Cassandra couldn't sleep. The wind coming down from the mountains howled too loudly outside the window to slumber. So, instead of sleeping, she got out of bed, layered up, and started to roam around Haven. It was dead quiet. Such a difference from when the sun was up. It seemed that someone was always doing something. Everything from forging new weapons, training soldiers, to preparing meals to feed the citizens and keeping them busy with a task to keep Haven running. Cassandra herself always seemed to be running back and forth from the war table to the training yard. That was when she wasn't trucking across Thedas with the Inquisitor.

This gave her the opportunity to see the town while left to her own thoughts. Maker knew her mind never shut off. There was just too much to think about with running the Inquisition, keeping the peace between the citizens and the Mages from Redcliff, and making sure the Inquisitor stayed alive in order to close the breach. Cassandra didn't even let herself stop and think about the explosion at the Conclave. To think about the loss of some many lives. About losing the Divine. And Galyan.

Thinking about the mage caused the Seeker to pause on the docks jutting out into the frozen lake. The fact she hadn't seen the man in years didn't lessen the blow of his death. She loved him. He was her first and only. They remained lovers for a time after she became the Right Hand of the Divine and transitioned to close friends until the turmoil of the mage rebellion separated them. Seeing him at the Conclave was the last thing she expected.

And by Andraste, Galyan looked so happy to see her and she him. They didn't have much time together, but they had planned to meet after the meeting. The plan gave Cassandra a glimmer of hope maybe they could pick up where they left off and really make a go at their relationship. She even let herself imagine, for a moment or two, what it might be like to settle down with him. Of course, none of that mattered now. He was gone along with a hundred others.

"Are you alright?"

Gasping, the Seeker whirled around and would have stumbled over the edge of the dock if Cullen hadn't caught her around the waist. "Maker's breath." She clutched his shoulders to keep her upright, "You're scared me to death."

"I'm sorry," Cullen apologized. "I should have announced myself. I thought you would have heard my approach."

"I was lost in thought."

"I can tell." The corner of his scarred lifted for a moment before his face grew soft with worry. Before it registered what he was doing, Cullen brushed his thumb across her scarred cheek to catch the single tear. "What troubles you, Cass?"

The concern in his voice and the gentleness of his touch made an already emotional Cassandra's heart flutter in her chest. Hoping to push it away, she withdrew herself from the Commander and put a couple steps between them. "Thinking about the Conclave and all those we lost."

"Oh." Cullen's gaze fell to his boots. "I know that losing the Divine must weigh heavily on you and Leliana."

"She was a truly amazing woman," Cassandras whispered shifting her gaze to the opposite side of the lake. She feared if she looked at him too long then she would end up telling him things she rather keep to herself. "What has you up this late, Commander?"

He shrugged his shoulder and pulled his jacket tighter to block out the wind. "A headache."

Immediately, Cassandra's attention shifted back. "Is it bad? Do you need one of my potions?"

Cullen made a face. "No, it's not that bad."

Cassandra rolled her eyes, "I know they taste horrible, but they help don't they? I have supplies in my cabin."

Cullen caught her before she could rush off back towards the front gate, "I'm okay, Cassandra. Truly. Plus, I like this time of night. Everything seems so calm and peaceful. I feel like it's the only time I can finally think."

"I found myself thinking the very same thing."

"Then I shall leave you to them." He gave her a slight bow of the head, "G'night, Seeker. Try to get some sleep."

"You too, Commander." Cassandra watched his retreating form and found herself wishing that he stayed. Sighing, she turned to watch the snow dancing across the frozen lake.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

The following night, Cassandra felt the great urge to seek the solitude of the docks. So, she dressed in a few layers and made her way through the quiet paths of Haven. There were a few people coming from the Tavern tonight. They were celebrating Alexandra's victory over the high dragon plaguing the Hinterlands. Cassandra herself was still sore from the battle and she hadn't been the one that got knocked by the beast tail. That would have been the Inquisitor and Varric. Their injuries didn't stop either from celebrating. Alex wore her scrapes and bruises with pride as she drank and sang along with the bard.

Cassandra partook in the celebration, sharing a drink of Bull's making that nearly knocked her on her ass after the first sip. An hour or two later and her head was still swimming. As she passed the tavern, Cassandra could still hear the Inquisitor and some of their companions singing very off key at the top of their lungs. Oh, the hangovers they were going to have in the morning. Cassandra was glad she got out when she did.

