GAH! I haven't written in so long! I'm sorry!
Okay, this is pretty much my first attempt and angst, let alone Envy!!! I really would like to know what you think!
I hope you enjoy this oneshot and please review!
Thanks!
Sora
Envy
Envy sat silently in his tree, watching the Elrics walk down the trodden path. His sin bit at his insides, bidding him to attack.
But he resisted. Always, he resisted this urge to do something he knew would not ease the pain. He scowled, standing.
The elder smacked the armor on the chest plate, smiling. "Come on, Al, you're a suit of armor! How many times do I have to tell you that you don't need to worry! You're well protected."
Al nodded. "But you-"
"Will be fine! I promise. Now come on." Ed interrupted walking into the old mansion without the boy.
Envy scowled as he watched Alphonse dash off after his beloved brother.
Disgusted, he snickered to himself. Brothers… he thought. In truth, he was related to these two. He was their older sibling… distant, but related. But he'd decided long ago to ignore this fact. But at times like these, when he was assigned to record the… progress… the Elrics made, he couldn't help but reflect.
The two brothers had an unbreakable bond, something deeper than sibling and sibling, relation and blood.
Brothers…
What is it that makes these two so close? He often found himself asking this same question. He'd never been that close, not to his father, nor his mother. To anyone, he'd been distant. He just couldn't bring himself to speak up and be heard… even as a homunculus he seemed to fade when not approached directly.
He jumped into an open window, peeking down the stairwell at the brothers.
Brothers…
They did everything together… anything… and never fled. Envy had never been like that. He used to be the type to tuck tail and scuffle off in the face of danger. Now, he was the source. He'd never had a reason to fight back, to try. These two did.
He wanted that. More than anything, he wanted that. And that's why he hated these two. That was his sin. Envy. The self-desiccating sin. It tore at his insides, ripped him apart to the point to where he wanted to scream. It should have been his right….
He was the first son of Hoenhiem. He was the one who was supposed to be loved… not these… replacements…He couldn't stand that he'd been strewn aside for these two. But that's exactly what made him want it more.
Inside, Envy longed for the brother's acceptance, for their care… Of course, with him attacking them every chance he got, this was a long since forgotten thought. There was not a chance of it now. But oh, how he wished. How he wished he were human, in the flesh. How he wished he'd been born with the other two Elrics, not been left behind to die, alone…
It was a luxury lost to him, and he'd been abandoned because of his mistake. Naturally now we know mercury is poisonous, not a healing art. Envy hadn't known that. It had ultimately led to his untimely death.
He glared down at the two as they investigated their false lead yet again. That's what it often was. Envy smirked at their unknown failure, his lips upturned in a malicious fashion. "Seems you can't find everything as brothers." He whispered to the desolate darkness of the mansion.
Brothers…
That was what they had over him. They were united… as family, not as just siblings or brothers, but with love. But the thing he had over them had control of their fate; it could pull them apart or bring them closer.
He wanted to pull them apart; he wanted to stretch the two to capacity, watch their limbs fall away, to see the blood of the boys on his alabaster, fake skin, see how close they'd be as brothers then. He wanted to watch their precious family rip at the seams and have them feel the pain that had taken harbor in him for so many years.
And he wanted to feel what they felt now. He wanted to know and remember the love he'd once had, to have it returned undoubtedly and unconditionally. He knew that as a homunculus, he hadn't a snowball's chance in Hell at this, but he could dream, right? Yes… he could dream…
He could imagine how it'd have been… how he'd have looked out for the siblings he'd never been allowed… how he'd taught them about all the things normal children showed their younger…
Envy sighed. But this was all a fantasy… A long sought fantasy. The boy tousled his moss hair, sighing. Enough of this shit… I'm headed out… he thought, hopping back out the window and into the trees. He took off into the distance.
That's right. The two could search for hours, but he didn't care.
Lightly, Envy touched his chest. That's why they could never be a family. Let alone was he not human, unable to live among those in the flesh, but he held what his 'brothers' desired most. Right there, in his breast sat the Philosopher's Stone, the Socercerer's Stone, the Crimson Elixir, the item the two had long sought… How could they accept someone who held the secret to their lives? And he wouldn't survive it…
Brothers… what's the true definition? Where is the line crossed? Somehow, he'd learned the fact. Some places… even family cannot pass… some places, people are left behind….
And brother's aren't really forever when the remain unknown, nor are they needed…
Envy couldn't be what he wanted, no matter what form he took, how much he changed his appearance, attitude, anything…. He couldn't become the brother he longed to be…
And that's why he was what he was… Not a monster… but Envy. Envy was his sin, and it controlled every movement of his formfitting body. It possessed him… and that was one thing, he could never control…
Envy- the lost, the angry… an inhabitant of all the other sins, for he was envious of all the things they honed, of all the things they held.
He wanted it all, like Greed.
He wanted the body- Lust.
He wanted all he could have, Gluttony.
He wanted to be the best, Pride.
Envy wanted to fit to everyone's perspective, to be able to do anything in any way; Sloth.
He wanted to kill the two who'd stood in his way all of his life, who'd replaced them; Wrath.
But most of all, he wanted the exact thing he couldn't have, and that killed him inside. He wanted acceptance, and the envy withholding him from the brothers kept him from possessing his wish. He envied his other Elrics, and his pride kept him from attempting to join them.
And his fear of rejection made him hide behind his mask of wrath and hate. It made him stay away.
And that hurt him the most.
What it all drilled down to was this: he was Envy. And he could get nothing he wanted most.