A/N. Hello, I tend to sometimes write stories sporadically because I figure if I want to read something that I'm after I may as well write it myself. I have an idea where I want to take the characters which is basically, 'On the Run', though I know this has been done, and the abandoned cabin in the Woods is far too Cliche. Never fear, hopefully I'll come up with something a little more riveting (no offence if you were someone who wrote a cabin piece, I will give credence to the idea of alone in the wilderness, because let's face it, who wouldn't want that and because technically I have written one, though to be fair it was way before the finale). So that is basically the direction I would like this to take, but even after 3000 words they were still talking crap in bed, so we'll see. This could potentially just be a lot of crap from an overactive imagination.
After what was arguably the most intense night of his life Richard Castle looked at the sleeping beauty that was Kate Beckett who was wrapped around him like a cocoon. She still had a smile on her face, which he couldn't help but smirk at. The cave man inside was pleased that he was the one to put it there, and that she seemed happy.
It all happened so fast, there were a lot of questions he didn't have the answer to, but after Kate had apologised and admitted that he was more important than the pain that drives her to find those responsible for her Mother's killer, he stopped thinking and he just felt.
He loved her with all his heart and she had shown him that she loved him just as much. He replayed the evening over again in his head and he picked up on things the more he did. Kate was drenched, soaking really when she had arrived at his front door; she'd been out in the rain. Her hair was still damp but mostly dried, it had gone frizzy. He had only seen it like that once before when they'd taken a dive in the Hudson. It's cute.
Kate shivered a little in his embrace and he reached down to find the rest of the bed covers to help keep her warm; considering that she might catch cold having never really properly gotten dry - it was probably a little late for this consideration. He was sure he warmed her up, their heart rates had been high for hours, they had even been sweaty, she would be fine. It was still too early to be awake and after a while Rick eventually fell into an exhausted sleep.
Kate was the first to awaken and despite the evenings activities she felt well rested and fresh. Her head was still on Castle's chest and she could hear the even rhythm of his heart beat. she knew straight away that whatever choices she had made yesterday didn't matter, the only one, the right one, was that she was here with Rick; her true North. It wouldn't matter now what changes were to come because Richard Castle was her home, she wouldn't let that slip through her fingers again.
She knew he'd want the detailed version of events when he woke and she knew that she would tell him. Only now, in the quiet of the morning did she begin to reflect on the other choices and how it may impact their future. The main reason Castle had followed her to begin with was because of her job, and the job had always defined who she was. She truly loved her job, but losing sight of Kate would push Castle away. She'd come so far, but was confident that Rick wouldn't love her less because of it.
Yesterday it had seemed like the only thing to do, everything was falling apart, Castle had been right. Or was it Rick now? She couldn't stop interchanging, they both felt intimate. Either way, he loved her and asked her to stop, said that if she loved him back she would stop, and she let him walk out of her life. The fact that he had forgiven her was upsetting, when she understood how much hurt she had caused.
What if she had slipped from the roof, and Ryan hadn't been there to catch her? Rick would never have known how much she loved him, that he really meant everything to her. He'd have been devastated and would surely feel as though he were to blame for being done with her and not having her back. Tears slipped down her face, and dripped on to his chest.
Rick woke up to feel Kate silently shaking next to him, at first he thought that she was shivering and that she had caught a cold. Then he felt the drip of her tears upon his chest and realised that she was crying.
"Kate?" Rick asks.
She looked up as his face and gave him a small smile through his tears, "Hi," she whispered.
"What's wrong?" He questions.
"I'm happy, I really am, but I just, I feel terrible for everything that I have put you through. I woke up, and I was thinking about all the things that happened yesterday and I felt selfish and I couldn't imagine being without you, or you having to suffer not knowing that I love you," she whispers to him sadly.
"Things could have turned and out differently," he murmurs, "but we were lucky and we got, what is this? Our fifth chance?" He smiles.
