"No." I grumbled.
"But why not?" Armin pleaded, his bright blue eyes desperately staring into mine.
"Because I don't want to be stuck in a huge room with huge sweaty dudes."
"B-but Mikasa asked you to come, you can't just sit here all day and do nothing!" Armin kept staring at me and nudged my arm.
I rolled my eyes, tempted to say "watch me", but instead, I stood up from the couch I was sitting on, and went to my room, Armin following me with a triumphant smile on his face.
"Should I wear anything special?" I asked, sighing.
"Sweatpants and a shirt will do, I guess," He replied, glancing at the clock on the wall. "We should get going, Mikasa's waiting."
"Whatever. So, uh, you're going to start working out too?" I inquired, putting on my sneakers and stepping out of the apartment.
He shrugged. "Dunno, we need to get there first."
We walked to the bus station. None of us drove a car, though Mikasa already started taking driving lessons. Dad promised he will let her use his car, you know, since she's so reliable and responsible and all that.
The bus arrived, and after ten minutes, I found myself standing in front of a big, white building, with a large sign hanging above the door- "Olympus gym".
You see, a few weeks ago, Mikasa decided to start working out. She would leave the house thrice a week, returning home after a few hours of... of whatever she's been doing there. And since she cares so much about her step-brother, she demanded me to join her.
Which is totally fine by me. Really. Joining Mikasa in the gym is cool.
But the thought of all the sweaty dudes made me nauseous. Why would you want to work out in front of strangers?
So Mikasa convinced Armin to join, and he convinced me to get my ass off the couch.
And here I am.
All the traffic noise and street sounds seemed to completely vanish as we entered the hall. There was a broad glass door in front of the main entrance, and I could trace the silhouettes of people moving behind it. I stepped forward and opened the door slowly, searching for Mikasa.
It wasn't hard to notice her, tall and slender among the buff guys. She was lifting weights while one of her legs leaned on a bench. Quickly, I shut the door, followed by Armin who looked around curiously. "Hey." I greeted her after we approached. She nodded and pointed on a pair of weights beside her.
"Get to work." Mikasa sounded serious, but also glad. "You too." she said to Armin.
I took the weights and started lifting them, imitating her slow and sharp movements.
She nodded again, smiling almost unnoticeably.
The sun was setting when we walked home, painting the sky orange and red. My shoulders hurt from the weight lifting, and I could feel the shirt stick to my back. But it wasn't that bad. I guess I enjoyed it. After we finished working out, Mikasa showed us around. There was a pool and hall for gymnastics, and stairs which apparently led to another floor, but there was a little sign on the wall, saying that the floor was under construction.
We didn't take the bus this time, it wasn't that long a walk anyway.
"So did you like it?" Mikasa asked, looking at me expectantly.
I shrugged. "It was nice."
"What about you?" She turned to Armin.
I didn't bother to listen to their conversation, and focused on the sky instead.
The sun hid behind the hills, and I watched the clouds change from orange to purple. I liked the sky, looking at it made me feel calm, for some reason.
The tree leaves were dancing in the chilly evening wind, swirling above the pavement like feathers. Armin waved goodbye as he turned to his favourite library, and we went home.
Dad's shift at the hospital ended late at night, so we were all by ourselves.
I went straight to the bathroom, leaving Mikasa lingering in the kitchen. I heard the dishes clatter while taking a quick shower, yelling a loud "yes!" when Mikasa asked me whether I want to eat dinner.
We ate peacefully, joking about Mikasa's stories from the gym.
Being at home is nice, I thought after falling on my bed and closing my eyes. My muscles still ached a bit, but it was that good kind of pain you feel after doing something useful and exhausting. I opened my eyes and stared at the darkness enveloping my room, descending down like a blanket made of night.
And then I started to feel it again. That one certain feeling.
Once finding myself alone, it would crawl from the corner of my consciousness and take over. I felt empty, tired. It's that kind of tiredness which never disappears, no matter how long I slept.
Don't get all tragically poetic now, I scolded myself and looked at the guitar in the corner of the room. I could try to play a song, I could get up and see what Mikasa's doing, or ask her when will we visit the gym again.
But instead of doing all this, I closed my eyes again, falling asleep.
Dad was drinking his tea in the kitchen when I woke up and started to get ready for school.
"Morning." I mumbled and rubbed my eyes.
"Morning," he replied. "How was gym?"
I poured some cereals into a bowl and rummaged in the fridge.
''Cool. Where's the milk?''
"Mikasa went to the store to get some." He took another sip from his tea.
"I waited for you to wake up, and now after seeing you're not dead after that work out with Mikasa, I'm going to bed." He patted my shoulder, washed his cup and went to his room.
Our dad usually worked at reasonable hours, but lately he's been busier, so we don't get to see him as often as before. But that's okay, I didn't want to bother him with my stupid problems.
Mikasa returned with the milk, and soon after that we were on our way to school.
"Lets go again today, to the gym." Mikasa said decisively as we entered the school. She was wearing that red scarf again, the one I gave her years ago when she joined our family. To be honest, I can't bring myself to imagine our small family without her. She's part of us. After mom died, we got closer and started to care even more about each other.
