Hi, this is my first ever fan fiction so please be gentle.
This takes place in episode 407 – Baby made a mess - after the phone scene between Olivia and Fitz
It's written with the option to continue if anyone wants me too.
Please give me any feedback you have, I'm new to this.
I don't own the characters, just my love for them and Shonda
407
…...
He needed you
He was in pain
He wanted to die
He tried you know
Once….
…...
He said you tired to kill yourself
…...
I want to talk about what hope means
…...
I would like to discuss what Tom said
…...
Were you lying when you said there's hope?
…...
Come over here right now and prove it to me
…...
I'm very powerful you know. Some women would find that a turn on
…...
I'm in a giving mood tonight
…...
And then…
And then what?
That depends on how much hope there is.
…...
"Ugh" Olivia falls back on the bed. How does he do it. She wonders how he can make her weak at the knees just hearing his voice. He could turn her on by reading the phone book but just now… that was incredible. She wanted to hear more, she wanted to experience all her was offering but then suddenly Tom's words from earlier in the day snap her out of her lustful thoughts…
He needed you
He was in pain
He wanted to die
He tried you know
Once….
Her breathing quickens again but not as it had just done.
She picks up the phone, dials and waits for him to answer.
"Hi"
"Can you come to my place?"
"What?"
"Do you want to see me?"
"Of course"
"Can you come here? Now. I heard you're very powerful. Can you make it happen?"
There's silence
"I'll be there in twenty"
The line goes dead.
Olivia starts to redial but stops. What was she thinking. Asking the President of the United States to rush over to his mistress's apartment late at night. She starts to redial again and once again puts the phone down.
He's on his way. She's done it now. This needs to be sorted. Here. Tonight.
Olivia goes into the kitchen, pours herself a glass of wine and waits.
Just over twenty minutes later there is a familiar knock at the door.
Olivia takes a sip of her wine before putting her glass down and opening the door.
"Hi" He smiles
Her heart skips a beat. There he is standing in front of her. She moves to the side letting him into her apartment.
"Hi" he repeats again walking towards her.
"Hi" she replies but moves back from his touch.
"Liv?"
She takes a deep breath "Fitz we need to talk"
His face changes. This can't be good. He was expecting to walk in, sweep her off her feet and make love to her all evening. He missed her, he wants her, he needs her. We need to talk is never a good sign.
"Fitz about what Tom said"
Fitz can feel his blood rising. He is no mood to discuss it and the alcohol from earlier is swishing around making his brain foggy and angry.
"Please tell me this is not what you asked me here for" His voice is raised making Olivia jump a little.
"Fitz" she almost pleads
"No" He walks past her towards the door but she grabs his arm making him turn to her.
"Fitz" She moves her hand down his arm and places it in his hand.
"There's hope" she whispers trying desperately to make him stay.
He can feel his body calming as her hand sits in his and those words… she knows just how to play him. He can't stay mad.
She slowly walks him over to the couch and sits down next to him her hand never leaving his as if she is afraid that if she lets go he will bolt.
"Fitz we need to talk about this"
"No Liv we don't. What we need to talk about is what "hope" means"
Liz pauses. She knows she needs him to tell her. They're never going to get past this unless they really talk.
"Fitz please" Her eyes are begging him and he looks down. He can't resist any request from her. His only hope is to not look at her.
"Fitz" She puts her free hand under his chin and lifts his face so he is once again looking at her "We need to talk about what Tom said…. Is, is it true?"
Fitz is silent for a while then pulls his hand out of Olivia's and stands up
"You left" he shouts feeling his anger rise again. Anger, sadness and the feeling of helplessness of her leaving coming back to him again.
His face is red "You left" he says again.
Olivia stands up "I had to"
"You had to?" he spits out at her. "You had to? Why did you have to?"
Olivia raises her voice to match his "Fitz your son had just died. Your son was murdered and at the time I thought it was MY mother who murdered him. Do you know what that feels like? To think that my mother had killed your child. Then there's my father who.. well. you know as well as I do what he has done and is capable of. And then there was Mellie's rape. My only thought was to leave. To leave and let you heal your family. To leave to protect you and to protect myself"
Fitz lets out a snort "Protect yourself? So it's all about you is it?" "You just decided to leave. You just decided that was what was best for you? For me? For us? You left and you didn't even bother to say goodbye. How selfish can you be Olivia"
"Selfish? I was doing this for you. For your family"
"You didn't even tell me you were going. You didn't give me a chance to change your mind"
"That's why I didn't tell you. You would have tried to talk me out of it and you would have succeeded. I couldn't take that chance. You needed to be with your family."
"I NEEDED YOU!" Fitz is now pacing back and forward, fists clenched.
He stops pacing "I needed you and you left me" he says in almost a whisper
Liv stops and looks at him. His face red, anger and full of hurt. She walks over to him and places her hand on the side of his face. She stares into his eyes.
Her touch, the look in her eyes breaks him.
Olivia walks away from him and sits on the couch. She pats the seat next to her gently, wordlessly begging him to follow her.
He does.
Once he's next to her she turns to face him and he sighs.
"When you didn't answer my calls I thought you just needed space. I waited for days. Calling every day. When Cyrus told me you had left I didn't believe him. I made the secret service bring me here."
He pauses for a moment "When I saw your stuff gone. You had left me. You had left without saying goodbye. I was furious, I was hurt and then it hit me Liv. You had gone. I didn't know where, I didn't know for how long. I didn't know if you were ok. I didn't know anything. Nothing. I felt helpless. "
He gets up from the couch and slowly walks around.
"A part of me died. I felt like you had died. Not only was I grieving for my son, I was grieving for you. The love of my life just disappeared. Gone. Except you didn't die you just chose to leave. To leave without even a goodbye. Without a forwarding address. Nothing!"
He continues walking, silent for a few moments. Not looking at her. He can't bare to see her face. He is angry and ashamed.
"I couldn't take it. I just wanted the pain to go away. I wanted the pain of imaging a life without you gone"
Silent tears roll down Olivia's face as he continues.
"I have never felt that helpless in my life. I couldn't live without you. I didn't want to live without you. I took whatever I could find in the medicine cabinet and downed it with whatever alcohol I could find. I just wanted it over. A life without you is a life without living. I wanted it over."
Olivia can't move, her body in shock and knowing she caused this pain hurts her heart.
"If Tom hadn't found me….." he trails off
Fitz finally looks at Olivia and sees the silent tears rolling down her cheeks. He runs to her side kneeling in front of her.
She pushes him hard "Don't you ever do that again" is all she can get out between angry sobs
"Don't you ever leave me again" He throws back at her
They're both crying now. For the pain they've caused, for the shame, for the anger and imaging what could have been.