Annie's POV
There he is in a decorative blue crib given by one of the neighbors. He has his hair and eyes, I think to myself. I don't think I'll ever have the heart to tell him what happened to his father. I caress his soft hair and it instantly reminds me of Finnick. I wish you were here to cherish this moment with me. How will I explain all this to my son, Finn Odair?
It's around 9.30 pm. I don't feel like sleeping at all. I feel so alone but I know he's watching over me. I take one look at the crib again and smile. I shouldn't feel lonely. I have to be strong for this toddler. He needs me. I can't leave at the time he needs me the most. I need to control myself. For Finnick and Finn.
I open the drawer and take out a notebook Peeta gave me before. He told me to write down everything I feel here. He said it would make things better. It actually works. I'll start jotting things down as soon as I find a pen.
Notebook entry #52, 9.35pm. I can't sleep. There's not one day I don't miss my Finnick. Finn is sound asleep hugging a stuffed fish toy. He looks so sweet and innocent. Just a few days ago, they built a shrine of Finnick in the square. They were able to find his body (or at least what's left of it) -
I drop my pen. Why did I write that? I start sobbing again. Holding back tears will make things worse. Besides, Finn can't see me. I wish Katniss and Peeta were here. I miss Johanna, Haymitch and Effie, too. I sigh. I'll just write to them all tomorrow morning. But I guess I still have to continue my notebook entry.
-and had a funeral. Mostly everyone came. They even made me make a speech. Keeping all the emotions inside of me was hard, but I had to do it for Finn. He was just seated right next me in the funeral. But he didn't understand what was going on, anyway. He's only a year old.
I thought my mind was playing jokes with me again when I thought I saw Cinna, Katniss' stylist. Speaking of her, I wonder when Katniss and Peeta will get children. It would be lovely if Finn had some friends to play with. But... Could it be true? Cinna's still alive? I'm not entirely sure. I also thought I saw Portia and the rest of the prep team in the house across mine. Could it be that they're still all alive? Could it be that they were the one who sent the crib? The only way to find out is to knock on their door tomorrow. Since Mags died in the Quell, -
Okay, seriously. I have to stop writing down such awful things. Oh Mags! I wish she was here too. I miss her so much. She was practically like family to Finnick and me. All these tears are making my eyes fall. I'll hurry with my notebook entry and go to bed.
-her house became unoccupied. The mayor assigned fortunate people to live in Victor's Village after the war.
I'm starting to feel sleepy now. Hopefully one day I can arrange a date to go to 12. For now, all my thoughts are on this baby.
I close the notebook and put it back in the drawer. Before I lay in bed, I kiss Finn on the forehead. I close my eyes and think of Finnick and all the memories we had. All those times in the beach. Those times I would watch him fish our dinner or when we would just lie on the sand and watch the stars. I even remember when a turtle took his slipper while we were swimming. And especially those times when, he would just hold me and never let go. He would say soothing things to my ear and I knew everything was okay. He loved me when no one else did.
Next thing I know, we're on a beach. Just me, Finn and Finnick. We set up a picnic and watch the waves. We're having so much fun! I'm able to be in the arms of my husband again. I can actually feel him. His hair is as soft as ever. I'm lost in his eyes. His beautiful sea green eyes.
Someone's pulling him away. Finnick desperately tells the man, "One more minute, please!" He shakes his head and pulls my husband into the sea. I'm screaming as loud as I can, "Finnick! NOO!" He's able to escape the man's grip. He hugs me one last time and says, "I love you, Annie. You'll be okay, I promise."
I wake up with a start. It was a dream, I think to myself. But I felt him. He was there.
I look at the clock. It's 8am. Finn is still sleeping. I sit on my bed, hugging my legs as I rock myself on the blanket. I can't go on like this. I have to accept the fact he won't come back. I get a piece of paper as quietly as I can and start writing.
To my dearest Finnick,
I know you're happy wherever you are. I know you're safe. No one can hurt you now. Not ever again. Finn will understand everything once he gets older. I'll raise him to be like you. Brave. Strong. Loving. I'll teach him to swim, the way you taught me. I will never forget our memories.
I saw you last night. I know you were there. I know it. I felt you. This wasn't the first time, though. I know you won't come back, but you aren't gone. Not really, anyway. You'll forever stay in my heart. Thank you for making me feel like I'm never alone, dear. I love you.
Love, Annie
I fold the paper and put it on my bed. I shower and change clothes and by the time I'm finished, Finn starts crying. I feed him and bathe him. I dress him up with shorts and a blue shirt and we head off to the nearest beach.
Oh, wait. I forgot my letter! I run back inside with Finn in my arms and reach for the letter on the bed. I put it safely in my pocket and leave the house.
When we reach the beach, I put Finn down on the sand. He stands up wobbly but falls back down. He gives up on try to stand and starts crawling to the shore. He giggles as gentle waves splash on him. I can tell he loves the feeling. I smile at the ocean and look up to the clouds. "Love you, Finnick." I whisper. I look around the area. My eyes spot a leaf, the size of a full-grown crab. I pick it up and place it on the water. I carefully get my letter from my pocket and put it on top of the leaf. I give it a little push and watch as it floats away, away to my Finnick.