Lingering Kisses
Vows
The knock made Lily want to throw something at the door.
No, she was not going to answer it, no matter how tempted she might have been. She didn't know why he was there, and honestly, she didn't care. She'd long grown tired of dealing with him and she had much better things to do than clean her house of dungbombs or any of Sirius's other infamous disasters. Especially the disasters that weren't pranks at all.
But the knock sounded again and she felt her stomach lurch.
With all her might, Lily peeled herself from the sofa and walked to the door as if she was being held back by a thousand ton weight. She stood on her tiptoes, peeking out through the peephole, and there he was, looking as clean and polished as ever.
She felt sick, and yet she couldn't just ignore him. Well, she could, but she wouldn't. She chided herself internally for her lack of will power and drew the door open anyways.
"Sirius," Lily sighed with exhaustion, but her gaze softened at the sight of his bright smile and the sweet orange flowers he gripped in his fist.
He bowed his head briefly, a kind of playfulness, and extended the hand holding the flowers to her. "A gift for the bride to be," he said, answering her unpoised question.
Lily's eyes felt heavy, and she was tempted to tell him to come back later, as in, quite possibly, never. But it was that same look in his eyes that made the very thought impossible. She accepted the flowers from him, bringing them under her nose to inhale the scent. They were beautiful, she couldn't help admitting, but it all felt much too wrong.
She raised her eyes back to him, sadness mingling with her gratitude. "Thank you," she murmured, lowering the flowers from her face. "Come in. I'll make you tea."
"Ah, you don't—"
"Sirius, shut up. You're having tea."
He hesitated as she walked back inside, leaving the door ajar, and the corner of his mouth turned slightly, a resigned smile. Lily Evans was much too stubborn.
Lily busied herself with heating the water, waving her wand about around the kitchen, effortlessly putting together the essentials. She made sure to perfect every one of her movements and take as long as she pleased, as there was a sickening chill that ran its way up her arms, and she had no desire to face it immediately.
His presence, though, was hard not to notice, and from the corner of her eye she caught him standing at the kitchen entrance, leaning onto the wall and watching. Sirius Black was much too stubborn.
Couldn't he see how badly she did not want to discuss it? He'd never mentioned it, and she had no reason to think that that was what he wanted to discuss, but she had a feeling. That was how Sirius and Lily worked. They hardly ever cooperated, always bickering in the end, but it was a silent form of agreement that made them so maddeningly compatible.
It was not a discussable topic, Lily had convinced herself, especially because they had never needed to. They both knew what they'd wanted to say without ever even saying so. It wasn't magic, but it might as well have been. It wasn't seemingly possible, but the fact that it was drove Lily and Sirius both visibly insane.
By then, the tea was, of course, as perfect as Lily could have possibly made it, and she took a cup and handed it to him, moving gently and cautiously, careful when meeting Sirius's eye. She glanced over to where she'd deposited Sirius's flowers on the counter and decided he really must have been quite wicked. Flowers. What a peace offering.
He sipped the tea and Lily moved away again, conjuring a vase and setting up a suitable home for the flowers, determined to avoid him as much as she possibly could. Not that she really could at all, considering he was in her flat and it was only the two of them, no one and nothing more. He was there for her, and the conclusion made Lily's hands shake.
It was unfair, she reminded herself, to treat Sirius like this. He hadn't ever done anything, except perhaps that one time. Except, well, that hadn't been the only time. And yet it wasn't as if she could hold it against him. It had been just as much her fault as it had been his.
"Lily," he spoke softly, his voice ruffling through the air and over her skin. She didn't meet his eyes. The sound of porcelain clinking onto the countertop rung through the air and she closed her eyes for a moment, replaying the moments that sometimes raced through her mind at night; they weren't necessarily haunting, but looped again and again until the thoughts had tied themselves in a giant knot.
She let out a strangled breath and raised her gaze.
"Look, I get it," Sirius said, and she wondered how much he really did understand, how much he really could understand about her. "I'm not trying to sabotage your relationship with James. Excuse me, engagement." His eyes went to her hand, the fourth finger that delicately sported the glistening ring, and a lighthearted smirk flitted across his features briefly. "Honestly, it's all I've ever wanted for you two. You're brilliant, Lily. And beautiful. But you and I—we're meant to poke fun at James, yeah? Dig up his baby pictures and wave them in his face, making sure to never let him forget that one picture of his bum."
Lily winced, but the memory drove a laugh out of her. Sirius had discovered a stash of James's baby pictures from the Potters and showed them to Lily one day. The only one she could remember was the photograph of James in a blue bonnet, starch naked with his fat baby bum taking up most of the shot. His pitiful wail couldn't even top its hilarity. They'd spent the entire afternoon laughing so hard they were quite certain they would die of suffocation but they hadn't cared at all. James had grown red and snatched it away from them, muttering something about how Sirius was only jealous because his bum had never looked so good, and when Lily's laughter had subsided, she gave him a kiss on the cheek and all was forgotten.
She had a feeling that the photograph would resurface at their wedding. Sirius would make sure of it.
"We are," Lily agreed, and she smiled genuinely, growing more comfortable as she remembered that soon she would be Lily Evans Potter and anything that had happened between her and Sirius was inconsequential. "I don't know what we'd do without you, Sirius. Even if you're bloody annoying sometimes."
"Well, you could give me credit for trying," he said, a similar smile falling onto his own face.
