The doors clicked open and buzzed as prisoners entered the visitation room, handcuffed and being led by a bailiff. Olivia watched as each one sat down at table with an acquaintance, unable to tell if their were relatives or friends.
Then she watched as a familiar face entered the visitation room, a face she knew all too well. It was the face of a man whom she once loved and adored, the face of a man whom she once called 'Daddy'.
He looked as if he'd aged in prison- the sides of his hair were turning gray and his face was ashen. But he still looked the same to her- and he is still the same person too. How odd, she thought. She hadn't seen her father in eight years and yet she recognized him.
Eight years ago, Olivia hadn't realized that when her mother told her that daddy would be going away for a while, she had not realized that he was going to prison. But when Olivia had seen the paper, and watched enough tv, she learned the horrifying truth herself and found herself torn apart and confused.
Her mother took initiative and moved them away. All the way from Belfast to Lisburn, a new home, new school and new friends. But still it seemed that no matter where they went, regression followed behind them.
She snapped out of her thoughts when he sat down in front of her. The guard uncuffed him and returned to his corner, keeping an eye out on everyone else.
She wasn't quite sure what to say or how to start. Eight years, and Olivia still had nothing to say to him other than curses.
"Hi darling"
"Don't call me that." Olivia spoke coldly. She avoided making eye contact with him, and stared down at the linoleum floor.
"I'm sorry." He spoke glancing down. Olivia glared.
"You've grown up so much, I hardly recognize you"
Wish you didn't recognize me
"What do you want?" Olivia asked bitterly. He looked up at her and held her gaze.
"I missed you. A lot. I just wanted to see you again." He explained with a guilty face.
"Why?" Olivia scoffed. Her father glanced down at the floor.
"I wanted to make amends, with you. I know the past few years have been hard on you-"
"You wanted to make amends? You think that's going to make up for the eight years of misery I went through? That Mum and Liam went through?!" Olivia spoke accusingly.
"Just hear me out darling"
"I told you not to fucking call me that!" Olivia spat. "You're sitting here actin like 'saying sorry' is going to fix things, but you don't realize that there's been more damage done than said."
"Olivia-"
"Do you know how hard i've been trying to get into uni?" Olivia began "It's not my academics, it isn't the lack of credits I have, but it's the background checks. Every single time they look through my resume, they see that I'm the daughter of a psychopathic serial killer-Paul Spector-" Olivia scoffed. "I'm rejected. Every. Single. Time"
He looked down at the ground guiltily.
"And that doesn't even cover how hard the past eight years have been."
"Sarah kay, Annie Brawley, Rose stagg, Alice monroe"
"Olivia!" He spoke more firmly. She was taken aback by his change in tone. He'd never yelled at her like that before.
"I did not ask you to come here and berate me for all the things I've done wrong in my life."
"Then I guess I have no reason to be here" Olivia replied sharply.
"I asked you to come here because I love you. I missed you and being here forces me to come to reality with what I've done wrong. I'm sorry I'm there in your life, I'm sorry I've created a bad reputation for you and your brother, I'm sorry I fucked up. But I was hoping that eight years at least brought you to understand that I've changed. I understand I'm not the same person to you anymore and that our relationship will probably never be same again. But being here, sitting in a cell all day staring at a brick wall being forced to face my mistakes. They've taken everything from me Olivia, they've stripped me of my humanity and I've got nothing left. Nothing but my Olivia. Nothing but my little girl."
Olivia felt like she was suffocating, trying to hold back her tears. No, she wouldn't cry, not in front of him. She couldn't find the words to tell him how she really felt deep down inside. Deep down inside, she missed him dearly and was drowning in guilt, wishing she could be with him too.
But it was a feeling too deep down inside for her to grasp.
"You know, I just realized the time, I have to get Liam from school, I promised mum." Olivia spoke as she abruptly rose from her seat.
"I understand" He replied, although he knew she was just making another empty excuse. He reached for her hand, gently pulling her back.
"Will you visit again?"
Olivia glanced down at the ground. "I don't know, I mean between work and exams-" She could see the hurt on his face. "But...I'll try." He nodded. He rose from his seat as the guard came to retrieve him.
Olivia felt empty. It was like her feet were glued to the floor. She couldn't leave yet.
She turned back around and hugged him. Burying her face into his shoulder like she did when she was young.
Paul was taken aback at first. He took a moment before wrapping his arms around her. He felt his shoulder getting wet with Olivia's tears of anguish. Anguish she'd been holding in for eight years.
And somewhere along the way, both of them felt that instead of regressing,
They began to progress.