AN: This is my only warning. The parts unrelated to the Naruto Universe are the intellectual property of myself, and thus you explicitly require my consent to use any of it (not unlike how any fanfiction is technically illegal anyway). I do not own any part of the Naruto universe except the crazy ideas I may write about for your viewing pleasure.

Review Commentaries:

Numbuh six-sxitysix: I sincerely thank you for your review even if I must disagree. My disagreement about Mexican invasions is much easier to address as it is a cut and cry case. The small nations of Panama, Guatemala, Nicuaraga, Hondrus, El Salvador, et cetera, are a part of North America specifically called 'Central America'. It's the same as the 'Middle East' which is, for the most part, still a part of Asia.

I am well aware of the difficulties over Kasmir, and you will notice that even the Chinese have laid a claim over the land as well. However, I think that for the time I'm introducing that the 'cold' war they are currently going through would turn hot. As this is fanfiction, it remains solely the realm of fiction where such things are possible even if our real world system would not allow it to happen. In the world I'm presenting, things have broken down to the point where it has become possible. I would also hesitate to say that things are 'cold' between Pakistan and India considering they are not unknown to fire rockets over the border at one another.

Thank you for the 'christening' error. I was unsure at the time just what spelling I should use and thus decided on the simplest, if wrong, version.

As for names and ideas, sometimes I just write what comes to mind and laugh at my own personal jokes knowing that no one else will. I have no other explanation that.

Aizen the III: I'm not sure if I should feel complimented or insulted at your comment, so I'll take it as a compliment at how much of a badass I am...for a geeky nerd.

(Story)

The Journals of the Ultimate Man

January 4th, 2015- It seems like forever since I awoke into existence. I received this journal from my mother for Christmas but haven't had a need for it as of yet. At long last I have a reason to open it up and write something. Allow me to introduce myself first. Dear journal, my name is Guillaume. I was born on the 17th of March, the very end of Winter and the birth of Spring. I live here in Indiana of the United States of America a.k.a. the U.S.A. USA has been flirting with the world lately, demanding that his citizens be released from arrest lest that he retaliate. This whole thing stems to the break down of NATO and the EU to form the United Sovereign States of the World or the U.S.S.W. I can list the countries easily enough. France, Germany, Poland, Norway, Finland, Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania, Belarus, Ukraine, Austria, Hungary, Serbia, Macedonia, Greece, Turkey, Italy, Spain, the United Kingdom was formally split into England; Wales; Scotland; and Ireland, Morocco, Algeria, Tunisia, Egypt, Jordan, Syria, Russia, Mongolia, India, Iraq, Afghanistan, Somalia, Cameroon, Gabon, Mali, Sierra Leone, Chile, Bolivia, Paraguay, Uruguay, Ecuador, Guyana, Nicaragua, Honduras, Guatemala, Viet Nam, and New Zealand. Naturally the main contenders to this worldwide conglomeration have been those who disapproved of the further breakdown of the U.N.: the U.S.A., China, Canada, Mexico, Japan, Australia, Iran, Portugal, Croatia, Bosnia, Romania, Moldavia, Sweden, South Africa, Libya, Senegal, Niger, Sudan, Kazakhstan, Tajikistan, Azerbaijan, Denmark, Albania, Uganda, Rwanda, Kenya, and Thailand. Among the most prominent nations to refuse to join either side were Pakistan, Yemen, Oman, Saudi Arabia, Angola, Brazil, Argentina, Switzerland, Armenia, Venezuela, Burma, Philippines, and Indonesia. I cannot believe how long it took to write this. I need some sleep.

January 8th, 2015- Hello again journal! I never did say in which year I was born. I was born before the world was torn from the sky in 2001. I was born before the invasion of Iraq in 1991. In fact, I was born in the year before: 1990. Interesting year, 1990. The take down of the 'wall' took place in 1990. Now that symbology is once again the center of the world, the sheer dichotomy of the world. Anyway, I just wanted to finish what I started. Ja ne!