Smiling, Cassandra exited the gates to find a figure standing on the edge of the docks looking out at the frozen lake. She knew the silhouette well enough to know it was Cullen. For a moment or two, Cassandra wrestled with whether or not she should approach or find a different spot. In the end, she decided there was no harm in at least saying hello to him.

Hearing her approach, Cullen turned and gave the Seeker a small smile. "Couldn't sleep?"

"I think I'm still feeling the effects of whatever Bull made me drink."

His gaze shifted over her shoulder to the tavern. "They still celebrating."

"Our dear Inquisitor Alexandra is currently standing atop the bar with Sera and Dorian singing. And very poorly." Cassandra informed with a smile. It occurred to her in that moment, that the Commander didn't smile enough. "I see you managed to escape."

"If I didn't I'm sure Alex would have tried to drag me up there with her."

"I might have stuck around to see that."

Cullen felt his face flush, "I can't carry a tune to save my life. It would have been a horrible scene."

"I don't think it would have been as bad as you think."

"So." Hoping to change the subject, Cullen invited to sit on the edge of the dock with him. "What thoughts keep you up tonight?"

Using his shoulder for balance, Cassandra sat next to him, "This and that. What about you?"

"Nightmare." The information slipped out before Cullen could catch himself. It seemed his tongue was still loose from the liquor he shared during the celebration. He hated burdening her with that type of information. She asked after his wellbeing daily since she helped him nurse him through those horrible first weeks of the symptoms of stopping Lyrium. Now months into the endeavor, Cullen tried to hide what he could as the Seeker had more important to worry about then his health.

A crease formed between Cassandra's brows. "About what?"

He sighed knowing there was no way out of answering her. "My time in the Ferelden Circle."

Cassandra didn't know much about his time there, but from what little she did, she concluded that it wasn't good. For his sake, Cassandra decided to steer the conversation in a different direction. "Your family is in Ferelden, are they not?"

"My sisters and brother, yes."

"Have you had much contact with them since leaving Kirkwall?"

"I've written my sister to let her know I was leaving for Haven. In the chaos of the explosion, I failed to inform her of my wellbeing and I received a very nasty letter." His lips twitched into another rusty smile, "I'm surprised she didn't come marching all the way up here to give me a good thrashing."

"This is Mia?" Cassandra tried to connect the information in her head. During those sleepless nights she sat by his side while Cullen purged the Lyrium from his body, they would spend hours talking, getting to know each other better. She counted the Commander one of her closest friends along with Leliana.

"Yes. She might be small, but Maker, she can be a scary one." He went silent for a moment before letting out a rusty sounding laugh, "Maybe I should invite her up here. If anyone could whip these boys into men it would be her."

"I would very much like to meet her. She seems like a very interesting woman."

"Then you shall." Cullen happily stated, "Once we've closed the breach I'll take you to go meet my family. It's been far too long since I've last seen them, I'm afraid they've forgotten what my face looks like."

Cassandra shook her head. "And such a handsome one to forget."

Cullen's gaze snapped to hers. "Handsome, is it?"

She felt her cheeks start to burn. "I must be more sleep deprived than I realized. I'm going to go back to get some sleep. I bid you goodnight, Commander."

Before Cullen could even think about apologizing, the Seeker was already working her way up to the front gate. He couldn't help but smile at her retreating form. Handsome.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Night after night, they would meet on the dock though the never verbalized the plans to do so. Days turned into a week, a week into three then even into four. The only time Cullen found the space empty was when Cassandra ventured away from Haven with Alex and the others. Those nights were the worst. He would sit on the edge of the dock, his mind running wild with the dark demons he struggled every day to keep at bay. Nightmares and memories of his time in the Hold and Kirkwall. No sleep would come. He spent his days fighting through the weight of exhaustion to carry out his daily routine while secretly waiting for the Seeker and her party's return.

Sighing, Cullen sat down, resting his heavy head against his calloused palms. Maker, his head throbbed. He could actually do with one of Cassandra's potions. As nasty as they were. Even after being shown a half dozen times, he couldn't quite make it with the same potency. Any by the Maker, Cullen missed the Seeker. In more ways than he cared to admit.

He rubbed his throbbing temple. The moment he saw her in Kirkwall, Cullen had been drawn to her like a moth to a flame. He couldn't know then that the Seeker would become his salvation. She offered him a chance to have a better life. To atone for the sins of his past and leave the demons behind. She even supported his choice to stop Lyrium when others thought him mad. There were so many of those feverishly nights, Cullen would trash about with her bathing his brow to keep him cool. He his mind would become muddled with dreams and reality as he thought of her in inappropriate ways. So many nights, Cullen would lay awake with fantasies of the woman running around in his head.

