Author's note: Yeah I know, it's a one shot. And I should be updating my other fanfic. I will soon, I promise. It was swimming around in my head… so here you go.
DISCLAIMER: All hail Andrew Marlowe, okay? ^^
xxxxx
The rain wouldn't stop. It was just another cold day in Manhattan. He dashed into his apartment building greeting the door man with a faint smile. He opened up his mailbox.
It's been 2 years since he has heard any news from Katherine. He even stopped his contact with Javier, Kevin, and Lanie. Everything reminded him of her. The whole city, but he didn't want to leave. He loved her. He was sure she loved him back, but obviously not enough.
He flipped through the mail. Bills, advertisement, more bills, until there was this one envelope that had Rick written in the handwriting of someone he knew. There was no stamp, it was clearly hand delivered. The one who had the key to his heart, the one who was his yin to his yang. Katherine. For a second, he wanted to just throw out the letter, but instead kept it in the pile and headed up to his loft.
Weeks later when he was sorting out his bills, he found the envelope again, but this time he opened it and began to read.
xxxxx
To my Rick,
Hey, it's me. You didn't throw away the letter. Thank you. Please Rick, don't stop here and continue to read on. There is so much I want to tell you…Even if you already know what I'll say, please listen, just once more, Castle.
Remember when we first met? I really did think you were an ass, Castle, but at the same time, I had butterflies floating in my stomach. I was meeting my favourite author; my saviour from my past. Who wouldn't? When I marched into to your last Derrick Storm book launch party, it was life changing. I won't ever forget what you first said to me in that interrogation. Having this huge play boy act that I soon discovered wasn't really you. You have a huge heart, and I love that. Even though our very first encounter was as if I wanted to kill you then in there, there was always this spark.
Since when we first met, I didn't highly appreciate you disobeying my orders, then go on making me think the killer was so close to putting a bullet through your skull; obviously I was scared out of my mind that you were going to get yourself fucking killed while following me around because then it all sort of becomes my fault. Half of me, at the time, was doing this happy dance that you were following me while the other half undeniably wanted to shoot you. You've proven that you deserved to be my partner over the years.
Oh, when I learned you were going to be following me around to write your next novel, I was overwhelmed, in shock. Yes, I played it tough, Castle, but I was actually looking forward to how you were going to write this so called detective. After reading the Heat Wave dedication, it brighten my day until you said you were no longer writing Nikki Heat. That all changed when the mayor called to inform me that you would be writing another 3. Again I played tough; feeling incredibly happy on the inside. I can't look at your books and hell, sometimes just any book, without you passing though my fucking mind. You are drilled into my memories, your smile, your ocean, stormy blue eyes. God, Fuck you Castle.
Staring is fucking creepy when the other person doesn't allow it, Castle. And you know what, I miss your creepy staring. That time when you first brought me my coffee, my heart fluttered. You knew my fucking coffee order like it was nothing. The day you told me when you bring me a cup of coffee every morning just to see a smile on my face because you thought I was the most remarkable, maddening and frustrating person you've ever met, I had knots forming in my stomach. The coffee became our thing, and now I can't even glance at a fucking coffee machine without tears rolling down my face. I had to beat the shit out of mine to only then just to sit there and cry because I left you, for something I could have waited for.
During that case when the killer blew up my apartment and you rescued me 'bravely' from the flames while I was still practically naked. I have to thank you for not looking and giving me your jacket to cover myself. You offered me a home. I felt loved, cared about for once in a very damn long time. To top all of this, all you've done for me during this, you found my father's watch in the ashes of my apartment and fixed it. I was stunned, filled with joy on the verge of tears when you handed me the watch. You cared so much. What did I ever do to deserve you?
In only a short period of time I already opened up to you about my mother's death. I never did that for anyone. You are an egotistical, cocky, and such a stubborn self-centred jackass, but I saw that hint of trust in those fucking blue eyes. You captured my heart. You accepted my broken self. I know, you looked into my mother's death behind my back soon after I told you, but thank you. You helped me find him, Castle. Without you, I couldn't have found him, the one who physically murdered my mom. You were always there to guide me and catch me.
I've never mentioned this to you, but that summer when you asked me to go to the Hamptons with you. I really wanted to say yes, Castle. I forgot about him during those moments we shared. All I wanted was you. But he asked and being his girlfriend at the time, I said yes. Then you asked. Days went by as we were working the case. I forgot about it until the case was closed. I broke things off with Tom the day you were leaving. When we were in the break room, I pulled you out to tell you I'll come with you to the Hamptons, maybe even let you rub lotion on me after all. Before anything even came out of my mouth, you were linked arms with your ex-wife. My heart shattered. All I hoped for was you to come back in the fall so we could have a chance. I wished I would have said yes earlier, maybe we could have been together forever. I want to be forever.
Fall came along and you came back. I started to think that we could have a chance. But you drove me, and I found Josh. I wish I would have grabbed you. I wanted you. But I was afraid. As a dumb idea, you kissed me to save Javier and Kevin. It wasn't dumb, Castle. That was the only time I ever got to feel how your lips will taste against mine. I miss that feeling. It was irresistible. It was fucking perfect. When we were frozen in the arms of each other, all I wanted to tell you I loved you, but before I could I was too cold to stay awake, it was black. Then later on in that case you pulled the plugs on a nuclear bomb. I can't ever forget your reaction. It makes me smile. It warms my heart.
That day when I was shot, you told me you loved me. I love you too, you know. Everything went black and all I could think about was you. I fought for you, but I was scared. I was scared to tell you that I loved you. It wasn't something that I can just undo. I'm sorry, all this time, and you heard the truth from an interrogation. This wasn't supposed to be this hard. We've almost drowned in the Hudson, and all I could think about was I'm so sorry. I felt helpless, Castle.
Castle, by the way, I found him. I found who was behind all of it. Everything. I wish I could tell you all about it in person, but you probably don't even want to see me. Thank for getting this far into my letter without ripping it into millions of dust. My hand is starting to hurt, and this is just about all I can say.
Not a single day that passes by without me thinking about you. Nothing can ever replace any of this. Yes, I know I said I was done, over all this shit. I'm sorry, but I fucking lied. I know, you shouldn't feel fucking pity for me. But why did I ever leave your gorgeous arms? Why did I do so when they were so warm, Castle? After all that we have fucking been through. From stupid shit fights to hell and all the way back. I fucked up. I fucked up our chance didn't I? I grow to miss you more every day, every minute. I feel so incomplete, falling into pieces again. You fixed my pieces, held me together like glue. I drown my blood in alcohol when I come home every day. I'm not proud of it. But it sure makes me feel a hell of a lot better. You meant and still mean the world to me, Castle. You made me want to be more than who I was. I love you, Rick. Always.
-KB
xxxxx
Silent tears fell from his face staining the letter. Katherine. Kate. He knew no matter what, even how hard he will try to forget that beautiful smile, that extraordinary woman, she had his heart. Forever and always.
xxxxx
Review please? xx
-C