DISCLAIMER: I don't own Sirius or Remus. I also borrowed a little of Remus's dialogue at the end from J.K. Rowling.
NOTE: I recently finished rereading OOTP and I couldn't even handle Remus's reaction to Sirius's death. It is literally killing me.
Chewing softly on the inside of his lower lip, Remus Lupin sat hunched over the old writing desk in the drawing room of number twelve, Grimmauld Place, staring down his nose at the piles of newspapers requiring his attention. With publications spanning countless different countries and languages, both muggle and wizard made, it was Remus's job today to sort through a month of various reports and weed out anything that could be Death Eater related, no matter how subtle and insignificant it may seem. It was a task that required incredible focus and even more time, and he had barely muddled through a quarter of the pile before the many clocks throughout the house struck noon. Remus stood and let out a groan of pain as he arched backwards, hands on his lower back, until his spine let out several soft pops of protest.
"Sirius! Christ. You scared the hell out of me." As he straightened himself up, Remus started when he opened his eyes to see the familiar head of overgrown hair standing in the doorway. His hand had flown to his chest as his heart gave a jolt, and he knew immediately it was a mistake he would be teased about later. He felt his cheeks heat as Sirius stared over at him with something between amusement and annoyance on his prison worn face.
"What are you doing here? Said you were "out for the day" on Dumbledore's order, didn't you? Had I heard wrong?" Sirius stalked into the room towards Remus, his lips pursed crookedly and his brow raised, his voice teasingly accusatory. Something flickered in his dark eyes that Remus couldn't name.
"Alright, you caught me. I needed a little quiet to get some work done. I didn't know that was a crime." The werewolf stood his ground, leaning casually back against the writing desk while holding Sirius's gaze, his voice calm and quiet as always. Sirius moved still closer though a haze of hurt crippled his playful demeanor.
"I could have helped. What else am I doing in this bloody house? I am good for more than chasing after an ancient house elf for fucks sake." Pushing his dark hair away from his eyes, Sirius stopped in front of Remus as a frown took over his thin face. It had been weeks since he had anything real to do for the Order and Remus knew it was wearing on the man like nothing else. There wasn't a day he hadn't had a conversation with the Azkaban escapee about his confinement to his hated childhood home, about the restlessness building up inside of him, threatening something rash. Unfortunately, there wasn't much Sirius could do to help him with his current assignment.
"Fine. Why don't you translate this Romanian paper for me and then you can start on this one from Egypt." Remus turned to the desk to pull a pair of newspapers towards him and he pressed them into Sirius's chest, feeling sorry that the man was hurt by his lie but standing strong behind his actions. The other frowned and tore the papers from his grasp, tossing them aside. A growl started deep in the Sirius's chest and he pounced, pushing Remus back into the paper stacks and onto the writing desk. So he couldn't help, that didn't mean Remus had to ignore him. He braced his jean clad knees on the old, creaking wood on either side of Remus's hips, ignoring the cries of disapproval from below as the newspapers scattered about the room.
"Fine. Smart-arse." Sirius peered down at Remus and his eyes began to soften, though resentment pressed rough in his kiss. Remus swallowed hard against the desperate mouth at his own, wondering if Sirius knew how much power he held to strike regret and worry into his soul. Resigning a little to the enchanting lips against his own, the werewolf closed his eyes and let out a muffled hum that might have been 'I'm sorry' had it been verbalized. He was already sore against the unforgiving surface of the writing desk under his shoulder blades and he lifted his head to try and avoid the hard tail of his quill still resting there. Sirius returned for another kiss, gentler this time but still tense as his actions morphed into something more amorous than revenge driven.
"Dear God, Padfoot; we're not eighteen anymore." Remus swiped his hand under his head to clear a space before moving it to his hip to cushion the aching bone against the corner of the desk groaning under them. His other hand rested against Sirius's chest softly, halfheartedly holding the man at bay. "This is exactly why I told you I was leaving. You never let me get an-nything do-oh." Something burst to life deep inside him as Sirius pressed a trail of scratchy kisses along his collarbone. He cleared his throat meaningfully, his breathing already hitched into a quicker pace as he pressed his hand harder against Sirius's soft shirt, forcing him to pull back a few inches.
