not now, not ever.
luke & thalia

"He wants to say I love you
but keeps it to a goodnight
because love will mean some falling
and she's afraid of heights."
—r.i.d (tumblr)

author's note: My poor, pathetic contribution to Percy Jackson Shipping Week. I really wanted to write something based off the quote above, but all that really came out of that was this. It's so non-linear, I can't even tell what order this is supposed to be in. Anyways, I hope you guys like it. Reviews are loved.

(Oh, and by the way, I made a tumblr account for my fanfiction work and things like that... if you're really all the interested to read stories that might not be posted on fanfiction)

theworkoftraci.

disclaimer: I don't own Percy Jackson, nor the quote above. It's from tumblr.

She will never know, and he hates that.

He hates how he can't put his arm around her shoulders, pull her in, and kiss her temples even when he just so desperately wants to. Because she's Thalia Grace, and she belongs to no one. She doesn't believe in love, but he does. And it's sad that he can't convince her otherwise, and every time he tries to bring it up her eyes harden and it's very much implied that she wants to fry him out of the sky at that moment. So he doesn't say anything. She continues being oblivious while he continues being hurt.

When Luke Castellan turns eighteen, and she's still sixteen, he wants to run away with her. Run away from the wonderland that isn't so wonderful, and disappear and cease to exist. It seems like a good idea in his head, because they've always worked so well together, and he hopes that eventually she will know about his feelings—and she will return it.

(But later on, from her cabin, she can hear the sound of an angry yell, followed by a punch against wood. Because he is rejected, and he doesn't understand)

During dinner time, he sees her laughing with Percy and Annabeth and there is something in his chest that starts to ache more. Because even though she could have chosen to spend her free time with Luke, she chooses Percy and Annabeth. And it hurts, not being the first choice.

He goes with her to the beach one day, and dresses in orange board shorts while she's in a blue swimsuit that brings out her electric blue eyes. Her black hair flies widely behind her as she runs into the waves, the water splashing up against her when the water makes contact with her skin. She turns around and yells at Luke to join her and soon, he's in the water too. And they're spraying water at each other, and there's a small part of him that's glad she decided not to run away with him.

And when he's resting on the warm sand, letting it sink into his skin, he's looking out into the sunset when suddenly Thalia's in his line of sight. Only the outline of her figure is visible from where he's sitting, but the sight just takes his breath away. Thalia's there, dancing in the water with her hair sticking to her cheekbones. It's beautiful, but it also physically hurts because if he ever told her he loved her, she would look at him weirdly and probably avoid him forever.

"I hope you had fun," he would say later, when he's walking her to cabin one.

She would turn around too, and flash him that perfect Thalia Grace grin. "I did," she would say.

And he would be conflicted for a split second, before the word "Goodnight" tumbles off the tip of his tongue.

He would only say I love you once the doors are closed and she's blocked him out of her night life, because he doesn't have the guts to go against her beliefs.

One day, she'll still never know. But by then, he would be okay with it. A little.

fin