"Where is your cloak?"

The sound of Cassandra's voice had Cullen jolting and cursing himself. He prayed the cool wind against his cheeks would disguise his blush. He found himself smiling as he looked back. Sure enough, there was the Seeker, still wearing her armor from the road, standing at the end of the dock looking beautiful as ever. "You're back?"

Cassandra did her best to ignore the way that smile sent her heart fluttering. "We only just arrived. Since it's the dead of night, we decided it best not to signal our return."

Cullen padded the spot beside him. "Come, sit. You look like you're about to fall flat on your face."

Scoffing, she rolled her eyes. "I think that's a polite way to say I'm unbearable to look at."

"No," Cullen assured. "Beautiful as ever."

His words took her by surprise. Hoping to hide her small smile, Cassandra balanced herself on the Commander's shoulder in order to take a seat. She studying his face while his gaze swept over the landscape across the frozen lake. He hadn't been sleeping or eating. The dark circles under his eyes and slight gaunt to his cheeks gave it away. It caused her heart to ache to see him suffering. She left serval types of potions for him to use in her absence. He either refused to take them or plowed through him. Either scenario weren't practically welcoming. The last thing Cassandra wanted him to do was trade one dependency for another.

Because she ached to, Cassandra brushed her fingertips over his lightly bearded cheek. "Lose your razor, Commander?"

Before he could stop himself, Cullen leaned into her touch. He was so tired that his actions and how they could be preserved didn't register. "I've been told that it suits me." Cullen sent her a lopsided grin. "I thought women liked beards."

"Perhaps." Aware of how she was stroking the length of his jaw, Cassandra let her hand drop back to her lap.

Cullen didn't let the silence linger for too long. "Did you find success in the Marsh?"

Thinking of it, Cassandra shifted to ease the ache in her ribs. "We got our men back."

He noticed the discomfort on her face. "Are you injured?"

The concern in his voice was touching. Cassandra waved it away. "Nothing life threatening, I assure you. We had to face off with a small band of Avvars that issued a challenge for the Herald."

"And naturally you volunteered yourself to fight at her side."

"Of course I did. I am to protect her at all cost, remember."

Cullen sighed. Of course, she was right. Cassandra would give up her life if that meant keeping their Herald safe so they could close the breach. That didn't mean he had to be happy about it. "Are you sure you shouldn't see a healer?"

"No. I just want to be here." Tired, Cassandra's head drifted to the Commander's broad shoulder. "With you."

Those last two words were spoken so softly that Cullen wasn't sure if he heard them correctly. His heart still soared. It didn't take long before the Seeker drifted off into the fade. Since he could do it without being caught, Cullen brushed her hair off her brow. She stirred under her touch, sighed, and relaxed against him once more. He would have braved the cold to sit here like this until morning, but he knew how exhausted she had to be. And he was sure that she was in need of a proper bed after traveling so long.

Carefully, Cullen stood with the sleeping woman in his arm. Her arm fell across his neck, her head settling against his shoulder once more. The weight and feel of her in his arms felt glorious. Felt right. Moving in the shadows, he made his way to her dwelling, careful to make sure that no one saw him.

Cullen kicked the door closed behind him and moved towards the bedroom to lay her gentle as he could on the bed. She still wore her armor. His brow knotted unsure of his next step. Should he just leave her like this? Cullen couldn't imagine that she could find peaceful sleep wearing her plates. He made sure he didn't jar her as he quickly worked the buckles of her chest plate and removed it.

Cassandra sighed, turning as if drawn to his heat.

His body strained towards hers, it fighting him to keep certain emotions at bay. He was being friendly. That's all they were, friends.

Maker, how he wished they were more.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

When they met that night on the docks something was different. There was tension in the air, a result of Cassandra's impending mission that Cullen felt strongly against. Or maybe it was the situation that happened before the evening meal.

Cassandra had been sparring with a young recruit, a good looking elf, with both wit and charm. The brave soul flirted while they circled around each other, looking for an opening to attack. And Cassandra flirted right back. Of course, after a moment of scowling and fumbling. The elf reminded her of Galyan, right down to the overly cocky smile that usually ended with him on his ass.

