"So let me get this straight, you want me, a Quincy, to be your Lieutenant?" Uryu adjusted his glasses.
"Yep." The girl answered. "I need someone that can hold his own, who will back me, and most importantly can keep the men on their toes."
"And I was your first choice?" Uryu asked a little skeptical.
"Like me, no one in the squad knows anything about you. I want to make some changes in the way we fight. Call me crazy but I'd like to instill team work and cooperation into the regimen".
"Awfully ambitious for a new captain..." Uryu stated neutrally.
"Which is why I immediately thought of you." She continued. "You'd be the first and only Quincy soul reaper Lieutenant."
"Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't squad 5 already have a Lieutenant?" Uryu interjected.
"Had, Lieutenant Hinomori has been transferred to squad 3 at her request, easier to work with old friends I suppose." She shrugged.
Uryu considered this briefly before giving his answer. "I accept, but on one condition."
She grinned broadly. "Name it."
"I want to be trained in Kido."
"Done." She offered her hand to seal the deal. "I'll train you myself."
Uryu shook her hand, thinking that any amount of regular exposure to the Soul Society would help sharpen his skills.
"Name's Tsunami, by the way, Kari Tsunami."
A few days later in the Soul Society
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN TRANSFERRED?" Yumichika bellowed.
"Your Captain signed the transfer papers." Uryu answered calmly.
"Here's his signature, right there." Captain Tsunami said pointing.
Yumichika checked and rechecked the paper. Sure enough it was Kenpachi's signature. Yumichika crumbled the paper in his fist, shaking with rage.
"Captain Zaraki, HOW DARE YOU TRANSFER ME!" Yumichika shrieked at the top of his lungs.
Captain Tsunami hid a smile behind her hand. Uryu just tuned out the distraught soul reaper.
"If you keep scowling like that you'll get wrinkles." Captain Tsunami cautioned him.
Yumichika made a visible effort to calm himself.
"Isn't three your favorite number anyway?" Uryu added.
Yumichika cheered up considerably at that. Third seat. In another squad. He successfully fought off a frown. He huffed in annoyance.
"Well, now that that's all settled, why don't we go torture the troops." Captain Tsunami said with a happy grin.
"Don't you mean train, Captain?" Uryu asked mildly amused.
"We know it's training, they think it's torture." She replied with a dismissive wave.
Yumichika pouted all the way to the squad 5 barracks.
The living world, around the same time
"Hey Chad, have you seen Uryu lately?" Ichigo asked feeling vaguely worried.
"Actually, I was just going to ask you the same thing." Chad answered in his usual sober tone.
"Hey Ichigo, Chad!" Orihime waved as she ran up to them. "Have either of you seen Uryu? I ripped my gym shirt and I wanted to ask if he would sew it."
"We haven't seen him." Ichigo was frowning now.
"Oh." Orihime blinked slowly. "Come to think of it I didn't see him yesterday or the day before that. Do you think something happened to him, Ichigo?"
"I don't know, but I know someone who will." Ichigo said thinking of Kisuke.
"Mind if I tag along?" Chad asked.
"Che. Of course not." Ichigo answered easily. "You wanna come too Orihime?"
"Sure." Orihime answered with a smile.
Later at Urahara's Shop
"So you've misplaced your Quincy, eh?" Kisuke regarded them over the top of his fan.
"Don't act like we lost him like he's some kind of toy or something!" Ichigo scowled.
"We're really worried about him." Orihime added.
"Do you know where he is?" Chad asked.
Kisuke folded his fan and tapped it against his lips thoughtfully. "Honestly, I have no idea where Uryu might be."
Ichigo, Chad, and Orihime sweat dropped.
"But I'm sure I can find out." He added.
"You shouldn't play with people like that!" Ichigo grumbled.
"Now, now, Ichigo if I were 'playing with you' you'd know it." Kisuke said with a wicked gleam in his eye.
Ichigo turned pink and started stuttering.
Chad placed a hand on his shoulder. "He's just messing with your head."
Ichigo scowled at the older man. "Pervert."
Kisuke grinned at them. "I don't deny my vices."
Ichigo's eyebrow twitched spastically. Orihime and Chad just looked at each other.
"Are you gonna help us or not?" Ichigo growled.