Kate smacks him, "I'm not joking Richard! I can't even imagine the pain I would have caused you and all my friends because I couldn't see that there was more worth in the living then chasing the dead. If I had died, even though I would be dead, how could I be without you? How could my soul survive such loss? I used to think that my mother's murder was the worst thing of my life, but if I were to lose you, if I were to have died yesterday, it would truly have been the greatest tragedy of my life. The real tragedy would have been that I had never loved as my mother had taught me to love, that the gift she had given me would be wasted," she hiccupped and the tears kept coming.
"Lucky for you and I that those talents were certainly not wasted, I love you," he whispers whilst kissing the side of her head.
"I love you too, you know?" She smiles back at him.
"Took you long enough to figure it out," Rick chides.
"It didn't take me long to figure it out actually," she smirks.
"Oh? I'm sensing a story here," Rick prods.
"I won't keep anything from you," she tells him.
"Then by all means, stop hedging and tell me a story pretty lady," he sits up on his elbow to face her.
Kate counters his move and faces him, "I didn't trust you when we first met. I knew that you were a ladies' man and that we would be a one night show, and honestly that part of my life stopped in college," she starts.
Ricks eyes perk up but one look from Kate shuts down any bridge into that conversation, so he saves it away for later.
"I didn't expect you to stick around for as long as you did, I thought it was an interesting addition to have you with the team, you made things more interesting and I guess the flirting was intellectual enough to have me a little intrigued, and you were ruggedly handsome and all," she smirks and Rick's eyes light up.
"After awhile things had never really progressed, you'd matured a lot but never really made a move so when Demming from robbery asked me out I went with it. Nobody decent had really taken notice of me in a while so I figured 'why not'," she sees him flinch and goes on to explain.
"You have to understand that I didn't know where we stood back then, I didn't take you seriously and you had never actually been forward enough to start anything since our first case," she tells him.
"It's okay Kate, I was to blame here too," he admits.
"I don't understand? How are you involved," she asks him, confused.
"Demming asked me if you and I had a thing and I stupidly told him that there was no flag on the pitch, when really, there was definitely a flag on the pitch. I didn't understand my own feelings at the time. You were right, at the beginning you and I would have been a one night thing but after a while working with you, I began to feel something real, something that I hadn't felt in a really long time. I just wasn't willing to admit it at that point," he tells her.
"You were jealous?" Kate replies.
"I was green," he admits.
"You invited me with you to the Hamptons that Summer," she prompts.
"Yeah, I remember," he replies whimsically.
"I had already agreed to go with Tom and then out of the blue you asked and I," she stops to gather her thoughts and not get worked up about the past.
"You what?" Rick asks gently.
"I was conflicted," she admits.
"Conflicted? You mean, you actually considered..."
"Yeah," she admits shyly.
"Even though I was essentially dating Tom, the first sign of interest from you sent me into a tailspin. I knew that wasn't a good sign and everyone around me was trying to hint that you weren't around for the books, they didn't understand the complicated mess that is you and me," Kate sighs.
"So what actually happened?" Rick asks.
"Well first I broke things off with Tom, regardless of what did or I guess I should say didn't, happen between you and I, there was clearly enough evidence to suggest that my heart wasn't really in it with Tom," she explains.
"You mean you didn't go with him?" Rick asks confused.
"No, no Rick, I never went anywhere that summer, I think I just worked and stayed home brooding and eating my feelings and then getting drunk with Lanie and then hitting the gym obsessively, I had quite the little food baby going on," she chuckles.
"You made a food baby because of me? That's, well, that's sad but at the same time it's kind of sweet," he kisses her and she frowns at him.
"Trust me, it wasn't pretty, definitely not a great time in my life, though I don't think that it was ever your fault, it was mine," she tells him.
"I only took Gina because that was how I dealt with rejection back then. It's easy to just erratically live life so you don't actually have to think about it. Although Gina and I did get back together we didn't spend a lot of time together, I had to finish the book and Gina shopped and did her publicist things that she does, we never had time for each other which was probably why our marriage failed too. It was unfair to her anyway when my heart wasn't really in it," he explains.
"Wow, our timing really does suck doesn't it," Kate admits.
