Disclaimer: The usual, I do not own anything created by J.K. Rowling - I just play with the characters and put them back when I am done!
Summary: After the death of Severus Snape in the final battle against Voldemort, his lover Sidra Sinistra reflects on their relationship and her future. One-shot song-fic. AU after HBP.
Hogwarts' School of Witchcraft and Wizardry was seemingly back to normal after the defeat of Lord Voldemort by Harry Potter and members of the Order of the Pheonix. Many had died, and Hogwarts had not been exempt from experiencing a loss. During the battle, the Potions Professor, Severus Snape, had been killed in an attempt to save Harry Potter from the flash of green light that surely would have killed the saviour of the wizarding world. A hero's death. Instant redemption from the endless sneers and unfair treatment of Gryffindor house. The funeral was a quiet affair, presided over by Headmaster Albus Dumbledore.
All in all, the loss of Severus' life did not affect the majority of those who knew him as a snarky bastard as it did the one who knew him for his love of literature and music, and for his tendresse for those he loved. Of course the relationship between the Potions Master and the Astronomy Professor was an ill-kept secret within the walls of Hogwarts. The starry eyed Sidra Sinistra seemed to be an equal match for the acerbic wizard. And now, the once proud beauty was a relic of her former self. The news of her lover's death had hit her harder than a particularly nasty hex. Those that had once been close to the Astronomy Mistress were now as far away as Severus Snape.
It was winter now. Sidra Sinistra stood at the open window of the Astronomy tower, wrapped in an ebony robe that was much too big for her. Her light gray eyes stared dully out of the window as she clutched the worn wizarding photograph between her icy fingers, oblivious to the biting wind that swept through the open window and into her chambers, causing star charts and student essays to dance about the stone floor.
A lone tear slid down the pallid cheek of the broken woman at the window. She looked down at the photograph, and all she could do was remember.
I wanted you to know
That I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain …away
I keep your photograph
And I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain
"Pathetic excuse for a Professor!" Severus' voice echoed through the Dungeons.
"Oh shut up, you overgrown bat!" Sidra snapped, stepping closer to the irate man.
"I was only gone for three minutes, and in that time, you managed to cause more destruction than Longbottom!" he raged on.
"You shouldn't leave boiling cauldrons in the middle of the walkway!"
"You should learn to exercise more care!"
"Ooooh! You! You- you- " Sidra sputtered, trying to find the right words to throw back at him.
Severus glared at Sidra and crossed his arms, waiting her comeback.
Sidra grasped the first thing her hands could come into contact with, an empty Potions vial and hurled at him, narrowly missing the Potions Master.
Gray eyes met black ones and it was quiet for a moment as the two professors engaged in terse stare down.
With one swift movement, Severus embraced the dark-haired Astronomy Professor and kissed her soundly. He released her just as quickly and the two stared at each other for a moment before they both burst into laughter. Sidra nearly leapt into his arms again. "Do it again," she whispered before their lips met once more.
Because I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
"Oh Albus, is he back yet?" Sidra paced the Headmaster's Office. Severus had been summoned that evening. She had been there when he was called and for the first time, witnessed the darkening of the Mark. She had stared on in horror as the skin around the Mark began to burn – almost as black as the mark itself.
The Headmaster placed a hand on Sidra's trembling shoulder, and with a grave tone replied, "Not yet, Sidra. Not yet."
You've gone away
You don't feel me here...anymore
Sidra tore her eyes from the photograph and resumed her observation of the outside world from her tower. The tears were coming faster now and the wind was blowing harder. As the wind ran its icy fingers through her hair, she unconsciously shivered down into the black fabric of her oversized robes. She could smell his scent that still lingered on his robes – smoke from potion fires and the sandalwood soap he used every morning. The star charts were dancing faster now, the wind commanding the tempo. She looked down at the emerald on her finger, and watched as salty tears dropped down upon it, and ran down her chapped fingers.
The worst is over now
And we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There's so much left to learn
And no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain
"Insufferable Ravenclaws," he scowled one night as he entered her tower office unannounced.
Looking up from the fourth year essays on her desk, Sidra frowned, "Insufferable Slytherins."
He caught her eye and smiled then, his irritation momentarily forgotten. It was a rare thing, his smile. It was as if he had never learned how to smile and it came out as almost a crooked sneer, but Sidra knew the difference. He dropped unceremoniously into one of the high-backed chairs in front of her desk.
"What are you smiling at, Professor?" she asked, one eyebrow raised in suspicion.
Severus merely smirked, as if to answer.
"You're up to something."
"You assume too much, Sinistra."
"Don't call me that."
"It's your name isn't it? What would you prefer? Starry eyed twit?" his obsidian eyes glinted with amusement.
She mock glared at him, "That's all right, Sevvie," she said in an overly sweet tone of voice.
He grimaced, "I should have never told you about my Aunt Mildred."
Sidra smiled mischievously and walked over to where he was sitting. Pinching his cheeks, she cooed, "My cutesy wutesy Sevvie poo."
"Stop it, Sinistra," his voice held a warning note.
She squished his cheeks together and continued on, "Aww, is ickle Sevvie-Wevvie getting mad?" She laughed at his expression.