But then in a second it was gone. No it wasn't, not really, but a foreign emotion passed across his face, and if she hadn't known him any better, she might not have known it had been there at all. And then his façade crumbled completely, strain finding his grey eyes, a frown forming on his thin lips, just a hint of despair dashing across his features.
"Sirius." A scolding sigh, and the brokenness that overwhelmed Sirius's being was all too strange and uncomfortable for Lily. She went to him and wrapped him in her arms, breathing in his scent, closing her eyes.
The touch was all it took for Lily to drown in the thoughts again.
Where would they be without James?
How would she feel about Sirius if it wasn't for James?
Why was it so difficult to remember that James and Sirius were two completely different kinds of friends?
Why couldn't she just remember Sirius as the git that had tormented her best friend for years?
The pressure of his lips on her forehead brought her to the surface and her thoughts were abandoned, a soaring feeling of heat and blind elation taking control of her mind instead. Her hands tangled in his hair, his mouth gentle and unforgiving on hers, their breaths mingling with invisible passion and irrelevant drive.
But that had happened months ago and she couldn't bear to relive those feelings again, not when he was so close to her. She glanced up at him, and without saying anything, she knew he'd felt the same thing.
They released each other from what had been nothing but a friendly embrace. Lily couldn't hide the flush that had crawled its way up her cheeks, though, and apparently neither could Sirius. She rubbed her palms absentmindedly up her forearm and to her elbow again and again to calm the nerves that had betrayed her senses.
Sirius pressed his lips in a firm line, and inhaled a small breath. "I did come to try to win you over," he admitted, and the confession drove the flush from Lily's cheeks, leaving her white and suddenly nauseous. "But not like that, Lily," he started quickly, taking notice of her reaction. "I mean as a friend. I wanted to make sure you knew that I am the only one that can kill you and make you think you're having the greatest time of your life all in the same moment." He nudged her shoulder and a warm smile filled the ache in her body, remembering the way they'd both keeled over laughing until their lungs were dry and they were scraping at their throats for oxygen. And that itself had been so ridiculous to them that it'd caused them to fall into entirely separate fits of laughter. She'd been sore for a week after that.
She nodded, gulping air, and bit her bottom lip.
"You can't ever replace me," he told her, and though he was teasing as he always did, she didn't dare to doubt his sincerity. "Promise?"
"Of course." She lifted a hand and ruffled his hair, pinching his cheek for good measure. "I'll write you once a week. Will you get sick of me?"
He scoffed. "Are you joking? I'll see you every day. James told me he'll get me my own room in your place."
Lily scowled, riddling a laugh out of Sirius.
"No, no. But I'll be over every other day for dinner."
"Merlin," Lily murmured. She leaned back against the counter, watching Sirius's face with mirth. "Who's going to be making dinner?"
"I'll help, I suppose," Sirius said, shrugging his shoulders, and then suddenly raised his eyebrows with determination. "I do make a wicked roast lamb, you know."
She scrunched up her face. "Maybe I'll just take care of it for you. You are the guest, after all."
"What? No lamb? What's wrong with lamb?"
"It's so slimy," she said, shuddering.
"You've just never had my roast lamb, that's all," he said, nodding his head. "You'll see. You'll regret you ever said that, Lily Evans. Mark my word."
"I suppose you'll just have to prove it, then, Sirius Black."
"Is that a challenge?"
"Is it?"
"What a good question." He rolled his eyes and Lily laughed, rushing forward instinctively and giving him another hug that lasted no more than two seconds.
"We'll stay in contact, whether you're over every day or not," she promised, meeting his eyes daringly with a certain kind of sparkle in her emerald gaze.
He nodded assuredly. "Does that mean you're kicking me out now?"
"Of course not. You can stay as long as you'd like. We can watch muggle films and eat all sorts of muggle candy that you'll probably hate."
He patted her on the head as if she was a pet. "I'm only teasing. I've got to get going anyways. James and I have to bask in the glory of his remaining single days, you know. A very important time."
"Sirius Black, if there are any girls involved, you will receive a hexing like no other, do you hear me? And no excessive drinking, I don't—"
He scooted away from her quickly, dashing back towards the door. "I'm going to leave before you go any farther with this. You can't ruin all of our fun, can you?"
"Sirius! I'm not joking!"
"I'll see you later, Lils! When you're in that brilliant white dress of yours! Happy and calm and not hexing me into oblivion!"
"Sirius—!"
He laughed, blew her a kiss, and ran out the door, disappearing out of sight on his motorcycle before Lily could summon another coherent sentence.
She stood at the door, hand firm on the frame, and let out a long breath. She loved Sirius with everything she'd ever known about love. Maybe not as she loved James, maybe not as she loved her parents or even as she loved Petunia. In a way that was particularly unique, particularly Sirius. The feeling of his lips on her forehead lingered, and though it was relatively nothing, that boy himself was definitely something.
A/N: This started off as an entry for a competition, but I dropped out later and now it's just a plain and lovely series of random, unrelated one-shots depicting the angst and heartbreak and general playful puppy love between Sirius Black and Lily Evans Potter. I do hope you'll give the two of them a chance because I guarantee that at the end of the day, James and Lily will always still be together, one hundred and twenty percent. You have my word!
Be so kind and leave a few words of encouragement? Thank you for reading, lovelies! xx