"Yeah, it's never been stellar, but hey, better late than never," he smirks and she hits him again.
"Hey, I'm supposed to be explaining to you when I knew I loved you, are you going to let me finish?" She asks exasperatedly.
"Yes dear," he smiles.
"I was angry at you when you came back, it took me a lot of time to get over letting myself have feelings for you and then making them disappear. I thought you were gone for good. Then you managed to weasel your way back in and you were still with Gina, which surprised me. After that I knew I had to get past it if I were to work with you and forget about being hurt. It wasn't long after that when I started seeing Josh," she continued.
"They do say the best way to get over someone is to get under somebody else," Rick replies gruffly.
"It wasn't like that, Rick," She puts her palm to his face to calm him and he kisses her hand to apologise.
"I'm sorry," he tells her.
"It's okay, I love you," she smiles.
"I'll never get tired of hearing you say that," he looks at her.
"I'll never get tired of saying it," she looks back, before being drawn in to his kisses.
After their impromptu make out session she continues, "Things were never really great with Josh. He was just a consolation, but I could never admit it, that I was trying to move on instead of dive into something with him. As much as I wanted to I couldn't. I really liked him, but like I told you before, it wasn't enough," she figured that explained it.
"What about after the shooting," Rick questions.
She had thought he might not ask, but wasn't going to not answer, "Well, after I sent you away, Josh offered to help me out and to look after me, I was still reeling from all the things that had happened and then with you saying that you loved me, my mind was all over the place. I wasn't sure what to do, Josh had stay here to try and make a go of things with me and I thought I owed it to him," she paused.
"So you let him look after you?" Rick sighs, hurt.
"No," she replied.
Taken aback Rick raises his eyebrows, he knew that she'd broken up with Josh but he hadn't entertained the possibility that he hadn't helped Kate through her recovery.
"When I agreed to have him look after me his exact words were, 'Good, better me than that writer, I'll make sure he never bothers you again'. God, Castle, the way he said it hurt, I wasn't sure if it was the pain from the bullet in my heart or if it was his words but he wasn't there and he couldn't possibly have known how it went down, but he blamed you, when you tried to save me, if you hadn't pushed me the bullet might have been more direct and I could have died," she whispers the last part with tears in her voice.
"Hey, it's alright," Rick hugs her tightly to his chest and she rests her head on it.
"I was angry that he would take it upon himself to make sure that you wouldn't 'bother' me, he made it sound like he was going to go and beat you up. I'd already mistakenly sent you away out of my own selfish fears and then he was going to go and make it worse when I loved you. I couldn't stay around everything, I had to get out so I told Josh that he was wrong about you and that I couldn't see him anymore. He was angry and argued that he had saved my life, I didn't say anything. So he asked me, who saved my life and I said Richard Castle, and that was it, over. My Dad let me recover out at his cabin and I had all my physical therapy out there and I got my head together. There wasn't a day when I didn't think about you and what you had said. I didn't know how to deal with it though. I had a lot to work through as you know. I never wanted to keep that I heard you a secret, but I thought you understood that day on the swings," she tells him.
"I understood, but when I found out that you'd been lying about remembering the shooting I figured the only reason you'd lie was because of what you heard me say, and the only reason to lie would be to not acknowledge it, and why would you not acknowledge it? I figured because you didn't love me back, I felt very foolish, and then went and did some foolish things," he replies.
"Like that flight attendant," Kate replies looking hurt.
"I never slept with her, Kate," he promises.
"You didn't?" Kate raises an eyebrow in disbelief.
"I couldn't. Every time I wanted to commit to bedding someone that wasn't you I couldn't do it, I didn't have those feelings for them, you had all my feelings. I hated you for that. I didn't know how you felt," he frowned.
"We've both made some bad choices but we do love each other, that much is true," Kate whispers.
"I think I really started to entertain that thought about us after you saved my bacon with slaughter, you put your job on the line,".
"We love each other," she smiles.