Severus growled, and grabbed her hands. She merely smiled and pressed her forehead to his, "You know you love me," she said, then quickly realizing her mistake, flushed scarlet and seemed at a loss for words. "I-I mean…"
"Do you honestly think I'd let you call me Sevvie poo if I didn't love you?" he asked, barely containing his laughter at her discomfort.
"Um…no?"
"Of course I do, you idiot."
Smiling, she kissed him.
Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
"Severus, don't go!" Sidra pleaded with him as he swept through his chambers and readied himself for that fateful night. Tears were streaming down her face.
"What else can I do? I've no choice!" he said forcefully.
"Severus, please. Something isn't right about this time, I can feel it."
"You've been spending too much time with Trelawney," he replied sourly, pulling the dark robe around his lean frame.
She pulled it off of him and he pulled it back. For a few moments it was like a game. Finally, Sidra gave up and Conjured a traveling robe, "What are you doing?" he asked her.
"I'm coming with you," she said stubbornly, "I told you I don't have a good feeling about this."
"You most certainly are not! Do you think that I want to see you at the mercy of the Cruiciatus? Do you? Because that's what'll happen if you follow me. The Dark Lord does not care who you are if you interfere. I don't want to lose you, Sidra." His voice was filled with emotion, something that she had never heard before.
She fell into his arms, "Please don't go, love. I couldn't stand it if you were gone."
"You worry too much, you twit. I will return as I always do."
She didn't reply, but clung to him as if memorizing the sensation of his arms around her. He sighed heavily and reached into his trouser pocket. He broke away from her and knelt down.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"What does it look like?" he frowned opening the small box in his hand to reveal an emerald and diamond engagement ring.
"Are you going to ask me to marry you?"
Severus rolled his eyes, "No. Merlin's beard, are you sure the Sorting Hat had its bearings when it placed you in Ravenclaw? Of course I'm going to ask, you starry eyed twit."
"Well?"
"Well what?"
"Are you going to ask or aren't you?"
"Funny one you are." He said sarcastically, "Will you be my wife, you insufferable cow?"
Sidra smiled, "Yes."
Severus smiled and kissed her passionately, "Good. I will see you later this evening."
With a parting glance, he swept from the room, his Death Eater robes billowing in his wake.
Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
Sidra had fallen asleep on Severus' bed while waiting for him. She was awoken by Professor McGonagall several hours later.
"Minerva?" she asked sleepily.
McGonagall's eyes were filled with tears, "I just received word from Albus," she said, "Voldemort's gone."
Sidra's gray eyes flew open wide, "So Harry Potter did it then?"
McGonagall nodded, "Yes he did. But there's something else I need to tell you."
Sidra, awaiting Severus to round the corner any minute, smoothed her hair back, "What's that?"
Minerva turned her tear-stained blue eyes towards the younger woman, "Severus was killed."
"What? I-I'm not sure I heard you correctly," she said, her voice and hands starting to shake.
"Severus was killed, child," Minerva's normally stern voice was unusually soft and gentle.
Sidra let out a high-pitched laugh, "No, Minerva, you must be mistaken. We're engaged to be married. I mean he can't possibly be dead, he proposed to me tonight."
Minerva saw the emerald glinting on Sidra's left hand and tears began to fall from the older woman's eyes.
"No! No! You're lying! Severus!" Sidra leapt from the bed and raced through the castle, calling for him. She soon found herself at the gates of the school where the victorious and the wounded were returning to the castle. She watched as they passed, levitating the wounded in front of them.
She then caught sight of figures bearing the dead. Like the wounded, they were levitated to the castle, only the bodies covered with robes, so as to conceal their identity. They too passed and she saw a limp pale hand dangling from underneath a black robe. "No," she breathed, as she rushed over and pulled the robe from that body; she took one look at the dead, glassy obsidian eyes and fell to the ground, screaming and sobbing at the same time. She hardly noticed as the Auror, Kingsley Shacklebolt helped her up and guided her gently away from the prone form of the Potions Master as her agonized cries ripped through the night. Minerva had indeed been right. Severus Snape was dead.
Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone...away
It was decided by the Board of Governors and other representatives of the Ministry of Magic that Severus was to be buried, along with a few others – mainly students, on the school grounds, and a monument was to be erected in their honor.
During the funeral, Sidra had stood lifelessly next to Harry Potter, also known as the Boy-Who-Saved-The-Entire-Wizarding-World, silently hating him, hating that he was here, whole and alive, and Severus was not. The emerald on her finger shone merrily in the sunshine, yet she felt no joy in looking at it. However, she hadn't the heart to take it off.
As they lowered the body of the Potions Master into the ground, Sidra seemed as if she were Ennervated back to the land of the living. She watched his body being lowered into the ground and tried to fling herself into the grave with him. Hagrid, the Care of Magical Creatures Professor, restrained her easily, and the other professors offered words of comfort, yet she could hear nothing.
You're gone away
You don't feel me here...anymore
Sidra tore her gaze from the outside and smiled thinly to herself. She climbed onto the window's ledge and kissed the picture in her hands lovingly, while the huge robe whipped around her bony frame in the wind. "I'm coming, Severus," she whispered before flinging herself from the ledge.