January 10th, 2015- Would you believe that the nations of the U.S.S.W. have officially forgone their internal borders to be a federation of states like the United States under the Articles of Confederation? Imagine if they have a 'Constitution of 1789' in their future? Something of their size could quickly pull in the rest of the world! Our side was quick to ratify an official alliance of nations: the Free People of the Earth or the F.P.E. Great, now historians get to dabble with new terminology and abbreviations. What else could make my day go bad?

January 11th, 2015- Holy flippin' hell they did it! Of all the holiest cupcake Jesi! They invaded Portugal! Why the hell would they invade Portugal? Denmark and Sweden retaliated by invading Norway. China invaded up north into Russia while Ukraine invaded Moldavia. Mexico has gone apeshit and stormed south through the smaller nations of North America. Canada launched an invasion of Ireland. India invaded Pakistan... Pakistan of all places! Then the 'neutrals' banded together and invaded the U.S.S.W. all around them. Libya invaded Egypt and Uganda invaded Sudan. What is wrong with this world? The world has been cast in a glimmer of red and now bathed itself in blood. I feel so sick...

January 12th, 2015- We've been told that Berlin no longer exists. I remember this kid asking, 'what do that mean "Berlin does not exist?"' I feel so sick... ugh. They nuked it! How the hell could they do such a thing? The first thing I did today was load up the valuables in my apartment into box containers. I went to the university to get a few affects from there and an orgy had erupted in the form of protests. I barely snuck past the picket line and collected my artifacts when gunshots rang out. By the gods I feel so sick...

Later that night- I... had planned to visit my mother before leaving, as I know they'll start drafting if this turns to an official world war. Her house had been burned to the ground by rioters. I had to leave. I got a hold of the locket she used to wear all the time and left the ashes to join the rest of the ashes building around the place. When I got back to my apartment, a lot of the cars had been burned. Fortunately mine only had cracked windows. I went ahead and busted out the front window, fitting in with the rest of the crowd, and then drove as fast as I could westward. I don't dare flirt with Indianapolis or Chicago, especially Chicago, so I'm keeping to rural state roads and slowly flirting towards some place... I'm no longer sure where.

January 13th, 2015- The world war started. I saw this distant bright light towards the north. I'm currently 50 miles south of Indianapolis. If they targeted it, they also got Chicago. Fuck me! I had to turn around and head for so place east though that scares me more. The reason why I had to turn around? The army was sweeping through the area quelling riots with martial law. Holy fucking hell...

January 14th, 2015- I made it to some place between Dayton and Cincinnati. I haven't seen any bright lights again but a flow of traffic from them does suggest they still exist. I heard from a passerby that the west coast is just gone. Western and southern Europe is pock-marked with nuclear zones like Chernobyl accident in 1986. Needless to say living there is pretty much now out of the question. I'm still headed for some direction which feels safe; though 'safe' seems so relative at the moment.

Later that night- I... had someone try to steal the car earlier. I was parked along the side of the road when these two guys came running up on me with bats. I freaked out and promptly ran over them... oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god. I think I just heard him groan and I got out of the car and killed him. Oh my god... oh my god... oh my god...

January 30th, 2015- I decided I would make an effort to sail for Africa, supposedly the origins of man. I figured the war wouldn't be so bad there. I stole some sailing boat in the dock. I stole over 200 gallons of gasoline and stored them down in the storage. I followed a code of ethic that no other rioter seemed to follow and stole all the canned fruits and vegetables which will last until the end of time... or at least until I die. I set out to sea and now must fall asleep.

January 31st, 2015- Dude... I just woke up and land is nowhere in sight. I still need to collect my personal affects from my car! Damn it!

Noon- Okay, so as it turns out I did slip a few miles from shore. I got the sails to work after a lot of rummaging through a manual and now that I am officially docked again I shall get my personal affects and stock up on the things I need like warm clothes, fishing gear, and some books.

