I've been out of the fanfiction writing game for a while so please excuse my rusty writing :P This story will most likely progress into an M rated fic in later chapters as Clarke and Lexa reconcile, so you've been duly warned.
Enjoy!
DISCLAIMER: All the content and chracters in this story are owned by the creators and networks. I'm just playing with them for awhile.
Clarke stumbled through the trees in a daze. Leaving Bellamy at the gates of Camp Jaha had ripped her already crushed heart into pieces. Every part of her had screamed at her to stay, but she knew she couldn't do it. Looking at the faces of the people she loved, and seeing the faces of the innocent people she had killed at Mt Weather would be too much to take. No one blamed her for her decision, except for Jasper, and knowing that made it even worse. She was a monster who deserved to be vilified yet people were treating her like a hero, it made her feel sick.
She had no plan when she made the decision to leave, all she knew was that she needed to get as far away from those she loved at Camp Jaha as possible. Lexa had said that loving people was dangerous and only ended in hurt. At the time Clarke had dismissed her words as heartlessness, but now the truth of them was all she could think of.
Clarke could feel the coolness of the afternoon start to seep into her clothes and she knew she had to figure out some form of plan soon. Her first reaction was to go to the bunker, but there were too many memories there, memories of Finn and memories of Charlotte. She couldn't deal with that right now. Instead she headed towards the drop ship, glancing around to spot familiar gullies and tree clusters that reassured her she was on the right path.
Finally she spotted the familiar shape of the ship in the distance and the beginnings of the scorched earth that marked the perimeter of the camp. As she walked around the edge of the fence, she was momentarily taken aback by the rows of graves. She had forgotten this feature of the drop ship camp and the sight of the burial mounds hit her hard. It seemed like no matter how hard she tried, death followed wherever she went and the people she loved were the first to suffer.
She stumbled over and collapsed onto Wells' grave in anguish, as all the emotions from the past 24 hours started bubbling up. She couldn't stop the tears, and when they came, they burst forth in heavy chest wracking sobs that made her whole body hurt.
"Why the fuck did you have to die Wells," she sobbed, "I needed you here with me. You would have made the right decisions, you would have known what to do."
She sat slumped against the grave, with tears streaking down her cheeks for what seemed like hours. Staring forlornly at the mound of dirt, she wished her friend was there to comfort her, he had always known how to make her feel better.
She could have prevented half those deaths, she thought sadly, if only she had not let her emotions cloud her judgement. But then again, Lexa could also have prevented half of those deaths, if she wasn't so damn ruthless. The thought pierced through her sadness, and left a burning angry streak in its wake. The death of the Mt Weather occupants and the return of her battered people had pushed Lexa's betrayal out of her mind. But now that her people were free and their captors dead, all the hurt and anger came flooding back.
She was the one who had abandoned Clarke and sided with the enemy. She was the one who had made Clarke stupidly feel something, before shredding her heart into pieces. She was the one who had forced Clarke's hand into killing the innocent people in Mt. Weather.
She couldn't stay here, not surrounded by the graves of her friends and the charred bones of the grounder army. Not while the rage was bubbling up insider her making her restless like she wanted to tear her own skin off. She wanted to show Lexa how hurt she was, she wanted to see the guilt and pain in Lexa's eyes, as she made it match her own. She wanted to show Lexa that she wasn't the weak leader the commander had implied she was, that she could make the hard choices too.
With this new anger-bound resolve, she pushed herself up off Wells' grave and determinedly wiped the tears from her cheeks. She would go to the grounder camp and demand answers from the commander, or failing that, at least make her hurt like she was hurting.
Setting off away from the drop ship, Clarke walked in the Northerly direction she guessed the grounder camp was in. After a time of stumbling her way through undergrowth she saw the distinctive Trigedakru symbol painted on a tree, marking the edge of Grounder territory.
Spurred with a fresh wave of anger, she picked up her pace until she began to see signs of the grounder camp in the forest. The trampled ground, littered with the remnants of camp-fires and the smell of smoke in the distance let her know she was getting close. Clarke stalked her way towards the heady scent of roast meat and the sound of faint chatter with no other plan but to march straight into the camp and demand to see Lexa.
Just as she could start to see tents through the trees, her movement was arrested by the sharp sting of a blade across her throat.
"Don't move," a voice growled. Turning her head fractionally to the left she saw the grounder that Lexa had sent to kill Octavia and gave him a disdainful stare.
"I'm here to see the Commander" Clarke said with unrestrained irritation, "I want to speak with her".
"You are not expected Clarke of the Sky People, how do I know that you aren't here to make some attempt on her life?"
