A/N: So, last nights episode fucking sucked. It was awful. So I decided to try and fix it the best I can, although that's not much because it was so bad...
"Rollins! A word in my office!" Olivia called into the bullpen, the blonde looking up with a guilty expression on her face as she stood up. It was hours after the case had concluded and Amanda had apologized to Sandy, but she knew Olivia would want to talk, especially after she also yelled at Carisi for spilling coffee.
"Liv, look, I am so s-"
"Tell me what happened, Amanda." Amanda looked up in surprise at her lieutenant's words, her mouth opening and closing a few times before she found her voice again.
"It-It's nothing, Liv, I told you, I'll get over it."
"Bullshit. Tell me Amanda. What happened to our trust? What happened to us, Amanda? I thought we had a good thing going on."
"I-I jus-fine. You're right. I'm sorry. I'd been seeing this guy, his name is Mark, and I thought we were doing great, until yesterday, I looked through my credit card bill, and it turns out, he'd been using my account to pay for hookers. Thousands of dollars worth. I shouldn't have taken it out on Sandy, I know that, but, I-I just, I thought, m-maybe-" Amanda broke off abruptly, her hand flying over her mouth as she turned away from Olivia, trying to hide the tears that started rolling down her cheeks. Her shoulders shook with silent sobs as she leaned against the glass of the window. She jumped slightly as she felt strong arms grasp her shoulders and turn her around. Gentle fingers pried her hand away from her mouth and gripped her chin softly, forcing her to look up at her boss.
"Oh, Amanda..." Olivia wrapped her arms around the shaking blonde, using her right hand to pull Amanda's face into her neck, and her left to hold her tight and gently run her fingers along her back. Amanda let out a quiet sob, her whole body quivering with emotion. Olivia felt her heart clench at her friend's pain.
"I-I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Olivia."
"Why are you sorry, Amanda?" Olivia whispered into the blonde's hair, making Amanda wrench out of her embrace.
"I don't deserve this. I almost screwed up the case, I was awful to Sandy, I don't deserve your concern. I don't deserve anything. I'm not even good enough for sex, apparently." Amanda spat out, anger and shame rolling off of her body in waves, Olivia immediately understanding then just how badly this man hurt her.
"Amanda Rollins! Listen to me!" Olivia crossed the room, grabbing Amanda's face between her hands, "You deserve so much, sweetheart. So much. You've had a hard life, and you've overcome it all. You've grown so much since I first met you. You're an amazing mother, and an amazing friend. This guy, this absolute asshole, he doesn't deserve YOU. He threw away a beautiful, smart, funny, and sensational woman, just because he wanted to have sex. He would never be worthy of you. You are so loved, Amanda, so loved."
Amanda finally broke, tears running in rivulets down her cheeks, her sobs echoing off of Olivia's office walls, her knees giving out and sending her tumbling to the ground, Olivia quickly catching her and lowering her down gently, pulling her into her lap and rocking her back and forth. Amanda clutched onto Olivia's shirt, her body shaking with the effort of her pain. Olivia held the blonde closer, placing kisses on the top of her head and whispering comforts into her ear. After a while, Amanda's loud sobs subsided, leaving her gasping for air.
"Breathe, sweetheart, breathe, you're okay. Everything's going to be okay." Olivia rubbed Amanda's back, when the blonde looked up at her, her eyes red. Olivia almost gasped out loud at the hurt she saw in her friend's eyes, and a wave of guilt crashed over her for not noticing sooner. She reached out and stroked her friend's cheeks with her thumbs, brushing away the tears. Resting her forehead against Amanda's, she softly whispered, "I love you, Amanda."
"I-I love you too, Liv." Amanda shakily replied, both of them looking up at the same time. Their lips were inches apart, and Olivia let out a soft gasp as she watched Amanda's eyes flicker down to her lips. They met in a tentative kiss, one full of emotion, of love, a kiss that didn't represent the start of a new relationship, but a kiss that meant that Olivia was there, that Amanda wouldn't be alone, and that when she was ready, when she was healed, their lips would meet again.