Sirius smiled finally and leaned back, letting his hips rest lightly, tantalizingly, on the pair beneath them. "You can't spare an hour for an old mate? I'll make it worth your time." Remus moved his hands up around Sirius's neck and tangled his fingers in the long, thick hair as he peered up into his dark, wildly searching eyes. The desperation was back and Sirius pressed their lips together, hungry for the attention and aching for the company.
"Of course I can." Remus was stricken by the pain in his own voice and he cleared his throat in an attempt to be rid of the heartbroken lump that had taken up residence there. Sirius's neediness was so great it was tangible and it fed the previously small flame of guilt in Remus's gut dreadfully. Sirius looked down at him with an incredulously raised eyebrow and Remus rolled his eyes, releasing the soft hair in his grip and falling back to the desk. "I thought you might." Sirius gave chase, pressing hot, open mouthed kisses up the werewolf's throat to a soft symphony of approving groans.
"Wait… Not- not here, Sirius." The kitchen and front entrance were just a staircase away from the cracked drawing room door, and Remus was sure if anyone was here they had already heard the pair. With his trademark smirk, Sirius got to his feet and pulled his old friend after him, his fingers tangled in Remus's shirtfront, fiddling with the buttons running down his peppered chest as he led the way up the many staircases to his room.
Impatiently, Sirius finished tugging Remus's shirt loose and led him backwards to his oversized bed. Remus had the fleeting notion that his old friend was just trying to inconvenience him enough that he couldn't simply leave at a moment's notice. Even with Remus living in Grimmauld Place, Sirius saw him less than he would have liked; the werewolf was always being called away on business for the Order. Instead of returning to the position they had taken up in the drawing room, Sirius crawled onto the bed next to Remus. He lay on his side and Remus turned to face him, taking in his troubled expression with one of his own.
"Are you alright?" Remus placed his hand gently on his companion's unshaven cheek and stroked the olive-toned skin with his thumb. "'Course I'm alright." Sirius brushed off the other's worry in his customary gruff tone and pulled him closer so their chests were touching. As his lips descended to travel along Remus's jaw, the man moved the hand on his face to press against the tensely working mouth, halting him once again. "I don't need you to lure me away with the prospect of sex, dozy dog. If you want to talk, just say so."
"I don't." Sirius insisted, truthfully but unhelpful all the same. He turned his eyes away from Remus's face as the man searched his own and pressed his forehead to the werewolf's shoulder instead. He mumbled something against the scarred skin that Remus couldn't quite make out. Remus stroked Sirius's wavy hair gently away from his face, revealing his strong neck and shoulders still covered in a thin layer of fabric. He could feel the sadness behind the soft trembling of Sirius's cheek.
"Buck up, Padfoot. Term ends at Hogwarts in a few weeks and your little playmate will be back here in no time, I am sure." Sirius had never been the type to admit he had something as weak as feelings and Remus knew better than to push the subject. Pressing forward, Remus had Sirius on his back and his hands up his shirt, feeling the taught skin over his stomach and chest. Sirius seemed to cheer up a bit at this and a small smile tugged at his lips. "Alright. But I get you for the rest of the day."
"Mm we'll see." Remus was busy tugging at Sirius's shirt, unbuttoning the soft plaid until he could see the smooth stretch of skin beneath. The newspapers could wait a day. He knew just the trick to get the man's mind off his troubles.
-
"Siri-ahhh. Sorry mates, I don't mean to interrupt." Tonks hadn't bothered to knock in her hurry. The day was inching towards evening and the message from Snape had just come through, alerting her, Kingsley, and Moody as they sat in the kitchen over a drink that Harry had been lured to the Department of Mysteries. "Since you're here, that means you're not being tortured in the Hall of Prophecy, yeah?"
Remus was perched on the edge of the bed when Tonks hurried through the door of Sirius's bedroom. Thankfully, he was fully clothed and had been retying his shoelaces. "Tortured? What's that now?" Sirius was pulling a shirt back over his mussed head as quickly as he could, hoping that it would look like he was simply switching into a fresh undershirt. Remus raised his head in shock to look at the woman in the doorway, his cheeks a little flushed. At least they hadn't been in the middle of anything damning; he was sure neither of them would hear the end of that.
