Insecurity

Disclaimer: Don't own Harry Potter. I do own Shivani however. And you can't have her. :P

Theodore Knott was currently in history of magic and bored out of his mind. So he partook in what had been his favorite hobby for the last five years. He stared at Blaise. Blaise was the only one besides Granger who could actually pay attention in this class when he chose. But he didn't. When asked why he rolled his eyes and said that he could just read the book later and besides, History of Magic was a great time to catch up on the latest gossip with Shivani Nanalil, one of the other Slytherin fifth years.

Right now, those two were sitting diagonal from each other and passing a note back and forth. Blaise was the one currently with the page. He was leaning down, his long dark hair pooling on the desktop and evidently thinking about what his reply to whatever Shivani had written. He was brushing the quill end across his lips, a tell-tale sign with him that he was thinking. It was a cute gesture; one of the few things that Blaise did that wasn't on purpose. Theo didn't even know if Blaise was aware of it. And even if he was, Theo would bet that he had no idea how horny it made him. Stupid over-active imagination. Blaise glanced up and for a moment Blaise and Theo's eyes met., Theo quickly getting lost in the golden depths, leaving Theo breathless, but obviously not phasing Blaise in the least because he just shot him a small smile and went back to writing.

Theo sighed. Blaise didn't like him back. He knew Blaise didn't like him back. Blaise never would like him back. But for some reason Theo held onto the hope that one day Blaise might actually return the feelings. He snorted silently to himself. Yeah, like that would ever happen. It was stupid of him to stay so optimistic, that was a Gryffindor thing not a Slytherin thing, but for some reason he just couldn't get rid of that smidgeon of hope.

'Hmmm… what should we talk about today?

Oh! I know, how about our favorite golden boy?'

'Potter?' Blaise wrote back, confused.

'No! I said 'our' and wasn't being sarcastic.'

'You mean Theo.'

Blaise glanced at Theo. The nickname really did fit him. He had longish dark gold hair and light golden skin. Light husky-blue eyes and full kissable lips completed the look. He really is extremely attractive, Blaise thought.

'Yes! So, are you ever going to do anything about him?!'

Blaise read this and thought about it. He liked Theo and knew that Theo liked him back quite a lot, but he didn't really know if he wanted to get involved with the other boy. Sure it would be fun, but if it didn't work out, they probably wouldn't be friends anymore or be able to talk. And that would suck. Especially since all Draco talked about lately was the other golden boy and Vincent and Greg pretty much only talked to each other, and Blaise needed someone to talk to in the dormitory.

And there was also the added thing, that Blaise didn't want to get into another relationship that was exclusively sex. Which was all pretty much anyone would ever want him for. He didn't have the greatest personality. He didn't know why Shivani put up with him. He next to never talked, he was extremely cold to almost everyone, he had zero confidence, he ditched his friends to go make-out and do other things with whoever his boy of the week was. He didn't deserve Theo; Theo was kind, and cheerful and confident and deserved someone who wouldn't bring him down with self-doubt.

He quickly shook himself out of those thoughts. Right now he needed to concentrate on what to do He would like to date Theo but there was the afore-mentioned problem. What he should probably do is let him down gently and convince him that it wasn't a big loss. But, he was too selfish. He liked Theo and wanted him all to himself. He had convinced himself in third year that he could live without Theo, but then Theo had tried going out with someone and Blaise had been super jealous. But they had broken up, but then he had gotten together with somebody else. This want on for third and fourth year before Theo had just stopped. Blaise didn't know why he had though.

He absently began running the quill over his lips. He really did need to come to a decision about Theo. And soon. But what to do? He was knocked out of his musings when he felt eyes on him. He glanced up and found Theo staring at him. He sent him a small smile and turned back to his note.

'I dunno. But he's staring at me again! This is really starting to creep me out!'

He got the note back in a couple seconds.

'Darling, you should be used to it by now. He's been staring at you since first year. We are now in our sixth year. He really likes you. You should like, ask him out or something. I mean, I know you like him back.'

'I know I know, I should, but it's kinda complicated. It won't work out, none of my relationships do.'

'That's because the guys you date are only after one thing, and it sure as hell ain't your charming personality.'

'…'

'You know I'm right. Which brings me back to the point. I don't think Theo is after you're body alone. First of all, you didn't have your reputation back in first year and second, if it was just about sex he would have given up on you long ago. Besides can eleven year old boys even get horny?'

Blaise nearly choked. 'I'm not answering that.'

'Fine. Respond to the first part.'

'Sigh You're so annoying.'

'Still waiting!'

'Right. He started staring at me, before he even knew me! He wouldn't be after me if he didn't like how I looked.'

'Darling, it's impossible not to like how you look; you are gorgeous, from the tip top of your head to your smallest toe. Now, we have been having this conversation for four years. What are you going to do about him?'

Before Blaise could write back though, class ended, and they all filed out, Shivani glaring at him, but not saying anything because Theo was only a few feet away. Her look clearly said though, "You are not getting away this time."

Blaise knew what that meant. Shivani thought the situation with Theo had gone on long enough and was going to corner him and make him do something about it if it was the last thing she did

Damn. Well, at least classes were over and he could go hide in the library. Hopefully Shivani wouldn't follow him there.

