All I could think about when the drop ship landed was John Murphy.
I had spotted him while we were getting on, but he didn't see me. I kept my head away from his direction so he wouldn't notice me. That seems silly though because he will see me within a few minutes of getting off. But I just needed that time without him knowing I was there to collect my thoughts. I had not seen him since he was sentenced. We were neighbors, friends, we would hang out once in a while. But what he does not know is that I am in love with him.
For a long time I had thought that I realized that fact too late. I though that I would never be able to see him again and tell him how I feel. But now here he is and I don't know if I can tell him the truth. Nothing ever happened between us, and he was always around a lot of girls. I know he doesn't feel the same way about me.
John Murphy was complicated. He could be hot headed and seemingly unstable at times. It didn't make sense to love him, but I stupidly still did. It's not like I had really known him that long, mom and I moved flats after dad died. She said she couldn't be in the place he lived anymore and I didn't blame her. John lived in the flat next door. We bumped into each other outside his door one day and he asked if I wanted to go to ration hand out with him, and after that we hung out every now and then. I wasn't like the other girls he hung out with, and I wondered why he wanted to spend time with me. He usually slept with girls and didn't talk to them again. I know that sounds like he's a bad guy, but I know he has had it hard and doesn't know how to deal with that, so I don't judge him. I'm not sure why he never treated me like the others, but I'm so glad he didn't because that would make loving him so much more confusing.
Everyone is starting to get out of the dropship but I sit there and let everyone else go first. I don't really know anyone here. I didn't have a lot of friends back on the Ark or in the Skybox. How did I get in the Skybox? Let's just say I'm a bit of a rebel thinker, I don't agree with a lot of the ways they did things on the Ark and one day I made that a little too known to the council. They were afraid I would start to get people on my side and start a riot, so they put me in the Skybox to keep me under control. I never saw Murphy while I was there though.
I try to get up out of my seat and realize there is a piece of metal stuck in my leg. Great, blood….my favorite. I guess I was too busy thinking about John that I didn't notice, but now that I have its quite painful. I get up anyway; slowly I limp my way down the ramp and out of the dropship.
There are other people injured and Clarke Griffin is going around attending to them. I met Clarke in the Skybox, she has had medical training so she will be good to have here on earth. I decide I will wait until she is done looking at everyone else before I have her look at my leg. I go over to the side and sit on a fallen log.
A guy I heard someone call Bellamy seems to be taking it upon himself to be bossing everyone around. He calls out to John but I can't hear what he tells him. Bellamy calls him Murphy like everyone else does. Except I call him John. I know he prefers it to Murphy and just doesn't tell anyone. I know that being called Murphy reminds him of his dad and I know that hurts him even if he would never admit that to me or anyone. I know more about John Murphy than I probably should.
Everyone is exploring and doing different jobs like collecting wood and going through the wreckage. I feel bad for not helping but my leg has gone numb so I just sit here watching. Someone I don't know walks over to me.
"Are you alright?" the girl asks.
"Yeah…I'm okay thanks. I was just going to wait until Clarke was done with the others" I tell her.
"Okay do you want me to wait with you?"
Did I want her to wait with me? "Uh sure," I say.
She sits down on the log. "I'm Raven."
"Avery."
"This is pretty amazing huh?" Amazing that the council sent us to our inevitable deaths…sure.
"Uh yeah…its beautiful" I wince as a pain shoots through my leg that I thought was numb. Raven notices.
"Do you want me to get Clarke?" she asks.
I don't want to be a bother to anyone so I tell her no. I'm not great with chatting so we sit in silence for a couple minutes. I think this makes her uncomfortable because she says "I'll go tell Clarke to come over here when she gets a chance okay?" I nod and she goes.
About 20 minutes later Clarke comes over. "Okay let's see what we can do about that leg" her smile is reassuring. She examines it, "Ok it's not too deep, it should be okay to pull out alright?"
"Go ahead" I tell her. Raven comes over to hold my hand. I thank her.
"Alright 1, 2…3." Clarke counts and pulls the metal out and then applies a cloth to the wound. I scream when she pulls it out and am embarrassed about that. She starts to wrap it up and says she is going to find something to stitch it up. When she comes back she starts working on it. It hurts but I know it has to be done. I look away to try to not think about the pain and I see John walking over.
"Hey Clarke did you…." He voice trails off when he looks up and sees me. "Avery? What are you doing here?"
"Just felt like being impaled in the leg is all. Was getting bored up in space."
"I didn't know you were in the Skybox." He says.
"Uh yeah a couple months after you were sent there."
"Are you ok?" he asks.
"I'll be good John."
"Okay. So Clarke Bellamy and I are about to set up a tent to use as a medical station to help you get organized."
Clarke is finishing up my stitches, "Alright thanks Murphy, I'll be over in a few." She tells him over her shoulder. He looks back at me for a second and then walks away.
"What was that about?" Raven asks.
"Not much, we used to hang out now and then before he was sent to the Skybox. No big deal." I say. Although to me it is a big deal because I really care about him.
"Hung out? I thought Murphy was the bang and ditch type."
"I guess so…we never slept together though" I say not knowing if she believes me though.
"Okay all done, try to keep it clean I'll check it again tomorrow" Clarke says and gets up.
"Thank you!" She and Raven leave and I sit there alone on the log again. I let out a deep breath. Being around John was going to be tough but I should be focusing on surviving and contributing to the group, not on my unrequited feelings for John Murphy.