Tonks was quick to fill them in, looking uncharacteristically embarrassed as she rushed to describe the situation with Harry in the Ministry, clearly deciding that now wasn't the time to try and figure out what it was she had walked in on.
"Christ. And the boy just ran off to London without another thought then did he?" Behind the alarm in Sirius's handsome face, Remus was sure he saw a glimmer of admiration. He knew there was nothing Sirius cared about more than Harry and for him to see that the teenager cared just as much in return was a beautiful thing. "What are we bloody waiting for?"
With a nod of her brightly colored head, Tonks hurried back out of the room to assure the rest of the present Order that Sirius was indeed here and that he and Remus would be accompanying them to the Ministry. Remus stood, his hands smoothing down his neatly kept hair, his heart racing in panic.
He knew it would be a fruitless attempt even before he knew what he would say. He had no right to tell Sirius to stay behind, not when it was his godson they were rushing to save, not when it was Sirius, real or not, who Harry had run after into danger in the first place. Still, he felt inclined to fight for reason anyway. "You really should stay, Padfoot, please. Someone needs to fill in Dumbledore when he arrives, and you walking right into the Ministry is just—"
"Don't even start, Lupin. You can't keep your dog chained up here anymore, not when Harry's neck is out there." There was a mad sort of urgency in Sirius's voice as he desperately clung to this excuse to finally leave Grimmauld Place. Remus had no doubt that Sirius would have dashed to Harry's aid no matter what, but more than anything, Sirius was sick of being a prisoner. There was nothing that could keep him in this house now, not even Albus Dumbledore. As Remus's face paled, Sirius smiled cheekily and moved forward to press his lips to the werewolf's clammy forehead.
"Stop worrying, Moony. We'll have half the bloody Order with us; they'll sneak me out alright." He spoke gruffly, moving his hands to Remus's as he pressed their lips together. His unkempt face felt rough against Remus's smooth shaven cheeks, but his lips were warm and plush, as inviting as ever. Remus relaxed into the touch briefly, even pressing forward as Sirius began to pull away. He wanted this to last, wanted to squeeze every last drop of intimacy he could before they tore off into danger. With a raise of his eyebrows, Sirius returned to the kiss, moving his large hands instead to rest in Remus's greying hair and leaving the werewolf's arms free to wrap around his middle.
"Come on now, there'll be plenty of time for that later." With a smirk and a wink, Sirius bit softly, playfully on Remus's lower lip before pulling away and hurrying down the stairs toward the rest of the Order in the kitchen. Remus was trembling softly, alone now in Sirius's bedroom as nerves racked his tired body. What a terrible idea this was. Wasn't there something he could do to make Sirius stay? He could think of a few good jinxes that would do the trick, but knew that Sirius would never in his life forgive him for such a thing. After taking several deep breaths to collect himself and push all of the terrifying possibilities of the night ahead out of his racing mind, Remus turned from the maroon and gold room to follow his heart down to the kitchen.
-
"Now pay attention, I'm only saying this once; we're fighting smart. There's no telling how many there'll be, but go two on one if you can. There's no honor when it comes to Death Eaters. We know they're in the Department of Mysteries, probably the Hall of Prophecy, but there's really no telling exactly where, so we need to search quick. Oy, Black, are you listening to me?" Mad-Eye Moody stood by the kitchen fireplace as Remus came down the stairs, surrounded by the rescue team with both his eyes trained on Sirius as the man fiddled with his wand and bounced in place, clearly anxious to leave.
"Yeah, yeah, two on one, no honor, fight smart, I got it Mad-Eye." Moody grunted distrustingly and turned his regular eye to Remus while the other remained on Sirius. Remus gave a shallow nod and Mad-Eye continued with his quick review of the plan, though his magical eye kept watch on the last of the Blacks out the side of his head. Sirius had the air of a man restless and reckless, clearly a liability to the mission, but even Mad-Eye knew that they couldn't force him to stay behind. He would find his way into the Ministry whether he went with the Order or not.