Theo sighed as he thought about the potions assignment he had to do. It was like a two feet on practical uses of love potions. Meaning a use could not be making a crush like you. Theo sighed. He could think of a lot of practical uses but didn't really want to write some of them down. Some were rather inappropriate. So, he had half a foot less than he needed and was going to the library to find some more or expand on the ideas he already had.

Theo walked into the library and began looking through the books, every time a good idea came by, writing it down. As he wandered down a row of books, quiet voices caught his attention.

He knew he probably shouldn't eavesdrop, but he was an extremely curious person. He got "curiosity killed the cat" quoted at him almost daily by at least one person.

He peeked around the corner and caught sight of the two who were talking. It was Shivani and Blaise whispering quietly, Blaise looking sad and embarrassed, two emotions Theo had never seen on his face and Shivani looking incredulous and rather angry. Now he definitely had to find out what they were talking about.

He pulled his head back and crept down his row until he was right next to them.

"He likes you! He doesn't think you're a whore and he isn't after you just for sex!" Theo heard Shivani whisper, sounding incredulous.

"What else could he be after? I'm not good for anything else," Blaise answered bitterly. "I've never been good for anything else."

Theo's eyes were wide and his mouth was open. He was shocked. He never thought Blaise thought of himself that way. He always seemed so confident…

"Blaise Zabini! Don't you dare say that ever again! You're smart, gorgeous, sweet, funny and a thousand other good things, and if I named them all we would be here all night! And I am positive he sees all this about you and likes you because of that, not because you have a reputation of being a good lay!"

Theo felt his eyes widen anymore. This he they were talking about… Damn, whoever he was, he was lucky. Having Blaise actually like him. He let out a wistful sigh just thinking about it. He realized too late that it would be heard.

There were loud results from the other side. "Bloody Hell!" Shivani yelled, before she whipped around the corner, facing Theo.

Theo was too startled to run and Shiva saw him. Her eyes widened and she repeated her earlier sentiments. "Bloody hell. How long have you been standing there?" she asked angrily.

"Just like a minute. I didn't really hear anything."

"Volume!" Madame Pince hissed.

"Sorry," Theo muttered back.

When he turned back to Shivani, she was still glaring at him. He raised his arms in entreaty and said, "I really didn't hear anything."

She continued to glare at him and only stopped when Blaise came over and put his hand on her shoulder, still looking uncomfortable. She turned to look at him and they talked very softly for a few seconds, Shiva slowly becoming less pissed, before turning back to him. She placed her glare back on her face and said, "Just don't do it again. Remember, curiosity killed the cat." She ended in a sing-song voice and stuck her tongue out at him, before turning around and disappearing with a flick of her long braid.

Theo groaned at the over used saying and stuck his tongue out at her. After that, he turned to Blaise and smiled hesitantly. "Can I talk to you for a little bit?"

The still discomfited boy nodded and followed Theo out of the library, to the Slytherin common room and up to their dormitory.

Once there, Blaise sat on his bed and after a moment's hesitation, Theo sat next to him.

They sat silently for a few minutes, Theo looking intently at Blaise and Blaise trying hard not to blush, before Blaise finally broke the silence. "How much did you hear?"

Theo blushed and answered honestly. "The first thing I heard was Shivani saying that this mystery guy likes you for more than just sex."

Blaise looked down at his lap and said "Oh," almost inaudibly.

There were a few more seconds of silence before Theo exploded. "How could you think that about yourself? You are not only good for sex! You're funny, smart, beautiful, confident, and I love you!"

Theo clapped a hand over his mouth, when he realized what he said. Blaise stared at him with wide eyes and his mouth hanging open. A minute passed, Blaise still staring and Theo looking progressively more panicked. "Did- did you really mean that?" Blaise asked golden eyes still impossibly wide.

Theo stared at Blaise's face, searching for any disgust, but all he saw was surprise. After a moment he nodded uncertainly and took his hand away from his mouth. "I've liked you since first year," he admitted. "I've tried getting over I and dating other people but it never works out. I… like you a lot. Will you go out with me?"

Blaise continued staring at him. Theo liked him? Like, liked-liked him? And thought he was beautiful, smart and funny? That was everything he ever wanted.

Instead of answering the question he leaned forward and kissed Theo firmly on the lips. He pulled back a moment later and smiled at Theo's shocked face. "I would love to."

Theo blushed lightly at that and Blaise nearly squealed, but held himself in check and said, "You look so cute when you blush." At which point Theo turned even redder, much to Blaise's amusement.

A moment later he managed to get control of his face and asked timidly, "So, do you want to go to Hogsmeade together next weekend?"

Blaise nodded happily, "Tha-"

The door flying open, interrupted him. "Theodore Knott, if you did anything to Blaise, I'm going to kill- Wait. What did I just cut short?" Shivani asked, sating at the two glowering boys.

"You interrupted a romantic moment!" Blaise whined.

Shivani's mouth dropped, but she quickly closed it. "About damn time! Sorry about interrupting, but I heard from that one second year Adrian that you two were all alone up here. And anyways, Blaise, you have to finish your homework and Theo, you have to serve that detention with Snape, for blowing up your cauldron."

Theo pouted, but got up anyways, pulling Blaise up with him. He hugged him, trying to ignore Shivani and kissed him lightly on his cheek before darting off to the common room, blushing hard.

He heard from behind him, "Oh my gosh! You guys are so cute!"

I finsihed this like a year ago and am only now posting. Tear. Oh well. Tell me what you think and if you can come up with a better name I would greatly appreciate it.