A/N: This was written for the latest round for seasonal_smut on LJ using the prompt "But this is supposed to be our season." I hope you all enjoy the angstiness. As always, reviews are greatly appreciated. Enjoy!
Addison dazed into the bottom of her empty mug of hot buttered rum, her cheek resting in the palm of her hand. It was several mugs ago that Derek had said that dreadful speech that shattered her heart into a million pieces: Christmas makes you want to be with people you love. I'm not saying this to hurt you or because I want to leave you, because I don't. Meredith wasn't a fling. She wasn't revenge. I fell in love with her. That doesn't go away because I decided to stay with you.
By now, she was too inebriated to remember how much she had drank, and she hadn't bothered trying to keep track of how many glasses of scotch he had downed while they sat without a word.
Their eyes met briefly in a drunken haze and they each let out a sigh. Derek glanced down at his watch and was the first to speak in quite some time, "We should probably call for a cab…go home."
She looked at him blankly for several moments before she switched her gaze back to her drink and softly said, "The trailer."
"What?" Derek asked, starting to feel a little light headed just at the thought of having to get out of his chair.
"We should go back to the trailer," Addison clarified as she raised a finger to point at him, "You can call it the trailer, the aluminum Twinkie, the tin can, anything else, but do not call it our home."
He groaned and pressed his palms to his eyes, internally debating whether it was even worth it to fight her on this one. It wasn't as if he could blame her for not considering it their home. Home had many more positive connotations than the trailer could ever possess. "Fine, Addison, whatever you want," he finally said.
A triumphant smirk graced her face for a moment before it fell at the realization that he didn't care enough to even argue with her.
They soon asked Joe to call them a cab, explaining in a drunken, roundabout manner that they would drive her car to work in the morning since they'd taken Derek's Range Rover that day. Despite any confusion he may have had, Joe did what was asked and made sure that they got in the cab just fine.
The ride back to the trailer was spent in silence. Derek kept his eyes closed while she stared out the window, her heart feeling heavier as the minutes passed and the alcohol was wearing off little by little. Once they arrived, he paid and the tipped the driver before they individually stumbled up to the trailer.
The first thing she did was plop down onto the bed and kick off her shoes when they made it inside. Addison sat on the edge, looking up and Derek and feeling completely defeated. She still couldn't wrap her mind around the fact that they'd let it get this far. Never did she imagine that she would be living in the middle of the woods, nor did she ever think Derek could be the reason for so much of her heartache.
"So you fell in love with Meredith," she said bluntly, repeating his earlier statement as if she hadn't heard it enough in her head.
He remained silent and leaned his back against the wall facing her nodding slowly.
Addison swallowed the lump in her throat and spoke again, "Twelve years ago I fell in love with a Derek who adored the awkward band geek in me, who was willing to brownbag it on top of the Empire State Building no matter how many tourists there were to crowd around us, who proposed in Central Park while it was snowing in the middle of December because we both love Christmas." Pausing, she watched as his gaze turned towards the ground, tears beginning to pool in her eyes.
They were in love with different people. Only, she knew that she was getting the short end of the stick because while Derek wanted to be with another woman, she still wanted to be with her husband.
"And now you tell me that you fell in love with Meredith Grey, but this is supposed to be our season…Can't we just pretend that we're with the people we love?"
Derek winced at the sound of her voice so pained, the way it hitched at the end when the tears started to trickle down her delicate face. No matter how many women he could have ever fallen in love with or what else Addison could have done to hurt him, the sound of his wife in such agony was unbearable. He looked up and was met with her tear filled eyes. Taking the few steps to stand in front of her, his thumbs wiped at the tears falling freely down her cheeks and didn't bother to brush away his own. He leaned down and inched his face closer to hers, cupping her face in his hands.
Their lips met in a fleeting kiss as they each closed their eyes and reveled in the moment. After a moment's pause, they tenderly kissed again, slow and languid before becoming a little more frantic as their passions rose. Her hands went up to his sides and pulled him closer. He responded by bringing one down to her hip and started to scoot her up the bed. They broke their kiss to make their way to the center, Derek shedding his jacket and depositing it on the floor along the way.
