Author's Note: Hello, Rowan here! I just want to thank you for taking the time to read this story. This isn't exactly my first writing, I just never had the confidence (or motivation) to publish any of my previous works. So, please feel free to leave any kind of feedback, I would really appreciate it. I would also like to acknowledge my good friend cozypotato on tumblr for betaing this chapter. Hopefully you'll enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.

P.S. I don't hate Gwen. In fact, I think she is the sweetest person in all of Camelot. Sorry Gwen, I love you.

I remember moving into the house next door to yours. I was 5 and you were 7. Our parents decided to make us become friends because they knew I was lonely, being an only child. The first night I spent at your home, Morgana wanted to paint my nails and dress me up, which I didn't mind, but you still tried to stop her anyway. Morgana won that battle. She forced you to play the knight in shining armour while I was the damsel in distress and she the evil sorceress. In the end, it was obvious that you enjoyed it. We laughed and ran around until your father told us to go to bed. We talked all night, though I'm not sure exactly what about, all I remember is laying by your side. Happy that I could call you my friend.

Years later, when I was 13 and you were 15, I ran over to your window and you let me in. I was a snivelling mess. That was the day my father left my mother and I. You led me to your bed and let me lay there, holding your hand. When my whimpers broke into sobbing, you held me until I calmed down. You looked into my eyes and promised you would never leave me.

"I think I love you," I whispered.

"Merlin, you're such a girl," you smiled.

We laughed and everything was alright. I stayed there for hours until my mother came to get me. She knew in the back of her mind where I would be, but still worried since I had run off. It took me a long while to forgive my father.

I was 15 and you were 17. I came over like I always did. This time your father was gone for the week. Morgana was away with Gwen. Yet you still locked the door behind you. Holding my face so tenderly you placed your lips against my own. You pushed me onto your bed. Your lips trailed over my neck. My skin marked with bruises where teeth lay claim. Clothes thrown carelessly on the floor. Every caress met with a sigh. Our bodies melded together perfectly. You told me you loved me. I believed you.

Soon after, you began dating Gwen. I was hurt. I felt used. But knew I shouldn't say anything since you both seemed happy. I still visited you even though things were never the same. Your patience with me ran thin. You no longer showed me affection. And, eventually, you stopped talking to me.

It has been 3 years since you and Gwen got together. I am now 18 and you are 20. I tried to get over you. To forget. I avoided everyone. Morgana even gave up on talking to me. Gaius and mother worry about me. I could never tell them the truth about what happened between us. But last night you surprised me. You were at my window. A bottle of liquor in your hand. You knocked on the glass. When I opened the window you grabbed me and pulled me towards you. You wanted to go for a walk so I obliged. While walking through the darkened neighbourhood streets, you told me that Gwen had been cheating on you. She had been since the beginning. You took swig after swig from the bottle. I refused every drink you offered. Wanting to be sure you didn't push yourself, I stayed with you. You rambled for hours about anything and everything. When I took you home, you asked me to stay. I couldn't, no matter how much I longed to lay next to you. One last time.

I still love you Arthur Pendragon. Am I wrong for wanting you after all this time?

Morganna carefully folded up the letter before handing it back to Arthur. "You should talk to him," she suggested, a pensive look on her face. "It's obvious that you broke his heart. How dare you leave him like this?" Arthur stayed silent, a stubborn frown in place. He knew nothing he said would satisfy her.

"You're going to walk over there right now. You're going to apologise and you're going to mean it. Arthur, may the gods help you if you ever hurt him again."

"I can't-" Morgana's glare stopped him from continuing. If looks could kill, Arthur would have been dead a million times over. Luckily, Morgana seemed to have enough self-restraint to keep from battering him then and there. "Fine. I'll go see him."

"Good, now go before I change my mind and skin you alive where you stand." Or maybe not.

Arthur marched for the front door, silently cursing Morgana. He knew she was right. He had hurt Merlin, his best friend, the one he loved most in the world. It was then that the guilt came crashing down. He finally realised just how badly he fucked up. Why did he have to be so stupid? What he had with Merlin meant so much to him and he just threw it away like it was nothing. For what? Just to make his father get off of his ass about not finding a girl to wed? Fuck that, what Uther wanted didn't matter anymore. He was an adult, he didn't need to own up to his father's expectations. He loved Merlin and nothing was going to stop him from truly being happy. Unless, of course, Merlin rejecting him.

Arthur hesitated for a brief moment before knocking on the wooden door. Not long after, the door opened and Merlin stood before him. Arthur noticed his eyes widen just a bit and his shoulders tense. Merlin had gotten even paler and thinner, a feat Arthur had thought to be impossible, and dark circles surrounded his eyes. Arthur reached out a hand causing Merlin to take a step back. This broke Arthur's heart. He hadn't known what to expect, but this certainly wasn't it.

"Merlin," Arthur pleaded. "Forgive me. I love you." His slow, steady steps unsure on how Merlin would react. The boy's eyes began watering, tears spilling over his flushed cheeks. "I should be mad at you. You told me you loved me and promised to never leave me. You lied. You used me and you left without a word," Merlin gasped. Seeing Merlin fight back his tears, Arthur tentatively wiped his wet face. Merlin trembled despite the warmth of the surrounding area, hands shaking as Arthur touched him. "I should hate you, Arthur, why don't I hate you?"

"I think it's because you love me?"

Merlin gave a nostalgic, almost bittersweet smile and shook his head. "You're such an ass! Don't think you can walk in here, say you love me and expect everything to be alright."

"I know, Merlin, I-"

"No, shut up. Three years, Arthur. For three years I waited." For you to come back to me and apologise. To tell me how much I meant to you. To tell me that you wanted me as much as I wanted you. "I wanted things to go back to the way they were before. Laying together in your bed, forgetting everything else. Knowing only that we're together."

Arthur pulled Merlin by his wrist, guiding him closer to his chest. He hoped that his embrace was comforting, that it conveyed his feelings for Merlin. He wanted him to feel safe. Merlin further buried himself into Arthur's chest and Arthur took it as a good sign. He placed a kiss onto Merlin's mop of black hair and sighed in relief.

"I'm going to make it up to you, I swear. Anything you need, just ask, I'll be there." He reluctantly pulled back to hold Merlin's chin up and look into his eyes. "I mean it." Merlin nodded in response and backed away. Arthur attempted to read the expression on his face, he searched those haunted blue eyes to no avail.

"You should go. Gaius is expecting me to meet him soon." Merlin averted his gaze, staring intensely at the floorboards. He lied because he knew that if Arthur stayed any longer, he wouldn't trust himself. He would throw himself at Arthur and beg him to never leave again. But that wasn't how things should go. Arthur needed to prove himself. To regain his trust. He put Merlin through emotional distress and wasn't going to get off the hook so easily. Arthur made it obvious he knew that much when he replied, "Of course, I'll see you later then?"

"Goodbye, Arthur. Take care." And with that, Merlin grabbed his coat and walked out of his home. He didn't know where he was going, but anywhere was better than being near Arthur. Perhaps he would find Gwaine. The man always knew how to make him feel better, especially when it came to the "Arthur Situation."