You got Boned!
By A Clockwork Pumelo
With Help From A Huge Box Of Little Oranges
So yeah, I'm trying to eat a really huge box of tasty little satsuma oranges before they go bad... So far I'm on number eight today. I'm also curious about one of my friends' assumptions that eating an entire box of oranges renders one permanently allergic to any and all citrus, resulting in headaches, vomiting, and nausea if one consumes even a slice of lemon. Too bad her claim doesn't cut much water with me, seeing as I've fed her things I've prepared using plenty of citrus before and not gotten a peep out of her... seems it's only toxic when she knows she is eating it. Anyways, I intended this to just be a funny, random one shot but it seems to be showing signs of rapid and possibly cancerous growth reminiscent of a chaptered story. So if you want more boning, just give me a holler on the old review page and tell me which one you want to get boned next!
Kimimaro was... bored. Not just regular old bored, but really, really bored, to the point that anything would keep him entertained, so long as it didn't involve watching the leak in the ceiling drip. After raiding his master's uhm... video collection and watching a few minutes of static-y tentacle porn, he went and threw up a bit before thoroughly demolishing the videocassette with his bones. How the hell does Orochimaru-sama watch that stuff? I mean, people getting boned up every single orifice? I mean, boned up the nose? Is that even possible? Haha, boned... Hey wait, I wonder what all the others are doing... maybe they can help me stay entertained! And he was off, skipping/hopping/running down the multitude of narrow hallways that formed the labyrinthine lair. Hmmm... Whom shall I bone first?
Luck had it that Kabuto was the first one he bumped into, whistling merrily as he prepared the hideout for its passage into the new year, glasses decorated with mylar trim and strands of it throughout his ponytail.
"Why hello Kimimaro, how are you today? Did you take your antibiotics?" He smiled politely at the Kaguya, glasses flashing in the torch light.
"Umm... no Kabuto-sempai... they taste so bad, I didn't take yesterday's dose either, or the one before-" He was cut off by the loud -WHUMP- sound his body made as it was quickly rocked back onto a gurney and his arms and legs were strapped down tight.
"Kimimaro! You know very damn well that you HAVE to take your antibiotics every single damn day or they won't do you any damn good, because the bacteria develop resistance! Did Tayuya give you another concussion with her oboe again!??!?!? Or are you just stupid??!!?!" Kimimaro wondered where the hell Kabuto had conjured up the gurney from as the bespectacled ninja wheeled the thing down the halls at a clearly unsafe speed towards the ICU.
"Umm... Kabuto-sempai? It's a flute..." But Kabuto was not listening. He was sweating and babbling about bacteria as he sprinted down the halls pushing Kimimaro on his gurney.
When he finally burst through the door to the medical facilities, Kimimaro noticed Jiroubo, stomach distended and laying in a cot that had piles of stone blocks supporting it, seeing as the legs had long since broken. Ahh, my next victim, he thought as he was dumped into a hospital bed and roughly rolled over. He could hear Kabuto on the intercom speaking frantically with Orochimaru and looking ever more afraid for his life. When he put the receiver down, he wiped the sweat from his brow.
"Kimimaro-baka! WHY HAVE YOU NOT BEEN TAKING YOUR ANTIBIOTICS?!?!? Don't you know that if these bacteria in your lungs develop resistance, you are totally screwed???? And if you're totally screwed, that means that I AM ALSO TOTALLY SCREWED?!!?!?!?" This guy needs a tic-tac or something, 'cause his breath stinks... Kimimaro thought as his white hair settled back around his face after the medical ninja's shouting directly into his face.
"Well, you see Kabuto, I actually did take my medicine, even though it tastes like Orochimaru's cologne." A vein pulsed in Kabuto's temple and he restrained himself from punching the prodigy in his pale, smug little face.
"Oh, and Kabuto," he extended a finger bone to lightly tap the medical ninja's forehead, "You're not screwed, you're boned!" And then Kimimaro ran for his life, laughter trailing behind him as he went to find his next boning victim.