Where Cassandra finally figured the elf did it to get a better view of her backside. She drew the line when she noticed Cullen lingering behind the small group of onlookers with a look Cassandra couldn't really name. The elf, Hamich, happily conceded the fight in which he followed up by heavily suggesting they try another sparring session in a not so crowded location. Before Cassandra could even muster a noise, Hamich kissed her hand and filed out.

All while Cullen studied her with a completely stoic face. Cassandra tried and failed to figure out what the Commander's issue was before they were pulled into the war council.

After nearly half a day of arguing and debating, Cassandra found herself once again sitting next to Cullen on the dock when the rest of the town slumbered.

Trying to judge his mood, Cassandra offered him a plate full of cinnamon sweats. Something she knew Cullen had a weakness for.

He looked down and his stone cold expression wavered ever so slightly. "I guess I can't pass them up knowing how much badgering you had to do in order to get the cook to bake these."

"Actually." Pleased and proud, Cassandra sat up straighter. "I made them."

His brows shot up. "Really?"

"I do have more skill beyond a blade, Commander."

"Oh, I'm sure you have many hidden secrets, Seeker." He winked causing the woman to blush. Charmed by the fact Cassandra made them herself, Cullen plucked one of the deserts of the plate and took a healthy bite. His senses were flooded with an overload of sweetness.

Cassandra watched his face closely and sat the slight cringe he tried to mask. "They're horrible aren't they?" Embarrassed, Cassandra adverted her gaze, muttering to herself.

Cullen managed to swallow the piece of food while listening to Cassandra's rambling. It was clear the Seeker took a great deal of time and effort to make the sweet rolls for him. Knowing there was a thousand different other things she could've done with that time, left Cullen's heart beating a little bit faster. "Maybe a little less sugar next time." Cullen finished the pastry in two bites. "Thank you."

"They were meant to be a peace offering. Oh- you have some…" Using her thumb, Cassandra brushed the leftover powdered sugar from the corner of his mouth. An affection gesture she didn't recognize until it was too late. It seemed that it was becoming increasingly easier to be so open with him. After each late night session on the docks, she found herself growing closer and closer to the Commander. So close, it was on the verge of shifting into something more. Something, Cassandra found she yearned for.

The gesture wasn't lost on Cullen either. His golden gaze fell to her and they were wide with desire. In fact, it was pulsing through his veins and all he wanted to do was kiss her. Instead, he shifted away to let her hand fall back to her side. Cullen swore disappointment flashed across Cassandra's face. "A peace offering for what?"

"Whatever I seemed to have done to upset you."

"I'm not upset without."

"Could've fooled me."

Cullen huffed, trying to sort out the jealousy and other emotions swirling inside him as he recalled her sparring match with the elf. "I didn't particularly like the way the elf spoke to you is all."

"He was flirting."

"Well, he shouldn't have."

Her dark eyes narrowed. "And why not?"

Cullen sputtered for a moment and only managed. "Because."

"How dare you! Who do you think you-." The rest of her words were lost as Cullen slammed his mouth to her, stunning her into silence.

Feeling her stiffen, Cullen drew away terrified he just ruined everything in one single action. Then, he saw the pleasure behind the shock. Well, if this ended with him flat on his ass, then he was going all in. Taking her face in his hands, Cullen dragged her across her lap to plunder her. This time she didn't resist. Hands fisted in his hair, Cassandra shifted until she was straddling him, bring her perfectly aligned with his growing arousal.

Maker's Breath. She tasted divine. Nothing, no dream or fantasy, could compare to the real thing. She felt like fire in his arms. It made him ache and burn with a longing he held back since those first days in Kirkwall. He never dared to hope that there would ever be anything but friendship between them. How could such a strong and desirable woman want a wash out like him? An Ex-Templar, suffering from cutting his Lyrium lease and demons from his past. Nowhere near the man good enough for Cassandra.

One taste. One small sample was enough to ignite the fire lying dormant inside her. Like Cullen, Cassandra longed for this very moment for longer than she cared to admit. The attraction, on her part anyways, had been immediate. Cullen Rutherford was a very handsome man after all. But the feelings, the one that made her heart jump into her throat every time he gave her a lopsided grin, was something she'd been battling for weeks now.

After every late night talk, sparring or nursing session, Cassandra found herself growing more and more fond of the man. Something that shouldn't be happening. He was the Commander and she was helping shoulder the Inquisition. There were far too busy. There were more important things to concentrate on than matters of the heart.

