Disclaimer: I do not own CCS… clamp does, I'm just a fan girl writing some crazy ideas she got on her mind.

Story Guide: "Talking"… Sakura thoughts… IM/ email/ phone conversations (Sakura's)… IM/ email/ phone conversations (others)… Flashback (That's all for now)

Withered Dreams

Chapter 1

By Cyndi

The sky was bitterly cold, dark with tint of silvery-gray. She stood with her back against the wall of her bedroom, her exposed skin made contact with the smooth surface. Her auburn hair hung loose, outlining her face, falling over her eyes. A pleasant strawberry aroma filled the air; it was one of her favourite fragrance. It made her remember her first encounter with him. She tilted her head by her window. The moon gave a glowing look on her pale face.

"I'm so confused…" she murmured

I always thought that when you feel yourself in pain, you would cry. When you cry you would have tears in your eyes. So how come there was none? Although the pain tugging somewhere closed to my heart was becoming more and more of an annoyance. No cries, no tears but pain exist. No crime, no fears but fate subsist. What if there was never a chance, a choice to the fact? But everything has a chance, a choice, a meaning in life. What is there to figure out when you have all the answers in front of you? Only that you would have to decide upon the right one.

It had been a few nights ago he started to text me again. This was his normal route he would email, IM, calls, stop for a while and start all over again; wouldn't know when but for a while, maybe whenever he wanted to.

"Hi Babe goodnight. Sweet dreams. Been thinking of you"

It was his first IM after a long while ago. I couldn't possibly remember when was the last. I hesitated for a moment before my fingers worked on the keys of my keyboard, soft tapping continuously from the keys.

"How can you be thinking of me? I know you're thinking the same thing that I'm thinking"

But it was true he was thinking the same thing I was thinking about, actually thinking and saying out loud what he was thinking.

"What thing were you thinking about?"

Sometimes he can be so… difficult to deal with, he always being difficult to understand… so complicated to figure out.

"What do you think?"

Somehow, it brought a smile on my face just by imagining his look of confusion. I giggled at the thought. Why would I think such a thing?

"Want me and you together?"

That was unexpected. I dumbfounded for a moment. Then I thought it over, so he was playing again then why shouldn't I play along knowing him he loved playing around. And sometimes doesn't realized that he had reached his limits.

"Didn't know you were interested"

His previous message made a huge effect on me, I was deep in thought when suddenly a soft ring caught my attention, a message from him again.

"Okay I understand that you have someone else. But know this I really like you"

Was that some new trick he had learnt or what? Unbelievably, it did work on me. I didn't know what to say… until another message pop-up from my computer.

"Yes I'm that interested and would do anything just for you to be with me, even leave my girl now for you"

On that same night my thoughts had change completely. Was it wrong to feel that way? Should I believe him? I'm so confused I didn't know what to do. Believe him or not believe him, that was the question…

She smiled at the thought. How foolish am I to ask such silly questions? When I had already known that no one could answer them but him… She thought as she sat on her rose pink bed, feeling awkward.

"I guess everything will be back to normal in the morning right?" she said, feeling her eyes heavily gave in, she blinked and slowly letting herself drifted into dreamland or was it? A few moments later a portrait of him flashed on her mind. Her soft breathing can be heard along with her every pulse as the beating continuously increased rapidly by the second. She was twisting and turning in her sleep, cold sweat appearing on her forehead. She jolt up from her bed and looked out the rain-splattered window.

She gasped, trying to even her breathing. "Did it rained? Am I still dreaming?" She whispered. "When did I close the window? Why can't I remember?"

Syaoran…

Sakura rose up from her bed, slowly sliding the rain-splattered window. Her emerald eyes wondered over the foggy mist, staring up at the yellow moon hung above like a stunning portrait of hope.

"I knew you were here…" She whispered

You can't leave Meiling for me; even if you want to, I won't let you. I'm sorry Syaoran but I'm doing what's best. Meiling is one of my best friends; she's a really sweet friend. I couldn't possibly let you tell her. It would kill me to let her know that you don't love her Syaoran. I'm sorry Syaoran as much as I wanted to be with you… I can't stand Meiling suffering from heart break again Syaoran. I just can't break my friendship with her, she's happy after all she's with you. You two seemed happy together and it won't be good for the three of us anyways… it'll seemed as though I'm the third person between the two, it would make me feel guilty of myself. So I won't tell her… will never tell her… and would never tell you… that I love you. I'm sorry but friends are more valuable than my love for you… since I don't even know if you feel the same way as I do.

"You'll never know Syaoran… I don't know what game you're playing now but I won't let you get to me," she said, her emerald orbs glimmered as they were outlined by clear transparent liquid. Her eyes were burning like they were under fire, somewhere along her heart was throbbing inside. She blinked her eyes letting little sparkling droplets fall.

A few days ago Syaoran had called but by some means he cut it off before I could even answer it. Why?

Every night she would stay up and stare at the moon. Why? To her it had created such tranquillity to the mind. Somehow she found it quite a serene thing to do. It was what she would consider a time for herself when there would be no interruptions, no distractions and most of all no disturbance at night, nothing but the sound of crickets and the whistle of the wind blowing through her ears. She seemed to take a liking to these lonesome nights; solving her problems, resolving her decisions, finding her best answer, but most of all reminiscing the bittersweet moments from the past. And the best thing about it was that every night she would go on her computer just to wait for him and his mails.

"Sakura," a teenage girl smiled as her emerald orbs glittered in the daylight.

"Yes Syaoran, Is there something wrong? Why are you staring at me?" the boy had a grin on his face, his unruly chestnut brown hair was falling over his eyes. He took her hand gently in his and said, "Did you know why the spaces were created between our fingers Sakura-chan?"

Sakura shook her head in confusion she stared at Syaoran with interest.

"The spaces between our fingers were created so that another could fill them in Sakura-chan and hopefully I'll always fill yours" he said softly, lifting his eyes up to meet hers, those emerald eyes softened and stared at their hands together.

"Would you?" she replied, resting her head against his shoulders.

"Always… only if you want me to" his words brought her so much comfort in her life; she would always remember the moment she spent with him. Even though it wasn't much but it was enough for her to cherish… forever.

"Always?"

"Always" he replied, amber meets emerald for the first time. He inched his face closer to hers, carefully he caressed her face gently, softly brushing his lips on hers. For moments she thought she was in heaven. But what she regretted the most was that she backed away. Why?

Was that it a mistake? Did he lied when he said I'd always fill them in with you together? No it wasn't a mistake, if it was then it would be her perfect mistake. He had no lied to her since he had said; "Only if you want me to" there were after all a meaning behind those words. "Always… only if you want me to"

Should I still believe you Syaoran? After all those times it hadn't worked out…

…To Be Continued…