I'm just so happy right now, my life is going great after the hell I went through these past 10 years. I'm looking in the mirror and it just feels so good to be able to like what I'm seeing, it felt so long since the last time I did; I'm backstage with Melanie C, about to go on air on Piers Morgan to promote my book and, even if I'm a bit nervous for this interview (especially knowing him as a host), I'm having a great time with her, joking and laughing, just like times never changed. It just feels so fucking good. A guy knocks on the door and goes "Melanie, two minutes", I quickly answer, getting up from my seat and adjusting my yellow dress: here I go; me and Melanie part ways, she goes and takes a seat in the public, while I'm ready to enter.

We're ten minutes in the interview and, after talking about my story, my ex husband and the book, here are the questions about the Spice Girls, I get it, this summer we're going on tour: everyone is so excited and so am I. And here's the question I didn't want to be asked about.

"There were rumors you and Geri were more than just good friends, that you had a little double". I mean it's not even a question. What is he expecting me to say?

I just do a big awkward smile, pointing at Mel C in the crowd seaking for help from her, but nothing; I don't know what to say and all I can do is laugh out of nervousness. I try to get out from this situation with some jokes.

"She had great boobs". I mean that's true, the whole world knows it. Everyone laughs and for a moment I think I'm safe.

"So you did?". Nope, here we go again, he's so persistent.

"Well, not really." I'm just trying to take time and in some way get myself out of this topic.

"You clearly did." He keeps asking, he wants an answer and he knows he's gonna get it from me, because he he is aware that I'm not a good liar, nor I am able to hold back. For the second time I ask for help to Melanie, but she claims she doesn't know anything.

"Whatever Melanie!" You were the first one to out us anyway, I want to say this, but I hold back.

"You have to be brutally honest." Now he is using my own book against me to make something come out of my mouth.

"Did you or didn't you with Geri Halliwell?"

"What do you consider as doing it or not?" Try to take time, I repeat to myself, maybe he'll let it go.

"Did you sleep with her?" This is my occasion to get out of it.

"Yes, we all slept in a bed together!" I say. "But not like that all of us." Why did I have to add this? Now I'm fucked.

"Did you sleep with Geri like that?" He keeps asking. I just smile and do a little nod, I mean, how can I not smile thinking about it? Then I remember where I am and who I'm with.

"She's gonna hate me for this 'cause she is so posh in her country house with her husband!" I joke about it, it's the only thing I can do. I mean those are good memories, so why not?

I try to make this a little less of a big news saying a little white lie.

"It was only once though and we laughed about it afterwards." Yes, Melanie. You know that ain't true.

As soon as we go on commercial break, I go backstage and send a text to Geri, I want her to know this from me and not someone else. In the meantime Melanie joins me.

To Geri:

Hey listen, I was on Piers Morgan show and I just told him we slept together, but I said it was just a one time thing. Not a big deal, is that okay with you?

"Do you think she is gonna hate me for this?" I ask Mel with a worried voice.

"I don't think so. You didn't even go in detail about it and you also said it was just a one time thing, she'll be cool with it." She answers and her words make me a little less nervous: she's right, there's nothing to be upset about really.

"You could have held back those comments about her lifestyle, you know how she is sensitive about it." And she's right again.

From Geri:

Hey love! Yes, I mean, it's whatever. It was a long time ago anyway. Love ya xxx

I read Geri's answer and get a weird feeling about it, but I think nothing of it and then relax. I quickly answer her and then it's time to go on the show again.

Two hours later, after a nice night out with Mel, I'm finally in my hotel room. I immediately take my shoes off and I look at the hour: it's 11:30 p.m, it's not that late, I'm gonna call Geri to see if she really is okay with what I said.

To Geri:

Are you up? Can I call you?

While I wait for her to answer, I go in the bathroom and start to prepare myself for the night. I start taking off my extensions and when I was half done removing my make-up, my phone rings.

From Geri:

You're making me worried being so serious :') you know I'm always down for a chat with you, even when it's late night.

I immediately smile at that text and call her. I put it on speaker and keep removing my make up.

"Hi Mel! How are you?"

"I'm doing great, just had a night out with Melanie, what about you?"

