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Changes - Chapter One
My eyes opened slowly as I awoken. The sunlight's reflection bounced off the window as the raindrops slowly rolled off the window pane, into the flowers that would bloom into a dandelion. The hope that there was life after death. After destruction. After loss. It was only a few months when after a while everything finally settled down. Even if nothing ever really settles. I was still the source of attention in everybodys eyes, lingering over them, never to leave. I was still the Mockingjay in their eyes. The Girl on Fire. Even if I wasn't either of those in my own eyes. The uprising had finally ended. The Hunger Games had finally ended. But my own pain lasts forever. Everyone I cared about most was gone, but even in my own death i'll fail to forget them. Rue, Gale, my sister Primrose...
Peeta's gone somewhere. He still struggles with remembering me. He only sees me now as a monster, slowly getting weaker. But never evolving from a monster. He wasn't damaged, but his mind was. I guess I can say mine was damaged too. But I can say the same for everyone now. No one was sane anymore. Nobody would ever recover from the pain endured. The thought was painful, but the feeling? The feeling was a million times worse.
I laid awake, staring out the window when the door creaked open.
"Are you awake?" My mother peeked in through the door, her refreshing face shining down at me.
"Yeah, I'm awake." I got up tiredly, still not recovering from everything I had gone through. I was still tired. I was tired everyday and every night. The nightmares haunted me. The Tracker Jackers, the Mutts, the faces I could never let go. Night by night, they never went away...not really.
"You got a letter. It got here this morning." My mother said to me. Although I couldn't exactly read her face. We moved back to District 12 as it continued to rebuild itself. Although nobody could really rebuild themselves. Not for a while.
"Who is it from?" I asked. I couldn't help but show a little bit of excitement. I rarely was ever excited anymore, but I still had hopes that maybe Peeta would send me something to acknowledge that he was alive and that he knew I was alive too.
"I'm not sure, take it." She handed me the letter. I slowly opened the envelope starting with the edges, making sure not to rip it. I guess it didn't matter, but everything needs to be handled delicately.
I took out the letter and opened it.
"Oh, it's just from Haymitch. I always figured if he wanted to talk to me he'd just call half-drunk in the middle of the night." I said, slightly dissapointed.
My mother laughed, "Well there's probably an alcohol stain on the letter somewhere." We both laughed. I think it was the little humour like this that kept us close, even if we were both broken on the inside.
"What did he write?" my mother asked.
I analyzed the letter, looking through the one page folded piece of paper. I could hear Haymitch's slurred voice reading it. I continued looking for anything that might be of importance to me.
"Nothing important." I said to her, even though it was. It was about Peeta, him having another one of his fits. Haymitch saw him, and if Haymitch got to see him I decided I needed to see him too. I assumed that Peeta's little outbursts became a normal activity on his daily schedule, but I need him to get better, and I think the only way for that to happen is for him to see me. Even if he might be compelled to kill me. A lot of people were.
"I'm going out." I said to my mother. I grabbed my sweater off the chair, (where I lazily places things now-a-days) reaching for the doorknob.
"In a rush?" My mother asked. But this time I could read her face. She knew I hadn't of told her all the details from the letter. But I think there were enough details in my life for her to figure it out.
"I'll bring something home, okay?" And with that, I rushed out the door, still deciding where I was going to go. I wasn't really in the mood to visit Haymitch, or his house. Which lucky for me I'm still able to find a path in there (most of the time). But I figured since I knew what I was in for, I'd might as well go.