Story Summary: The Battle of Hogwarts is over and the Dark Lord has been vanquished. Lives and relationships are being rebuilt, but Hermione has to come clean about her past to Ron before they can build a future. Will Ron stand by her when he knows?

A/N: Welcome to my first, full Harry Potter fanfic. I'm trying to follow canon as much as possible, with just a little twist. Thanks to my two betas: EStrunk and MarinaNamaste who teach me too much to even acknowledge here. Any remaining mistakes are my own.

I plan to update about once a week or once every two weeks. I'm trying a new approach called being patient and get it right the first time. That's new for me. So, here we go:

"'Mione, come here," Ron called me from my little living room. He had that tone in his voice that made the butterflies in my stomach flutter in a massive swirling frenzy. I'd told him to wait there while I did the washing up. His voice pulled me to him as if it had its own magic. I swished my wand and set the dishes in motion and I went to him, butterflies and all.

He sat right in the middle of my little sofa, all red hair and blue eyes. That combination had always struck me as being oddly beautiful and I reconsidered it again as I approached him. He smirked at my approving smile and, when I was close enough, he grabbed my hand and pulled me down onto his lap. Helping Ginny train for Quidditch had strengthened his broad shoulders and arms and they held me firmly to him. I yelped as I fell into his lap and my giggle was swallowed by a kiss he planted right on my mouth. It made my toes curl in delight.

I somehow maneuvered myself so I was sitting astride him. It gave me better access to his neck. He smelled of mint and musk and he tasted even better. His hands found a strip of skin above the waistband of my trousers and it wasn't long before I felt his whole hand, which was large and warm, slide up my bare back under the fabric. My back arched at his touch and my hips rotated against his evident desire causing both of us to moan. I knew where this was going, and I wanted it go there.

"Ron, there's something I have to talk to you about," I said pulling away a little breathless. I was nervous. It'd been four months since he finally, finally kissed me during the Battle of Hogwarts and, while I loved Ron and was happy with our new closeness, I was keeping something from him. And it was killing me.

I'd had a crush on Ron for ages—I think it started watching him play chess. Seeing him plan and strategize and then kick his opponent's arse (usually Harry's) brought out that sexy Weasley confidence that Ron, for some reason, sometimes lacked in the shadow of his brothers and even Ginny. But then there was that whole Lavender thing. It took me a long time to get over that. But, now he's leaning into me, with that cocky smile, expecting me to kiss the lips I had desired for so long. I obliged him, but I couldn't give him everything he wanted. Not yet.

"What?" He said chasing my lips with a nip of his. "The best conversations are had between kisses." His lips brushed down my neck igniting my passion and my guilt in equal measure. It was hard to resist the pull towards him, but I had to.

"Not this one," I said forcing myself to pull back. His face grew serious and full of worry. The combination of love and concern evident on his features broke my heart. He loved me so much. And that was what was going to make this even more painful. Our feelings had always been stronger than we declared, but our timing stunk. My involvement with another was unintentional and unplanned. And now that he was gone I was hurting and grieving. I needed Ron's help and understanding.

"'Mione, what is it?" he twirled a stray curl and tucked behind my ear. His finger lingered behind my ear and his thumb came down and pinched the lobe gently. I turned my face into his hand.

"Well, I had a relationship that I don't think you knew about. I need to tell you about it before this goes any further." My eyes found his clear baby blues. There was no anger there and that bolstered my confidence a little. "I just don't want there to be any secrets."

"Alright," Ron said. "But I know about Krum. And you guys only kissed, right? I mean, he wasn't here long enough for there to be much else." My heart sank. It wasn't Krum and I had done much more than kiss.

My surreptitious relationship began as way to relieve some pain and stress which then morphed into fascinated curiosity. Then, I actually fell for the bloke. And Ron had still been with Lavender.