February 2nd, 2015- I've managed to learn a little of this sailing business and avoid using my supply of gasoline. This craft is apparently called a sloop? For some reason a motor has been attached to the underside which is what I've been referring to. Weird ass millionaires. God I hate their dead carcasses.

February 5th, 2015- I have made contact with the first human in fifteen days. Her name was Evelyn... how ironic. For a moment I thought to tell her that my name was Joseph. So we sat down outside the dock and talked for a few moments after the pistols went down. She's from Maryland. She got separated from her brother who went into D.C. to forage. I didn't have the heart to explain that ARS would have killed her brother within 20 minutes of entering D.C. at this point. What's little journal that will probably be one of the surviving written records before the death of humanity? What is ARS? Why little buddy, that's Acute Radiation Syndrome. You see, Jeffrey, the brother of Evelyn probably rode on into D.C. with the thought that the nukes would've left the suburbs somewhat untouched. He was correct partially. Jeffrey would have noticed some tunnel vision after 10 to 15 minutes of reaching a heavily radiated zone. It wouldn't take too much longer before the radiation actually eroded his vision till he was blind. After that Jeffrey probably screamed in agony as gamma radiation caused burns externally and internally until he either bled to death or he killed himself. Needless to say that if the nukes didn't 'vaporize' someone they probably died this way. I offered her a spot on the boat and she refused. We agreed to just have sex on the park bench and part ways. I don't want to talk how long it's been since I got laid... . fuck off journal.

February 14th, 2015- I think I have grown tired of reading out at sea. This little town's library has been consumed, more or less. I still haven't bothered to learn the name of the town. I think it's called Southport? I know it's pretty hot out. Damn is it ever hot out. I've decided to see if I can head north for further reading material. I think I saw Evelyn hang herself somewhere in town. I didn't investigate it, it's her business after all.

February 16th, 2015- I think I have all the books I wanted to keep and have set out for the northern reaches of the 'safe lands'. That is to say the lands not affected by the radiation. I heard over the radio that a city survived somewhere inland. The army holed themselves up in the city of Fayetteville. I heard something about them searching for 'survivors' whatever the hell that is. Everybody alive is living it up... not 'surviving'. I'll bet you they hear of my boat sometime soon. Of all the 'survivors' they're trying to recruit into a civilian force behind them, I'm the only one in the local area with any real intelligence. Well... dead Evelyn had some mighty fine expertise if you ask me but heaven forbid if she thought she could make it down into Florida for some food. I tell you that ARS meant nothing to her.

February 24th, 2015- I managed to make it out here without drowning or wrecking. Improvement! Ha! I've settled somewhere called Harker's Island. It's apparently outside of Newport which also survived the nuclear world war. I think the war is still raging actually. I heard from some of radio channels that the government, what it's become, has begun sending supplies to western Africa for further bolstering of troops there. There is no fighting in Europe. It's being referenced to as the Lost World. I need to dock and look for some more books.

March 1st, 2015- It amazes me: the events of today. I settled into the dock and was noticed by a local contingent of the some new world tribe. They demanded I leave. My shotgun vetoed the idea and they stayed dead on the street. I apparently scared their families off the island. I heard the army picked up over in Newport and the army will not be bothering by the Sailsman. That's me. I'm the Sailsman. Holy fuck... I'm famous! By God's thumbs I decided to Christen this city the Sailsman's Detour! I posted that on the bridge in a big barricade which took a few hours building. The army could run over it with a tank but they don't care! I'm unstoppable!

March 2nd, 2015- I am not unstoppable. Apparently I was high... I am not willing to divulge the details except the army has agreed with me that Harker's Island will remain mine and they don't care about the pile of beer cans out on the bridge or the giant sign reading Sailsman's Island. That... was embarrassing.