Kisuke hid his smile behind his fan. "Give me a few hours and I'll find your missing Quincy."
"Will you quit calling him my Quincy?! Uryu belongs to himself!" Ichigo shouted at the retreating figure.
Kisuke smile widen perceptibly as he filed away that little detail for later.
Squad 5 training ground 2 hrs later
"Is that really all you've got?" Yumichika asked disdainfully as he surveyed the battered troops.
"Obviously this squad has been allowed to grow soft." Uryu adjusted his glassed with his two middle fingers.
"This is just sad and depressing." Kari shook her head. "Come on guys, we shall go forth and drown our disappointment in chocolate!"
"Chocolate?" They echoed as the captain pulled them along by their shirt sleeves.
"Two of us aren't as well versed in the art of inebriating ourselves." Kari looked pointedly at Yumichika.
"Next time, I, Yumichika the most beautiful man in Soul Society will teach you both the art of drinking whilst remaining sober." Yumichika said magnanimously.
"Sounds like a useful skill." Uryu flipped through their 'to do' list and added it to the bottom under 'teach recruits to dodge effectively.'
Kari and Yumichika sweat dropped at the size of the list. Ten pages. At least.
"It's going to take decades to do everything on that list." Yumichika muttered.
"No way, we can do all that in less than year, easy." Kari said cheerfully. "Don't forget we all have mad skills."
Uryu sweat dropped at his captain's use of slang.
At Squad 11
Ikkaku scowled as he searched for Yumichika. "Where the hell did that peacock run off to? Oi! Captain, you seen Yumichika around?"
Captain Zaraki shrugged his shoulder dismissively. "Find his spiritual pressure."
Ikkaku concentrated and soon found Yumichika's unique spiritual pressure. He flash stepped to his location at a chocolate shop, of all places.
"Oi! Where the hell have you been all day?" Ikkaku demanded.
"Yumichika does this person belong to you?" Kari asked curious.
"Captain Zaraki transferred me into squad 5." Yumichika answered. "This is my friend Ikkaku, squad 11 third seat."
Ikkaku found himself shaking hands with the girl. "I'm Yumichika's new captain, since you're friends with my third seat you can call me Kari."
"Uh…hi." Ikkaku blinked feeling overwhelmed by her perkiness. "Wait, did you say Captain transferred you?"
"Ikkaku you shouldn't make such an ugly face in front of Yumichika." Uryu broke in wearily. "He's liable to give us another lecture on beauty."
Yumichika sniffed in disdain. "I can't help it if you fail to appreciate my many beautiful qualities."
"Uryu I think Yumichika likes you." Kari said slyly.
"WHAT?" Uryu and Ikkaku bellowed in unison.
Yumichika sighed. "I can see why you might assume that, since Uryu possess a certain beauty himself it is only logical to assume that two such beautiful people would gravitate toward each other."
Ikkaku and Uryu sweat dropped. Kari just nodded as though he was making perfect sense.
"Poor Ikkaku." Kari patted his hand sympathetically. "He never had a chance."
Ikkaku sputtered indignantly. "What do you mean never had a chance?! Yumichika is MINE!"
"It's all so romantic!" Kari clasped her hands together over her heart.
"Oh, I agree." Uryu played along, one hand laid over his heart. "Such a bold declaration of love."
"I never knew you felt so strongly about me, Ikkaku." Yumichika said demurely. "After this all these years, this is just so sudden."
Ikkaku floundered and sputtered and couldn't find a thing to say.
"So you're finally making a move, huh?" Captain Zaraki said with a trademark grin.
"Hello Captain Zaraki." Kari pushed him into the sweet shop and offered him some chocolate candies.
Kenpachi held up the transfer order and said. "Pretty clever of you slip this in with my daily paperwork. If I hadn't heard Feathers yelling this morning I might not have noticed it."
Kari fed Kenpachi her chocolate cake when he started to speak again. "Let's face it. I need top people more than you do and with his zanpakuto fully released he may even surpass his little boyfriend Ikkaku."
"BOYFRIEND?" Ikkaku bellowed.
"Ikkaku you shouldn't hide your feelings, it only hurts your partner and before you know it he will have left you for another man." Uryu said sagely.
"Cake?" Kari offered Kenpachi another forkful.