"Right, which is all that matters. Everything else is in the past," he agrees. "So I think I can fill in the rest of the details then but you didn't specify when it was you knew you loved me, you said you loved me when you were fighting with Josh, was that when you realised?" he questions.
"Oh, right. No, I knew long before then. I was walking out to get a soda from the machine one afternoon after a case, I accidently heard the end of a conversation that appeared to be the end of your relationship with Gina,".
"Oh, yeah, I remember that case, you cheered me up with your magic trick," he smiles and Kate raises her eyebrows. "Oh, you are dirty minded aren't you!" She rolls her eyes.
"I know that is when I had evidence that I truly loved you, I knew my feelings weren't just attraction. Though I was may be just a little bit happy that you had ended things with Gina I was more concerned about how you were, and I realised that I wanted you to be happy, that you were more than just some flippant playboy, that you had real feelings,".
"After what you said about Lanie and Esposito it got me thinking about whether I was truly in it with the right person, and when I thought about it I realised that I was in it with the wrong person, again. Me and Gina's bubble burst a long time ago and there was no bubble the second time round. I wanted forever,".
"I guess you and I want the same thing then," Kate twines her hand with his.
"Yeah, I know we do. Speaking of bubbles, are you and I going to have our own little bubble at the precinct for a while? Do you think the guys will figure it out? I assume there won't be any PDA at the precinct but you know what I mean," he smiles expectantly.
Kate sighs, "That's one of the things I probably need to explain about yesterday,".
"What?" Rick asks confused.
"I'm not going back to the precinct," she tells him.
"What? What do you mean?" He asks.
"Esposito and I got suspended yesterday for going behind Gates back. Then I resigned from my position,".
"I'm sure she'd understand that you were under a lot of pressure yesterday, I mean, you didn't sign anything did you?" He asks with a worried expression.
"Rick, this wasn't just some rebellious breakdown. I resigned because none of it mattered anymore. In my heart and in my head I'd already picked you over my job and my obsession with my Mother's unsolved murder. It almost got me killed, and I decided yesterday to walk away," she tells him.
"Even before you knew where we stood?" He questions.
"The heart wants what the heart wants, Rick. If I had come here yesterday and you rejected me I would have told you that I love you and I would have fought for you, but if you had truly decided that you couldn't be with me, I'd have left you alone," she says sadly.
"But you love me," Rick says.
"I do, but if you didn't want me, I would have respected that. I don't deserve you," she murmurs.
"You deserve all the love in the world, Kate Beckett," he tells her.
"How can you say that? After everything that I've put you through," she argues astonished.
"You joined the academy because of what happened to your mother, and you have spent countless hours working on her case, vowing to find those responsible and bring them to justice," Rick says as though that explains his point.
"So?" She hedges.
"So, you would give up the dedication of the last 12 years of your life because you love me. That deserves a happy ending even without the fact that you also quit your job which was the lifeline to that case and your influence in solving it. Not only that, but you do love your job, you've told me so," he states the facts.
"I love you more than my job, and I love you more than getting killed trying to find answers and justice that won't bring back my Mom," tears fall down her face and Rick wipes them away with his thumb.
"Then this has nothing to do with deserving my love. This is the kind of love that can't be broken because it just is, it's an unconditional love, the best kind. You are my forever, Kate. Nothing can change that, no matter what happens, no matter what you do, no matter what anyone says, I love you. The only reason we ever hurt each other so bad is because we love each other so much. You can make whatever decisions you like about your future, go and get your job back if you want it, because the future is still ours, you don't have to prove how much you love me, I can feel it, I can feel it right here" he points to his heart with teary eyes.
"I don't know about anything right now, but I'm sure about us, we'll figure things out," Kate tells him placing her hand over his heart and kissing him soundly.
"Hey! I guess this means we won't have to worry about anyone coming after you anymore,".
"I should hope not, I mean really, it's the very least they could do," Kate doesn't believe for a second that this is possible. She knew she had opened a can of worms and that Gates was going to have questions.
If people like where this is going I shall continue to write long winded descriptions of a romantic runaway romance. You know, if they ever get out of the bed.