March 4th, 2015- I have fully restocked on my provisions. Huzzah! I took a stroll around the area and found porn. Real porn! I was so happy to see the porn that I forgot to grab any... go figure. I also forget which part of the island it was at too so I now have no porn and now no hope. Life seems so bleak.

March 7th, 2015- I've been reading up on how machines work in a few manuals and decided to make my own machine. It will aid me in building a wall! I shall officially, and not just drunkenly, cede off Harker's Island for my own personal usage. Plus... that means the porn store shall be raided by none! Can you believe I used to teach at a university the history of the world? Now I plot to cede off a portion of the former U.S.A. to formate my own country; ruled by moi of course. Maybe I should practice my French again. I might be the last speaker by April. Je n'espères pas.

9me Mars, 2015- Le désastre de la monde est terrible. Si je trouve une femme une autre fois... zut alors. Je ne peux pas dire quoi. Oui, c'est vrai. J'ai pensé quelle est la raison pour la morte de la monde. Je ne pense pas que je vais écrire en français pour une longue temps. Au revoir!

10th of March, 2015- I think I'll let someone else carry on the noble language of the French lands.

14th of March, 2015- I just realized I switched my method of date keeping since the French entry. Damn it man... It's been infecting me since middle school!

16th of March, 2015- Still have not found the location of the porn store. Seeing as tomorrow is my birthday and I'll be 25, I think I'll go across the bridge to see if I can get laid. Reading has been boring me as of late. Valē.

17th of March, 2015- It is my birthday and I'm officially 25. Now I cross the bridge, hook up, and get laid. I wonder how Evelyn is doing. Maybe a crow has already started to feast upon her flesh. ... Sweet.

Later that day- Well no sex for me, but I did get drunk, kill a guy, and raid a porn store. Oh, and apparently the 'government' fell to the army and now the army is invading Russia. At this point all I can say is who gives a fuck? I have food, porn, and lube. Not to mention a whole island!

20th of March, 2015- Can you believe the army double-crossed me? They stormed the island for supplies and to quell my 'rioting'. Clearly they don't understand that a riot can only consist of two or more people. I was looting before they arrived. Fuckers. I did manage to hear them early enough setting off a mine on the half-assed wall I built. Who builds walls of cement blocks with charged mines in them? I do! That's who! Muhahaha! It's an evil laugh... don't give me that look journal or I swear I'll throw you at the wall! ... Yeah! Did you feel that journal? Stupid book.

22nd of March, 2015- Screw this whole damn thing. I need to find some place I can just settle and live till I die, and the sea has some limited options frankly. Besides... I think the army has this section called... the navy... which are pursuing me. I plan to risk it and sail north past Virginia and up into Maine. No nuke centers so it's a safe zone, and the army failed to take over in the area. I think it's technically a part of the Quebec nation now, though I'm not sure.

25th of March, 2015- As I write this... I can see Virginia. I'm not sure which part because I've sailed several miles off the coast, but it's definitely getting colder up here. Can you believe I had to put on pants? Damn weather...

28th of March, 2015- I had to turn around. The navy heard about me coming. I sailed into the ocean, away from all of the coast. There is no aerial contingent to the army and the navy anymore so I'm pretty safe out here. I think I'll just head for Cuba. If not Cuba I'll go for Puerto Rico. I hear that's also a safe zone... at least until Venezuela invades. But if I head down south I can take off these pants.

30th of March, 2015- Salve. Ego sum Guilluame. Ego sum nauta. I can't write in Latin very well yet. Damn... I was hoping to impress more than myself. I think I failed. I can say, "appellō Guillaume."

3rd of April, 2015- In French the month is called 'avril' like Avril Lavigne. I think she was from Canada but it fits considering some people name their daughters after the month April. Not quite so common anymore but I did meet a May once. Amber May or something. I don't believe I've ever met someone with a month as a first name. Unless of course you count Julius Caesar. I met him on a drinking binge a few years ago.

