, Poet woke up with a splitting headache and perfect memory of the previous night's events. Kalmia had forgotten it completely and was her usual vacuous, cheerful self, Sandle was flipping through photographs and humming the tune to "Moneytalks," and Mordekai looked very uncomfortable.
"We will never speak of this," announced Poet, "ever."
"Agreed," replied Mordekai immediately.
"I will never mention it again," promised Sandle. "Now how much will you pay me for possession of these pictures?"
Poet glared at Mordekai, who sighed and reached for his coin purse.
"Speak of what?" asked Kalmia. "What pictures? What's going on?"
"Poet turned his glare on her. "The worst picnic EVER."
The Acolyte jumped to her feet gleefully. "Picnic? I love picnics! I'll go pick some mushrooms!"
Mordekai swallowed uneasily as he looked over at Poet. It was going to be a long hike to Prontera.