Kenpachi snorted easily dismissing the attempted distraction. "What's all this about fully releasing his zanpakuto?"
"Do you know the name of Yumichika's zanpakuto?" Kari asked eating the cake.
"Fuji Kujaku." Ikkaku answered immediately.
"You're wrong." Uryu said confidently. "It's actually a kido based sword named Ruriiro Kujaku."
"What?!" Ikkaku asked dumfounded.
"Huh?" His captain echoed.
"For you!" Kari gives Uryu a chocolate chip cookie.
"Why does he get a cookie?" Yumichika frowns.
"He got the answer right therefore he gets a cookie." Kari explained as though it should be obvious.
Ikkaku glares at Yumichika accusingly. "You've been holding back on me! ALL THESE YEARS AND YOU HAVEN'T BEEN GIVING ME YOUR ALL?!"
"He would focus in on that." Kenpachi muttered eating a cookie absently.
Yumichika sweat dropped at his fuming counterpart. "How could I possibly be holding back when the entire squad knows kido based zanpakutos are taboo?"
"That's different! I'm you're partner!" Ikkaku growled.
"So you admit that Yumichika is your lover!" Uryu pounced in that statement.
"I didn't say that!" Ikkaku shouts.
"I think he's in denial." Kari says before ordering more chocolate cake.
"He's not in denial, he's just repressed." Kenpachi said watching the scene with mild amusement.
"I AM NOT REPRESSED!" Ikkaku's face was cherry red.
"What Ikkaku is trying to say is that while we share a beautiful bond he is not yet ready to take our relationship to the next phase in its evolution." Yumichika said earning a cookie for his beautiful use of big words.
"What he said." Ikkaku muttered one eyebrow twitching.
At Urahara's Shop
Ichigo scowled as he continued to fiddle with his now empty tea cup. "What the hell is taking him so long?"
"Aren't we impatient? Anxious to reclaim your lost Quincy?" Kisuke teased, face hidden by his hat and fan.
Chad put a hand on Ichigo's shoulder silently telling him to keep his cool. Orihime had spaced out completely so she didn't even notice Kisuke until Rukia dragged Renji into the room bickering the whole time.
"That injury needs to be properly treated!" Rukia insisted.
Renji scowled. "It's just a scratch! Slap a bandage on it and it'll be fine."
Rukia whipped out her sketch book and started flipping through it talking animatedly about blood poisoning and infections. Everyone sweat dropped when they saw her poorly made rabbit sketches that were more confusing than explanatory. Orihime quietly moved over by Renji and healed his arm during the outburst and subsequent picture show.
Kisuke cleared his throat. "As I was saying, I found your Quincy in the Soul Society."
"Wait a minute!" Ichigo jumped to his feet. "How did Uryu get to the Soul Society without using your gateway?"
Kisuke pulled a sheaf of papers out of his sleeve and flipped through them until he found what he was looking for. "Apparently someone in the science department has designed a type of physical conversion crest that functions in the same capacity as my conversion gateway."
They all stared at him not really sure what he was talking about.
"So…" Ichigo began. "Uryu can pass through regular soul gates now?"
"Bingo." Kisuke pulled three plain metal bracelets out of his sleeve. "I copied the design and altered it for each of your needs."
"They even have our names on them so we get mixed up." Orihime said clasping the bracelet on her wrist.
"So with these we can go to the Soul Society and get Uryu?" Chad said more than asked sounding perfectly calm.
"And we're in luck too!" Orihime chimed in. "Now that Rukia and Renji are here they can open a gate for us!"
Rukia frowned. "Why are we going to the Soul Society?"
"Uryu's there." Chad answered simply.
Renji frowned thoughtfully. "Why would Uryu be in the Soul Society, it doesn't make any sense."
"That's what we're going to find out." Ichigo said grimly.
At the chocolate shop
"I think they make a cute couple, don't you?" Kari said to Uryu.
"Of course." Uryu nibbled on a cookie. "They're practically glowing."
"I AM NOT GLOWING!" Ikkaku hollered turning an interesting shade of red.
Yumichika smirked and said something like, "Naturally."
"About this transfer." Kenpachi began.
"Aw, come on, you signed the papers already." Kari pouted. "Besides you already have a Lieutenant and a third seat."