"Oh! Why would I want to kill her? It's not like she betrayed our alliance and left my people to die?! Oh wait yes, yes she did and I want some fucking answers for that so let me through!" Clarke snarled, forgetting the blade piercing her skin and turning to face the grounder.
He noticed the disregard the Skaikru girl had for the blood dripping down her neck and realised the depth of her anger. Remembering the gun she had held to his head and not wanting to deal with the small angry leader of the Skaikru on his own, the grounder grunted his assent.
He held out his hand and looked pointedly towards her gun, "I cannot let you go before the Heda with your weapon".
Clarke pulled her gun from her waistband in irritation and slapped the gun into his hand.
"There, have my damn gun".
The grounder grunted once more and grasping Clarke about the arm , led her back towards the camp. As they approached the Commanders tent, Indra came into view sitting around the main cooking fire. As she spotted Lexa's lieutenant walking Clarke towards the tent, she sprung up in shock and fiercely strode over to the pair.
"What is this," she hissed at the grounder.
"I'm here for -" Clarke began, but the Grounder cut her off with his response.
"I found her in the woods trying to enter our camp. She says she wishes to speak to the Heda yet I do not trust her intentions."
"I can speak for myself!" Clarke spat with venom, "You will let me see the commander now, or so help me god!"
"The commander is currently occupied with leaders from remaining Trigedakru villages"
"Do I look like I give a shit? I'm seeing her now," Clarke said, wrenching her arm out of the grounders grasp and attempting to walk towards the the tent. Moments later, she felt that same arm wrenched behind her back and found herself pulled flush against hard armour.
"I cannot let you do that Clarke," Indra murmured warningly in her ear.
"Let go of me," she snarled, giving an infuriated attempt to pull out of Indra's iron grip.
"I do not know what you intend, and I cannot let you disgrace the commander in front of the leaders," Indra countered with force.
"It's no more than she deserves! I want to ask her why, why she could ever think to negotiate with the Mountain Men at the cost of my people's lives! I want to ask her how she could be so fucking heartless."
"She made a choice Clarke." Indra said with feeling, trying to restrain the angry girl, "This is war, hard decisions must be made. Our people have been crushed under the yoke of the Mountain Men for too long. She knew what was necessary to save our people and she did it."
"Don't give me that 'It was necessary' crap! I thought this alliance meant something to her!" Clarke replied in a hurt voice, "...I thought I did". The weight of that admission squeezed at Clarke's heart, stopping her attempts to struggle.
Sensing the girl's defeat, she released the hold she had on Clarke and pulled her to stand next to the grounder lieutenant again. The slight pity Indra felt for the girl took her aback and she gave Clarke a hard and searching stare. After a moment of contemplation she pointed a finger at the girl;
"Wait here," said said sternly, before turning and walking over to enter the Commander's tent. Long minutes passed, and all the while the grounder had been fidgeting with Clarke's gun in boredom, making an irritating clacking sound with the slide.
"Can you stop that?" Clarke finally snapped after she couldn't take the noise anymore.
"You should not have come Clarke of the Sky People," the grounder spoke with irritation.
"Is that so? Well I'm here now so fucking bite me" Clarke replied in anger.
This earned Clarke a glare from the grounder who didn't understand the word choice, but guessed at the intent of the outburst. They stood in steely silence as the minutes passed, with Clarke's irritation growing by the second.
Finally Indra exited the tent and was shortly followed by a stream of disgruntled looking grounder leaders. As they passed, they shot a mixture of apprehensive and disapproving glares at Clarke, knowing who the blonde girl was.
"She will see you now", Indra proclaimed walking over to stand in front of the girl.
"But Indra, I believe she intends to bring harm to the Heda...", the grounder protested before being cut off.
"The Commander has spoken!" Indra snapped, "Do not tell me you believe that this Skaikru can best our great leader unarmed? Have you so little faith in our commander that you think this girl is a threat to her?"
"No, of course not Indra," the grounder replied chastised.
"Leave us then, I will handle it from here," Indra barked, snatching Clarke's gun from his grasp and waving it in a motion of dismissal.
The grounder gave one last threatening stare to Clarke before turning around and making his way back into the forest.
"Come," Indra said, motioning her head towards the tent whilst tucking the gun in her belt. "But mark my words, if you try anything Clarke of the Sky People, I will personally remove your head from your shoulders".
"As you said, how is there any chance that I, a mere Skaikru girl, could harm Lexa?", Clarke shot back with a look of contempt before striding into the Commanders tent. Indra let out an irritated huff before following the girl through the tent flaps.