Yet, she couldn't pull herself away from the man. His taste, his scent, his touch invaded her senses, burning themselves into her memory. When she left tomorrow for the Mire, they would follow Cassandra and invade her dreams.

Cullen groaned, deepening the kiss as Cassandra moved against him. He could barely control himself. It had to be some type of divine intervention that stopped him from laying her down and ravishing her.

"Cassandra." One hand caressing her cheek, the other falling to her hip, Cullen draw away to study her flushed face. He found her eyes blown wide with lust and her mouth swollen from his kiss. Maker! He wanted more. "Blessed Andraste, I-I…"

The sound of his voice jolted Cassandra out of her trance. "No. No." This should be happening. Under no circumstance was she going to admit her feelings for the man and let herself be distracted. She was to leave Haven tomorrow. She should be sleeping. Not sitting in Cullen's lap, on the edge of the dock being kissed senseless. "I'm sorry."

"Cassandra?"

The Seeker pushed away from him and struggled to gain her footing. "I-Just-I can't."

"Wait, Cass…" It was no use. By the time Cullen scrambled to his feet, Cassandra was half way to the main gate. He could catch up to her, his strides were wide enough, but figured that would cause more harm than good.

Well… Shit.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

"Cullen."

The Commander snapped his attention at the sound of the Inquisitor's voice. All eyes turned to him except the one he desired most. Cassandra had kept her gaze on the map the entire meeting.

"What?" Cullen asked.

Alex's brows drew together. "Are you okay? You seem distracted."

"I'm fine." Cullen did his best not to snap out the words. Sighing, he rubbed the back of his neck. He was exhausted. After leaving the dock, he spent the entire night pacing his room, going over everything in his head. Trying to figure out if he ruined the one relationship that meant the world to him. "What was the question?"

"Is there anything before we set out?" Alex repeated, her gaze shifting between the Seeker and Commander. There was something very obvious going on between the two. She wanted to know what. Good thing they had the journey to the Storm Coast ahead of them. Plenty of time to work the answer out of Cassandra.

Cullen cleared his throat and stood straighter. "Nothing more. I wish you luck, Inquisitor. May the Maker watch over you and your companions. Swift and safe travels, Lex."

Alex bowed her head to the three advisors. "See you in a few weeks."

A few weeks. Cullen couldn't go that long without talking to Cassandra. Without trying to fix everything. There would be no sleep. Only nights of worrying and anguish while awaiting her return. "Seeker." Cullen tried to keep her from leaving, only the woman filed out behind the others.

Cursing, Cullen skidded around the war table and rushed out of the room. This time he didn't leave her be. He snagged her by the arm and pulled her into a darkened corner of the Chantry hall. "Cassandra-."

"I need to get my gear and meet Alexis at the stables." Cassandra to slip free, only his grip held steady. "Cullen."

"For the love of the Maker, it can wait," He snapped. "I need a couple minutes, that's all. A couple minutes to figure out what in the blight I did. Is it because of who I am? Because of what I've done in my past?"

"You're not that man anymore," Cassandra softly assured.

"Then what is it? Did I-I…" Desperate now, Cullen cradled the back of her head, holding her gaze in place. She looked terrified and hopeful and worried all at the same time. "Have I misread the signals? I thought-hoped that you may have felt something for me."

Tears burning in the back of her throat, Cassandra brushed her fingers over his stubbly chin. "I do." Her voice wavered, "I do care, Cullen."

Hope flooded his golden eyes. "Then why? Why did you run away?"

"Because I needed to think." And it scared her so to feel so much, so fast. "Cullen, there is a hole in the sky spewing out demons. Our troops are missing in the Mire. There-."

"I know all that, but I also know that last night happened." His body shifted closer until he felt her breast brush against his chest. "Tell me one thing. Did I ruin it all? Did I lose my closest friend?"

"No." Cassandra watched the tension ease from his taunt shoulders. "I need time. I need to think. When I get back we can talk."

"Okay." Cullen could give her the space she craved. But first. He pressed his scarred lips firmly against hers. There was a brief moment of hesitation. Then, on a low pitched sigh, her mouth surrendered to him. And for a moment, they allowed themselves a moment of selfishness.

Smiling, Cullen drew away. "Something for you to think about."

Cassandra blinked in response.

"I believe our Herald is waiting for you."

"Right." Cassandra found it difficult to pull herself away from the Commander. "Take care of yourself, Cullen."

"You do the same."