One of those things that come to me! Believe it or not, based on TRUE STORY. This lunch room... I don't even know what to call it... actually happened in a friend of mine's school after a member of their student body took their own life. It was sung to his grieving girlfriend.
Note: I realize that this song was not around in the 1960s. I changed it to fit the story line.
Review if you are touched.
(Or if you want to let me know how much you hated it? But hopefully you liked it.)
-Jasmine
Sometimes you hurt so much, you feel nothing. You go completely numb and life is like a dream. Sometimes, when you hurt too much, your body tricks you and tells you that it's fine. You get happy dreams. You can't wait to sleep, because you know your dreams will be your relief. You go to sleep and you wish you won't wake up.
Margret and Darrel Curtis died three days ago. My parents died three days ago. Now I am floating. Are they really dead? IS this just a horrifying nightmare? If it is, then when will it end? When will I finally be able to wake up? When can I go to sleep again? When can I go to sleep and get lost in the dreams?
The dreams. While my little brother is being tortured is his dreams I am living in bliss. He fears the night and I welcome it. I dream of no pain, I dream of my family; together and whole.
School is the same hell it has always been for me. I still get thrown into lockers by Socs. I still get yelled at by teachers when I didn't do anything. It's funny, in a way, because it doesn't even hurt me anymore. It doesn't sting me. I doesn't bother me. It's just part of my day. I'm still numb.
I know how I am is hurting my family. Darry is trying to hold us all together and my being absent isn't helping. I know that, but I can't help it. Pony wasn't me to be funny and comforting. I don't think I can do that, either. Will I ever be Sodapop Curtis again? Can I ever be Sodapop Curtis again?
"Time for lunch, Soda." Steve tells me in a quiet voice. That is one of the things that always cuts through my numbness. Steve's voice. It's so quiet; so calm. It's reassuring but at the same time it makes me angry. It makes me angry because he doesn't know what I'm going through! He doesn't feel my pain. He didn't just get his parents ripped away from him. He doesn't know how this feels.
But he does. Steve's mother died when he was little. I remember the day clearly. Steve ad run over to our house and burst through the door in the middle of dinner. He had been crying and I had been scared. I had never seen Steve cry before. I had seen Steve get into a biking accident and break his nose, arm, and ankle, and didn't even shed a tear. Then, he had been crying buckets. He had run right up to the table and sobbed to my mother. He cried to her and then started to yell at her. I remember, Pony started to cry, too. I asked if he was upset that Steve was yelling at Ma but he told me he was upset for Steve. I asked him why and he started to cry harder.
"Didn't you hear?" He sobbed, "Didn't you hear Steve? His mother is dead!" I hadn't understood until then and for some reason, I didn't cry. Ma took Steve into a different room and calmed him down. I remember I was jealous because she gave him ice cream and tucked him in that night. I was jealous.
I know better now.
Is this the reason why Steve knows exactly what to say and how to say it? Is this the kind of voice that my mother used on him? If so... where did I mother learn to talk like this? Who in her life died unexpectedly? Or was this just something that all mothers know?
"Okay." I tell Steve and walk with him to the lunch room. I realize this is the first I've talked since the accident. Funny, the first words I say after I find out my parent's die are, "Okay." I suddenly want to take them back and say something more deep, more meaningful but I can't. In life, you can't take things back and you can never change things. Life is concrete; there is no changing it. You can't change life. Songs, painting, poems, they are all pointless. Life is what it is, no fancy wording or pretty pictures are going to change that my parents are dead. Nothing is going to being them back. Nothing is going to make their deaths okay.
When we walk in the lunch room I remember why us Greasers usually go off school grounds for lunch. Not today, though. Ma never liked that we left school for lunch. I will never leave school for lunch again.
Steve and I sit down at a table with Ponyboy and Two-Bit and some other kid we really don't know. Whenever I meet the eyes of another Greaser they nod at me. I know this is their way of saying sorry.
The day after my parents died school was the most stunning thing. Every single Greaser was wearing black. Every single one. I guess we were all being respectful. It was a small thing for them to do, wearing black, and I'm not sure if it was even planned, but it meant the world to me.
The lunch table is almost totally silent except for Two-Bit who cannot be silent and is mumbling about some science exam that he failed. I begin to get lost in my own little world.
I don't know what is going to happen to our family. I honestly don't. So much is happening so fast, it's scary. It is scary and I am scared. I really am. Never before in my life have I felt so alone.
Then, it happens.
Sometimes in our lives, we all have pain. We all have sorrow.
I am extremely confused at the music. Am I imagining it? Is this another part of my dream like state? Is this all in my head? No, Steve and Two-Bit and Pony all look around too, it must be happening.
But, if we are wise, we know that there's always tomorrow.
I look to the table next to me for the source of the noise. There, a small girl is singing. Freshmen, probably. She isn't looking at me. She isn't looking at anyone. She looks down at her table. A curtain of dark brown hair hides her face. One other girl next to her joins in.
Lean on me, when your not strong. I'll be your friend, I'll help you carry on.
