There is nothing left for me. I wish I could just disappear because I don't want to die yet it is a pain to wake up everyday. I can hear the sound of death every night in my sleep. Knocking, asking me to come over at that side.

It's painful. I can't breath and my throats are so dry that I can't scream out for help.

I'm here. I am Akito Sohma. And I'm not God anymore.

The feeling of our bonds breaking, I know they are all relieved to be let out of the curse. They don't have to tolerate with someone like me anymore.

It's better this way, the fact that everyone can be free to do whatever they want. I'm glad because after all, I should be the one who receive the punishment alone.

Yes. I'm glad it turned out this way.

Now I can be alone. To live…and die…alone

I used to be scared of being left alone, but now the fact that I've become accustomed to it scares me even more.

"Akito" A faint sound was reaching out for me.

I wanted to ask…Who is it?...But nothing came out.

I feel like drowning and I can't move. My body is paralyzed.

Suddenly, it struck me. Am I dying?

I'm scared. What will wait for me on the other side? My dad…I'm sure he is in heaven. I'll never be able to meet him again. I'm too dirty to enter there. There is no place for me anymore.

I'm hopeless.

"Akito" That voice again. Somehow it sounds very familiar.

Where have I heard it before?

I traced my memory back…in my garden….the tsubaki…It seemed like such a long time ago.

I was with someone. He gave me tsubaki flower. I thought I was happy. But that feeling is empty now. There's no way back.

'I care about you more than I care about anyone and that is the honest, unshakable truth.'

Shigure. He said that to me and gave it to me.

I see a little girl, holding the flower as if it's the most precious thing in the world. Her face radiates of happiness and her eyes have that hopeful gleam inside them.

'I love you, Akito'

NO. Liar.

The sound of something precious breaking.

I can hear it.

The girl's face becomes distorted and the whole world turns warp and grotesque.

Tears fall down my cheek and I cry. That innocent girl is lost forever.

It'll never be the same again. Every time I look into a mirror, I see a monster reflects from it.

No.

No.

Stop! Make it stop!

That sound is making me go crazy. I'm losing my mind. I'm losing it. Everything precious to me…There's nothing left…

"Akito" That voice is calling me again. I cover my ears. I don't want to hear it.

A hand is extending towards me. I noticed something, a tsubaki, although it's rotten and lose all its beauty I can still smell it.

Unconciously, my hand reaches out to grab it. I want to smell the scent even more.

"Akito."

"Shigu…re…?" Somehow I managed to find my voice.

I open my eyes and the world in front of me is neither heaven nor hell, it was reality.

"Akito! Akito! She's conscious! Ha san, come here quick!" Shigure is making a big fuss over me. It was all very fuzzy. I take a moment to let my eyes adapt to the dazzling light.

Ugh. I hate light.

"Akito. Can you hear me?" Hatori shakes my body and gets out his tools or whatever it is to check my condition.

"Yes" I answer. My voice cracks into an almost inaudible sound.

"Good. How are you feeling?"

"Wa..ter"

"Oh right. Kureno, get me a glass of water." He turns back to order Kureno who immediately rushes out of the room. I quickly glance around to check my surrounding.

I'm inside Sohma's infirmary. Numerous strings are attached to my arms. My eyes meet with Shigure who is sitting on a chair next to my bed. He walks up to me and brushes my hair. I can feel his hot breath on my face.

"I'm glad we haven't lost you." He uttered and touches my face gently. His fingers are icy cold or maybe it is because I have a fever.

LIAR. I want to scream at him. But I lack the strength to do so.

Kureno appears and quickly hands me the water I need. I gulp it down hastily as Kureno and Shigure watch me finish my drink.

"How have I been sleeping?" I asked, my voice sounds a little better.

"Three days." Hatori answered, still checking my condition.

"That's not too bad." I commented. Which is true because I have been worse than this. There are times when I have to stay in bed for weeks.

"This is not good, Akito! Why did you do it?" Hatori who has always been quiet and calm raise his voice. Why does he have to be so angry with me? His kindness is really bugging me.

"Why can't you just let me die?" I scream and scream until my throat hurts, again.

"You're trying to keep me going for what? I have no purpose in life. I was born to die from the start."

"Don't do this to yourself." Kureno said, trying to calm me down.

"Don't speak like you know anything. Even if I die, it won't trouble anybody. I'm not needed anymore."

"That's not true. We're here, Akito. Even without the bonds, we want to keep staying by your side."

"Liar! Kureno, I know you do this because you pity me so just go live your life with that woman. And Hatori, you don't need to keep concerning about my health or act as my personal doctor anymore. I know you have someone you love. Shigure, if you want me to live just so you can keep torturing me then I'd rather die!" I cry out. Kureno and Hatori look shocked. They must think I would never let them love someone else except me. But that possessive desire is gone. I'm too tired to keep hanging on. Everyone will eventually leave anyway.

My body is trembling and I can't stop it. I want to throw something or strangle someone but my arms are tied to the medical strings. I glance at them in anger, noticing my wrist is full of wounds.

I did it. I cut my own wrists and let the blood pours out inside the bath tube. I really wish I were dead.

"All of you get out!"

"No. I don't want you to hurt yourself again." Shigure remains calm despite the situation. He hugs me and strokes my hair to stop me from trembling. I let myself cry on Shigure's chest. His body enveloping me, trying to comfort me.

"Don't act kind to me. You, most of all, can leave me so easily. Don't get my hope up. Just leave me to suffer and die." My hands reach out for his neck. I want to break it, destroying is the only thing I can do to those around me. But Hatori and Kureno quickly grab my hands before I can reach Shigure.

"Akito, I'm sorry." Hatori's face as he said this to me was the last thing I saw before the darkness crawls from the cracks, turning my world into pitch black color again.