"It wasn't Krum." I looked away and then down at my hands. "I mean, I kissed Viktor—and it was nice. But, you're right, I only kissed him." I could feel the blush as its heat spread up my neck and across my cheeks.

"So…umm…" He cleared his throat. "you've been with someone else." He cleared his throat again. "Like…with someone else?" He squeaked and his voice jumped an octave. I needed him to be okay with this. And, I needed him to not dwell on the extent of how physical the relationship was.

"Yes." I reached out for his hand and he pulled away. That hurt. I knew I needed to give him some time to absorb this and to think it through. I remembered how hard it was to hear the girls' gossip about what Ron and Lavender got up to—and where. I moved off his lap and onto the sofa next to him and looked at the floor. He must have realized that pulling away hurt me, because he then turned to me.

"I'm sorry." His hand reached for mine. "I just wasn't expecting that." I could see the struggle play across his freckled face. He wanted to ask who. And he didn't. I was glad he was touching me, though. He wasn't disgusted with me. He had no reason to be.

"Was it…" he stammered. "I mean—I want to know, but I don't want to know—but I have to know." He pulled his hand away again and ran it through his thick red locks. I wondered if I'd ever be allowed to do that again. I could tell he had someone particular in mind, but I didn't know which possibility was causing him such pain. My heart stammered and my tongue stayed glued to the bottom of my mouth.

"Harry? Was it Harry?" he finally managed to bite out.

"No!" I said in a rush. "Merlin, no! He'd never have done that to Ginny. I never lied to you about that," I said. "I never lied about anything, Ron, ever. I just didn't tell anyone."

"Not even Harry? Did Harry know?" Ron was worried Harry kept something from him, obviously. He stood up and began to pace. "Well? Did he?" He didn't shout, his voice sounded pained and that actually made it worse.

"No," I muttered running my hands down my thighs to dry my sweaty palms. "Why does it matter if Harry knew?" Ron stopped and looked at me with cold eyes. His insecurities were back. I sighed inwardly. While I loved all of Ron, I did not appreciate this side of him.

"Because I just found out that my girlfriend has shagged someone else and I want to know if my best mate knew about it and hid it from me. That's why. I want to know if they were having a laugh at me behind my back," he spat.

He was hurt and angry and I had expected that, but his double standard made me angry. He'd shagged Lavender and he had admitted that he didn't love her and he had never pretended to love her. He told me he did it more to placate her than anything. I didn't just shag—and just like Ron's involvement with Lavender, it wasn't a one-time affair.

"No, Harry didn't know and he still doesn't." Ron seemed to calm a bit. "He knows that I am extremely troubled over something and he's begged me to tell him, but I refused to put him in that situation." I set a cold glare at him. "I know how anxious you can get."

I knew that last part was cold, and I didn't mean it to hurt him. But, Ron's constant insecurity was going to be a major stumbling block in our relationship, like it had been in our friendship, if we didn't address it soon and thoroughly.

"Yeah, knowing I can walk into a room with the man you secretly fucked tends to make a bloke a little unsure of himself—whether or not you lied about it," he snarled. He started pacing again. I stood up and blocked his path when he turned back around.

"First of all, I didn't fuck anyone. That's what you did with Lavender and shoved it in my face." Ron looked up at the ceiling at this accusation. I thought it was about time we addressed that issue, too. "I had a mutually beneficial and equally felt relationship born out of the hurt, anger, and bitterness that your casual relationship caused me. Is that what bothers you? That is was mutual? He comforted me because he knew what a wanker you were." I covered my mouth when that slipped out. That was not going to help his insecurities, but I didn't care. He needed to face the damn things instead of always cowering to them. He struggled to regain control of himself and I watched the hurt, anger, and fear wash across his face. I didn't know if he finally understood what I felt or if it just hurt that I had a relationship with someone other than him.

"What else?" Ron asked his voice calm again but his face barely hid his pain.

"What?" I asked confused.