When he met her in the middle of the bed, he pulled her white knitted sweater over her head and took off her bra before urging her to lie down onto her back. He settled beside her and decided to slow things back down again. Brushing her bangs away from her eyes, he scanned her face and saw all of the pain she held inside. He wanted nothing more than to erase that even if it was just for one night. Leaning down, Derek captured her lips again, his tongue darting out slowly to meet hers in a gentle duel.
She melted into the kiss, enjoying the feeling of his lips upon hers, his tongue roving against her own. Her hands deftly began to undo the buttons on his shirt from top to bottom, pushing it off his shoulders and down his arms when the task was done. Addison felt his hand graze her inner thigh through her gray dress pants and rest there briefly before undoing them and slipping a hand inside her panties. A gasp escaped her lips in anticipation as his hand inched closer to her core and she parted her legs for him.
His fingers teased her entrance, gathering the wetness of her arousal and then rubbing circles around her clit. Derek listened to her soft moans in response to his ministrations and kissed down her neck to her collarbone. He let his teeth graze her skin, nibbling gently where he knew he would get a reaction from her.
Addison's sounds of pleasure grew louder and she lifted her hips to meet the stroking of his fingers. She was growing tired of the teasing, though, so she made quick use of her hands and went to undo his jeans. Once they were undone, she pushed his jeans and his boxers over his hips to reveal his hardness. She wrapped her fingers around his member and stroked him slowly as he pulled his pants off the rest of the way.
Removing his hand from inside her pants, he took this opportunity to pull them down her long, slender legs along with her panties. Derek moved to settle between her legs, stopping her from stroking him. He slipped one hand underneath her back as the other guided his hardness to her entrance, rubbing the head along her slit a few times. As he hovered above her, he looked into her eyes and slowly began to push himself inside her.
She let out a gasp as he entered her, relaxing her body a little when he retreated after a fleeting moment. Her moans grew louder as he repeated this action again and again, going in deeper each time. With one final thrust, he buried himself inside her causing Addison to grip onto his sides tightly. As he stayed still above her, she looked up into his eyes gazing down at her so tenderly. She couldn't help but wonder if this would always be what it took for her husband to look at her that way, if they would always have to play this game of pretend. She brought her hand up and ran her fingertips through his wavy curls, a tear falling from the corner of her eye.
Derek wrapped his free arm around her and hugged her close so that their bodies were nearly flushed against one another. He began to thrust in and out of her, feeling her tremble beneath him. His lips captured hers, enjoying their softness as he suckled them.
Their bodies moved in unison, her hips lifting up off the bed to meet his thrusts. A thin layer of sweat soon formed upon their skin as the heat rose from their bodies. The tenderness was replaced by a sense of urgency as each was brought closer to climax and nothing else seemed to matter in that moment. The sounds of their lovemaking filled the tiny confines of the trailer until it suddenly halted as they reached their peak together, falling over the edge into euphoric bliss.
Once they were beginning to catch their breath, he slipped out of her and rolled off to the side. She had expected him to put distance between them, but instead, Derek pulled her to lie next to him with his arm now wrapped around her shoulder. His fingers soothingly played with her auburn hair and she let out a sigh.
He stared up at the ceiling for a while, thinking about the events of the past couple of months. It'd just been this whirlwind of a rollercoaster, from finding his wife in bed with his best friend to meeting a girl at the bar and falling in love. At that point, he had just wanted to find something to numb the pain of Addison's infidelity. He didn't think that finding love again was even a possibility, and yet now they were here in this complicated mess that they'd created. As much as he wished there was an easy solution, there wasn't anything clear cut that would help keep all of them from hurting. He just knew that tonight he had the power to make it better for at least one person.
Derek placed a kiss on top of her head and continued to run his fingers through her hair, "Addison, I just want you to know, I wasn't pretending tonight."
"Really?" she asked after she'd shifted to look up at him and rest her chin on his chest.
"Yeah," he said with a nod, giving her a small smile, "I never have to pretend when I'm with my wife."
Tears formed in her eyes, "You know I still love you, Derek, then and now."
"I know. We wouldn't be here if I thought differently."
Addison smiled softly at his answer and pressed a passionate kiss to his lips. Their lives were far from simple or perfect and there was still much to be resolved, but this game of love is one they would always go through together.