Mikasa was the only one who knew about that one certain feeling. She was the only one who understood.
It's not like I had no friends, I just couldn't tell them. I couldn't tell them about how jealous I felt when I saw everyone around me finding their place in the world, doing what makes them happy, doing what makes them feel alive. They were passionate, inspired, free.
Armin and his books and writing, Mikasa and her ability to succeed at everything she did, be it working out, driving a car or making dinner to her depressed step-brother who couldn't bring himself to feel alive.
And there I was, going to class, feeling miserable and empty. Cool, huh?
We were in separated classes, so I promised Mikasa I'll meet her after school and we'll go to the gym together.
By the time I entered the Biology class, the bell rang already. I don't particularly like Biology, but choosing it as my high school major subject made my dad happy.
I let a small sigh escape my lips when suddenly someone tapped my shoulder. I turned around to see Jean sitting behind me.
"Sup Eren," He grinned. "Heard you hit the gym with Mikasa."
Jean is one of my friends. I'm pretty sure he has a crush on Mikasa. Well, everybody's pretty sure he does.
I nodded. His grin deepened.
"I'm going to join ya today."
"What? Why?"
"Why not?"
"If it's because of my st—"
"Dude, no, I just thought I'd get in shape, ya know. Mikasa has nothing to do with this." He looked serious, but I still found it hard to believe him.
"Yeah whatever." I muttered under my breath.
"Teacher's here." he pointed out and I turned back to my table.
After the break started, I discovered that pretty much everybody knew about me going to the gym. Sasha, Connie, Marco. Somehow they all knew.
"Why are you making such a big deal out of it?" I snapped, trying to eat my lunch quietly.
"We aren't!" Sasha said cheerfully, stuffing her mouth with french fries.
"Yeah, we aren't." repeated Connie.
"Okay guys, shut the hell up." I grumbled and shook my head.
"I'm going to go with him today!" Jean smacked my shoulder, almost making me choke on my food.
"Is it fun there?" Asked Marco, his voice calm and quiet, in contrast to the others.
I shrugged and kept on munching my burger.
This was my circle of friends. Sasha and Connie were the loud and childish pair of friends, they'd always tell stupid jokes but I guess it's fun to be around them, sometimes.
Marco was in art class. He was quiet, nice and calm, and often seen with a sketchbook.
Jean was stupid and that's all about him.
The break ended and we went back to our classes, and I couldn't help but notice how excited everyone seemed about their lessons.
They liked what they studied. They were pleased. But I wasn't.
''Hey Jean. You decided to join us, I see?"
"Yeah, Eren said he needs help with the lifting."
"Shut up, jerk."
We were sitting in the bus, Mikasa, Jean and I, on our way to the gym. I leaned against the cool window and plugged in my earphones. Music was one of the few things that made me feel a tad better. I turned on a random song and let myself sink in the melody. It was House by the Sea by Moddi, some musician I came across on Youtube. I listened to the words and laughed bitterly inside myself. They were written for me.
And I'm trying my best to be tough
To pretend I am strong and can siphon it off
But I'm not who I wanted to be
"Eren, stop it." I heard Mikasa's voice, muffled through my earphones. I unplugged one earphone. "Stop what?"
"Your leg."
I looked down and noticed that my leg was slightly tapping to the rhythm of the song.
"Oh, sorry." I muttered.
"We're there." Mikasa pointed at the familiar gym building, and Jean looked at it. He whistled.
"Would you look at that sweet thing," he sounded impressed and I glanced at the building. There was a black motorbike parked next to the wall.
"It probably belongs to one of those big steroids-stuffed dudes." he snickered.
He's never been so wrong in his entire life.
Jean adapted pretty quickly. He took the heaviest weights he could find and started lifting them slowly, very slowly, his face reddens with effort. Mikasa went to her usual corner, and I started to lift the weights I lifted yesterday. While doing so, I absentmindedly observed the people around me, wondering who's the owner of that awesome motorbike. I wonder how's it like to ride that thing, feeling the wind ruffling my hair, leaving this place and never going back. Being free and doing whatever I want.
The only problem is that I don't know what I wanted to do.
And in that dramatic moment I realized two things-
One, I was unbearably thirsty.
Two, I forgot my bottle back at home.
I placed the weights on the floor carefully and exited the main hall, looking for something to quench my thirst with.
After some exploring, I noticed a small drinking fountain in the corner, and while drinking I suddenly heard, out of all things, soft piano tones.
What the actual flipping shit? Who would play piano in the gym?
Curious, I left the drinking fountain and followed the quiet music until I reached a wide pair of doors. The gymnastics hall. The music came from there, beautiful and quiescent, like a promise.
I grabbed one of the door handles and quietly opened it. The hall looked empty, but the music kept on playing. I couldn't stop admiring it.
And then, my eyes met a short figure in the far corner of the hall.
It was a guy. A relatively short guy.
And he was dancing.
It looked like he didn't notice me. He was pirouetting around, jumping gracefully in the air, his slender yet strong legs looked like they granted him the ability to fly.
The music played and played, but I didn't bother to search for its source. My eyes were fixed upon that short dancing guy.
He was dancing ballet, and it was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life.