"What else? You said 'first of all' which means you had a list. What else do you need to tell me about this 'relationship'?" He moved his fingers in the quotation gesture to show he didn't quite like the idea of my other relationship.

"Well, I already listed the others." It struck me that Ron caught on to my listing technique. But I guessed I needed to clarify. "I really don't think you have a reason to be upset because it began after you were involved with Lavender and it ended before you kissed me during the battle." There was a problem with my logic and I knew it.

Ron and I had been flirting, in private, since Ron was released from hospital after being poisoned during sixth year. We only let Harry see our hand holding and long glances. There were a few times when I thought for sure Ron was going to kiss me so I subtly ended the moment so I wouldn't be unfaithful to either of them. Then, when Ron deserted Harry and me while looking for the Horcruxes—well let's say there are a few forests scattered throughout Britain that I'd blush in if I ever returned to them.

Early on in our search for Horcruxes I'd found a Weasley's Lucky Dip box in my beaded bag and when I opened it, there was a self-writing quill on which he'd used a Protean charm similar to the one I'd used on the DA coins. It was after listening to Potterwatch one night that I retrieved the quill and whispered to it. My voice brought it to life and there we were writing to each other. I longed to see him—Ron had left and I was miserable, and Harry was already overburdened. We created a series of clues based on personal information that led us to each other. I knew it was dangerous to meet him, but I needed him so much when Ron pulled away from me. Harry never knew because we always met on my watch and I'd cultivated the Fianto Duri spell making our tent almost as protected as Hogwarts. So I followed the clues that led us to different forests and our mutual need was always temporarily sated.

"I see. So I don't get to be upset?" Ron asked pulling me out of my thoughts.

I sighed, "that's not what I'm saying Ron. Seeing you with Lavender hurt me. I understand the hurt you're feeling. Try to understand that what you're feeling right now hurt me so much then, that I was debilitated. I couldn't work, I couldn't study." I saw anger flash across his face. "Ronald, I'm not blaming, I'm explaining." He calmed again—a little.

"He saw this and he started talking to me. He studied with me. He listened to me. I couldn't do that with Harry because, well, I knew it would hurt you if I did. So I started spending more time with him so you could be with Harry and then, one thing led to another. And it felt so good to be wanted by someone that I liked, because boys who did liked me, like McLaggen, I couldn't stand to be around. And I was so grateful for everything he had done for me." I paused. I was getting to the hard part. "But, I don't think this person was a much better choice than Harry in terms of not hurting you." I peeked up at him again. He was trying to stay calm and listen to me.

"Hermione, I can understand all that. It hurts, but I can understand it." His voice was pained and resigned. His eyes softened. "But I am always going to wonder, whenever we walk into a room with other people from school, if he is there."

"You don't have to worry about that," I said. He looked at me.

"Why?"

"He's dead," I said. That only left him with three feasible options. I watched his eyes as his mind worked through it. There were many who died in the battle, but only three who would have been at school with us and would match what I had already revealed.

"Not, Creevy or Crabbe." He said with a hint of a smile. I loved the Weasley ability to find humor in everything. It's was what drew me to the family as a whole; my family was much more serious and I needed the Weasleys' levity. I shook my head and his ghost of his smile evaporated like smoke.

"No," he whispered in disbelief. I could tell he knew. I could see him putting the pieces together and connecting the dots. So many conversations Ron had witnessed took on new meanings because we had not been very careful. People just chose not to see. Ron knew and his mouth inaudibly whispered his name.

"I loved Fred," I said. "But I ended it with him because I love you more."

The bang of the slamming door provided the audio track for my breaking heart. Ron was gone and I didn't know when or if he would come back. I had to tell him, though. I couldn't honor, and sufficiently mourn, the wonderful man that was Fred Weasley by keeping the feelings I had for him hidden like a dirty secret.

A/N: So friends, tell me what you think. Reviews help me improve both good and bad. I have a pretty thick skin, but silence hurts me deeply. Help me, please.