It has always surprised me how easily people are willing to look past what should be right in front of their eyes. How easily everyone, even my dorm mates, seemed to accept that I was the perfect girl. But I'm broken. And no one cares.
My mother's family has a history of depression. Gran-mere Appoline fought it her whole life. My mother, the great beauty Fleur Delecour-Weasley, suffered from post-partum herself. My little sister, Dominique, has been seeing a therapist since she was 6. But I am Victoire Weasley. I have to be perfect. After all, I am tall, Blonde, and pretty. What could possible be wrong with my life?
In truth, everything. I cannot find any girls who will be friends with me, because they all think I am snobby and bitchy before they even talk to me. I hear them constantly whisper, "Bitch" "Whore". And all the guys I know are either intimidated by me, or they try and stick their tongues down my throat every time we are momentarily alone. They like whispering profanities in my ear. "You like this don't you slut?" Professors dismiss me as a shallow girl, and all I wish is to blend into the back ground. To be ugly.
And then there's Teddy. The only one who seems to care. The boy I've loved since I was twelve years old and he showed me around the castle. He's two years older than me, but I don't care. During my fourth year he gets a girlfriend, and that old childhood friend is forgotten. And I sink into the darkness that I have been dancing with for years.
I am not dumb enough to slice my wrists, it's so cliché only those who want to be caught cut there. Everyone knows to check there. I don't want to be caught. My legs and sides receive the treatment instead. I'm good enough at healing magic I could prevent scars if I chose to, but this makes me feel less perfect. They are an outward sign of my broken inside.
This continues for 2 years. It all implodes at The end of my 5th year. It becomes too much. Between Owls, having no one to confide in, watching everyone live perfectly, and Grand-mere dying earlier that year. Add on my prefect duties and I loose it. My mum writes me, reminding me that she got all O's on her school's equivalent of the owls. And that Dad was head boy. Then letters from Uncle Percy reminding me that Molly needs me to look out for her, cause some of the boys in her grade were teasing her. I am on the breaking point.
And then I walk in on Teddy with his girlfriend, whispering as he cups her breast, "I love you."
My throat tightens. My palms sweat. I find myself in the prefect's bathroom. I pace, thoughts whirling, echoing every word that has beat against my head for years and years.
Top of my class. Window, Bitch, edge of the tub, Perfect, window, Head Girl, tub, I love you, window, Slut, tub. I love you.
I let loose a howl of rage, and sparks from my wand ricochet off of the tiles and break one of the taps by the tub. I let loose a sob, falling to my knees. It's too much. Too much. I'm slowly being crushed. My brain is going to explode.
I imagine my mum's face when I bring home all D's and T's. My father's face when he learns that his "Perfect Princess" is not perfect after all.
I look at my wand and decide that maybe it's time to be cliché. Cliché is easy.
I take off my long robes, leaving myself in just a cream cami and a pair of boy shorts. My mother get's my robes from an expensive shop in Nice, I don't want them ruined.
The first cut across my right wrist is even and deep. The one on my left is a little messier, and not near deep enough. What can I say, my left is my wand arm. I make two more slits in each arm, and then slip into the now full tub. The tap I broke was my favorite, warm water with Pale purple and blue bubbles and a light musky scent.
As exhaustion comes across me, I smile and slip into the darkness. Our dance is done.
But my peace is broken. I wake up in a too bright room. It is all white for a moment. I hear a voice like Uncle George's, just younger, happier. He murmurs, "It's not your time yet, hun. Go back."
And an unfeeling darkness returns.
Then I am aware of texture against my skin. Feeling returns, Soft sheets against my skin, tightness around my wrists and heaviness in my chest. My throat is rough.
The next sense to return is smell. I recognize my mother's perfume, and my father's constant scent of the beach. They fade away and are replaced with my sister's hairspray, and Molly's smell of old books. And constantly, there is a smell of cleanliness and potions. Occasionally, there is a smell of cologne and soap.
Then I get taste back. At first, I taste nothing but the dryness of my tongue. Then after a few more cycles of the smells, a new potion is poured into my mouth and it's sickly sweet, with a cloyingly bitter after taste.
The last senses return together. Or maybe I always had my sight, but not the strength to open my eyes and see. I recognize my father and mother's whispers,
"I never imagined anything like this. Not from Victoire"
"We should 'ave known, Bill. I should 'ave seen the signs."
"No one saw the signs. She was… clever enough to hide them."
Molly and Dominique don't talk much. Sometimes Dom whispers that she wishes I would go ahead and wake up. But it is the owner of the cologne and soap sense whom I enjoy hearing the most. It is Teddy, and he doesn't whisper that he has always loved me or any of that romantic foolery. He reads to me. Sometimes it's poetry, both from wizards and muggles. Sometimes it's a story about the wizarding wars.
I wake up during one of his visits. He is reading "Annabel Lee."
"-And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side
Of my darling- my darling- my life and my bride,"
My eyes flutter open, and I am blinded momentarily by the brightness. I'm not in the Hogwarts hospital wing, but in St. Mungo's. The walls are a pleasant light green, and I see a small potted plant on the bedside table. Teddy is so immersed in the poem, which Is one of my favorites, that he doesn't notice me looking at him.
His hair is not his usual bright blue, but a softer, mellower blue. His eyes are a funny amber color though. I smile slightly and watch him. the way his lips formed around the words fascinating me.
"In the sepulchre there by the sea,
In her tomb by the sounding sea."
He finishes the poem, and I murmur, "That was pretty Teddy." My voice disturbs me for a moment, it's rough and I can barely speak over a whisper. His face brightens up quickly, and he drops the book of poetry, gasping out my name. "Victoire! You're awake!" I nod "It would seem so. What happened? How long was I out?" He cleared his throat, and said, "Well um, Molly was looking for you that night, and when she didn't find you in the dorms or the library, she got Dominique to help her look. When the y didn't find you, and nobody could find you, they got Meredith to check the bathroom." Meredith was the head girl to Teddy's head boy, and the one he "Loves". I whisper, "oh"
He reached over and took my hand, "By the times we got you to Madame Pomprey, you had lost a lot of blood and were half-drowned. You almost completely severed the veins, Vic. Do you know how scary that was? You were so pale, and cold. I thought you were long gone." I sigh and shrug, wincing slightly. "Why do I hurt so much?" He stared me down, "You almost drowned! Meredith came into the bathroom just as you passed out. If we had found you 5 minutes later it would have been to late! Why did you do it Vic! What the hell lead you to do that! Did you ever think about what that would do to your parents? Dom? Molly? Louis's only 6, you're his hero! Did you ever think about him? or… or Me?" I glare at him, not wanting to hear the criticism. How dare he? "Like you care about me anymore. You haven't paid me an ounce of attention since you started dating Meredith. I'm not wanted anymore. Not by you, not by Dom. My parents wouldn't want me after they saw my Owl scores." He sighed and shook his head, "Vic, there are so many things wrong in that statement. But, I'll leave them for now. Your parents have been taking turns with Molly and Dom. Louis is at Grandma Weasley's. I'll send them in."
A/n This should be a two-shot, maybe longer if I get a good response. And please no flames but review if you can! This is a story really close to my heart, so pretty please tell me what you think. The songs I listened to for this are Hawk Nelson - I Still Miss You and Mat Kearney - Dancing In The Dark