The girls aren't looking at me but I know that the song is directed at me and my brother. At first I am insulted. Why are they making fun of us? Why are they making fun of us when we have already lost so much?
For, it won't be long till I'm gonna need somebody to lean on.
They aren't making fun of us, though. I don't know why I am so sure of this. Is it their tone of voice?
Please, swallow your pride if I have things you need to borrow.
Is it because they look so innocent?
For no one can fill all of your needs that you won't let show.
Maybe it's because they're using that same tone that Steve does. Another girl joins in.
You just call on me, brother, when you need a hand. We all need somebody to lean on.
Am I listening so intently because they're singing exactly what I need to hear?
I just might have a problem that you'll understand. We all need somebody to lean on.
Am I listening so intently because, next to me, Ponyboy is crying?
Lean on me, when you're not strong. I'll be your friend. I'll help you carry on. For it won't be long till I'm gonna need somebody to lean on.
Is it because I'm crying?
Lean on me, when you're not strong. I'll be your friend. I'll help you carry on.
Is it because this is exactly what my mother and father would tell someone who is grieving?
For it won't be long, till I'm gonna need somebody to lean on.
The last note echos and I realize that the entire lunch room went silent. Do they know that the song is for me and Pony? Or do they just think that was a fun little song from some music nerds? Do they know? Do the girls know? Do the girls know how much that just impacted my life?
Do they realize?
The girl who started the song stands up and leaves. The other two girls stay behind. When she leaves she does not look at me or my table. She does not look at anyone. She looks down at the ground, her head bowed in submission with her books tucked close to her. You would never guess that this girl just sung her heart out in the middle of a lunch room to a family she's never met. The moment the girl is out the lunch room doors everyone looks around at each other. The moment is broken; people move again, but only their heads. People are waiting to see what the first person will do. A Soc laughs.
"What a loser." He says and goes back to his lunch. The rest of the room follows his example. My table is still silent. Then, Steve stands up. We walks right up to the Soc and pulls him up by the collar. The lunch room goes quiet again but this time there is no voice ringing out, there is only the sickening crack as Steve's fist makes contact with the Soc's nose.
….
I stand at the DX gas pumps with Steve and laugh. This is the third time I've laughed in the last hour. I'm back in reality, I've finally woken up. Even though being in my dream was calmer and easier to handle, I know that it is time to be awake. I know that now is the time to be happy and funny. Ponyboy needs it, Darry needs it, the gang needs it.
The gang needs me.
I look out at the street and watch the people go by. I check out a few girls but not to seriously, I know I am in now mood to be dating. One step at a time, that's all. Then I see a familiar figure with dark brown hair hiding it's face. It walks with quick, small steps, and moves for everyone. Her head is down.
It's the girl who sang for me.
I would never forget her face, ever. It has been floating through my dreams along with the words. Oh, the words. The music that has been in my head no matter what I listen to and I know will be in my head forever. I would never forget this girl because she never forgot me.
She saved me.
"HEY!" I call out, cutting Steve off in mid-rant about what he and Evie did the other night. A few people turn their heads but she keeps walking. I start to run after her.
"Hey!" I call again, "Hey, Miss!" I wish I knew her name. Finally, I catch up to her and grab her shoulder. She shrieks but stops and turns to me.
"Hey..." I breathe out, "Sorry I scared you, but I need to talk to you." The girl looks up at me with wide brown eyes. They look so much like Dad's and mine it's actually scary.
"Yes?" She asks in a quiet voice. Again, it is hard to believe this is the girl who sang in the lunch room.
"Thank you," I tell her, "Thank you so much."
"For what?" She asks, her voice is simple and innocent.
"For being there for me. With that song, in the lunch room. You have no idea how much that meant to me."
She is blushing now, "It was nothing..." She mumbles but I know that she understands what it really was.
"How did you know?" I ask her.
"Know what?"
"Know exactly what to say?"
She sighs, "You lost your parents." I flinch at her words and her voice gets even quieter, "That is horrible and no one really can feel what you're feeling. I can come close, though. I lost my older sister when I was little. It's a completely different kind of loss but the pain is the same. I just wanted you to know that it is going to be okay because I understand how easy it is to get lost in the grief."
I don't know what to say, "Thank you." I tell her again. I feel the need to repay her somehow. I feel the need to do something, anything, in return.
"What's your name?" I ask.
"Sally." She tells me.
"Well, Sally," I say in a polite voice, "Do you think you would like to come over to my house for dinner sometime?"
Sally's eyes go wide, "Oh, no... I couldn't..."
"Please?" I ask, "I think my brothers would really like to meet you."
Sally gives me a small smile, "I don't know," She tells me, "I don't do that well with other people."
Surprisingly, I laugh, "So you can sing in the middle of a busy lunch room but not come to dinner at someone's house?"
Sally squeaks out a laugh, like a mouse almost, "It's different!" And then, we are both laughing and I feel a change. I feel better, I feel... free.
"Come on." I tell her and put my arm around her as we walk back to the DX. I don't feel odd bringing a girl I just met over to Steve or to my house. As we walk back I don't feel like I've just lost my parents. I feel like I have gained another sibling.
A baby sister.