4th of April, 2015- I've just entered the Bermuda Triangle. How spooky...

5th of April, 2015- Strangely enough the wind died. Now I have to use the motor, except apparently all of the gasoline I stored leaked at some point. I've been sinking at a slow cubic inch per day. Great... my poor boat has a death date on the horizo-

Guillaume stopped writing at the sound above him. It sounded like a splash on the deck. With no wind there was no reason for the water to be spraying up onto the deck. Setting his journal aside, he picked up the shotgun he'd had no trouble killing people with a month ago and began to creep up the single entrance to the deck. He would not be holed up within his own fortress. He was the Sailsman after all. If he couldn't make his 'sail' to you he'd blow your fricken' head off.

Upon stepping into the night air he felt chilled, cursing the lack of heat his no clothing policy afforded him. He barely saw a crystalline shape to his right side before his whole world blacked out into nothingness.

(Story)

AN: November 22nd, 2011: Wow! this story definitely needed some help. I hope you guys enjoy the edits I've made the basic syntax of the story! Please review! I love reviews. OH! And I fixed the eyesore in the summary. Sorry about that...

AN: I rarely make a distinction but I feel this case is appropiate. I do not own the copyright of any of the subsequent features pertaining to the Naruto universe. I don't know who they belong to, but I'm sure if you utilize google, it'll be able to tell you with 98 percent accuracy. I do however own sole exclusive right to Guillaume and the world he inhabits. I'm using an altered character name from a real fictional story so if you desire to write about this world you absolutely need to cite where it came from.

2nd AN: Naruto's world will come into play. I don't know when exactly he will come into play, by order of chapters, but I do know that he'll be arriving soon enough. I'm of course open to suggestion about how Guillaume comes into play in the Naruto universe.

3rd AN: Review please. I appreciate them much. You'll notice that my latest stories have been abandoned due to a lack of interest, either from the readers or myself. A Tale of History has it's own unique story as to why it was abandoned, but the fact remains. Please review.

4th AN: [Insert point here].

Author's Announcements:

I know hardly anyone reads my profile (which wouldn't matter since it's out of date anyway), so I have posted these following announcements in all of my stories to let you formally know that I will be attempting to write chapters for most of my stories once again. I cannot guarantee anything, but I am most willing to make the effort.

That's the important part. Here come the details (your queue to leave if you want).

Reasons Why I Haven't Been Writing:

Well…geez, put me on the spot without time for cookies or milk. I haven't been writing mostly because of the combined dedications my life has required of me. In the time since I wrote Memoirs of a Time Traveler I have done the following things, each further complicating my life as a burgeoning adult:

1. Began a polyamorous relationship.

2. Managed to get my girlfriend of five years pregnant.

3. Fought with the parents of the newest member of our 'Triad' in the Triangular relationship.

4. Finally given up the idea of trying to treat both of my girlfriends equal in public status and married my pregnant girlfriend (to avoid the evil state of Indiana's bureaucracy).

5. Had my mother-in-law move in to help us with bills.

6. Had a child whom we call Alex.

7. Managed to obtain a 35 hour job (which previously had been 20 hours since after #3 but before #4).

8. Have continued my undergraduate education throughout the entire process.

Reasons Why I Will Begin Writing Anew:

These are the reasons why I'm more optimistic about a renewed writing!

1. Resigned from my job since my boss is a douche and was probably going to fire me anyway.

2. Finals are over!

3. Looking for another job and taking care of Alex, but still plenty of free time from the additional hours (some 70 in my week) which have been freed up recently.

4. Because I hate to see 'abandoned' on my stories!

I look forward to presenting everyone with wonderful new material on old ideas. Let it be known, however, that not all of my lack of posting is from a lack of writing. I have written three chapters for various stories when my computer crashed around seven months ago. Don't blame me, blame the elves.

So, without further ado, I bid you welcome into a new age of writing by Ultimagu.