"And I don't care." Kenpachi replied. "Find your own people."
"I really didn't want to say this, but here it is: our squad has more pretty people." Kari said with a perfectly straight face.
"You can't be serious." Kenpachi deadpanned.
"She has a point captain." Yumichika said seriously.
Ikkaku sweat dropped then scowled. "What about me? Who am I supposed to train with now?"
"He's missing you already." Uryu smirked.
"What are talking about?! You're both insane!" Ikkaku pointed at Uryu and Kari.
"I thought you knew that." Kari said un-offended.
"Perhaps, we should circulate a memo." Uryu clicked his pen and started thumbing through his list.
"Now, now. We don't want to frighten the troopers too much." Kari wagged her fork at him.
"There's no law that prevents us from training together." Yumichika added.
"And where am I supposed to get a new fifth seat?" Kenpachi asked a little peeved.
Kari opened her mouth to answer when Ichigo burst through the door. "Take him."
Ichigo zeroed in on Uryu and demanded. "What the hell are you doing here?"
"Oh, there you are Uryu!" Orihime cheered.
"Hey." Chad said leaning against the doorframe.
"Uryu, what are you doing here?" Rukia demanded. "Do you know how worried everyone was?"
Renji stole a cookie from Ikkaku. "What's going on?"
Uryu smirked at him. "I've been promoted."
"Huh?" Was the collective reply.
"He made Lieutenant." Yumichika explained.
"What?" The newcomers stared in shock.
"And the substitute just got drafted into squad 11." Kari added with a smirk.
"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!" Ichigo felt the vein in his forehead throbbing in agitation.
"Yumichika is my third seat now so you are going to take his place in squad 11." Kari answered him.
"Can she do that?" Rukia asked Renji.
Renji just shrugged. "How should I know?"
"You're a Lieutenant! You should know these things!" Rukia scolded him.
"You think Captain tells me these things?" Renji defended himself.
"I don't think any captain tells their Lieutenant these things." Uryu added helpfully.
"Keeps them out of trouble." Kenpachi agreed.
"Don't ignore me!" Ichigo scowled.
"Don't you want to join squad 11 and spar with Kenpachi?" Yumichika said, oh so innocently.
Kenpachi got that battle hungry look in his eye and launched himself at Ichigo. Ichigo panicked and took off running.
"So… anybody want cake?" Kari asked offering up a slice.
"I do." Renji and Orihime chorused.
Chad waited a minute longer before accepting a slice of cake. Rukia decided to follow Ichigo just in case Kenpachi caught him this time.
"Hey, you guys want to join our squad?" Kari asked Chad and Orihime.
"Sure!" Orihime agreed immediately.
"I think I should stay close to Ichigo." Chad answered.
"Another new teammate for you Ikkaku!" Yumichika teased.
Ikkaku grunted and decided to play dirty. "Gloating makes your face wrinkle."
Yumichika's eyes widen and he whipped out a mirror to check his face. "How dare you mock my beauty?" Yumichika gave him a beautifully evil smile. "I'll make you pay for that."
Ikkaku made a dismissive noise. "What are you gonna do? Mess up my hair?"
"Bald people don't have hair." Yumichika replied smugly.
"I am not BALD!" Ikkaku snarled with flames dancing in his eyes.
"Then why don't you have any hair?" Kari asked genuinely curious.
"Because he's bald." Yumichika answered smugly.
"I'M NOT BALD, I shave!" Ikkaku protested vehemently.
"Anyway, we now have our fourth seat." Uryu said steering the conversation.
"I'm going to be fourth seat?" Orihime exclaimed happily.
"I guess that makes Ichigo and Chad the fourth and fifth seats in squad 11." Rukia said thoughtfully.
Renji smirked. "Which means that I out rank Ichigo."
"And everyone else except Uryu." Rukia said as realization dawned.
"Hey Rukia, is it, you want to transfer to my squad?" Kari asked enticingly. "You can be fifth seat."
Rukia blinked completely surprised by the offer. "I think I'll have to think about it."
"Come on Rukia, you can be fourth seat and I'll be fifth. We'll get to train together all the time, it'll be fun." Orihime said encouragingly.
"You'd be the same rank as Ichigo." Yumichika said as an added incentive.