Author's Note:
The Professor: Hello, and welcome to Ambrose the Book-Wolf and the Torchwood Professor's story, "Broken Record". Yes, this is the best title we could come up with - so sue us.
Ambrose: peaks head out Please, please don't, of course. We own nothing - nothing you understand, not even our pension! blushes So I'll be doing the disclaimer. Ahem . . . Harry Potter and all other people, places, concepts, species', etc that are affiliated with the Harry Potter universe are the intellectual property of J.K. Rowling, and of course all those guys at Warner Bros. who do the movies probably own a bit too . . . Any and all other references to outside TV shows, movies, cartoons, books, etc, are not in any way inclined toward encroaching copyright. Right, I think that's our rump's covered, eh Proffie?
The Professor: is affronted Proffie? I happen to have a degree, you know, not a house full of profiteroles. But yes, I believe that the disclaimer is adequate; if not, then feel free to kick down our door and arrest an honest man and his lupine friend for daring to imag-
Ambrose: cover's the Professor's mouth with a paw Right, I think that's enough for now. Enjoy the story - it's our first, and no doubt last, if the Professor keeps shouting his mouth off . . . Read and review, guys!
(Is there a reason why the line breaks don't work? Or is it just us?)
Time, according to the Oxford Dictionary, is the indefinite continued progress of existence and events in the past, present, and future, regarded as a whole.
Time, according to Wikipedia the Online Encyclopedia, is a component of a measuring system used to sequence events, to compare the durations of events and the intervals between them, and to quantify the motions of objects.
Time, according to Steven Moffat, is, from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint, more like a big ball of wibbly-wobbly timey wimey stuff.
But one of the more interesting definitions would be that of one Harry James Potter, born July 31st 1980 - a Thursday, to be precise, and four days after the full moon, to be even more precise - to James Martin Potter and Lily Marie Potter nee Evans (died at twelve past nine, October 31st, 1981) in room five, ward three, second floor of St Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries.
Mr Potter, or for the convenience of the narration, Harry, was brought into the world at five past eleven by Healer Anthony Nickelby (died at twenty one past twelve, April 22nd, 1986), and bizarrely enough, Sirius Orion Black (born at three past three on the fifth of October, 1959), who was on hand to assist when Healer Nickelby's assistant, Kelly Seagal, (born at seven past one on the eleventh of April, 1956) was knocked unconscious at one past eleven by a coffee table, which had been put in her path at eleven o'clock (having been accidentally enchanted by Harry, who, at negative four minutes of age, had no idea exactly what to do with his magic, what this 'Maggie Ic' was, or indeed that he was complicating his own existence).
The fact that Harry was enchanting objects at a negative age was lost on all but one of the people present in room five, ward three, second floor; Remus John Lupin (born at five past ten on March the tenth, 1960). Mr Lupin, or Remus, was attentive to this fact because of one simple thing; he was one of three people who would notice this sort of thing (the other two being Lily and James) who was not otherwise incapacitated in some way; Lily was experiencing child birth and James was experiencing a vice i.e. his wife's hand crushing his own. He was one of this three because of yet another fact; he was Harry's mate, as Remus was a werewolf. All werewolves are given mates at a certain points of their life, most often when they can cope with them without running with their tails between their legs, lupine or not.
A mate is determined through lycanthropic magic seeking out an individual which would best compliment its human host, in that they have several personality differences (so that they would not be too similar or too unlike one another in temperament), they have identical sexual drives and overlapping likes and dislikes. They are not aware of who this mate is until the mate is a) born, which is a given and b) in tactile contact with them.
Quite why a lycanthrope's magic acts in this way, when, say, an incubi's, does not, even when their lifestyle is dependent on such an individual (as an incubus requires a certain amount of vasocongestion, or sex flush, and Bartholin gland mucus to function) is unknown, but several theories have been posited, most notably by Archibald Pren, a well known nineteenth century xenomagibioligist.
However, while interesting and relevant, we must now return to the tale that led to Harry James Potter's incarceration in the prison of Azkaban, which is located seventy miles off the coast of mainland France in the North Sea, on the British-controlled island of Тюрьма для проклятого, or in English, 'prison for the damned' (the first prison administrator was a very proud Englishman by the the name of Alistair Rookwood (born at two past three on January second, 1442, and died at six to seven on May third, 1601) who decided not to sully the English language by naming it something in English, and instead called it Azkaban, the etymology of which is unknown even to this date).
The prison of Azkaban is a desolate place. It is a large, and rather ugly block-upon-block building, that has existed in this form, on this island, since the year 1482, where it played host to Edward V and Richard of Shrewsbury when they were abducted by their uncle Richard III of England until they died of starvation in early 1483. Since then, it has been used by the wizards of Britain as their one prison, and it is understandable when one considers that the only place on Earth where Dementors are known to flock is on this island.
The effect of a Dementor is well-documented in both the magical and muggle world (though in the muggle world, it is simply dismissed as a mental illness known as dementia, not the effect of a most evil creature attacking the affected muggle). The commonly accepted description of a Dementor comes from Ealing Hardy's Encyclopedia of Beasts, published in 1651:
"Dementors are among the foulest creatures that walk this earth. They infest the darkest, filthiest places, they glory in decay and despair, they drain peace, hope, and happiness out of the air around them. Even Muggles feel their presence, though they can't see them. Get too near a Dementor and every good feeling, every happy memory will be sucked out of you. If it can, the Dementor will feed on you long enough to reduce you to something like itself; soul-less and evil. You will be left with nothing but the worst experiences of your life."
It is due to these wretched creatures that, for Harry James Potter, time simply had no meaning. So there was no way for him to know that he had been in the midst of the Dementors for eight years, one hundred and five days, two hours, fifty four minutes and three seconds since he had been placed there on the third of August, 2000. Nor was he to know that on this date, April sixteenth, 2008, at six minutes to seven in the afternoon . . .
He had a visitor.
Six visitors, in fact.
(Very strange, peculiar in fact. Stars don't seem to work either. Hmmm . . .)
Ambrose: I think that's a pretty solid first chapter, don't you think, Professor?
The Professor: Eh, a bit wordy and source-heavy for my liking. Oh, by the way readers - all use's of the Oxford Dictionary, Wikipedia, etc, are done purely in the interest of the public domain - i.e. we mean no harm or plagarism of these sources, and are very thankful that they are open to us lowly humans and book-wolves. Isn't that right, Am?
Ambrose: Yes, and professional in fact. See ya next chapter guys! Read and review! waves