Quinn was confused. That wasn't really the word to cover it to be completely honest. She'd stepped out of the auditorium in need of air, in need of a grip on reality, in need of something that wasn't her nerves. When she stepped out, Jesse had held the door for her, she wasn't sure why he'd done it but as her eyes glanced out into the lobby she saw her turning around. Carmen Tibideaux. She'd done a bit of research when Rachel told of her choke. Why she could feel her anger bubbling as she pushed away from the door was beyond her but she did it, and she found her feet pushing off the ground with a purpose as she cleared her throat.
", a moment please?" She wasn't sure where that voice had come from but dammit, it sounded professional. The woman turned around, clearly less than pleased by this interruption. One look and she'd know who Quinn was, matching dress, matching shoes, same horrific shade of lipstick the girls had all decided to wear. But she did it anyway.
"Look, if you're here to plead 's case, there-" The older woman was cut off by a hand being held up, a hand belonging to Quinn...who at this moment was still trying to figure out why the hell she was doing this.
"No. I mean, yes I am but please. Just hear me out okay? If you came all the way out here to listen to our club's entire set, I think you can spare an extra couple of minutes to listen to what I have to say. After this, you can go but right now...just let me get this out." Quinn could feel her heart racing, so much for the getting away from her nerves thing, they were back with a vengeance for her trying to escape them it seemed.
The woman was still standing there, which meant one thing, she was giving Quinn her chance to speak. The blonde nodded a silent thank you before she gathered a breath and let loose. This would be easy, wouldn't it? She was good at talking things up, she was a Fabray for Christ sakes. "Rachel Berry is a phenom." So far so good "You already know she's talented...or you would've walked out right after you heard her open her mouth...you wouldn't be here if you didn't already know that." Her fingers drummed along the fabric of her dress, searching her mind for words that came far too easily.
"Not everyone from Lima is going to do something with their lives. There's a term for them. Lima Losers. That's what most of the people in town are. You grow up with dreams, they get snuffed out, you get a job somewhere you hate, fall into a marriage with a person you loathe and live a life that you never saw yourself in. Most of us, we see ourselves living those lives as a backup plan. If what we wanted to do didn't work out, we had our safety net. We had Lima."
Her words in the end came out a little quieter than she'd originally started off with, because it was all true. She'd seen herself in that life. 'finn and i will stay here and get married i'll become a successful real estate agent and finn'll take over kurt's dad's tire shop.' She remembered it like it was yesterday, the conversation, what followed it, everything. Before she allowed herself to be bogged down in her memories she shook it off and took a breath, continuing.
"Not Rachel though. She's always been too big for Lima. Her dreams were too big for this town, for McKinley, for any of it. Go big or crash and burn trying...it's probably one of her most annoying but amazing qualities." A soft laugh left her lips as she realized that. "Whatever happened at her audition, it was a fluke. You saw her today, and I'm sure if you've done your research on your possible students, you've seen past performances in one way or another. You know she's perfect for your program, she's perfect for New York and she deserves to be there...moreso than any of the students you're probably accepting." Someway through her words, she could tell the woman in front of her changed her demeanor from annoyed to...something Quinn couldn't pin point.
"How long?" finally asked after a minute, causing the blonde's eyebrows to furrow in confusion.
"Excuse me?" She asked, trying to figure out just what the woman meant. How long had she known Rachel? How long they'd been friends? How long...
"How long have you been in love with her?" Quinn nearly stumbled backwards from the words but of course...she couldn't do that, she couldn't let her resolve crumble, she had this woman against the ropes [in her mind of course].
Finally she just smiled and shook her head, letting out a laugh. "I've been in this business for years. Before you were even born. I know a friend pleading a case, I know an enemy jeopardizing a future and believe me when I say this? I know when a person is defending the one that they love. So I ask...how long?" A brow rose just slightly over glasses to stare at the taken back young blonde.
Quinn's mind reeled, moving quicker than she'd ever felt it move before. She wasn't in love with Rachel. Boys loved her, she had a child, she...that was it. Those were her arguments against it. She couldn't be though. They were friends..at best. She and the singer were nothing more than friends. So what if she wanted the best for her, even if that meant New York. It wasn't like that would effect anything they'd built right? Seventy-seven miles between New Haven and Manhattan, two hours on the train..not that she'd looked it up or anything.
She wasn't in love with her. Those moments they'd had over the years, when they were alone, allowing the facade they'd put up over the years fall to just be them, to be Quinn and Rachel...those were moments between friends. Moment's she'd shared with Brittany and Santana numerous times..right? She tried to think of one time...that was even remotely like that but she couldn't. Her mind drew a completely blank.
She wasn't in love with her, they were friends. Friends who understood one another's inner turmoil and feelings without having to express them fully.. They were friends...they were friends...she was in love with her. "Oh my god." The words left her lips before she could stop them, her mind had pushed them out to a smile from Carmen. The blonde's eyes snapped to the ones looking at her as she sucked in a breath that still didn't fulfill her lungs.
"All this time." She managed softly, a bit shocked as she shook her head ever so slightly as she felt a gentle touch on her arm.
"My decision may be getting changed, but it seems as though you've got some decisions to make for yourself. Good luck, miss. Have a good rest of Nationals. You should get in there...trophies are going out soon." Quinn could only nod a few times as she let out a breath and turned, on autopilot towards her group again.
She was in love with Rachel Berry. She wasn't sure how, she wasn't sure when and she wasn't sure what she'd do with this information but it was true. She could feel it. She felt it as she stepped onto the stage, she felt it when she listened to New Direction's win and she felt it hardest of all when she saw the look on the tiny brunette's face when their eyes caught before the girl was in her arms with a congratulatory hug.
Quinn Fabray was in love with Rachel Berry, and she had been since day one.