-
The Order raced down the dark hallways towards the Department of Mysteries, wands drawn and eyes wide for any sign of danger. They could hear the faint sounds of a commotion beneath them and knew they wouldn't have to look hard to find their target and the Death Eaters; hopefully the noise meant Harry was able to hold his own against Voldemort's forces. Remus had never seen Sirius so determined, yet there was almost a spring in his step as he ran. This was all he had been waiting for, a chance to help the fight, to get his hands dirty.
Remus wanted to reiterate the plan, wanted to force Sirius to look into his face as he promised not to do anything stupid, wanted to remind the man that they were going against some of the most dangerous wizards alive and he needed to be focused. The seriousness of the situation was drowning him even as his greatest friend was frolicking in his first taste of freedom in months. Since they were at the back of the group, Remus was confident enough to reach over and take Sirius's hand softly in his own, successfully drawing his attention.
"Stay close to me. If you can." He squeezed the hand in his grip tightly and their eyes met for a moment. Remus's heart gave a dull throb. "You worry too much, Moony." Sirius spoke as he turned his gaze away, playing off the werewolf's fret with a quiet bark of laughter that wasn't quite convincing.
-
They were far more outnumbered than any of them had anticipated, but Remus had no time left to agonize over the eventualities of the situation. Wands flashing and spells bouncing, the Order closed in on the Death Eaters concentrated in the Death Room, desperate to keep the upper hand their surprise entrance had granted them. In seconds Remus had lost sight of Sirius and was instead making his way towards Harry and Neville, sending any spell that popped into his mind after the hooded figures advancing on the boys.
He stepped between Harry and Lucius Malfoy, blasting a stunning spell at the sour man's chest to hold him at bay as he shouted for the students to leave. Even as the pair dueled, Remus's eyes flickered about the room, trying to locate Sirius through the shouts and flashes around them. Malfoy took advantage of Remus's distraction and hit him with a spell that sent him stumbling down several stone steps. Catching his balance, Remus spun to return fire but saw only empty stairs. It was as he turned to relocate Harry that his eyes found Sirius, dueling madly with his cousin.
It just took a fraction of a second to bring Remus's world crashing to the ground. He watched, frozen, as Sirius's beautiful face fell, still alive with the last of his life's mischief, and disappeared beyond the ethereal curtain. The room around him was still alive with spellfire but he couldn't move, couldn't breathe. His feet stumbled forward as he numbly attempted to decide between throwing himself after the man or else collapsing in a scream of pure agony. Instead, he reached Harry before the boy was able to do the same thing and trapped him as tightly as he could in his weakened arms.
"There's nothing you can do, Harry… nothing… He's gone." The writhing teenager in his hold mirrored the heart still miraculously beating in his chest, twisting in the excruciating need to get to the man fallen behind the curtain. A small part of him spoke reason, assuring himself as well as Harry what he knew to be true, that there was nothing that could be done now, that he had to let go. Even as spells flashed around them and his fellow Order members and Death Eaters alike continued to fall, it was all he could do to keep a trembling hold on Harry. Whether this was to keep the boy or himself from chasing Sirius through the archway he could not say.
Like Harry and anyone who had lost someone close to them, Remus heard the murmuring dead behind the curtain, beckoning him to reunite with them in eternity. There was no distinguishing between the barely audible voices, but they brought to mind all the faces of all those he lost and made clear their presence just beyond the still rustling veil. More than anything he wanted step through the mystery of that unforgiving archway where he was sure Sirius waited with open arms. Still, he clasped the anguished boy in his arm to his collapsing chest like he was the only thing he had left in the world.
Suffocating on the heart trying to eek out his throat, Remus spoke as calmly as he could to Harry, hoping to make him understand. "He can't come back, Harry." Even as he heaved the boy away from the veil Harry's struggling had slowed as reality dawned on him, the terrifying reality that Sirius was gone and they didn't have so much as a body to mourn. Colorless and fighting back the sick caught somewhere in his chest, Remus turned from the archway and fought to get a hold on the situation, on himself, unable to speak in more than a pained murmur. The Longbottom boy was talking to him as Remus spoke the counterjinx for Neville's dancing legs, but all he could hear was Sirius's final bark of laughter, the last one he would ever hear, still ringing in his ears.