"I'm good. Actually I just came home from a dinner out with Christian. It was great!" I smile, she always sounds so in love with him, even after three years; I'm so happy for her.

"Was it just you and Christian without the kids?"

"Yeah, finally some time just for him and I, it felt like ages since the last dinner we had like this. I mean I love my kids, but sometimes it's great to be alone with him."

"So it must have been really great." After a small pause, I keep talking. "Listen, I called you to know if you really were okay with what I said on Piers Morgan and if you aren't, can we please settle this now?" I ask returning serious.

"I mean yes, it's okay with me." I hear some hesitation in her voice.

"Geri, I know you, spit it out."

"I don't understand why you said it was just a one time thing, I mean, it's not true. If you had to admit it, at least tell all the truth." She sounds so upset, I knew something was up, but I didn't expect this.

"I said it to make it look like it was a small thing, you know how the press is. But why does it even matter?"

"What does that even matter?" She asks slightly raising her voice. "Are you saying that our relationship didn't matter to you?" Here she goes, I knew she was gonna ask that.

"Fisrt: don't put words in my mouth that I never said and second: don't you remember you were the one that years ago said that she had slept with a woman just once and didn't even like it? Or you completely removed that part?" I ask, now upset because when I first heard it I was so hurt by those words.

"But this doesn't give you the right to say that it was no big deal and that we laughed about it. You know we didn't. Especially I didn't". Now she was almost screaming.

"It's what you said years ago!" I repeat frustrated, I don't understand her sometimes.

"Yeah, but that was before the reunion tour or not even that meant something to you? When I said those things, I was young and hurt by what you did Melanie! You had a child with someone else!" Now she sounds on the edge of breaking down. These are things that we never actually talked about and it's all coming up now.

"Why are we even talking about this now? It's been twenty years, and we never said a word about it. The reunion tour happened and it all went unsaid, you were okay with it."

"I was never okay with it. You never even said sorry once!" Again with the screaming. There are a few moments of silence, I can hear her heavy breath on the other end of the phone; she is either upset or angry, or maybe both.

"I loved you." She said, her voice breaking. "And before the reunion tour I thought I was over it, but while we were touring all those old feelings came back and they hit me like a ton of briks. You were married and I thought I didn't stand a chance, but then you came to me and kissed me with so much passion and need. I fell head over heels in love with you all over again. And you broke my heart for the second time. I just couldn't stand it." She sounds so hurt and knowing I was the one to make her upset like that, makes me feel like shit.

"Why have you never told me these things?" I ask, trying to sound as calm as possible.

"I never thought I had a chance with you, because, in the past, you had already preferred a man over me and it was while we were together, let alone if you had already married him." She sounds just so sad. I have to do something.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for all the things I did to you. For hurting your feelings twenty years ago, ten years ago and now. I'm sorry for all the things I did to you on purpose to hurt you or not. You know I love you and I want our friendship back like it was once. I'm sorry for saying it was no big deal, you know I didn't mean it. I love you Geri and I hope you can forgive me for everything." I say, my voice breaking, I'm almost crying now.

"You know I can't be angry with you for too long. I love you, and thank you for apologizing. It really means a lot." I can hear the smile in her voice, even though there is still a lump in her throat, but knowing she is smiling, makes me happy.

I look at the clock, it's 12:30 a.m, it's been an hour.

"No, thank you for forgiving me. I love you Geri."

"It's time for me to go to bed, goodnight Melanie, have sweet dreams."

"Goodnight Geri." Before she can hang up I scream down the phone.

"Wait."

"Yes?" She asks. "Can we go out for a cup of tea tomorrow?"

I hear a quite laugh from her side. "Yes, of course. Goodnight. I love you" and then she hungs up.

After I finish taking my make up off, I turn around and I find my daughter Phoenix staring at me smiling against the doorframe.

"How much of it have you heard?"

"Pretty much all of it, like since she started shouting at you for having me."

"Honey I'm sorry."

"Don't be, actually I understand her. You were a douchebag" She says provoking me with an amused smile on her face.

"You shouldn't know all these things!"

"Whatever mom, I already knew it. When you did the reunion tour, I was young, not stupid."

"Oh, shut up you little brat." I say side hugging her and laughing along.